Thursday, December 31, 2009

And What A Year It Was.

So 2009 comes to an close. Without a doubt, i can say it was definitely the most eventful year of my life. Funnily enough, it was also the year that i was able to share with my readers. While it held the lowest of lows, it had a pretty damn good high at the end.

At the start of the year, my life was utterly horrible, and near unbearable. I'd been outed at school, and i was copping abuse from all sides. I know what it's like to be the centre of discussion and have rumours spread about me. I know how it feels to be mocked and hear people laughing about me behind my back, and then to my face, and to hear of people wanting to bash me up. I know what it's like to be pushed, have things thrown at me, have things knocked out of my hands or be hit as people walk past. I could go on, but you get the idea.

I couldn't sleep at night. I'd lie in bed in numb terror. I couldn't eat in the morning because i would already feel too sick. School wasn't about work or learning or socialising, it was about trying to scrape through with a bare minimum and do what i could without breaking. And i couldn't even do that. I was failing everything.

My Mum couldn't help me, nor could teachers or the principal, neither could the counsellor, or the chaplain, or the mental health woman they thought i should see. And my 'friends' turned out to be weak little backstabbers.

So i was a plane going into an irreversible nosedive, and eventually i crashed. My life shattered into a hundred pieces around me. There i was at the kitchen table, in pain, shaking, sobbing uncontrollably, tears falling in my cereal, and unable to take another second of it. There was no way i was ever going back to that place again, and that was that.

So i started again from the beginning.



I was lucky enough to cross paths with my psychologists, and they helped me to rebuild my life. I shared a metaphor with them, as one of them was leaving the clinic.

"It's like, before i kind of broke down. I was driving a car, that i'd built myself. I'd been driving for 16 years. It was a way to get from A to B. I never took any exciting paths, but i'd never encountered anything that stopped me from using the car either. Never had any major crashes.

But as i grew up the car started to veer slightly off direction. It's like there was something wrong with the steering, always going slightly off course. And then sometimes the tires would lock up and the car would jolt, and it was hard to correct (the tires and steering are references to my 2 disorders). And it made it a lot harder to get around. So rather than risk it, sometimes i would just stay at home and not use the car. The more i did that, the harder the car became to drive. I had to do a lot of correcting while driving, and it stole my focus away from more important things.

Then one day, i crashed. And it wasn't the fault of the steering, nor the tires. But still, i crashed, bad, and the car was so smashed it was irrepairable.

So i got scared of driving, and i stayed at home for a few months. I couldn't bring myself to go outside again, let alone drive.

I knew i would have to build a new car, but it was such a huge task, i could barely bring myself to do it.

But you know what, thanks to that crash, i came across two mechanics, and they gave me a manual, and stuck around to give me guidance about how to put a whole new car together. And this time around, thanks to them, i knew what was wrong with the steering, and with the tires, and i could work on fixing it.

I wiped out my old car, but now i'm building a better one. I can fix the problems with the steering, and the tires, and now all i have to do is practice getting behind the wheel again, my driving will grow to be smoother than ever before.

One day, i'll take those exciting roads that i used to avoid."



And i was right.

With my psychologists, i uncovered many of the demons inside me that made my life hard. I had body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder. As a result of what i went through at school, i'd acquired adjustment disorder. Now that i knew what they were, i could work through them.

I won't go into any more of that, many of my readers already know about this stuff anyway. :P I made progress with them, and life got easier. It truly was like a weight was being lifted from me with each step i made.

I started going to a new school, which is infinitely better than what i used to have to go to. The people there aren't in the highest of social classes, but they're a lot more accepting and mature than my previous peers.



Well, i'll say what my point is.

In many ways, this year was horrible, and it is something i would never want to relive. It was, and probably will always be, the worst year of my life.

But it was also the best year of my life. If i could go back to the start, i wouldn't have done anything differently... Well, maybe i would have broken a few noses, but you get the idea.

For from the bad, came good. If i hadn't been outed, i wouldn't have met my psychologists, i wouldn't have found out i had my disorders, i wouldn't have been able to treat them, and they would have haunted me for, possibly, the rest of my life.

So what if i lost a few 'friends'. Now that i know who they truly are, i would never want anything to do with them anyway. I truly am better off without them. And hey, i've got better friends now.

If i hadn't broken down, i'd still be going to that shithole of a school, and struggling with my work, because i'd always found it hard there. Now i'm going to a much better place, and doing much better too.

And my Mum and i have grown closer, and my Grandma knows who i really am. That's something i can be thankful for.



What i've gone through has made me who i am, and i am fucking tough. I have survived hell at school and abuse from people i'd let get close to me. I've discovered, and waded through the dangerous oceans of my inner demons. I know that now, i am unbreakable. My self-esteem used to be in tatters, but when you have to build something from the start again, you make it better than ever. My self-esteem has a shield up, and no one's gonna touch it. They can try, but they're gonna get burnt by the lasers i installed.

I can overcome anything that gets in my way, of that, i have no doubt.

And the best thing is...

I'm a stronger, more mature person, going to a better school, doing better in subjects, with better friends, making progress with my disorders, and with higher self-esteem...

Life can only get better.



I used to be down all the time. Now, i'm feeling just fine. I haven't been down, in a very long time. I don't get depressed about my life, or feel hopeless, or worthless, and i definitely don't feel unlovable any more. I'm much more positive, and i look forward to the future now, instead of wishing i didn't have one.

So bring on 2010.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Buying Presents on Christmas Eve. :D

Not very fun at all. O_O



Soooo what's up with me? Well i've been trying to keep in contact with Bboy any way i can. We talk, and text, and play WoW together when we can. It was a lot harder going back to being alone once he left than i thought it would be. But regular contact with him makes it a bit easier.

I've been doing a lot of homework from my psych. Apparently most of the issues i have revolve around my low self-esteem, so that's what i'm working on.

I'm also trying to feel more. After i've been hurt so much in the past, i've become a very protective person. I shield myself to stop myself from being hurt again. In the process, i've shut out the good and the bad, so my emotions have become quite dulled. But again, i'm working on that too. I have to do this thing where i choose an event, and then list all the feelings i felt, and the thoughts associated with each feeling. It was quite fun axly. :)

I could go into SO much detail about my psych stuff but you'd all get bored. :P



In other news, i obviously haven't been around blogworld for a while now: not reading many other blogs, not commenting, not going on msn much etc. I think it's quite apparent to all of us that i'm not going to be around the blogosphere for much longer. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew so that it isn't a surprise when i leave for good one day. :)

Rest assured that doesn't mean you won't hear from me again. I'll still use msn and reply to emails and such. In fact without my blog i'll probly be able to do that more often. When i leave i'll be sure to leave my contact details for anyone who wishes to get in touch.



Anyways i've gotta go wrap my Mum's presents before she gets home.

Merry Christmas everyone. <3



Btw i've got an important post planned for the end of they year. :O

Sunday, December 20, 2009

How I Met Bitboy.

(Sorry for the long post but it does have a rather strong point to it) :)

You know i've always been incredibly interested in how one small action can have huge implications. In fact i often find myself thinking 'where will this action or decision lead me in the future?' when i'm at a crossroads. It's why i strive do always be nice whenever i can, because you never know when a nice action can lead to a new friend.

I think the majority of my readers also came across me and my blog through internet searches or clicking random links. If you'd typed something a little different, clicked a link above or below, or not even been on the computer that day, you might not know i existed. And many of my blog readers are good friends that have enriched my life a lot.

Well on to the point of this post. It's how i met Bitboy.

Before i got WoW, i used to play this game called Knight Online. And it was a horrible game, utterly terrible, it was. Basically it was ruled by hackers and bots. The only way to level up was to find yourself a hacker to be in a group with. And then there were the bugs and glitches, and typos. Oh god, the typos. When what you were told to do was coherent enough to understand, there would be a glitch or two that made it impossible to do.

And the gameplay was bad enough too. There were warriors, mages, rogues and priests. You could only wear armour designed for your class, and the only decent stuff was so hard to get, only people who hacked or cheated to get money could buy it. The same goes for weapons. Even low levels could wield ridiculously overpowered weapons, if they had money, that is. And the music was the same goddamn track over and over and over again.



But i digress. One day while playing this horrible game, i entered an event and was put in a group with a mage called Weebs. He did his job well and saved my virtual ass many times. After the event was over i saw him back in town and said he did a good job, and he said i did as well (both with a smiley). Then we parted our separate ways.

I was in a group with someone doing a quest later, when i ran into him in another town. Weebs knew the person i was grouping with, so we all started talking. By the time the other person had left, me and Weebs were getting along quite well.

It was then that i found that Weebs was actually an Australian. We kept talking, and decided we would play together when we could. Later on, we were partying with an American who made some rather homophobic remarks. :P Meanwhile i am very much a hint-dropper. I guess i could explain it in that i try to get a read on a person's like or dislike of gays by making borderline sexual remarks or innuendo. Does that make sense? o_O Sometimes people will act positively, others will freak out at even the slightest hint of a hug.

Anyways it worked better than i expected. By the time we got back to the main town and were alone again, Weebs asked me 'are you bi?'. I replied with something like 'you're half right lol'. He'd picked up on my semi-obvious remarks, and when i told him i was gay, he in turn said he was bi. That's when i started to go like (O_O).

'Omg' i was thinking, 'he's Australian, he likes boys, and he's a teenager'. That's an incredible lot to have in common in a game in which the majority don't even speak English. 'AND HE'S NICE!'

Soon after, i showed him the address to my blog. Then our game conversations turned to MSN conversations. Within a few days of knowing each other, i was beginning to like him, a lot. And he liked me too. It got to the point where i would only bother playing the game to see him and have his 'company'.

When he said he wanted to leave Knight Online to go back to playing World of Warcraft, i decided i had no choice but to buy it and start playing it. Being around him, even online, made me so happy. We both made new characters, and went through the levelling process together. And let me just say, WoW is infinitely better than KO. :P

The rest is history.



The fact is, if i hadn't been playing Knight Online, on that day, at that time, and entered that event (meeting Weebs), and afterwards entered a group that lead me to a town in which Weebs was at at the same time, and having Weebs know the person i was grouping with, giving us a reason to talk more... I might not have had a boyfriend for 2 weeks, 2 weeks in which i was the happiest i've been for years.

That's why i'll always be thankful for that horrible game.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Bitboy's Gone.

He caught the train back to Melbourne today, on the way home to Sydney. I was teary after his train left but it's so hot and dry outside that my tears dried up straight away.

I must say that his stay here went... perfectly. We got along really well, even if we did have a few fights - nothing major and it always resulted in more cuddles. :P My cats liked him. Tiger brought him home some birds, one of which he then proceeded to eat in front of Bboy. o_O He left a single leg amongst the feathers. Nom nom. My Mum liked him a lot too. "Can we keep him??" she said. He bought her a big box of chocolates as a thank you gift, which was nice. I, of course, ate some. :D Thanks Bboy. :D He even got along with my Grandma really well. Whether or not she clued on that we were an item, i don't know. But she liked him. :)

Now i have to go back to living a single life. I dunno how i'll cope. It will be really strange sleeping alone tonight, waking up alone. I'll have to find something to entertain me. I'll have to adjust to not having arms around me and someone warm to snuggle against. I might even miss his slobbery kisses... maybe. :P

What is most of concern right now is what will happen between him and his family when he gets home tonight. Will they stop trying to prevent him from contacting me after he's spent over 2 weeks with me? Will they still try to take away his independance, after he took things into his own hands and left unnanounced? It seems kind of pointless to me, because when they push he'll only fight back harder, but it's all down to what they think, and if they can realise that.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

300th Post. :O

Well, recently. lol. I totally forgot about #300. It was a few posts ago. Ehhhhhhhh i don't have anything planned. So just expect something really good for 400. :P

'On-hiatus'-blogger (his words, not mine :P) Spencer came over to visit me and meet Bitboy today. :P He's doing well, working in event management in Melbourne occasionally. And Bitboy says he's looking good too. *suspicious* >.>

Bitboy just had a shower. Now he's sitting at the table eating biscuits. Not much else to say. :P



I'm starting to like my life. :)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Oh Hai!

Sorry i haven't been posting much. Frankly i have better things to do. :P But i figured it was time for an update. :) I know how me being happy makes you guys happy/jealous and spiteful. :D

It's funny how after all the struggles me and Bitboy had to go through to get here, things ended up working out... perfectly. He really brightens up my life. He gets along really well with my Mum and Grandma, and the cats don't mind him - Tiger just wants BB to feed him, and Jemima has already decided that she owns him, so she'll let him stay.

I can never tell myself that i'm unloveable any more. I can no longer say that i'm incapable of having a relationship, or being happy. BB loves me for who i am and that is something i thought i would never have. Also him being here has done a lot for my self esteem. Many of the things that i used to hate about myself i now don't even think about. He has helped me to feel normal, and sometimes even special.

Not to mention that i can now say i've loved and been loved. I can say i've been snuggled and held and hugged and kissed (even if kisses are gross). And there's also the sorts of things i wouldn't dare repeat here. :P I can wake up in the morning and open my eyes to see a (cute) boy laying next to me. It's quite pleasant, to say the least. :) And whenever i want to i can have someone to wrap my arms (and legs sometimes) around. :P



Things are going well, really well. I'm happy, genuinely happy for the first time in many months.

Dunno what else to say. :)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Anyways.

Bitboy made a post. :P

:S

Kissing on the lips is gross.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I Love You All. :P

:O I Love Mirrorboy Day. :O

Wow. Well uhh. Thank you so much. O_O That was totally unexpected, but a very, very nice surprise. :)

The reason i ever started a blog was to find some acceptance and support. I've gotten all of that and so much more. Blogworld has been so important to me and my life, so if there was anything i could do to bring some of that magic to other people's lives i would do it. I'm glad i seem to have been able to do that.



I know everyone made their posts in the hopes of cheering me up, but to be honest, i don't need cheering up at all. Today and yesterday held a lot of firsts, the sorts of firsts that i've ached for as long as i can remember. So right now, life is going just fine. :)

Again, being a part of blogworld is my pleasure.

Thanks everyone. <3

Well...

I couldn't be happier. :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Bitboy Is Coming, Today.

He had to lie to his parents. They think he's playing golf with a friend.

But he went to the airport, and caught a flight to Melbourne. When he got to Melb he met up with my friend, the one i hung out with went i went to Melbourne last April or May or whatever it was. :P My friend helped him get to the train station. It was win-win because he helped Bitboy, and it also lets my Mum know that he is who he says he is before he gets here.

His train is due to arrive in town in... 1 hour and 15 minutes. I'll be meeting him at the station.

And i'm nervous as hell. :S

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Me No Speaky Da Language.

Got an email from Blogger. It was their email address 'no-reply@blogger.com' so it checks out. lol

Hola:

Tu blog, http://mirrorboysblog.blogspot.com/, se ha asociado al nombre de usuario de la cuenta de Google *my email address*. Utiliza este nombre de usuario de la cuenta de Google para acceder a Blogger y a tu blog.

Si has olvidado tu contrase├▒a, puedes restablecerla haciendo clic en este enlace: http://www.blogger.com/forgot.g?r= *my email address again* and i cut a bit out of the hyperlink. lol

Esta cuenta es miembro de los siguientes blogs:
http://specialboyisyou.blogspot.com/
http://mytwistedlove.blogspot.com/
http://mirrorboysblog.blogspot.com/

Si experimentas cualquier problema o tienes alguna pregunta, visita nuestro sitio de ayuda en http://help.blogger.com/

Atentamente,
El equipo de Blogger

///

Uhhhhh wtf?

From what i can see when i followed the link, i get the idea that it's as if i've been trying to change my password. But i haven't. lol. So idk, maybe someone is trying to hack me and tried to get a hold of my password? o_O

But if anyone speaks Spanish (i think :S lol) it would help. :)



In other news, Bitboy's cunty parents *cough* have taken his computers, wallet, ID, money and mobile phone in an attempt to eliminate me from his life, but they won't succeed. Burn in hell you bastards. :)

Something tells me i won't be spending my Christmases at their house.

Monday, November 23, 2009

I See.

On Sunday evening i called Bitboy and we spoke for about 45 mins. In that time he explained everything to me, and i believe what he said. He made a post this morning and tried to explain it (it'll be better coming from him) but his father came in when he was only half finished and took away the laptop.

But basically his family and a fucked-up counsellor ganged up on him and made him believe he was a predator and a paedophile, that by coming to see me he'd be ruining both our lives, and that he was taking advantage of me, and that what we had between us meant nothing. They then made him say goodbye to me, and when i replied, wouldn't let him reply. Anyways it's complicated and it's his story so it's better if when he gets an opportunity to post the full story, you hear it from him.

I'm going with what just feels right, and hoping by some miracle that things work out.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

WHAT THE FUCK.

In the space of a few hours, Bitboy goes from being in love with me, being my online boyfriend, playing games and doing everything online with me, and planning to come stay with me for the first 2 weeks of December, to wanting absolutely nothing to do with me.

In the space of a few hours, i go from thinking there might actually be hope for me, thinking i might not be alone forever, i might not be incapable of being in a relationship and be unloveable and there might be a little happiness in my life after such a horrible year, something to make me feel normal, to being totally lost.



He said he loved me. And i loved him. At 6pm he had an appointment with his family and a counsellor. When he gets home he texts me and the first thing he says is 'it's over'. Saying he's not going on the internet at all, and best of all, telling me not to contact him any more. And then, when i of course replied, he tells me to leave him alone.

Okay so at first he seems upset. In his first texts he says 'the counsellor has succeeded in fucking things up' and stuff about his family not letting him do 'this'. He says he would have 'fucked up both our lives by going over there'. He thought he had a fucked up head, and more crap along those lines.



But then he sends me a text later on that night, in which he seems absolutely fine with ending things. He says he has problems he needs to sort out before being in a committed relationship, and that he's confused about where his sexuality lies. And he ends with 'I'm sorry it came this far, but i am certain you will find someone who will love you dearly. Don't give up! ;-)'

FUCKING SMILEY FACE?!

He then called me and seemed so content with saying that he has issues and needs to sort them out, he won't be coming to see me, he won't be my boyfriend, and he wants me never to contact him again.

So what the fuck mate? How can you go from loving me to not loving me in only a few hours? You made me so happy and i made you happy, but now you're stabbing me in the heart. You don't seem to even care about how much you're hurting me. I'm deeply in love with you but you're telling me to stop contacting you. You won't give me the opportunity to even talk about this with you. Well, you did call me, but i couldn't even speak because i was so fucking shocked at what you said i couldn't physically talk. I just don't get it.

What i don't get is how quickly you can go from not caring what the homophobic world around you thinks and just wanting to be happy, to then wanting nothing to do with me, supposedly because of something your family/counsellor said, and then wanting nothing to do with me and coming across as being totally fine with it. You don't even want to be my friend. You want nothing to do with me. I don't get it.



I shouldn't have let myself get my hopes up. Everyone told me to be wary, but ohhhhhhhhh no, i thought the risk was worth it, because this time i would axly be seeing the person face-to-face, and i might have the chance to not be alone for the first time in my life. After all that stood in our way, he himself was the one that put an end to it.

Now i'm left with absolutely nothing to look forward to. And nothing makes me happy. I can't even play that fucking game any more because the only reason i bought it was because HE played it, and he was the best thing about it.

I'm all alone, again. It's back to the fucking crippling loneliness i've become so familiar with. I've got nothing to look forward to and no hope of ever being happy, because life just loves to fuck me over in every way possible. Even i thought life wasn't capable of fucking me up through someone i love, but you shouldn't underestimate how much of a cunt life can be.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fun. :|

Monday, for English, we spent the lesson finishing a picture made out of buttons, that the 'special needs' class started and never finished. It axly was kinda fun lol, but hardly English. :P

And English is heaps of fun, am i right?? :D

Then later in the day for Personal Development, i pretty much just got on the computer and replied to emails. :P There was a bit of report-writing and letter-writing, but yeah, seeing as only 2 people showed up, not much work to do. lol

Tuesday was interesting tho. Twas Psychology and we had to choose a mental illness or disorder and do an assignment on it. So surprise! I chose social anxiety disorder. :D

So i figure i did a pretty good job on it. lol

Then when i handed it in, i told the teacher that i axly had it. Fun times. We spoke about it a bit, and she seemed genuinely really interested. I spose that's cos she is the Psychology teacher. :P

We both agree that psychologists are ftw. :)

That's about it. lol

Stay cool everyone. :/


Before i go, here's a picture that's a post in its own. :O

(Read the convo in the lower left corner :P)

Friday, November 13, 2009

Yay.

Work experience at the radio station is finished. It got pretty boring sitting there for 6 hours a day doing pretty much nothing. :S

I emptied bins. Vaccuumed floors. Photocopied stuff. Folded things. And for the afternoon i chose a song to play each week, which became 'Mirrorboy's choice'. lol. And i also read out the community calendar each week.

But it got boring after a few weeks. There wasn't much else to do, other than a few small tasks in the morning for 3 hours, and then sitting there watching the presenter for 3 hours after that.

But now i'm glad to have my Fridays back. And speaking of having days back (does that make sense? lol), school finishes for the year in 2 weeks, and i get about 2 months break. ^___^

Monday, November 9, 2009

What Do I Hate?

Summer. I hate it so much. :S

Being in Australia during the Summer sucks. It gets so freakin hot!

I hated Winter too, but now that Summer is approaching, oh, how i miss it. lol

It's easy to warm up. Put on some thick clothes, put on a heater, wrap up in a blanket. But with Summer, there's nothing you can do to cool down. :(

It's hot, and dry, and icky and sweaty and insecty and hot.

T_T




Also, see obligatory
WoW pic, now that i'm a WoWser. :P

Thursday, November 5, 2009

:S

I have officially crossed the line of geekiness. I just bought World of Warcraft. lol

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Happy Birthday Landyn. :)

Hope you have a good birthday. You deserve some happiness.

Enjoy. :P

<3

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

That's Not All. :P

I've brought someone else with me on my return to blogworld.

And this one's not just a friend. :P

He's calling himself BitBoy and he just started blogging too. So go have a look at his blog.

Against all odds, we met in an online game, found out we both lived in Australia, found out we both liked boys, and later, found that we liked each other a fair bit too. :)

MBoy's Back (and he brought someone with him). :P

Nooooo he's just a friend. :P

A few days ago i caught up with an old friend from Primary School (which is grades prep to 6 in Aus) who i hadn't seen in 4 years. He kinda... showed up at my house unnanounced. :P

Anyways he brought a friend of his and they both came in. We caught up, and connected well enough to the degree that i told them about the personal crap that had happened to me in the past few years. I ended up showing him my blog, and he informed me that today hes just finished reading all of it. :P So we've caught up pretty well i reckon. :)

Anyways, he just started his own blog, so go check it out. :)

Btw he's bi, so he fits in. :P

Friday, October 30, 2009

Haiii.

Sorry about the interruption in transmission. Your regular programming will return soon.

As soon as i figure out what to post about next. :)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Nevermind.

Thnx for the comments. <3

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Goodbye. :'(

Today was my last session with my psychologist, so i'll never see her again. Unfortunately for the majority of the session, i was in tears and could hardly speak, so it was a pretty sucky time.

My other psych said it might be a good idea to write the one that's leaving a letter, so i can get a bit of closure. So i'll probably do that sometime this week. Not today, cos i'll start crying again, and i really don't want to start crying again.

Just so you know, yeah, i have 2 psychologists. I won't be keeping in contact with the one that's leaving. And after she's gone, i'll only be seeing the one. The one's that's leaving is the one i was closest to, because she was the one who... ran the sessions i guess. The other one was there to observe and give ideas.

K that's about all i want to say right now. As you might guess, it's hard to write about.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Mondays. Sheesh.

They're so longgggg. And it didn't help that today was hot. :P

Anyways the 'gay youth group' i'm in has really been taking off over the past few weeks.

(Obviously i'm not going to go into much detail, cos i don't want anyone knowing where i live. :P)

Just over a week ago a party was held by an outside 'gay etc. group', and all the funds went directly to my group. About 150 people showed up, and it was $10 (Aus) to get in, so... now we have money. :D

Previously we only had enough to just keep running, and even then, only enough money for a few years. Now with money, we should be able to not only continue running, but really make a difference in the community. One of our projects is to make 'pride packs' or something like that, with resources for people who are coming out or thinking of it or anything similar, with resources and information about support and stuff about our group. So with money that is now possible. :) We're also making banners and redesigning our logo atm.



Also, a journalist and photographer came by today because they're putting an article about us in the paper. The photographer took pictures (well duhh) and then the journalist asked us a lot of questions about... pretty much everything, and he seemed genuinely interested. :)

He asked if anyone had a story they wanted to share, and i said yes, so i briefly recounted to him my coming out experience.

That was quite a brave step for me. There were about a dozen other people from my group in the room that hadn't heard about it before. Oh, let's not forget that this is a journalist! lol. And it's going in the paper that probably tens of thousands of people read. And he's using my first name too, and it isn't exactly a generic name, as some of you know. :P

But yeah it's all good. And no, don't ask to see the article cos then you'll know where i live. :P

"Church can reject gays, single mums"

From The Age (a newspaper lol).

It's a couple weeks old but we were discussing it at my 'gay youth group' today.

///
Gay rights advocates have criticised slated changes to Victoria's equal opportunity laws that will continue to allow religious organisations to discriminate against gays and single parents.

State Attorney-General Rob Hulls says a new Equal Opportunity Bill will be introduced into parliament next year.

Under the changes, religious groups will no longer be able to discriminate on the grounds of race, disability, age, physical features, political belief or breastfeeding.

But they can continue to discriminate on grounds including sexuality or marital status if it is in accordance with their beliefs.

Tasmanian Gay and Lesbian Rights Group spokesman Rodney Croome says the right to employment and education is more important than pandering to religious prejudice.

"Too often this issue is seen as gay rights versus religious freedom when, in fact, it is about the right to a job you're qualified for, to attend the school of your choosing and to receive essential services," he said.

Australian Christian Lobby director Rob Ward said some of the options canvassed as part of a review of exemptions to the Equal Opportunity Act, had they been implemented, would have had serious repercussions for churches, religious schools and church-related organisations.

"Faith-based groups throughout Victoria have been united in their strong concern about a number of the options being looked at as they would have undermined the very core of these bodies by preventing them from upholding their beliefs in terms of who they employ and, therefore, how they operate," he said.

"It is good to see the Victorian government respecting those concerns and the basic right to religious freedom in this state."

Victorian Equal Opportunity and Human Rights Commission chief executive Helen Szoke said the proposed revamp of the law was a positive step towards a better balance between religious freedom and anti-discrimination.

She said she was pleased religious bodies would soon have to demonstrate how employing someone of a particular religion was an inherent requirement of a job.

"Religious schools or religious charities, for example, will have to show how belonging to a particular religion is relevant to the job they are trying to fill," Dr Szoke said.

"In the case of religious education teachers or chaplains, this will be clear. However, in the case of office staff or the maths teacher it will need to be made explicit how religion is relevant to the job."

The review of the Equal Opportunity Act was conducted by parliament's Scrutiny of Acts and Regulations Committee.
///

Friday, October 16, 2009

Questionnaire.

I've never done a questionnaire on my blog before, because i find them really annoying. :P

But this one had a few good questions, so i figured posting it would help make up for the lack of posts recently.

Also, honestly, i'm just bored out of my brain atm. :P



1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair, and i take ages to do it. :P

2. What colour is your favorite hoodie?
Brown and black.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I haven't kissed anyone in years. Axly i can't remember ever kissing anyone.

4. Do you plan outfits every day?
Not really but i do have an idea of what pants i'm going to wear for the coming days, so i know when to have things washed.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Boreeeeeeeeddd.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
My shirt. It's red and pink.

7. The last dream you remember having?
It was about the characters of my story. It was pretty cool.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Yeah some guy at work exp. Dunno his name.

9. What are you craving right now?
Something i'm not gonna talk about. :P

10. Do you floss?
Nope.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Taxis.

12. Are you emotional?
Yes, very.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I have a life.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick it. I like licking things. I make that no secret. :P

15. Do you like your hair?
It's too thick.

16. Do you like yourself?
Nope.

17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
No thanks.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing. I guess i should put some music on. *puts Rock Star theme tune from Kirby on* :P

19. Are your parents strict?
Nope.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I'm scared of heights. So i wouldn't. But i am becoming more daring, so probably one day i would if i could.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Haven't tried it.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No but i said hello to one on the phone. :P

23. Do you rent movies often?
Nope. Got no one to watch them with. I'd like to.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Yeah some crap of my Mum's. :P

25. How many countries have you visited?
None, apart from Australia, but that doesn't count as visiting.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
No, i'm a nice boy. :)

27. Ever been on a train?
Sure have and it was awful cos we kept getting delayed.

28. Brown or white eggs?
I've only tried white but i do like me some interracial. ^_^

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes and i couldn't live without it now.

30. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah sometimes.

31. Do you own a gun?
It's kind of illegal...

32. Can you use chop sticks?
No way. I'm much too clumsy.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Nobody, again.

34. Are you too forgiving?
Yes.

35. Ever been in love?
Yeah.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
I dunno. lol

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Wtf are they?

38. Last time you cried?
A few days ago probly. It happens so much, i don't take notice of it any more. :P

39. What was the last question you asked?
Fish and chips for dinner?

40. Favorite time of the year?
School holidays.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
Illegal much.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Nah i'm so not sarcastic. *sarcasm*

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No but i base most of my life around it.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Most likely.

45. Favorite color?
Pink.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Nope.

47. Is your hair curly?
No it's wavy.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Uhm can't remember. It's been a while.

49. Do looks matter?
Not to me.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
No.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
No. :P

52. Do you like your life right now?
It's getting better and i'm happy with that. It's been a lot worse. :P

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Only if i fall asleep not on purpose.

54. Can you handle the truth?
If i'm better off not knowing, then i don't wanna know, unless i can help.

55. Do you have good vision?
I wear glasses and contacts. Not at the same time tho. :P

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I could name a dozen.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Depends how busy i am.

58. The last person you held hands with?
I don't think i've ever 'held hands' but my grandma held my hand when i was crying in the car after my last psych appointment.

59. What are you wearing?
Pants, undies, shirt.

60.What is your favorite animal?
Kitties. ^_^

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
In my backyard. :P

62. Can you hula hoop?
No. :P

63. Do you have a job?
I do work experience at the radio station. :P

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A drink on my way home from school. It's part of my treatment for my SAD.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yeah when i was little and me and Mum were locked out of the house. She made me go through the laundry window, and i hurt myself bad doing it. :S

Work Experience Week 2.

First, thanks for the nice comments on my last post. I won't be going anywhere for a while at least, i promise. I just need something more interesting to post about. :P

So today at work experience at the radio station, i did more than last week. First i had to go around and empty all the bins, and that was uber-gross, especially when i had to empty the bin in the toilet room, which was full of stinky toilet paper.

:S

Then i was shown how to work the photocopier, so for the next couple of hours i did a bunch of photocopying, stapling, putting in pigeonholes etc. And I also typed up some stuff for the Community Calendar and printed that out.

Then i listened to the Muse songs on my iPod while i waited for the afternoon presenter to arrive, because i'd brought my Muse cd with me, seeing as he said i could pick any song and he'd play it during the show. So i was listening to them, trying to pick one out.

Then i was in there in the studio with him for the three hours, just like last week, and he played my song. (I went with Starlight). So that was pretty cool. And he liked it too. :)

Then i volunteered to read out the Community Calendar, which is about a page long. So i did read it out. lol. I was a lot more nervous than i thought i would be, but he said i did a good job. :)

And good is good.

That's it for now. :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Fanks.

Sorry i haven't been posting much. I haven't been thinking about blogs at all. And i forgot about the 400,000 views post too, so i'll just say,

THANKS FOR ALL THE VIEWS ^_^

lol

My life isn't very exciting so i haven't got much to post about. It's all just more of the same, and you've heard it all before. So meh. :P

And i don't have as much time for blogs any more. I guess i'm getting old (in blog years at least). Maybe it's time to move on. Maybe...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Blurk Explurnairianence.

Sorry i didn't post last night. I forgot. :P

So the work experience went pretty well. I got a lot of practical experience in... folding paper. For the first half hour i folded newsletters in the office. :)

Then a woman there told me to pick out some cds i liked from the archive. I had no idea who almost all of them were. lol

Then i went into Studio 1 and she showed me how to work the board thingy. So then i messed around in there for half an hour until the presenter guy showed up. He was older than i expected. By that i mean he's old. :P

So i watched and observed for the next three hours, and i asked questions too. It was mostly a music show, with a lot of various music. He also read out community events and the weather. He hates reading stuff out. :P

So next week i'm probably gonna read out the weather and the community events. He also said i could pick out a song to bring in and he'd play it. :)

It was a pretty good time, the only bad thing is that my head was ready to explode after 3 hours of only listening to music.



Oh and i'm almost at 400,000 views and i dunno how to celebrate. So, any ideas? :P

Friday, October 9, 2009

Work Exparurniance.

My work experience at the radio station starts in about an hour.

I'll be helping in the office from 10am to 12am. Then i'll be helping a presenter from 1pm to 4pm. And that goes on every Friday for 6 weeks.

Hopefully it's decent. lol

And i still haven't even read the comments on my last post. :S

Sowwy.
<3

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Break-ity Break-oo.

So i've had an unmentioned short break, which i'm now semi-back from... o_O

I'm doing okay, considering the circumstances. I've been tear-free for a few days, but still not i-feel-sick-in-my-heart-free.

Anyways i'll be alright, probably.

Although it wasn't really the best time, me being on a break and all, a few new bloggers have contacted me because they've just started up. :P

So go check them out and give them some support or i will **** your *** **** so *****!!!
*angry face*

Mimpy's Mind

StandBy

My Gay Teen Life



OH by the way, a big thank you to everyone for their support. <3

Friday, October 2, 2009

I Are Sadness.

I found out today that one of my psychologists is leaving.

This is someone that knows more about me than anyone else on earth. I've told her about the most personal things in my life. She's helped me through the hardest stuff imaginable. I could talk to her about anything. She helped me work through my disorders. She's literally changed my life. Without my psychs i would still feel like a freak. Most likely, i would be dead. Now i'm going to have to say goodbye.

I had tears streaming down my face once i'd gotten in the car. I've been crying on and off since the appointment. *wipes tears so he can see the keyboard* I'm about to break down right now. I don't know where things are going to go from here. For the past months my life has revolved around her words.

K i'm gonna have to stop now this is too hard.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Tomorrow.

I have to meet my Work Skills teacher at the radio station tomorrow at 10:15. We'll be going in to talk to the guy there about organising my work experience, starting about a week from now.

And then at 11:30 i have an appointment with my psychologists, so fun times. :P

The break's almost over. I start at school again on Monday.

I think this is the first time in years, that i'm not terrified about having to go back to school.

:)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Death.

Gay Mid-Schooler A new blogger who could use some help.

In other news i just got back from my Grandma's house, or as i call her, 'Nan'. I helped her make the Christmas cakes that she does every year. It was sticky, and messy, which is hard for an OCD freak like me. lol. But it was good times and at least i had something to break the boredom. lol :)

Halfway through she got a phone call from someone, informing her that one of her friends had died. What i noticed was something interesting. She didn't become terribly upset. She didn't even have a tear in her eye. Instead she just talked for a while, as she would during any phone call. Before long she was smiling and sharing jokes as she normally would.

She mentioned to the caller that i was there to help her make the cakes. I assume the person on the telephone said something about me being there to do the mixing, because she mentioned the mixing machine. She went on to say that she borrowed that from a friend one year, and it made things a lot easier. She continued to borrow it from her every year to make the cakes, until the friend ended up in hospital. She said she didn't get to return it after that so she 'scored with that one', or something along those lines, with a soft laugh.

Obviously it was said a lot less bluntly than i put it. It's hard to convey the exact emotions and ways things were said. But i got the impression that for my Grandma, death is not such a terrible thing. After the phone call she just said it was a part of life, and continued to do the cakes.

She didn't let it get her down, and i have respect for my Grandma for that. For i haven't had a death really impact on me yet, and i don't know how i'll cope when it does. I've just always seen it as such a catastrophic, life-changing event. Maybe i shouldn't though.

If only we could see death in a different light than we do now. It might not be such a terrible thing. It might not be so hard to cope with. We might find it easier to accept, and move on, and i think that would be a good thing.

Does what i'm saying make sense? As per usual, probably not. :P

love

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Argh

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRREEDDD

T_T

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Welcome To My Bedroom Of EVIL.

Rather than try to fix all the paragraphs when putting in comments on each pic, i included captions with each picture. You may need to click each one to see the bigger version and read what i said. :)




































Monday, September 21, 2009

Tonight Was So Gay.

My gay youth group had another movie and pizza night. :P We got pizzas, lollies and chips (idk i think Americans call them crisps or something :P). And we watched 17 Again. It was a lot better than i expected. Lots of lols. :)

I probably shouldn't be calling it a 'gay youth group'. For starters, not everyone there is gay. There are a few bisexuals, and also a few straight people who just hate homophobia. In fact our facilitator is straight, and getting married soon.

Okay from now on i'll start calling the group by our proper name. We're called ********. I would tell you what it means but then you'd know where i live. :/

(Edit: Okay okay so i decided against naming what we're called. It's too easy to find info on me once you know. I just still need a name i can call the group...)

>.>

Next post will be of my bedroom. :)

Saturday, September 19, 2009

New Colours!! :O

I quite like it. :P

Thanks Torchy, for that email you sent me at the start of the year telling me how i could change my background colour. I found it and used it. ^_^

It's kinda Christmassy. lol



I've decided for a post coming up, i'm going to take you on a tour of my bedroom by pictures... as soon as i clean it up a bit. :P

If you've got any other suggestions about what you'd like me to post about or do anything about, leave a comment. I'm gonna have nothing interesting to post about during the 2-week holidays. lol

Friday, September 18, 2009

I Need Head.

A Blog Header* oops

Considering it's been a year with the plain Black & White Header "Mirrorboy's Blog" i figure it might be time to replace that with a picture. It would be more colourful and engaging.

But i need some ideas. What should the first thing people see when they come to my blog, be?

Ah Jeez.

There aren't words to explain how i feel right now. I'm so touched and honoured and humbled by all the love you've shown me today and yesterday. The Daily Jizzt's post is simply amazing and i'll never forget it.

I will try not to make this into another of those annoying reflective posts about how much my life has changed. :P

'Thank you' isn't enough. The people i've met through blogging have made me a different, better, person. I've grown so much, and i've grown a lot stronger. I've learnt to accept myself as a gay person because of you. If it weren't for the people i've met through blogging, i would probably be dead.

But i'm still here. Because of your support i made it.

Now i'm happy to call myself a blogger. And i'll be around for a while yet, to give support. I will stick around because i want to make a difference in people's lives, like you have to mine. I will help people who need help, because i know how much of a difference that online help can make.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. Thank you for your support. Thank you for the emails. Thank you for being my friends.

My life is back on track now after the hardest 12 months of my life. All i can do now is wonder about what the year ahead will hold.

And i'd like to share it with you, if you'll have me. :)

<3

Okay after this i'll go back to proper posts, i swear. :P

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Birthday.

Happy Blog-Birthday Mirrorboy.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been my friend and supported me over the last 12 months. I can't begin to describe how much it, and all of you, mean to me.

I've come a long way. I almost didn't make it, but somehow i did. And now life is finally starting to look up for me.


The exposure treatment for my S.A.D with my psychologists is working. I'm more comfortable in social situations, i can do things on my own more, and my anxiety is generally lower than before.

My school is going well. The schoolwork is going fine, although i did get heaps of homework today. :P

I'm talking to the people in class, and most of them are quite nice. In fact they surprised me the other day. For the speech we had to do in English on a controversial topic, one of the girls chose same-sex marriage (she was for it btw). As usual, we discussed it afterwards, and the people are actually pretty accepting. I was quite proud of them to be honest. :)

I also heard back from the radio station today. They accepted my application and in 3 weeks i'll be doing work experience there.

On top of that, today was the last day of term, so i get a 2-week break from school. :D

The layout of the blog has changed. The blog links are updated. And a big thank you to deejohn for the bday present (the blog header). :)

And massive thanks to all of you for your continued support and love!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Memorable Moments #2

March. It was early in the month, when i celebrated 150,000 views, that i started up my other 2 blogs, Secret Project (co-owned with Jake) which was basically boy pics, and Mirrorboy's Words, on which i posted excerpts from my story

2 days later, i started seeing my psychologists (thank God they came into my life). I had a bit of support in my life now, but school was still really hard.

At the end of March, i posted the interview that Col had done with me, and it provides a bit of insight into my life.

April. The 8th, and i was getting ready for my trip to Melbourne, the state's capital city. Not only was it my first holiday, but it showed me that there was a life outside of my crappy, small-minded town. I could at least look forward to the day when i finally leave.

And i had photos. :P

During April was the time i stopped attending school. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it had all become too much. My Mum knew she couldn't keep sending me, so i just stopped going. I didn't make a post about it though, because frankly, it was private.

May. Not much happened in May. I continued not going to school, and instead focusing on trying to get better by working with my psychologists. I also kept going to my gay youth group.

The 22nd was my birthday. I got some really nice bday wishes from my online friends. :) Other than that it was a pretty crappy day. lol

2 days later, i explained everything about school, and life, and i told you about my disorders. I also said that tomorrow i would be starting at a new school (which is my current one). My first day wasn't bad, although i was expectedly nervous.

With a lot on my mind, i took a break from blogging and didn't return until mid-June.

June. I included a post about the kinds of things we get up to at my youth group.

By the 19th, things were starting to get back on track for me, thankfully.

June also had a Q&A post about me, and if you're interested, i showed you pics of where i blog from.

July. My school hours increased. I was also going through a lot of ups and downs. Life was pretty unstable as i juggled blogging with school and my disorders. I used my blog to vent when i needed to.

I also posted some pics of the beach in my city.

At least things were on the up, now.

August. I was busy, and that was good. Inadvertently, i was also being more positive. Things were starting to improve.

And now September. There's not much point in looking back on this month. :P

But i will say, the past few weeks have been the best in a long time. Every single day, things get better for me. Living gets easier.

The time between now and a year ago almost killed me, literally. But i've survived. I've got the scars in my mind and bruises on my soul, but i made it, thanks in no small part to all of you who supported me.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Memorable Moments #1

September 2008 - February 2009.

Here are what i consider to be some of my most important or memorable posts for the first 6 months of blogging. :)

September. This post pretty much sums up why i started blogging. I was angry and frustrated, and that meant lots of CAPS. lol. I was a gay boy living in a homophobic world and i hated it.

October. After i got a few lucky links, my daily views were doubling. Quite quickly my mind was put on something else though. I was outed. First there was confusion, then calm, and then happiness. That happiness lasted for a while. But unfortunately, things got worse, much much worse. Only a week later i was struggling and contemplating suicide.

November. At home i tried to forget about school, and i blogged about other things as much as i could. November was witness to my teddy bear post (deceptively innocent). Since i posted that it has never left me, still haunting me to this day. :P

Unfortunately although i tried to put my mind off the shit that was happening to me, that didn't stop it from existing. 2 weeks into November, the storm hit me, and i was scared.

This is painful to remember. I can even see my social anxiety disorder growing as i read what i wrote. At least i had Mrs OC. I could always talk to her. I don't know what i would have done without her.

November was when i started to drift. It was when i switched to auto-pilot. All i could do was try to block the immense pain inside of me, and use every spare minute i could to relax.

December. As if the shit at school wasn't enough, one of the people at my school, someone who i dared to call my friend, started abusing me on my own blog. Currently i couldn't care less about what people say to me on here, but back then i was fragile, and it hurt a lot.

My life was a total mess.

Meanwhile in blogworld, i helped AJ. If you weren't around for what happened, then it's hard to explain, but it was definitely memorable to me.

At least i got a few weeks break from school and i could relax a bit. The day before New Year's Eve, i made a post about my history before blogging, and about that whole year. That post also includes my first coming out story, to my Mum.

January. I started my e-relationship with Jake Anon, and i posted about a lot of easier stuff to swallow. 3 weeks in though, and the dread of returning to school was upon me.

February. My first day back was crap, and it got worse from then on. Luckily, i also started attending my gay youth group.

That may seem like a lot to swallow in one post, but i'll be using this (and some of this week's other posts) as a future reference for people new to my blog to get to know me.

March to present continues tomorrow. The day after that, is the big day.



Looking back on what happened to me really shows me just how far i've come. Life is drastically better, and i'm so thankful for all the support. During all that time i was posting about suffering, there were people on my blog leaving comments and sending emails, and talking to me on msn, with support and love. Thank you so much.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

All About You.

*crap this took me 3 and a half hours!! lol*

People seem to be put off talking to me because they feel like i've got many other people to talk to.

Well you can never have too many friends. Hopefully this week of posts has shown you just how much having friends means to me.

This is probably gonna be long, but i wanna thank everyone that i've met through blogging who's made an impact on my life. If it weren't for the people i've met through blogging, i probably wouldn't be here.

This as also for all you who keep complaining that you don't get a mention. :P



Landyn - You're my favourite person in the whole world and when you hurt i hurt. I would do anything for you. I hope things get better for you because seeing you happy would make me so happy.

AJ - You're my best friend. We've been through so much together and i'm sure we will for many days to come.

Jake - lol. If it wasn't for you being in my life things would have taken a much different turn. You had a huge part in making me who i am today. lol

Bob - You're like a father to our blog community. You've got everyone's backs and i hope you know just how important you are and how much of a difference you make.

Lach - You gave me my first hug. ^_^ Hanging out with you was a lot of fun. You helped me feel more... normal. When i move to Melbourne i hope we'll see each other a lot more.

Deadwing - You're one of my best friends. I'm glad to have made a difference in your life, i just wish things could be easier for you too. I hope when you get down, you'll just remember how far you've come.

James - We've had our ups and downs, but you're still one of my firm friends and you've helped me a lot. I'll always be here for you and i know you will for me too.

Drew - There are some things i can only talk to certain people about, because i know they'll understand. I trusted you with some very personal thoughts and i know you've done the same. You're a good friend. :)

Joshie - You helped me during a rough time and i think that's when we grew a lot closer. I'll always be happy to repay the favour. Also, you dyed your hair pink and that makes anyone awesome in my book. :P

Wawwy - You's such cutenesh. ^_^ I loves talking to you. Is always interesting and funness. Fun is a good word to describe you. :P

Elliott - You were one of the first people to add me on msn and we've been friends since. On top of that, you were the first person i've met through the blog to talk to me on the phone, which is always fun. ^_^

Reilly - We have a huge amount in common. We've shared a lot of personal stuff with each other too. I'm really glad i met you.

Cutie Dan - Though if i said 'Cutie' you would immediately think it was you anyway, i bet. ;) You're a lot of fun to talk to and i love your hair. :P

Benji - You're adorable. You're so sweet and cute. J'adore Benji. :P Don't be so down on yourself. You're a great guy and things will get easier for you, i'm sure. I'll always be here to support you either way.

Matt - You're my good friend too. Memories? Playing uno against each other on msn. lol. But seriously you're cool and i like talking to you. :)

Steve - We don't talk much outside blogging but when you talk you always provide such a good and intellectual opinion. Whenever i make a thoughtful post i always look forward to your comments.

Aek - For an Asian you sure can be dumb sometimes. lol. You're a good person though, very helpful. Thanks for helping me with some of my medical problems too. Woo free advice. lol

Seth - One of my first linkers, and you gave me a big boost. You're very caring and to me blogworld would be a very different place without you in it.

Naturgesetz - I love that you're part of our community. I really value your opinion on the religious side of things. We've had some good discussions. :)

Mr. HCI - You're like a kid on the inside. lol. I know you'd always be willing to offer support to anyone you could. You're nice, and funny, and generally a great guy. :)

Steevo - You always say it how you see it. That's an important trait. Other than that, you helped me a lot during my rough times and i'll always be grateful.

AgentK - You're such an amazing kid. I hate it that you've been hurt so much. I hope you get some love you deserve.

Louie - It was great having someone to talk to about my writing, and i liked hearing about yours. We'll have to catch up soon. Next time i see you online i'll say hai. :)

Peter from PA - The compulsive video-poster. lol. We don't talk much but when we did it was always fun. We have some good memories. :P

Jeremy - We never seem to say much but we're still good friends. lol. You're good to talk to and always good for some lols. :)

Spastic Fantastic - You're also lotsa fun to talk to. Even though it seems we mostly talk about TV, game and movies. :P

Randy - I loved getting comments from you on my writing blog. I knew when you didn't like something you would tell me straight. That's what i really wanted and i grew as a writer because of you.

Kiwi/Chris - You're sweet and funny and you gave me the most helpful advice when i was writing. You also had a great blog which is missed. I doubt you'll even be reading this, but i hope you're doing okay.

David ex-Westasian - You had the best picture blog i knew. You had great tastes, and similar interests in many things other than boys. You were one of my most popular bloggers and i was so amazed that my blog was being read by someone 'famous'. You also gave me a birthday present which i'll never forget.

Victor - I'm glad you kept in touch because i always like hearing about how you're doing and your emails are always a pleasure to read. You're a smart, honest person and i'm glad we're friends.

David JB - I always love hearing your feedback on stuff i blog about. It's really nice that you take the time to email me so often and care about me. Thanks a lot.

Robert in the USA - We don't see each other that often but when we do i feel like we have a strong connection. You're a really sweet guy.

Zee - We've had some interesting discussions (arguments). :P You're so bloody stubborn and that's why i love you.

Torchy - You're another important part of our blog community and i'm glad you're around. On top of that you're really funny and your posts are almost always lolable.

Nick - I've seen that that people you've met through blogging has helped you to accept yourself more, and i'm so happy to have been a part of that. I wish you all the best. :)

John in the USA - You've been emailing me for so long now it seems like you've been with me from the start. We've had our disagreements but i'm glad i've gotten to know you.

John in Aus - The writer. Thanks for being my proofreader when i still had my writing blog. I dunno what i would have done without you. I also remember all those horrible, horrible jokes. *shakes head*

Tyler GBIH - You're really cool and funny. You've also got an amazing ass. ;D But seriously, we recently found out we've got a lot in common so no doubt we'll be talking a lot more.

Tyler DIML - And you've got an amazing face! lol. Talking to you is always entertaining. You're a really smart guy too.

Mike - Talking to you is always good times. We've got heaps in common, like 2 jigsaw pieces. :)

Jayson - You kept an eye out for the bloggers and were always supportful.

Col - One of my biggest memories of blogging was when you interviewed me. It was a great idea of yours to do those interviews. You were also super-nice and really caring and i'm sorry that you disappeared.

Doomed BC - He who types in huge paragraphs. lol. You're a really nice, caring guy.

Aahsazyl - You're just plain strange. lol. And you're so lovable because of it. :P

Baz - You gave me some good writing advice and you always tell it how it is.

Lance - We've had some ups and some major downs. But i do care about you and i hope you're doing okay.

Hayden - When we first met i thought you were a bit strange, but you're really a nice guy. :P

Justin - You were the only one who knew how to get that game of mine to work. You can call in that favour any time. ;)

Olivia - You're still the only girl on my msn. lmao. You're wicked-cool and i still remember the poem you wrote for me during my rough time. It was really sweet. :)

Tristan - You were really helpful during my first days as a blogger and your words of advice were really important to me.

Tom ex-Daily Jizzt - Tommy Toppy or Tommy Bottomy. Works either way. xD. You had a great sense of humour and you were also really nice and caring. I miss you.

Chris from Aus - You're a really smart guy and i like talking to you. We share a lot of opinions on things too.

Paulie - You're funny, you're sweet and you're hot. ;)

Peter PH - You're a really nice guy. I remember that you'd always send me those funny story things, and that was always fun. And we've got very similar tastes in boys. :)

And Grant - Thanks for all the awesome smileys. lol



I really do hope i didn't miss anyone. lol

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Turning Points. *important!*

I think there were 3 events in my life which changed me forever.

The first was when my Year 9 English teacher came and found me while i was in a class, and pulled me aside to talk to me. Funnily enough, i blogged about that experience. In fact it was the fourth post i ever made. It's sad that some of my most important posts get lost in the past.

I will never, ever, ever forget the kindness that Mrs OC showed me. Not only did she put me onto writing, when i was outed at school she was my support.



Being outed at school. That was the second life-changing event. Really, it changed me forever. It changed me beyond words. It's so painful i don't even want to think about it.

However if you care to know about me, you can go back to October and November and read the posts, because i blogged about what happened, although i didn't blog about a lot of the pain it caused me.

I'm still dealing with many of the issues that came from that time. I also lost most of my 'friends', lying backstabbing cunts, now only having 2 that i can trust, and it was the reason why i changed schools.

It caused my adjustment disorder. And my body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder fired up. I couldn't sleep at night because i was terrified of waking up to face another day. In the morning i would lie in bed still and silent. When i looked in the mirror i was full of self-loathing. I couldn't do my schoolwork because i couldn't focus. Every single day was one of terror and pain. There was no life in my life anymore.

I can honestly say, the fact that i made it through alive is beyond me. I was on the brink of suicide. The was no hope of recovery in sight. I was failing my work and life itself was crushing me.

But i did make it through. You know why?



Number three: Starting a blog.

Feeling like i belonged, feeling like i wasn't such a freak, having a place where i could talk about what i was going through, making friends who supported me and listened, and knowing that there were people out there who would care if i killed myself.

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Ball Started Rolling.

My first ever comment was from Jake Annonymous. He found me after i left a comment on his blog, which back then was called Boys Best Official. I think he made a post about not getting many comments, and i left a comment saying i got none. lol

I think we exchanged a few emails soon after that. Then we linked our blogs, and we followed what happened on the other's blog and commented sometimes.

That was really where it all started. Jake already had an audience, so with my blog link in his sidebar, i started getting a slow trickle of readers, and a few commenters.

I also made a couple friends on msn (the first was Lach) after they found me from Jake's blog. To me that was amazing. I finally could talk to people and be myself.

All of that was a big boost, in the way that it also gave me confidence that my blog could go somewhere. So i started emailing other bloggers hoping for links. Most of them simply didn't reply, but a few did. I got a few more linkers, and so more readers and commenters. I didn't feel like the effort i was putting into posts was wasted anymore.



Something that always really intrigues me is how one small action can have huge effects later on. If i hadn't found Jake's blog, and been linked and supported, many of you probably wouldn't be reading today. Lach, who was the first person to add me on msn, found me through Jake's blog. When i went to Melbourne back in April this year, Lach was the friend i met and hung out with.

There's more tomorrow. :)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

On The 17th Of September...

Mirrorboy and Mirrorboy's Blog turn 1!!

On the 17 of September, 2008, i nervously made my first post. I really didn't have any idea how blogs worked. I didn't know how to link blogs or change colours or anything. I didn't think i'd ever 'make it' in the blog world. It seemed so distant, and frankly unimaginable. It seemed like there were blogs out there full of people who knew what they were doing, while i was clueless.

So i made that first post, right before my Mum came home from work. Then it was my dirty little secret.

This was my first post.

///
So... This is it huh? Who knows what adventures lay ahead for me and my blog in the days ahead... Hopefully i can make you laugh. Hopefully i can make you think. Hopefully you don't get bored with me O_O
This blog is going to be about me and what i think, so i'll give you the quick rundown about me.
I'm 15 years old. I live in Australia. I'm gay and mostly not 'out'. I'm an only child with a single parent. I want so badly to be a creative writer and am working on some books now.
Like me so far? If not, leave. :) (I was worried people would abuse me)
If you come back once i've started proper publishing you'll get to know a lot more about me. I hope you do, cos it will make a lonely boy very happy. :D
Thanks.
///



It makes me quite angry that people seem to think that Mirrorboy, I, had it easy in blogworld.

In the whole month of september... i made 17 nervous posts.

I didn't get a single comment until the 27th of September.

In the whole month i got 6 comments, from about 3 people.

It's funny when i see new bloggers, who might get about a dozen comments a post, complaining about not getting as many comments as me. Yet when i started i got barely any, not even a single one for 10 days.

When i started, this gay/bi blog community of ours simply did not exist. There were no bloggers to ask for help. There were no people to link with and be plugged by and supported. There were no examples to follow. I was on my own. I really did have to build me and my blog up from scratch.



I thought to get people to read i had to make short posts, talk about amusing things and mix it up with funny videos and pictures of cute boys. Every post was a conscious effort to try to draw people in.

I was still finding my feet. I wasn't sure where i was headed, but i was still travelling.

Strangely, although hardly anyone read or cared, i never thought of giving up. And i'm glad i didn't.



Starting a blog was basically a cry for help. I was a lonely gay kid. I had no gay friends in the slightest. I was existing in a world that didn't even want me. I had no one to talk to about what i was going through, and i was as alone as possible.

The reason i started was to reach out. I wanted to meet some gay people who i could talk to. I wanted to feel like i belonged.

My blog is a success.



For the rest of this week, leading up to Mirrorboy's Birthday, i've decided i'm going to celebrate on my blog. At first i felt like dedicating a whole week of posts on my blog to my own blog was a bit over-the-top. But you know what, considering this blog has had an enormous effect on me and everything about me, i think it's justified.

Stay tuned for tomorrow and i'll continue my story. :)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

If People Were Sims...

Everyone would be ridiculously attractive.

A house wouldn't be a home until you'd set fire to the stove.

To get a promotion you would talk to yourself in the mirror for hours, or play chess.

As soon as you meet a stranger they would wander into your house and start using your things.

Adding a new room would be an instantaneous thing.

Sex would be comical.

Getting dressed would mean simply spinning around.

Everyone would have a maid.

Your neighbour could be a criminal mastermind.

Oh, and everyone would be gay. :P

Monday, September 7, 2009

Answers. =D

Reminding you how it works...

The words given to me are in black. My answer will be in purple. My answer will be what i first think of when i see the word.

I got a lot of hard, unfair ones so i'll do them first. :P

WARNING: MY ANSWERS ARE UNFUNNY.


Professionalism - Work
Mitten - Warm
Vortex - Spinning
Spatula - Cupcakes
Pilgrimage - Moving
Overindulgance - Fat
Flag - Country
Idol - Singing :P
Traits - Qualities
Curtains - Windows
Lavender - Purple
Mountain - Pointy
Flask - Drink
Fallopian Tubes - 2-word-fail :P
Umbrella - Dry
Precious - Gollum
Rejection - Sadness
Wheatgrass - Wheat? :P
Fussy - Picky
Mountaintop - High
Heffalump - Elephant
Falafel - Food
Kryptonite - Superman
Instantaneous - Fast :P

I have no idea what these mean. :D

Volition - Violin
Onomatopoeia - Nomnoms
Discombobulation - Bob :P
Sequester - Quest
Spelunking - Flunking
Adimpleate - Adimbowl
Blateration - Bla
Cacozealous - Cockisjealous

Animals

Fish - Wet
Koala - Trees
Panda - Cuddly
Squid - Slimy
Cow - Milk
Felines - Better-than-canines :P
Cat - Cute
Dog - Smelly
Yeti - Hairy :P

Stuff

Clouds - Fluffy
Robot - Beep
Ninja - Weapons
Carpet - Soft
Remedy - Fix
Pies - Meat
Geek - Glasses
Pizza - Yummy
Laugh - Funny
Cough - Germs
Socks - Smelly
Word - Number

Others

Abandoned - Loneliness
Commitment - Devotion
Compassion - Important
Intelligence - Helpful
Thoughtful - Thinkful
Private - Secret
Beauty - Inside
Dreams - Bizarre
Wishes - Desires
Hopes - Wants
Love - Saviour
Deceit - Bad
Blue - Calm
Red - Passion
White - Bright
Five - Nine
Shaving - Smooth
Ocean - Water
Water - Drink (don't drink from the ocean though) :P
Sun - Sunglasses
Air - Breeze
Wind - Blow
Warmth - Cuddles
Life - 'sabitch
Lesbian - Hard
Gay - Hard
Girls - No-thanks
Boys - Yes-please
Friends - Important
Boyfriend - WANT
Australia - Mate
Canada - Funny-accent (as if i can talk lol)

You people never fail to be pervy any chance you get. :P

Vagina - Barf
Dick - Yummy
Balls - Hang (lol)
Foreskin - Skin
Condom - Contain (lol)
Lube - Slippery
Wanking - Fun
Fleshlight - Thrust
Cum - Sticky
Spunk - Cum? :P
Ejaculation - Good :P
Tissue - Wipe
Boxers - Briefs
Sagging - Butt
Sex - Want
Sexy - Boys

I feel dirty now -_-

Bodies (not rude bits) lol

Hugs - Squeeze
Cuddles - Intimate
Toes - Feet
Fingers - Grab
Legs - Walk
Lips - Kiss
Tummy - Lick :P
Hair - Orgasm

Names

Mirrorboy - Blog-name
Peter - I-know-many-Peters :P
Dan - Drool
Steve - Smart
Benjamin - Adorable
Wkboy714 - Cutenesh
Jake - lol