Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hell on Earth.

K so i know i haven't been posting that much... and what i have posted recently hasn't been that exciting. :P

Well frankly, there's not much to report because i'm still on my school break and i'm just trying to relax. School does, however, start again on Feb the 2nd. *CRIES

And the break i just had was Australia's ONLY decent break ALL YEAR. I'm basically gonna be back at school for the whole year until mid-December. And we only get another 6 weeks worth off from school until then. :'/

That's right. No sort of Summer Break for us. Aussies will be at school while you other bastards are out relaxing. -_-

So i hope you enjoyed my company on MSN and such. I can only be on during my daytime on weekends from February. That sucks cos i have a lot of good American friends and they'll probably be in bed by the time i'm home. :/

Of course, i am dreading going back to school. It really is a hell on Earth. Being the ONLY OUT GAY SUDENT in the fuckin place is HARD. I mean there's a reason why i'm the only 'out' one! Cos we're a small city too, the others are small-minded and basically immature. That's why i KNOW i don't belong here and as soon as i can, i'm moving to Melbourne. I can't wait for that, but it's probably another 3 years away. :(

I am going to try to go back a different person, more confident and minus the glasses, but i know just how depressed i was last year. School was beating me down. I also have a good idea that school is to blame for my pretty severe self-confidence and self-esteem issues.

I guess i'm gonna have an idea of how everything is gonna go for the year by the first week. I'm gonna know who's in my classes, where our areas are, if i've got teachers i can trust, if the others have grown up (or not), and if i'm a different person or i've reverted to my old self.

You can wish me luck and tell me to be strong, but it's not that easy. It's goddamn hard living here where people literally hate me for being gay.

When i am back, i will either be posting more cos there will be more to post about, or i'll be posting even less cos i will be too overwhelmed with school to feel like it.


That's it for now i guess. I'm trying to milk what's left of my school break cos it's slipping away very quickly.


Peter said...

ooh, I'm the first to comment again.

Anyway, I guess all I can say is good luck when school starts again.

I tried to get you to look into cyber schooling before, but you didn't seem to like that idea. But if school starts to overwhelm you again just remember that you do have that option if you want to do it.

Just ask and I will try to find info for you since my school does cater to foreign countries. Yours included.

cvn70 said...


ok school is starting and then next december comes and you are one year closer to your goal

Can't say i blame you for not wanting to go back to hell and this is why i could never make it out ause i never wanted (not saying you did :( )the hell you have to live with

take care and be safe


James said...

Well, no matter what, you'll at least still have us.

What do you mean in bed? Heck, I'm up well into the aussie evening.

And, even though your break is in january/december, isn't that technically STILL a summer break? I mean, it is summertime then, right?

Col said...

Well in that case I hope you have a f**king brilliant first week back at school.


Seth said...

You ARE a different person - better, stronger, hopefully a little more self-confident, and wiser than you were before. And quite a bit more mature and "above" your idiotic classmates - always remember that. You've come through quite a bit already, and yes, you've got quite a bit more to go through - I'd wager about 60 or more years - then after that, who really cares, right? By that point even the contact lenses won't help. (Ok, pathetic attempt at humor).

Schedule yourself a "ME" day, the day before you go back to school. Do only things that relax you, things that you enjoy, things that excite you - (do NOT spend the entire day wanking!!) Even if you do nothing at all, sleep all day, go for a long walk, whatever - get yourself focused, relaxed, and confident.

THEN have a good wank, and get a good nights sleep, so you can go back refreshed and ready to face whatever comes your way.


naturgesetz said...


I really hope the new person you've become thanks to the blog — the one you've told us about recently — will be the one who goes to school from your house on Feb. 2. (Do they call it Candlemas Term?)

Yeah, it's easy for us to say. You've got to live it. But I hope you're not talking yourself into hell before you get there. Who knows, it could just be Purgatory, or even Limbo.

Aek said...


It's hard, I can understand. I'm pretty overwhelmed myself as is. It's been really nice talking to you online, don't disappear completely, okay?

If you ever need any of us, you know how to contact us. There are few burdens that must be endured by oneself alone.

xthecouragex said...

so two more people have commented in the time i've read this post and i'm sure at least two more will comment by the time i post popular :p

I understand what ur talking about. I often feel like I'm living two lives. The one on here where I admit i'm bi and am completely honest with everyone and the real 'courage' who is just quiet and doesnt reveal any of his private life.

I know you said that it wont help much but be strong and know that we are all here. Just be yourself. There will always be people who wont agree with your lifestyle no mater what you do. I say fuck them. But only if they're hot ;)

And remember while you were on break we were going through brutal cold and snow and classes so our summer is just pay back :p

<3 ya buddy...


Jake Annonymous said...

Cyber school isnt an option to kids that live in a town with multiple schools Peter.

Hay mboy, just remember that scientists think that as much as 20% of men are gay, most just dont realise. As a fun game, try and pick which ones you think are!

Also, the ones that are the most homophobic, are most likely the ones that will end up gay.

And atleast you get to go back in like two weeks, I go back in 6 days. (But because im in year 12 I get longer holidays and finish the year in early november :P)

Poisoned Happiness said...

Mboy, try to not putting yourself in so negative and depressing mood before going to school. Think about positives and expect positives.

Poisoned Happiness said...

Oh btw. because we are now in same timezone that means I'll get chance to talk to you more ? :)

Mr. HCI said...

Hang in there, Mboy!

Remember, you're not the only gay boy at school, just the only out one. You being out will quite possibly give others the courage to come out, as well.

AJCon89 said...

love you...

hey... we can still talk by email all the time.

Peter said...

I am not trying to start a big discussion on cyber school, but this is the last time I'm going to tell you this:

IT IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why you people seem to think it isn't, but it is!!!

I gave you a link awhile ago. Did you follow it?

Google the K12 International Academy, and click on the second link. If you need more info than what is there just email them.

I'm not trying to push it onto you, but it is really a SOOOOOOOOO much better alternative to going to a traditional school. You don't seem to like going there so why do you keep putting yourself through 'hell on earth'?

This is the last time I'm going to bring up cyber school with you.

And to all those people besides Mboy reading this:

Don't even think about yelling at me for trying to encourage Mboy to better his life (and make himself happier) by getting himself out of 'hell.'

I'm just trying to help you.

Doug said...

YAY for new MSN friends! Don't worry, I'll probably be up and online at ALL hours of the day/night. You can chat with me :)

School sucks, but it'll just make you stronger. Hang in there!

Lach said...

Why herro mcake

>usual enthusiasm here.

Do VCE in Melbourne, get rent assist. We'll sort you out, what are friends for? I accept payment in tracky pants. haha ^_^

Steevo said...

HCI makes a good point. Just as you have invisible gay guys here, they r at yer school too. Even if u use a lot of smoke and "mirrors", hang in there best u can. Get an attitude if u can.

The silent hidden gay boys r watching u, observing how u handle things. And you'll prolly never know.


Jeremy said...

It appears we're here for you no matter the miles that separate us. You may be the only gay person in your city but you are certainly not the only gay person in the world. We're here to lend support and to read what you write and express our appreciation for you.


Tombi04 said...


Dude, I know what you're going through, I had the same thing at my old school. Just don't do what I did and walk out after the first term without having something else planned. And talk to us when you're down, don't bottle it up till you break down.

And Jake, I'll be in year 12 but I won't have to start till the 3rd of Feb lol. Suck it (or Mirrorboy =P).

.//Kyros said...

(havent talked in a long time!)
when school starts, i bet youll be alright, i have faith in you. cant talk right now, moms prowlin, gots to go, talk to ya soon, peace