Saturday, June 26, 2010

Who wants to contribute to a future best-seller? :D

In the process of reworking my story, Universes, i've began cutting everything unnecessary or unwanted. I've already cut an entire race because they played no real importance to the plot, and now i want to cut another - the Thoughtians - because they're just too complicated and hard to write for. However the Thoughts World still played an important part in the story - a part that i still think is necessary. So now i need a new race, and that's where i could use some suggestions.

The alliance of races are fighting against the evil Shadows. Each race has a unique 'power' that they harness to help in the fight. So what i have now are the...

Heatians who use fire powers
Waterians with water powers
Healthians who can heal and drain life
Speedians gifted with super-speed
Stonians capable of telekinesis
Airians able to fly
Sightians are the ones i cut before Thoughtians thanks to their lame invisibility powers
Thoughtians had mind control - ridiculously hard to write into battles

(I'm aware of how lame the names sound. I'm working on them too.)

So i'm looking for one or possibly more new races and could use any suggestions you could offer up. Please comment any ideas you get because i'm all out, and i need help. Just remember that they need to be useful to a battle scenario.

Please and thanks.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

My Other Love.

Tweet 1, last night: He's (Bitboy) an insensitive and confusing asshole. I hate him... So why can't i stop thinking about him every minute? )':

Tweet 2, soon after: God i really need to make some changes to my life. Things can't continue like this -.-

Tweet 3, today during lunch break: There's 2 loves of my life: Bitboy and writing. There's a hole in my soul that won't stop hurting. It's time to reclaim one.

Who would have thought Twitter would help me make important life decisions? :P

Ever since my traumatic school experience, i stopped my beloved writing. I couldn't concentrate because i was just so upset all the time. Then as time progressed and things improved, i'd look back on my half-finished novel and nitpick everything that was wrong or imperfect about it. I continually demotivated myself every time i sat down and looked at the 500 pages of Word documents in front of me, and eventually stopped writing altogether.

Paraphrasing my psychologist: "Sometimes when you don't feel you can do something is when you need to do it the most".

The number one thing i'm most proud of in my life is my writing. It's kept me going in ways i can't even begin to explain. It's been gone from my life for a long time and now i need to take it back, because, frankly, i have no motivation to exist any more. I need something to hang on to, to keep me going.

A couple weeks ago i started a 'Writing Book'. The first thing i wrote in it was the last post that i made on my Words Blog. Since then i've made the first page the 'rules page'. Yes, because my freakin perfectionism kept getting in the way of what i want to do, i've axly had to set rules for the book.

eg. Don't force myself to write, no crossing out, no hesitation (write what comes into my head), nothing is off-limits, nothing needs to be finished, what i write doesn't have to resemble any form of writing (story, poem etc), it doesn't have to make sense... In other words, stop trying to be perfect.

I've heeded my rules and the next thing i decided to write was a guide to oral sex. :P It's unfinished, too, and that's not a problem. The next page is bitching about Bitboy, and then a page of nonsense words, just immediately writing down whatever came into my head - axly an exercise that Mrs OC recommended in an English class once.

What i think i'm going to do in the near future is write down everything that my novel lacks. eg. A timeline, a developing relationship, an organised plot, complex emotion, etc. Then i'm going to try writing a short story for each element, involving it in some way. If i'm going to write a novel one day, and be happy with it, i can't be learning how to write its components as i write the actual thing.

My life is empty, and meaningless right now for me. When i had Bitboy, i had purpose, i had focus, i had a future. Bitboy is gone now, and those things went with him.

I may not be able to get him back, but i'm sure as hell going to reclaim those things, through other means.

I don't have any other choice.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pshhh. FINE.

Thank Jake Anon for talking me into it. :P

Now how the hell does this work? o_O

Saturday, June 12, 2010

I Told My Teacher.

Remember that personal and special post i made a few days ago on my Words Blog? (You won't if you aren't one of the 8 people who actually read it.) Well, the day after i wrote the original, i handed it right in to my English teacher at school. He always wanted us to write at least one piece of writing a week and hand it in (but soon abandoned that goal after he got nothing every week). I handed it to him and got a pleasantly surprised smile, but wanted to get the hell out of there before he started reading. :P

When i received my piece back later in the day, it had his reply attached to the back.

Thank you for sharing this part of your experience with me. Falling in love one of the greatest privileges of being human. The cruellest aspect of this is when the other, the loved one, is fickle or less committed than we are. At the time of rejection we feel completely devastated. It is possible to believe that we might not be able to recover our composure, or our ability to love wholeheartedly again. Fortunately, it has been my experience that the human spirit is capable of coming back from adversity that at the time seems insurmountable.

I watched one of my favourite films, again, on Saturday night. In it, the central character is subjected by circumstances to extremely cruel treatment. Despite the worst that the world can ditch up, he fights back to establish his right to freedom. The movie is called "Cool Hand Luke" and stars the late Paul Newman in the title role.

Be reassured that you will recover from your bitter disappointment, provided you do not spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. May you enter your next relationship a bit less vulnerable than you were in this instance. You will find love again.

Best wishes,
Mr. English Teacher"

At this stage i'd completely forgotten that it was a gay story. I think that says something in itself. For all the worst aspects of people and their opinions i've experienced, whenever i've 'opened up' to someone with authority and responsibility, the response has been, not so much good, as neutral. That's what we really want, after all, isn't it? We don't want a pedestal but we still want a seat.

I believe the sane people of the world accept us, and sanity ultimately, always, prevails.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Words Returns!

My hand was itching in the early hours of the morning; the kind of itching that makes you reach for a pen and piece of paper.

I usually write total fantasy - as far away from normal and real life as possible, because as i've always said, i write about things i understand, and i don't understand life.

But this night i did something i hadn't done in a long time. A very long time. I wrote about my life.

I know what you're thinking: "But wtf Mirrorboy? You have a blog, and all you do is blab about your life! You're lying! WHY ARE YOU LYING!? YOU MAD?"

There's writing, like what i do on here, and then there's my writing. My writing has structure. It has purpose. It has 'me' in it. And it's special to me.

I remember very few of my posts on here, and those i do remember are not in my memory for their literary value to me.

Therefore Mirrorboy's blog is for my writing, and i have resurrected Mirrorboy's Word's for my writing! Simple. :P

Fun fact: It was one year to the day, on June the 2nd, that my last Words post was made. O:

Just in case you aren't a long term reader, i originally started Words for the purpose of posting excerpts from the long story i was writing, Universes, and getting feedback.

Now, it's time to go read my first non-Universes Words post! :P

It's about my heart.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Joined Twitter! O: O:

Yes, Jake Anon, the blogger, has quit his blog, for like, the third time, and joined Twitter. And you should all go follow him because he is awesome, hilarious and attractive!

Now please return my cats, Jake.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Answers. :P

Thanks for contributing everyone. ^_^

I've tried to group up questions on similar major topics, but other than that, there's not really any order to my answers.

(Planetx/Aek) How is your mom? How are the cats?
My Mum has met someone online and i think she's falling/fallen for him. He's just about the only thing she talks about. He lives in Melbourne, and they've already met up in real life and they got on pretty well. My Mum is the sort of person who got hurt a lot in her younger years and has therefore shut herself off from opening up in the later years. I'm hoping this works out, because if it doesn't, i don't think that shield will ever come down again.
The cats are fine. :P

(ST) Could you please post some more pics of your cats?
Sure lol.

(Seth) When you sit back and look at your place in the world, what do you think about?
Wanting to be somewhere else. Wanting to do something else. Wanting to be something different.

(Planetx) What is the one thing that you would change about yourself physically? What is the one thing that you would change about yourself non-physically?
Lose a bit of weight i guess. (just a bit :P) The things that i want to change mentally are things i'm already working on, and they're all related to my anxiety disorder.

(Tommy) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
For now, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

(Kevin W) What size shoes do you wear? (Jeremy) How long is your hair? o: (Anonymouses) Why do you like veggiemite? :( Why don't you want to post about pancakes!?
US 9, UK 8 1/2. If i pull my fringe down it touches my nose. :P Cos it's awesome. Cos they're not awesome.

(Aek) What's your favorite breakfast food?
Vegemite toast. nom

(Spastic) If the writing thing doesn't work out and you have to resort to porn, what would your porn star name be?
Oscar Jukes.

(Peter) When are you going to join the rest of the cool bloggers who are on Twitter? :P
When they join World of Warcraft, the definition of cool. d(^-^d)

(Aek) What're the top 5 countries you'd want to visit before you're 40?
USA and UK. I suppose if i had the money and time and opportunity to do so, maybe Japan and Italy and France.

(AJ) What is the one thing you want to do in life? (Daily Dan) What is the number one thing u feel like u need to do before u die? Will u marry me?
Have a partner.
I'd say yes even to just your hair. A cute guy attached is just an added bonus. :P

(Wkboy) How infinitely much do you love me? :P

(Anonymouses) What do you look for in a guy? Can you describe your ideal boyfriend?
Someone who makes me feel safe, comfortable, loved and accepted in every way.

(Anonymous) Have you spoken to Bitboy since you broke up? And do you think you'll stay friends?
Yes, occasionally. We've spoken on the phone twice and we exchange a couple of texts every few days. It used to be more often, but i got sick of always being the initiator. Probably, though it will be tough if he continues making little effort.

(Planetx) What is the best thing to come of the "Bitboy situation"?
Knowing that i am capable of being loved and being in a relationship, along with the intense happiness and pleasure i felt while he was here.
What is the worst?
My broken heart.

(Daniel) In your posts from way back you were saying that you were unlovable. Now, after your relationship with Bitboy, do you feel the same? Also do you think that having a relationship has "cured" your anxieties or do you still feel the need to go to a shrink?
See above. While having a boyfriend around definitely gave me a self-confidence boost, it certainly wasn't a fix-all solution. My anxieties were only pushed to the back of my mind, not out. Having said that, i do feel a lot better about my body now, and am a lot less preoccupied with my perceived imperfections.

(Planetx) For you, how important was the physical aspect vs the emotional aspect of your relationship?
Sex and love? Both were important, but they became the same. My love was intensified by my sexual attraction for him and the experiences we shared, and i've since discovered that i cannot have sex without that emotional aspect. But that's a whole other story. The love came first in our relationship and that was always the overwhelming factor, for me anyway.

(Anonymous) Top or bottom? ;) (Planetx) Did you pitch or catch or switch-hit? :P
I'm quite happy catching and have no plans on pitching any time soon.

(Planetx) How was your "first time"? Second time? Did it get better or worse over time?
He uhh, had trouble hitting the target. I fumbled the ball. I eventually got so tired i passed out. No one reached home base that night.
Second time was much better. We had a gameplan. Both teams scored.

Which did you enjoy more: giving or receiving oral?
Giving. What can i say. I love cock. :P And there's nothing i love more in the bedroom than pleasuring my top and making him moan with his head back...
Yeah didn't bother with the innuendo there. lol

Do you swallow?
I always had tissues next to me.


(Anonymous) How did you become so popular?
That's a difficult question not to sound arrogant in. :P
There's no real proof that i'm popular. The large majority of my blog commenters know me personally online and talk to me regularly. Perhaps my views can be explained by others' attraction to perceived popularity. "Oh, this Mirrorboy gets lots of comments. Something good must be goin on here. Better have a look." You know. lol
Might be because i'm a good writer and people find it easy to engage with my posts.
Could be because i've blogged through a very tough and emotional year of my life and my readers were able to follow me on my journey.
Or perhaps it's because i've devoted my time and energy to helping others in every way possible and went to large efforts to actually bring this online community together and connect everyone...
Perhaps that's a question better answered by my readers. :P

(Kevin W) Is there someone new in your life after Bitboy? Are you less trusting of people you talk to online now?
No and double no. I met Bitboy and he was better than i ever expected him to be. That's not gonna make me less trusting. :P

(Planetx) How is your outlook on life different now than it was 11 months ago?
It's a lot more positive.
What are you doing in school right now?
Right now i'm sick with a cold. But when i'm not there's a lot of work.
How is your gay youth group going?
Haven't been in a while because i've had a lot on my mind. After a long Monday i just want to go home, not to the group, but i'll probly start going again soon.

(J) How's your diet? How's your mood? (Planetx) How are you doing, really?
My diet is pretty horrible. I'm not eating as much as i should be. I just find it hard to get motivated to cook for reasons related to my mood... which is pretty low most of the time. When i think about how much i miss Bitboy, which is a lot of the time, i get really sad, because i've lost what was probably the best thing in my life and can't get it back. What makes me feel worse is when he doesn't show that he cares about me. Or when i feel that he's getting on with his life fine while i'm still struggling. Anyways i'll be kay.

(Planetx) What do you hope to have accomplished in the next year? The next five years?
This year the one thing i've got to focus on is my school. My other goals are those of self-development. Within the next 5 years, i'll most likely have moved to Melbourne, and as long as that happens i'll be happy.
How is your story going? Will you ever post another 'Mboys words'?
Universes is unfinished and will probably remain that way for a long time. I need to improve my writing skills before embarking on another huge project like that if i'm ever going to be satisfied with the end result.
I wrote a short story about a personal experience last week and have been considering posting it on my writing blog, but i need to really think it through before i do that.

(Bianca) How often a day do you masturbate?
Bout twice. >_>

(Spastic) Favorite wank fantasy?
Anything where one boy is dominant of the other. O:

(Kyle) Hair: pits, chest and pubes; shaven, trimmed, or the wild thing?
I'll answer what i prefer on other people. :P
Pits, i don't care cos i don't spend any time there. Chest, well, i've never had an encounter with a hairy-chested boy my age so it doesn't really matter. :P Pubes, i prefer anything non-wild. lol
And all of those apply to what i prefer on myself anyway. (:
Glad you didn't ask about hair on heads. Don't wanna get me started on that. lol

(Aek) Describe yourself in 5 words?
Caring, self-conscious, thoughtful, bruised, resilient.
What're your top favorite video games?
Kirby Crystal Shards (N64), Paper Mario (N64), Paper Mario:TTYD (Gamecube). NOT Super Paper Mario. Eww. Uhh Super Smash Bros (Wii) and WoW. :P
If you could be any cartoon/video game hero, who would you be and why?
No one is cuter than Kirby. ^_^

(Spastic) Biggest failure? Biggest regret? Greatest accomplishment?
I can't think of a time i've epically failed. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but i wouldn't call them failures. Idk i can't think of anything. :P
I regret being so hard on myself.
My greatest accomplishment is overcoming the shit in my life to still be here today.

Bob's questions deserve their own category. :P

(Bob) 1. What is the biggest difference in you or how you see the world since that little scared 15 year old ventured into blogland and why?
2. At one time you had a teacher i believed named Ms. O, who you came to trust and admire, have you found another adult like her you can trust and lean on?
3. I know you are a keen cricket player :p. what is the guy who throws the ball towards the wickets called and what is the guy who catches the ball near the wickets called? (bet u wont answer this lol)
4. What are Australia's chances in the world cup and will you watch any of it?
5. For a while you were having some strange dreams. Have they gone away and can u describe a particular strange one?
6. As a person who lives by the coast what do you think of this huge oil spill in the gulf, should companies be allowed to even drill? and could you describe how such an oil spill would effect your town and life? ( i know it sounds like an essay question so like in one or two sentence is all)
7. How is your writing going or have you had time for it?
8. If you could like more like any other person in the world who would it be and why?
9. Is justin Beiber on your ipod? if so what song?
10. Music wise what singer or group do you believe is most aligned or seen as accepting and approved by the gay community?
11. What if any protests or events have u participated in with your youth group?
12. If you could live anywhere after graduating from school where would that be and why there?
13. Are you still baking?
14. I'll put this question in my own words cos it was long. :P
Now that you have experienced sex, are you happy you took the opportunity to do so or do you have any regrets? Do you think boys should wait until they are older or go for it when they want to (i'm guessing in their teens).
15. ok my pervy one lol are you still wanking every day?

1. I don't feel so alone now.
2. No, i haven't. People like her are rare and don't come along often.
3. I don't know. lol
4. I don't know. Absolutely not.
5. They haven't gone away. Last night i dreamt i was back at my old school in a class taught by none other than Mrs OC. :P I shot a girl with something like a blowpipe and Mrs OC got really angry. I was disappointed in myself and couldn't focus on my writing afterwards which was bad because it was a test. ):
6. I really don't know. I don't even know what the oil is for. No oil ships out here either. :P
7. Writing is hard when i have a murky mind.
8. Anyone outgoing.
9. No.
10. Umm Kylie Minogue? lol
11. Just that gay march i blogged about. :P
12. Melbourne, cos it's awesome.
13. Nope.
14. That's complicated. I've experienced loving sex and loveless sex and the second is something i have zero interest in repeating. I can't really give a generalised answer. It's up to an individual to decide if they wanna have sex or not, who with and at what age. The only thing i can advise is that you wait until you have found someone you care about and who cares about you, because that makes it a million times more enjoyable, and of course it's safer, and less, umm, emotionally damaging. At least for me anyways.
15. Yes, yes i am.

Too much thinking. My head hurts. I need to go watch tv and dumb down. =/