Friday, October 31, 2008

The end of long week.

Oh thank God it's finally the weekend! I can finally relax after such a big week where i was so stressed. :)

So, today was interesting. I actually went and had a cool chat to OC (for those of you who don't know, she is a teacher at my school) with Matthew at lunchtime, although i didn't mention my sexuality. I needed to interview someone for my Journalism class and i wanted to ask her to be my interviewee. She said she might be too boring though.

Although she said if i just wanted a mark so i could pass, she would do it for me. She said she would do anything for me. She said she has great respect for me. She said i could do it when i had a free period, even if she had a class, she would just get someone to cover for her.

Wow, i mean... wow... She is just, AWESOME.

And even awesomer is the way she's just so honest, and the way she swears! Somehow we got to her riding a motorbike, and she said it's 'fucking amazing'.

Seriously, i adore her. She's the best teacher in the world, i just wish i actually had her as a teacher this year. :P

As the bell went to signal the end of lunch, we just stayed there and kept talking because she didn't have a class. :D

Halfway through the period, she said she'd better let us go. She asked us if we wanted to go back to class, and we half-laughed, half-said no. ;)

I only had French. :P

So she said we could just go do whatever we wanted, as long as we didn't do anything naughty. She said she'd get our names ticked off the roll. :)

Again, awesome.

Matthew had to go talk to our form coordinator about a problem he was having, so i tagged along. We went in and talked to him for about 10 minutes, but before we left, i said i was having a bit of an issue at school as well...

And then i told him. I told him that a bunch of the kids had found out that i was gay, and a few of them thought it was their business.

We had a quick chat, which involved him telling us that one of his friends came out at the end of college, and some people he knew couldn't deal with that. He said he didn't care about his friend's sexuality at all, and those that did, it was their problem.

He asked if there was anything he and the teachers could do, or if i just wanted them to be aware. I said just being aware of what was happening was enough.

He said that if anything happens, to go and let the teachers know, and i will.

We still had 15 minutes left before the end of the period and he asked us if we wanted to go back to class. We said 'nah' so he said we could just go to the library and hang out until the bell, and we did just that. :)

Wow, i never knew teachers were that cool! lol ;)

Yup, a pretty interesting day.

I know that if things start to go bad (well, worse than now), i can talk to my coordinator.

If things get really bad, i can talk to OC, who i know cares about me and will help me.

People are still asking me whether i'm gay or not, so i can only assume that a lot of people still don't know... so the worst is yet to come, but when it does, i should be okay.

thanks, love,


PS. i've got a lot of linkers over there now, as well as a few other linkers i'm aware of but haven't put up yet. When i get time i'm going to split the list into two, one of my absolute favourites, and one of my other friendly linkers, just so we don't have one massive list. :)

Just so i don't miss you, if you link to me and you're not in my links, it might be a good idea to leave a comment. I don't want to leave anyone out.

How sweet and considerate of me... ;D

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The minority's problem, and how stupid are they?

Yes, i've had to develop a thick skin quickly, and i think i've done quite well to be honest.

Like a baby bird i was pushed from the nest, and i suddenly had to learn how to fly. The wind was pushing me down, but i held my head high, and from now on the wind will brush off my back and i will lift ever higher.

Lol let's hope so. ;)

I apologize for my 'suicidal' post down there, but i do like to wallow in my own pity (don't we all?)

Anyways, i do feel like i'm in a better mood than before, and already i feel stronger, so don't worry about me and my knives - i don't think we actually have any sharp enough ones anyway. :P

At school, i haven't actually talked to OC yet. I didn't feel the immediate need to today, but i like to know that if things do get bad, i have options. I've decided that if things get too much in a classroom, i'm just going to walk out (it hasn't gotten near that stage yet though). I'm not going to put up with crap.

If i'm having a bad day i'll just go up to the office and ask to talk to OC, and i know she will help me. I actually had a dream about her last night, in which i told her about my sexuality, and then she told me that she was a lesbian! Hahaha i don't think that's gonna happen though. :P

I've got lots of emails to respond to, and i'll try to get around to that soon. You took the time to send me one (sometimes more than one) when i was sad and the least i can do is say thanks. :)

Speaking of which, a big THANK YOU to all the sweeties who left supportive comments on the blog and sent emails and private messages and such... I did actually read all of them and i think that your love and support is a big part in me getting through this, so thank you!!

I will do my best to make all of you (and myself) proud of me.

Oh, and as for those stupid comments from 'anonymous', just don't respond to them. I don't know what that dickhead is trying to accomplish... cos after what i've gone through recently, no words on a screen from some loser are going to affect me. Any more and i'll just delete them. :)


I started working on my story again, which i hadn't been able to in the past week or so due to the way i was feeling. I think that writing is the best therapy of all for me. Writing is my life, which you all know, so when i'm doing something good with my words it helps me to feel better.

Unfortunately i'm finally up to the war in my story which i've been building up to for 170,000 words, and i SUCK big-time at writing wars! I can really only write small skirmishes and duels, so this is really going to test my skills...

Also, the recent chapters have been hard because i'm missing two of my main characters (one of whom is my favourite, and a joy to write for because he is just so troubled) Coltrane and Klax, who were thrown into the enemy prison. Coltrane was the traitor to his people, and although he was doing bad things (and committed some awful crimes) it was an absolute delight to play around with him because he had such amazing storylines.

When they finally escape and make it back, i will be so happy. ;D

Moving on...

Care about me, pray for me, wish me luck and worry about me, but don't fear for me.

I am strong.

I am a good person.

I have dealt with so much - stuff that the other imbeciles could never cope with.

So i will be okay.

Again, thank you for your support.



Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I am not going to kill myself.

I may have hurt some people with what i said a few hours ago.

I want to emphasize the fact that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are written about how i felt on MONDAY night, not tonight.

I am not my sanest at 2am in the morning, believe it or not.

Like i said in the 6th paragraph, i am OKAY for now.

Yes, my life is incredibly hard right now, but Mirrorboy is not a quitter!

The (surprising) fact that i've been inundated with worried (and furious) emails and comments from people who adore me in just the past few hours, shows me just how much i mean to you... and i didn't actually know that i did.

I have been through SO MUCH IN MY LIFE so far, like learning to accept myself and my own sexuality. I am not going to give in now.

I will hurt. I will cry. I may bleed. I will dream about ending it (but i dream about everything).

I will NEVER give in.

I'm so sorry if i hurt any of you. I didn't think there were people out there who actually looked up to me.

Now i am determined not to let you down.

I take all of your emails and comments to heart. You mean so much to me.

I'm thinking i should go talk to OC tomorrow. That's what everyone seems to be suggesting. I really do think i need to talk to an adult about what i'm going through.

Again, i am so sorry.

If there's anyone in the world i don't want to hurt it is you, my amazing readers who've shown me so much love and compassion, and have been there for me through my toughest times.

Mirrorboy will be okay.

And he loves you so much for caring.


PS. perhaps 'Last breath' wasn't the best title for the post. :)

Last breath?

I wish i could say things have been getting better but to be honest they haven't. More people are finding out. I'm having to deal with more shit. Life is getting harder.

The night after my last post i lay in bed until 2am contemplating killing myself. It was probably around the worst i've ever been and i've been pretty bad before.

I just wondered what the point of living is, if living is painful. My heart hurt all that day and i just wanted it to stop. I don't want to be me anymore. There was nothing to gain from getting out of bed... and many times i thought there was nothing worth living for because life sucks so much.

People don't like me. I am a joke to them. They hate me. I put so much stress onto my Mum. We were already having such a hard time before this happened, especially financially. I'm making it even worse. I felt like the world would be better off without me in it. They don't want me there. I don't want to be here. We all die eventually. I wanted to escape. I had nothing to live for. Why not just take a knife and do it. I could end it all anytime and never have to suffer again.

Anyway, that was Monday. Today is Wednesday. I haven't gotten to that stage yet, obviously.

I'm 'okay' for now, but i don't know how i'll go if things get any worse. I just really don't think i'd be able to deal with it.

I wish i was stronger but i'm just not. For someone like me to have to put up with things like this, it's just so hard. I seriously think my mind might just snap and crumble into a million little pieces, because i've never had to deal with anything like this ever, and there is no going back.

I don't feel like talking because i know you're going to pounce on me with the predictable 'hang in there it'll be okay'. That's not going to help.

I'm not commenting. I haven't been responding to emails. I just can't be fucked.



Monday, October 27, 2008

Good... slowly... slowly...... uh-oh SLAM WHACK CRASH this ain't good :(

Today was the day that i was shoved over the edge of the cliff of safety and into the sea of 'OUT'.

So i know that one of my friends has been telling people that i'm gay. He probably doesn't understand what the consequences of that are.

I was asked by a person (who i don't like) today if i was gay.

I didn't want to say 'yes', but i had to.

I can't just say 'no' because i know it would have led to more questions and i would have been even more uncomfortable. Everyone would have found out sooner or later.

So i said 'yes'. I was forced to.

That's it. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out to everyone. They all know now.

It started today - the whispers, the rumours, the questions, the laughing.

I smile. I breathe. I answer. I try to be strong.

But why has my strength left me? At the moment (THE moment) i needed it. It has left me. And i am a lesser me.

I try to avoid them. I try to hide. I sit far away, in the corner. I walk fast. I try to be early. I try to stay near safety.

But i can't have that. I am forced to face them.

Periods where i must be alone, when there are no friends around to help me.

Places where there is no authority, and no rules.

And i have only me - shy, self-conscious, bad-speaking, shaking, scared, me.

What i would give to go back, to do it MY way and prevent this all from happening...

It may have been nice to breathe the fresh air when i stepped out of the closet, but now that air has turned icy, and i long for the warmth of my former state.

Before this... i was frustrated.

Now, i am scared.

And i face much much more tomorrow.

Many times when i must answer 'yes' and be met with a laugh.

Times when i have done nothing, and notice the looks i am getting.

And still i must push on.

It's one thing to be self-conscious, and think that people are talking and laughing...

but another thing to KNOW that they are.

I feel like crying, but there's nothing but emptiness inside of me. I have nothing to cry out. I want to throw up, but i haven't eaten. I want to hide, to disappear, but I can't. I want a cuddle, but there's no one there.

I'm just... terrified.

I can't get help, not even from my Mum, because she would kill me for even telling my friends. She knew what would happen, and she made me PROMISE not to tell ANYONE.

But now, i've told everyone...

and i don't know what to do.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Origins of me the mirror.

Unusually, this is my 2nd post for the day so there's another one to read down there... :)

Anyways, today i thought i'd explain my name.

It is pretty random, isn't it? Mirror-boy.

Well, every day, after i have a shower in the morning, i step out, dry myself, and dry my hair (which is very thick and i already need another haircut) and then i look at myself...

And i lose myself... I drift off into thought as i look at me.

I think of every physical thing about me... How i need to get my hair cut, how i need to work out more, how i wish i could afford contact lenses (yes mirrorboy wears glasses... sexy glasses :P).

And then i think about the other things...

How i'm stuck on a bit in my story, how i'm worried about people reacting to my sexuality, how i stuffed up my speech the other day, and which subjects i'm falling behind in at school.

In front of the mirror is where i compose myself every morning.

Mirrors are important to me, because when i'm looking at me, i think about me, and everything that affects me.

When we look at ourselves, there is no hiding. We know all thruths about us.

So, i picked the mirror to go in front of boy...

But, there was just one more reason why i picked mirror... I love those pics where boys take photos of themselves in them. :P

That's all for today. It was a long day for me, but i won't go into that... For now, i just need some rest.

Good(insert time eg. night, evening, morning)



Coming out black and blue.

Ohh first of all i want to mention poor poor AJ. Unfortunately his coming out experience wasn't as positive as mine.

Well, i believe that the worst scenario (the one which we seem to think about at a time like this) never happens. We focus on the worst negatives about the experience and end up worrying ourselves even more.

To AJ, and all those others who are having similar experiences...

Rely on your inner strength. You are stronger than you believe. Trust me, i've been there.

Rely on us, your online mates. ;) We are ALWAYS here for you to talk to, through comments, emails and msn.

Rely on the people around you who understand and accept you. If they're real friends they will love you no matter what, and will support and look after you.

I've given up on stockpiling my good luck wishes for myself, because there are people out there who need them more.

I'm going to stop moaning about my life, because even if i don't have a boyfriend or a wonderful friend who loves me, i've got things going pretty fucking good for me right now.

And that's coming from a pessimist.



And, good luck. All of you.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The fine line between reading and frustration.

Yay! 20000 views!

I can't believe i made a 'celebrating 100 views' post a while back. lol... such a noob... :P

New link to a new blog: Thoughts of a College Boy - thanks to 'gatechguy1' for ACTUALLY TELLING ME HE WAS LINKING. :D:D:D:D

He writes quite well... which funnily enough leads into my post for today.

Today's post:

There's a funny thing about me... Even though i do a lot of writing and a lot of work with words, i have a very short attention span when reading. Occasionally i'll find myself in the proper reading mood, but when i'm not, it's quite hard for me.

My eyes jump from line to line, and it's hard for me to read each word. Especially when i'm reading something other than a book, i can't read things in the proper order. I have to keep going back and focusing on the words.

Sometimes, even when i'm doing that, i can miss words and even big chunks of writing.

It's especially hard for me when people don't do paragraphs.

When i'm faced with just a massive chunk of writing, my eyes just glaze over. It's very hard for me to read, and understand.

And don't get me started on the people who cut out all the vowels, lol. I struggle enough to read REAL words in tough situations.

Then when people start talking to me when i'm trying to read i get really stressed. It's hard to explain though, so people just usually joke about it, and tell me to not overreact and stuff.

I get distracted so easily. I have to fix every little thing before i can settle down... But that's a whole new OCD topic altogether. lol :P

But... when i put on music that i like, everything becomes a bit easier. Music helps me to focus. I don't know why... Maybe it drowns out the distractions, and helps me focus a bit more.

And music also helps me incredibly when i'm writing. You wouldn't believe how much so. It helps me to generate the story in my head. :)

Hooray for music.

And hooray for blogging. :)



Friday, October 24, 2008

Shopping with the family... Happy dayz...

So, first of all, new links:

As the struggles unfold - Nicely written (yay) blog about an 18yo in a similar situation as me. He's also from Aus. :)

And of course, Milkyboys - which really doesn't need an explanation does it? Heheh, i'm wondering how the hell i got on there! :D Mirrorboy's blog, in the boy blogs links section btw. :)

AND STILL, i have to find out for myself that these people are linking! They don't tell me! What is wrong with you??

Oh well nvm... :P

I did plan on posting last night, but then i made the mistake of signing on to msn. Then i get caught up talking to people and couldn't think of a post. It's my fault, not yours, so don't go not talking to me now. :)

And also, thanks to the people who've been sending me emails. They're so much more personal than comments... Also, it seems i have an email-checking addiction now. :P

Anyways, today i went shopping with my Mum and Nan.

We went out to K-Mart today, and i saw the big mistake coming...

Every single time, my Mum wanders off, browsing through all the stores, and then we lose her. I'm stuck with my Nan, small-talking, and we sit there on the seats waiting for her to appear again...

I started admiring the pretty boys who walked past, but i won't go into that. :P

I thought i'd take the time to give you a quick introduction to the way my Mum works...

"I'll only be a minute" translates to "you'd better go find some seats."

"I'm just going in for a look" means "i'm going to sift through several pieces of clothing that aren't going to fit me in a million years for quite a while and have no intention of buying anything."

"I'm just going to pop down to the butcher's" actually means "i'm going to buy some meat, then i think i'll go have a look in the surrounding shops."

"How do you feel about going to Target now?" is actually "we're going to Target now. Shut up and stop complaining."

Then when we were about to leave K-Mart, my Nan saw one of her old friends...

I swear, she must know a thousand people in our town, and a lot of them look like they wandered out of the morgue.

She could win the Talking Championship. No one could hold a candle to her ability to go on and on and on... and never really get anywhere.

Both my Mum and me let out a mutual sigh, and she tells me to quickly go get the keys so we can go and sit in the car.

Then we leave K-Mart, which we'd only actually gone to so my Mum could buy chicken sausages, and then we head over to Safeway to ACTUALLY do some shopping.

Of course, i picked one of the trolleys (shopping carts lol) that only wants to do left-turns. It seems that every single trolley has one impairment. On the rare occasion you actually find one that works it's a cause for celebration and you don't want to stop driving it. ;D

We eventually made it out and got home. The first thing i did was check my emails. :P

Today we found out that we have a nest of magpies (aussie birds lol) in the tree outside our house. Aww... so sweet...

Mmm... and now i'm going to get impaled by the insane mother maggie every time i leave the house.

I thought i'd take a different direction than usual for that post. I dunno, perhaps to offset my rant the days before huh?



Thursday, October 23, 2008

Like sending an email when you're drunk...

So, anyways...

Every now and again (about every couple of weeks or so) i slip into the dark little corner in the back of my head. When i'm in that corner, i forget about everything that i'm thankful for and start bitching about everything i want.

I really should be kept away from the computer at that time. ;)

But i was on last night, and i had whining on my mind, and nobody could stop me.

After my post...

- I was reminded that i have a lot of great online friends, and that a couple of decades ago i wouldn't even have had that, right?

- My best bud told me not to focus my life on searching for what i don't have, because that's how you become miserable... and then you lose what you had beforehand.

- And in the comments, JC said i need to put myself out there and do something.

- Then Doomed BC said that if i keep following this train of thought, it'll become part of my character, and that darkness might put off the 'little ray of sunshine' i'm looking for.

OMG, surprise surprise, you're all right. :)

I don't wanna become a whiny little annoying kid. That's NOT me. I want to be the happy me, the cheerful me, the hilarious me that you all know! :D *wink wink

Even if i don't have anyone that close to me in real life, i'll keep trudging on.

And maybe one day, hopefully, I can be someone else's little ray of sunshine...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


As much as i'm happy for a few of my blogging buddies, who are having a great time in their lives... i'm sad.

Watching a romance movie that warms your heart, then turning off the TV and being met by the cold dark loneliness of silence...

Is akin to reading about people who have great friends and people who love them, then returning to my own life, and realising how lonely i am.

Sure, i'm happy that i've got this medium through which i've met so many friends. Writing a blog has been great.

But i can't hang out with any of you. None of you can be here for me, unless i'm sitting in front of the computer, oh, and if i want to talk, you have to be in front of yours as well.

As much as i love my online buddies, none of them can compare to a true friend who you can see each day, and touch, and call, and visit, and smile with and laugh with.

Where is that person who i can share my life with? It doesn't have to be a boyfriend as such, just someone i can be honest with, and someone who understands me.

I worry that i may never find someone special. This sounds bizarre, but even though i'm still only 15, i feel like life is slowly ticking away, because i don't think i've made much progress.

I don't want to be one of those people who is alone for the prime of their life.

I want to grow up with someone.

But there simply is nobody for me at this stage.

And i cannot meet anyone.

From now on, i'm wishing myself luck. I'm always wishing everyone else good luck, but now i'm going to stockpile some for myself. I think i need it more than you.

As always, love,


And yeah, i've still got the flu. Ain't that fun?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

'Different' Love.

So i'm still suffering from the flu *cough cough - phlegm flies out onto screen.

Hahaha sorry if that's sick i was only kidding. :P

- Should i put up one of those Followers gadgets? If i get a few comments telling me to do so i will. :)

Then i can follow YOU, my followers. O_O

New links - Both written by young bisexual guys.

AJ's Ramblings - JUST STARTED so if you check him out now you'll be able to follow him as he writes. He's got a pretty damn interesting life as part of a band.

Archer's Wonderful World - Which i am actually really enjoying because he writes really well and if you know me, you know that that's something i can appreciate. It could turn out to be one of my favourites really. Plus, doesn't he have a totally awesome name?

So, believe it or not, that actually leads into today's post. The trend of gay/bi's falling for their straight friends.

Take a look at my first four links ===>

AJ really likes Jake, a guy in his band.
Archer loves his best friend Jason.
Adam adores his friend (only known as 'A').
Jason (a different one lol) loves his buddy Tay.

Quite sad really. One of the bad things about being gay. Why can't we just fall in love with people we can actually have?

I think i've been pretty lucky. As of yet, i've had no romantic feelings for any of my friends... then again, they're not really that affectionate, which is what i crave. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't have to endure heartbreak... yet.

Anyway, this got me thinking...

Let's say a guy is physically attracted to girls, but romantically attracted to boys. What does he define himelf as? Gay, straight or bi? Could he find a satisfying relationship?

If he was into sex, he would probably call himself straight, because love wouldn't enter his head. But if he was more into affection and romance, he would probably call himself gay, right? Because sex wouldn't be important.

Makes ya think, huh?

I've confused myself lol.

If that went right over your head, that's okay. ;D



Sunday, October 19, 2008

Feel the smeh

I've still got the flu. :(

I woke up this morning and felt like a zombie. :O---

And i have to go to school tomorrow. I have to catch up on the work i missed the last couple of days and i also have a French test. And i actually miss talking to my school friends now. :)

Anyways, just a couple of things i need to get out of the way.

- I want to say sorry to my favourite buddy for overreacting about something stupid. I'm really really sorry i got upset and made you upset too. Let's just forget about it huh? I hope we can talk soon sweetie. :)

- And a new link to Jason's Randomness blog. I wish people would tell me when they're linking so i can link back! :P

- Also on that topic, i'm always looking for more links. If YOU write a blog just leave a comment and we can swap links. :)

I can't really think of anything else to post about tonight. My mind is just so clogged from this flu. I need to get a good night's rest if i'm to go to school tomorrow.

see ya,


Saturday, October 18, 2008

Why was i not informed? O_O

So it seems now that a few of my friends already knew, or at least thought, that i was gay.

I believe that this helped in the coming out process.

I credit it to two things.

1. My smart hint-dropping to soften the surprise.
2. My laziness. :)

So, number 1 first.

I am a pretty 'gay' guy. I'm leaning towards the stereotypical side, but it's not like i'm a raging queen or anything.

My voice - pretty gay. I'm also aware that i walk with a tiny 'swish'. It's tiny, but still...

TV. How many straights watch America's Next Top Model, and So You Think You Can Dance (Aus and US) and other shows like that?

My favourite Big Brother contestant was always the gay one (well, except for one who was a complete prick) :P, and my favourite guy on Skins was Maxxie, and i didn't lie about that.

I never laughed at gay jokes and i disapproved them, like i was against all forms of... meanness.

I also coloured my school planner in pink, use a pink pen, my msn writing is pink and so my favourite colour is... pink.

Oh, and i couldn't help but avert my eyes when my friends were watching their 'videos' at sleepovers, and that's also something that they picked up on.

We talked about this at school the other day. :)

Number 2.

I think one of my friends found my videos a while back and didn't say anything.

Also my inability to flat-out ever say that i was straight. I could just never do it. I'd always put in a playful maybe when asked if i was gay, to emphasize the fact that sexuality didn't matter.

Of course i'd usually kick myself later cos i didn't want anyone to know.

Then there's the fact that i didn't hide my stuff on my USB, and wasn't that the biggest f**k-up of them all.

But it was a good f**k-up nevertheless. ;)

Here's one last random fact. Even my best friend's mother thought i was gay.

I mean, WTF? O_o

We live in a crazy world.

Perhaps by choice, my femininity helped me. I know a lot of you could think that it was a bad idea, but i think that by acting fairly gay, and also being accepted by my friends then, when they actually found out i WAS gay, it wasn't much of a surprise, so there wasn't much of a reaction.

And as far as i'm concerned, not much of a reaction means they don't mind, and that's a good reaction. :D

Leave a comment. :)



Friday, October 17, 2008

1 month anniversary!! :D

Over 140 comments on (as of now) 38 posts. (Some were mine of course) :P

By the end of the day, i'll have had 15,000 views.

I've made countless friends. I <3 you all.

And not to mention how much this has helped me in my private life.

But enough about that, how to celebrate?

Well, here are some of my all-time FAVOURITE vids from Australia. It's a bit of an introduction to Aussie comedy if you will.

These are 3 vids from Thank God You're Here - Australia's highest rating program for a long time. Actors and comedians are put into a situation that they know nothing about and have to improvise their way through the scene.

Thanks to Landyn for giving me the idea for this. :)

First is Frank Woodley. There's not much i can say to prepare you for him. You'll just have to watch for yourself.

This is Josh Lawson. He seems almost intent on steering the scene out of the actors' control.

(also includes an ad for Hungry Jack's afterwards) :D lol

Believe it or not, he's worked on some serious Australian drama's as well.

Finally Shaun Micallef. I've mentioned him before in a previous post. What can i say? I love him. I adore him. He's my all-time favourite star.

Good times...

Now, that's one month done with.

Here's hoping there'll be many more.

For suggestions, requests, links, info and anything else, just leave a comment.

As always, love,


Thursday, October 16, 2008

A busy month.

So, m-boy is at home with the flu. :(

Yesterday at school i was just so sore all over. Everytime i moved it hurt. To top it off we had one of those year 9 assemblies where they pack 150 kids into two rooms...

I also had to take my MSN request down from the sidebar. In the past few weeks it's gone from having a few of my school friends to 27 contacts. I can't talk to you all as much as i want to because i use a shared computer. :(

I'm trying to get one of those hub thingys though so i can have the internet in my room but i'm not really sure what i need - i'm not all that smart with computers. :P

That's not to say that you still can't be my friend. Send me an email if you want to talk. :)

Also, tomorrow is the 1-month anniversary of the start of the blog. :D

It's amazing just how much has changed in one month.

I went from having no gay friends to having dozens (or hundreds) of them. :)

I went from almost completely in the closet to proudly out.

My opinion of my friends has changed dramatically. I don't have to pretend around them anymore either.

And of course, i finally connected with the gay community.

I've said it before and i'll say it again. Starting a blog is the best thing i've ever done.



Tuesday, October 14, 2008

And that's that.

I now KNOW that all my friends are aware i am gay.

And i KNOW that none of them are bothered by it.

I KNOW that from now on, i don't have to pretend around them.

I KNOW that we will all be even better friends than before.

I KNOW that things will be fine.

And i KNOW that i am HAPPY that this happened.

Isn't that great?

I was so nervous about all of this, but in the end it turned out for the better. I'm thinking that i took some of their previous comments too seriously. ;)

My friends accept me. A lot of them couldn't care less. Just like i did with Matthew, i underestimated all of them.

The one that i thought would go blank, and be freaked out, is still my best friend.

The one that i thought would never want to talk to me again is exactly the same friend as before.

The one that i thought was a complete homophobe is the most inquisitive and curious.

And around all of them, i can be myself. :)

I'm GLAD this happened. I'm so happy this happened. I can be myself. I am accepted.

The hugest days of my life turned out to be some of the best.

I cannot think of a better outcome than what happened.

I'll keep this post short, because there's not much else to say. :P

Life is good. I've broken down a huge wall that was holding me back. I can move on now - as myself, and nothing but myself.



Monday, October 13, 2008

What just happened?

What a bizarre day. I leave it with mixed feelings.

It started when i walked into the classroom.

Guess what? The two guys in my class who i needed to talk about, because they were the two who i thought knew, didn't show up today! O_O

Already i was disappointed. I was full to the brim with gay pride. I was ready to give them a piece of me. My heart was thumping and i had a million thoughts running through my head about how i was going to deal with this and...

it was just three people. Matthew, and two other friends. Those two others didn't even know yet.

So the first 2 periods were like normal.

Then at recess, the library was closed, which me and Matthew usually go to and i work on my story.

We headed back to the lockers, where our other friends hang out.

Now the friend who supposedly found my stuff, is in another class, so i hadn't seen him until then. I knew he'd be there though.

My heart was really thumping now. This was it. What would he say? It would be in front of a lot of my other friends, some of whom i didn't want to know about me.

Me and Matthew showed up and... nothing.

Nothing. He said nothing. It was like normal.


I thought when i got to school i'd be jumped on with a million questions.

But here i am, standing amongst my friends, and the one who found my stuff in the first place is acting like nothing's happened.

At least i know that it hasn't been blabbed to everyone, yet.

Everything went like normal for a while, until one of my other friends asked me why my MSN message was 'i guess i have a bit of explaining to do', which i'd put up to try to talk to the ones who found it.

I brushed off the question, then he asked if it was about what happened with my USB.

I said 'maybe'.

He went 'oh right,' and walked off.

Then some random kid i don't really like walked up to me and asked me if i was gay. I said it wasn't any of his business. He said 'i'll take that as a yes.'

And there, he knew i was gay.

After that, the friend who found the stuff came over, and told me he'd found it. We joked about it, and asked if i really was gay.

"Haha, what do you think? You found my stash."

"Yeah, so you are."

We talked for a while, and he said he was okay with it.

I also found out from him that the other friends i have are okay with it, i think.

He also told me that one of my other friends had found a few movies on my own pc a while ago, and had thought i was gay for a while, but i didn't get to talk to him.

So that was weird.

A lot of the day was a blur.

Still, as of now, i don't know who knows that i'm gay.

It's obvious that those friends who don't know, will find out very soon, and it also seems that my sexuality will be known throughout my whole grade, in time.

And... that's okay.

If i am outed, that's okay.

I'll be myself. I'll be honest. If i'm accepted, that's great. If people take it upon themselves to pick on me, i'll tell them to get f**ked.

Although i'm 99% positive that it won't be seen as a big deal, and i know that people will forget about it in time.

So overall, it was a decent day.

I'm still waiting for the chance to talk to the friends who didn't come to school today, and i also still don't know just who knows. And i wish i did.

But it's okay. I'll be okay. My friends are still my friends, and i'm closer to them than before. I don't have to pretend around them anymore, and the ones i've talked to don't care about my sexuality.

I hope things don't take a turn for the worse in the following days... because that is possible.

But, even if they do, i will be okay. There's no doubt about that.

Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot.

I checked my emails and comments before i left this morning (even though i was running insanely late) and you all make me smile.

I wouldn't have been so strong without you.

Lots of love,


Sunday, October 12, 2008

A lot to deal with. Deal with, i must. I am not dead, for now. Tomorrow? We will see.

I needed a break.

To arrange my mind.

A decision to make.

I needed some time.

But now i am back.

And i missed my friends.

Messages, emails, comments in stacks.

Many replies i must send.

A wave of love.

And a flood of support.

Like angels from above.

Of many assort.

With a circle of friends as amazing as this.

What do i care if school isn't bliss?

F**k the small-minded, it's their loss.

I've decided i really don't give a toss.

And those who accept me, like Matthew my bestie,

Will stick with me closely, and for that i am lucky.

Still, if things do wrong, and i cannot belong,

I will think of my real friends, and i will be strong.

Hmm... I dunno how i came up with that. It must be that creative talent i'm always boasting about. :P

As i said, i took a break.

I went to Matthew's house and we just hung out. At night we had a good talk, about me, obviously.

It was really nice. I didn't give him enough credit. Although he was shocked when i first told him about me (even though i had no choice) he said it sank in, and he's okay with it.

We talked about how i knew, and about my Mum finding out, and who i was attracted to. I also said i had zero interest in him sexually or romantically. I think he was a little disappointed. :P

Anyways, then i got back, and i had a bunch of comments and emails from my readers, plus a bunch of MSN friends who i've still got to catch up with. I know that a lot of people are worried about me, and as i can't talk to everyone, because i just don't have enough time, i'll tell you how i am, through my blog.

I've decided, that i will be okay.

Does that sound funny?

Quite simply, i've decided, that whatever happens - whether my sexuality is kept a secret between me and my friends, or everyone finds out, i will be okay.

Whatever happens, happens. I will deal with it.

I have a sort of... motto for dealing with things.

If things seem like they're awful, i just imagine where i'll be in a few weeks time.


I'm not going to worry so much that i'll end up ripping my hair out and crying myself to sleep. My sexuality is not a big issue, and that is the 'plan' i will go to school tomorrow with. It's not a big deal. I will tell my friends, that they've been friends with me for years, and i've been gay that whole time. The only difference between then and now, is that now they know. I am still the same person.

If that's not good enough for them, they can get f**ked. And i will tell them that they are childish, small-minded pricks who i don't want anything to do with.

And i'll make some other friends, who know the real me - friends who i don't have to pretend around.

That is that.

I will be okay.

It's not a big deal.

Now, onto something else. I've reached the 10,000 views mark. :)

That's amazingly hard for me to comprehend. I never thought that so many people out there (around the world) would be interested in what a 15yo kid from a small town in Australia had to say.

But it makes me very happy, and the friendships that i've made through this blog have been incredible. And they came at a good time.

Without YOUR support i would be completely terrified. I would also be alone - alone, and lonely.

Without you guys, i would be in a very dark place right now.

But i am accepted, and that will help me when i am scared or sad.

I have hundreds of friends who understand and care.

The next time i'm in my dark place, i know i have a lot of beautiful, caring, loving, amazing friends to turn to. For that, i am eternally grateful.

Look out for my post tomorrow. I'll let you know how the hugest day in my life so far goes.



Friday, October 10, 2008

Oh... no...

It's a time we all think about.

Many of us think about it with a sense of dread.

Coming out.

It goes through our head again and again.

Who do I tell? Can I trust them?

When is the right time?

Where should i tell them?

Am i ready for what might happen to me if this doesn't go well?

Well i have to prepare myself in the next two days.

Tonight i was informed that one of my 'friends' (i use the term very lightly) went poking around in my USB and came across one of my... folders.

I found this out through my best friend Matthew (see a previous post for info about him) on MSN.

It's hard to get real information from him though, so the situation is still kind of sketchy, but i do know that a couple of my friends know about my stash, and i'm terrified about what i'll have to face when the weekend is over and i have to face school again.

Will they keep their traps shut? Is it too late to even ask them to? Maybe they've blabbed it to everyone at school while i wasn't there today.

I'll be the sufferer of all the gay hatred at my school, because there are no other openly 'out' people, and gays aren't generally accepted amongst my peers.

Will they be waiting for an explanation from me? Will they listen to my "please please please don't tell anyone"s?

Or will this bring us closer together? Will my friends accept me and for the first time in my life i can finally be myself? No more pretending? No more lying?

Or is this the start of the worst time of my life so far?

Good or bad. Light or dark. Joy or misery.

In 2 days time i discover my fate.

A lonesome life.

I didn't feel good when i woke up this morning so i'm spending the day at home. :/

If you don't know by now, i am an only child. Add that to the fact that i never met my Dad, let alone even heard anything about him, so i only have my Mum, and that leads to a pretty lonely life for the most part.

My Mum also works a lot of nights so about 80% of the time i'm completely alone.

It's been that way for a long time...

It always amazed me when i'd go over to my friends' houses in primary school and they'd get angry at their brother or sister, and then tell me how lucky i am that i was an only child.

Yeah... Lucky. :/

How did that affect my life?

I spent my life imagining. I created. My mind grew. I got smarter creatively and logically.

I got to know myself. I learnt every detail about what makes me work. I know how i think. I know what i like. I know what i hate. I know almost every little detail about what goes on inside my head.

I'm incredibly good at picking up other people's emotions and signals. I can get inside a person's head quite easily.

But is knowing yourself to that level a good thing or a bad thing?

I'm shy. I get intimidated easily. It's hard for me to make friends. I've got a very thin skin.

I'm also incredibly self-conscious. I pick on lots of little things about me that i don't like.

What has being an only child done to me?

It's made me smarter, but is that necessarily a good thing?

Now that i'm older, i do wish that i'd had someone else.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

A hairy fascination.

I don't really know what to call this... Is it a fetish? Is it an obsession? Is it just an attraction? WHAT?

I have a really big love for hair. Now i'm not talking body hair, i couldn't really care less about that. I'm talking the sort that you find on top of a person's head.

It drives me absolutely crazy.

On the list of qualities my perfect boy would have, a good head of hair comes in either 1st or 2nd - as my pic-swapping MSN buddies would have already found out when i bombarded them with hair pics. :P

I like long hair, not too long, but at least a few good inches. A long fringe, and thick is great as well. Colour? I really love blond... and black. Wow, black is great. Brown's really nice as well, as is orange. Mmm... Red/orange can be on the verge of perfection sometimes... And dyed hair is fantastic as well.

Is this where my love for emos stems from? :P

Perhaps it's the way that the fringe can droop over one eye that jolts my heart. Then the thought of rubbing my hand through the thick back while i give someone a big kiss... Or feeling it flop onto my face as we lie in bed...

Watch out future boyfriend! I sound like a creep right now. :P

I dunno what it is. Hair can make or break a boy for me. I have a crush on the biggest prick at my school for the sole fact that he has perfect hair. It juts out like a thick cluster of blondy razorblades and i can't help but sigh when i see him. Better not let him catch me. :P

It even plays a big role in my own life right now. When i'm writing a story and i'm describing a person for the first time i can't help but mention their hair and make it an important thing.

Is there a name for this... 'thing' i have with hair? And is it a fetish, an attraction, or an obsession?

The OC strikes again.

First of all, if you don't know who OC is you can read my 'why writing is so important to me part 1' post to catch up.

If you're too lazy, she's my previous English teacher, and my favourite teacher at that. She's one of those no-shit tell-it-like-it-is ones, and she's the one who made me decide to be a writer. She's had a massive effect on my life.

Anyway, we crossed paths today and she said that some of my work had been shown at a function at the school. Apparently people were 'talking about me' because my work was amongst people years older than me and of very high quality.

She also said that i was in a class full of bogans (aussie slang) and i couldn't reach my full potential, but when i got into year 10 next year i would have a chance to shine by doing some VCE subjects and the spotlight would be on me.

Wow. Isn't that nice? How many teachers would say that to a student?

After that i went to my form coordinator and asked to change a couple of my subjects to ones that would challenge me more for next year. :)

Have any of you got a favourite teacher who's said or done something nice for you?

Have any of them had a big impact on your life like mine has?

Leave a comment. :)



Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Pent-up Love.

Sometimes the way i feel is so confusing i have absolutely no rules with which to define myself.

I'm talking love.

Now, of course there are so many different levels of love. From complete and utter devotion to your soulmate, to a crush, to strong physical attraction, to the love i have for coffee ice-cream. :)

I'm talking about those on the higher end of the spectrum.

Now, i can't say i've ever fallen in love with anyone in real life. I also have pretty much zero interest in 'straight' guys. I really like gay boys though, and the thing is, because i like them so much and i want love so much i can't shake the feeling that the first gay guy i meet is gonna be on the receiving end of all my pent-up feelings.

I'll probably throw myself at the first potential mate i find.

A boyfriend is the one thing i want most in life. I want to be with someone. I want hugs and kisses so much. I crave that sort of affection so so badly, so why shouldn't i?

Pretty much any nice gay boy will do. Hell, i think i'm in love with a guy on msn. :O

I'm not gonna tell who it is though. :P

Lol. I gotta keep to the point.

Let's try to wrap this up in a simple way, like i like to do. :)

I'm starved of affection, therefore i've got so much to give and so eager to receive. That means i'm desperate for someone who'll give it to me, also known as a boyfriend. That means i'm going to be so in love with the first gay boy i meet because it will be my first opportunity, and i will basically throw myself at him.

Blah! You're all going to say that's wrong aren't you? :P

Well, i'm open to comments. :)

I had a great chat to a friend of mine last night. We have so much in common. Even though it was the first time we'd spoken we felt like we'd known each other for ages. I think we're soulfriends. That's an opportunity for me to ask you all, do you believe in soulmates and soulfriends, or do you think we make our own way in life?

Comments are welcome for that as well.



PS. yes, that's my sig now. I picked that because that was really the only one that someone left a comment about. :P

Monday, October 6, 2008

Whoa O_O

I struggled to be able to post tonight, not because i couldn't get the pc, and not because of homework, and not because i was too tired, but because everyone was worried about my day at school and wanted to check on me.

I'm so touched that you all left messages of support for me. I checked my comments this morning and i felt really special as i walked to school. I feel so loved guys. Thanks for your support. Whenever i don't feel good i just think about all of you and i know that i am accepted around the world, even if i'm not around here.

Anyways, today sucked because it's so hard to get up now. I'm so used to getting up casually and hopping on the computer or switching on the TV, but now i've gotta run down to the cupboard and grab a towel and jump into the shower, then get out, put on my uniform and grab a jumper, head down to the kitchen and make some breakfast, then get my food for school, and then get out the door.

What i'd do for just one more relaxing day...

My best friend Matthew also wasn't at school today. I haven't heard from him in about a week so that's kind of weird... Then again, he gets 'sick' a lot, really easily. :P

For a project at school we had to come up with a job for every letter of the alphabet. For Q i put Queen. My teacher said queen wasn't a job but then i said i meant it as in a drag queen. We argued whether it was just a choice or an actual job... Seriously, a professional drag queen is a job isn't it? They perform and they get paid. Tell me that i'm right. :P

I've got so many friends on msn now that i've been talking for ages and i've run out of time. My mum gets home from work soon and she'll want the computer, so i'll have to wrap up.

I'll post something decent the next time i get on. :)



Sunday, October 5, 2008

And thus, all good things must come to an end...

That's right.

Don't get freaked out by the title, the blog's not ending, but my holidays are. :P

They were the best holidays i've ever had, but that's no credit to me.

It's all thanks to the awesome guys who've been so very very kind to me. I hope you guys know just how much you mean to me.

The one who helped me when i started - Jake Anon. You may be incredibly sarcastic and have a bizarre sense of humour but i love ya, and you were the first link me, back when i was having 5 views a day. That meant a lot.

The one who befriended me when i was lonely - Lach. You made me smile and laugh, and you know more about me than some of my best 'friends'. You've helped me through a dark time in my life as well and i love you so much for it.

The ones who became my friends through the blog - Elliot and KS. They're both a little self-conscious, and they're both my age, and they're both really sweet and funny and i'm honoured to have you as my friends.

The other bloggers who happily linked to me when i asked, or who asked me first! - Peter, Landyn, Seth and Tristan. We've shared some e-mails and a few good times. They've given me advice and hopefully they've listened to some of mine. You are all so very nice to me and you let me leech off your popularity as well. :P

My wonderful commenters like Steevo and Victor keep me on my toes. It's nice to know that people care enough about what i'm writing to write a response. We've had a few good chats for sure.

There are a lot of other people, too many to mention, but i want to thank everyone else who's linked or commented, or even just read the thing. I'm sure i'll be your friend someday as well. :P

Now, as it is the end of the holidays, that means i won't be able to post as often. I'll try to do at least one every day, but that depends on whether my mum's working or not, because we use the same pc. We also have to take into account homework and just being too worn out. If i miss a day or two, i'll try to do a double or triple post the next time to catch up. :)

Tomorrow, for 6 and a half hours, i will have to revert back to 'straight' me.

I will not be able to be myself again. I will have to put up with the same old crap, and i won't be able to talk to my favourite buddies. I'm not the most popular kid in school and that doesn't help either, but i'm sure i'll come out of it alive.

And i'll try to let you all know how it goes. :)

Wish me luck guys,



UK comedy Vids. Don't you just love the Brits? :P

The British. I LOVE them.

I've never been there, although i hope to go one day. I've got a few buddies i'd like to catch up with too. :P

Back to the point, where does my love for the Brits come from? Their TV shows of course!

We get a lot of their stuff down here, maybe because we just love it so much.

Come on, who doesn't love Skins? Then there are shows like Shameless, Black Books (one of my favs), Fawlty Towers, The Mighty Boosh, Doctor Who (another of my favs), and other great ones ones... Not to mention Little Britain. :P

British TV is so cool. Seriously, Aussie's love you. :)

I picked a few clips from two shows that i love/loved. I'm dedicating these to my sweetest buddy Peter in the UK. I hope we can talk soon buddy. :)

Here are a few quickies from the old UK Sketch Show. I remember watching this show when i was still a little kid so... fond memories... They never had anything offensive, just good old humour that everyone could laugh at. Unfortunately it's long over now, but you can still Youtube it and find a few of the eps. :)

The first 3 are short, but the 4th goes for 90 seconds. Enjoy guys. :)

Secondly here's a vid from The IT Crowd called Peter File. I love Jen. :P

Hope you liked them. Leave a comment if you didn't. :P

PS. New link: Shemagh by a nice guy called Adam. He's also a Brit. :D

He sent me an e-mail asking to link, and of course i was happy to. Don't forget that i'm willing to link to pretty much anyone with a blog. :P

Make sure you check him out.

Also, it's my last day of the holidays. :'(

Tomorrow i'm heading back to school and back out to a world i'm so sick of... Time to meet back up with my friends, the friends who can't know the 'real' me.

I don't think i'll consider them real friends until they do.

Love ya everyone. :)


Saturday, October 4, 2008

Why writing is so important to me. Part 2.

Do you know that feeling you get when you watch a big action sequence in a movie, unaware that your mouth is gaping open? The feeling when two people who've been denying their feelings for each other for years finally share their first kiss? The feeling you have when someone you've seen live the most important years of their life slips away from life? What about the feeling you get when something so awful to imagine happens before your eyes, or the feeling you get when above all else, the good things in existence triumph over the bad?

These are stories. Whether in real life, in a movie, or in a book, they are stories.

Forget the movies, i don't have to worry about special effects, or props, or the actors, or having to get up at six in the morning to film the perfect sunrise.

I am a writer - a creative writer to be precise. And that means i get to live through these sorts of things everyday. I can create whatever sort of scenario i want, and all i have to do is write it down, and then there it is, ready for someone else to read it, and enter my world.

In many ways, a writer is a perfectionist's job, for you get to create every little thing, in as much or as little detail as you want.

I find it hard to understand the real world, so i create my own worlds. Then i design my characters - their role in the story first, then their personality. Next comes their appearance and their names. Then i create relationships between characters, in ways that give the story a jolt, and i give each character a family and a history. As i've said before, you have to get the characters right.

Most of my current stories revolve around wars. Whether it's against the shadows - the merciless enemy, or the followers of the dark religion - the people you can pass on the street every day.

You make the story. You design the Kings and the leaders. You give them their motivations. You drop in a fun character every now and again to lighten the mood or intensify it.

You design the weapons and the tactics. You build the fortresses and the cities and outposts from the ground up. You create the landscape. You carve rivers and erect mountains. You grow a forest here and there, and you pick the perfect spot for a battle to take place.

Then the people who the reader has connected with in the past pages, suddenly have their lives in peril.

The characters react. If a loved one dies the act the same way you would. They get mad. They find strength and release everything they have on their enemies. Some people cower in fear. Others freeze. Others triumph.

All the character design you've done, lets you simply watch your characters react they way they would. You don't need to think, the story writes itself.

The best thing i find about writing is the emotions it creates. After all the designing and thinking, I've made myself laugh, and also moved myself to tears, and my reader experiences the same.

That is one of the joys of my life.

When i feel an emotional connection to my characters, and it hurts when one of them dies, i know i've succeeded. When my friend reading my story next to me has to stifle his laughter because we're in the library, i know my story works. When i can't help but smile when my two beloved characters finally find their way into each other's arms, i know that writing is my destiny.

I feel i was born to create. I feel that exciting and moving other people is what i was born to do.

I know that i will write for as long as my mind and body will let me, because without it, i don't know what i would do.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Random stuff about me and links.

First of all, 2500 views so far. :O

Thanks for reading, and i'm always willing to link any of you guys (or gals) if you've got a blog. :p

New link: Steevo in Cali

Steevo's a good commenter too. Thanks buddy. So is Landyn. :D

Speaking of comments, i've had... 39 so far, although some of those were mine. :p Thanks! Comments are welcome on every post, no matter how small the comment or how old the post is. I get an email every time someone comments so i read every single one. :)

Had a good response to yesterday's Affection vs. Sex. It seems a lot of us do like affection, but it's too much of a generalisation to say that one sexuality prefers it over the other.

I'm going to go get my hair cut today. Man... i hate going to the hairdressers... We go to a place full of those young girls just out of college it seems. They always complain about how thick my hair is. I can't help it! :/

Then i gotta go shopping with my nan and my mum. We go with my nan because we don't have a car and she does, so we do our shopping at the same time. We usually get take-away afterwards. :p

Also, only 2 more days until school goes back. Unfortunately the posting is going to cut down a bit after that, due to not being home as much, homework, and just being plain too tired after school.

I'll try to do at least a post every day, but I can't make no promises. :'/

Wish me luck guys. :)

Also, here's a few ideas i've been thinking about for a sig.

OX - mirrorboy - XO

:P nvm

Have a good day everyone.

My Boyfriend is a Robot? Could happen...

Human being's are bizarre creatures, in so many ways.

I want to bring up one topic though. Attraction to non-living things. Now wait. Don't get me wrong here. Just follow the following... :p

- I mean, we are attracted to boys in pictures.

- We can be attracted to something on a screen.

All that means we are attracted to things that aren't physically there with us. It goes further...

- Then we can get turned on by sketches of other humans.

These things are completely not real. They were created by someone else, but we are literally attracted to lines on a page.

Bizarre huh?

We can be attracted to things that aren't real. Why? What is it that makes them turn us on? They are just shapes, lines, colours.

Where does it stop? In the future we might as well just create our sex partners - Boy-Robots.

No doubt we will strive to give them a more sophisticated AI, and we will start falling in love with them. It is inevitable.

Best robotish picture i could find. lol :p

Do you think that love with a false human can't happen? Think of how many of us love a TV character... Hell, i love the pixie-like Link from Zelda.

I don't know... Do you even understand what i'm saying? :p

Put simply as i can, we are attracted to fake things. We will eventually make things that are the pinnacle of our sexual desires. We will fall in love with them inevitably.

What happens to human-human love then?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Affection vs. Sex

I realised something whilst talking to my friends recently. In various conversations we talked about why we wanted boyfriends and stuff like that.

To me, it seems that my friends and i would all rather have a good cuddle than a great sex session. Affection is important to us guys...

But we're constantly hearing about how straight guys just wanna sleep and aren't into any of that stuff... They're more interested in the sex...

I can't really think of anything i'd like more, than to cuddle a boy in bed, or have a long kiss on the couch, or hold his hand... things like that. It seems i'm not alone...

Why is it this way?

Is it simply because we're gay that we're into lovey stuff more than our straight counterparts? That it's simply a 'gay' thing?

Is it because we're starved of affection, because we've had to hide for so long?

Or am i wrong? Am i too young and i just don't 'get' what the gay world is about?

Is this just a big generalisation of stereotypes? Are you a bonker instead of a lover? Are a lot of the gay friends you know, bonkers?

Do you think a lot of gays are more into sex, and a lot of straights are more into affection?

If you're a girl, comment too! I'd like to hear the female side of view just as much.

And do you think our desires change as we get into relationships? Do you think they change as we get older?

What are your thoughts on this topic?

Leave a comment! Now!



Obsessed with obsession.

Tiger - the closest thing i have to a boyfriend...

Oh no... I've only got three more days of school holidays until i have to go back to school...

These have been the best holidays ever, for obvious reasons. :)

Still, it's back to 'straight' me at school. :'/

On a different note, I want to share this awesome Australian ad with you guys. It only goes for 30 seconds so it'll only take you a minute to load and play it. Go on. :)

Now as some of you may know, i have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If you don't know what it is... i'll try my best to to explain how it affects me...

Firstly, i always have to rinse a glass before i drink from it. I don't know why it gets to me so much, but i just have to. If it hasn't been rinsed, i feel uncomfortable...

Unfortunately, sometimes people will happily pour you a drink and pass it to you. It would be very strange if i were to tip it out, rinse it and then ask for another wouldn't it?

Another common one, is where things have to line up or be equal. It's quite strange sometimes. In maths, even if i don't need to, i'll do my workings out in an equal number of steps so that they rest on the same line.

Computer games? Especially RTS. (Don't know? lol. Don't ask) OCD = equal number of people and perfectly aligned building with a one-tile-walkway in between. :)

The biggest effect i have from OCD though is my spelling and grammar. I think that's pretty funny because i want to be a journalist and a creative story author. In things like MSN i let loose a little, but in my writing pieces and... (dare i say it?) blog, i like everything to be 'right'.

That one might help me out a bit. :D

P.S New link: Stuck in the Middle

Another teen boy who just worked up the guts to start a blog (which is a pretty big thing to do). Make sure you check him out and show him some of the same love you showed me. :)

...I need something to sign the end of my posts.

Something like 'love from mirrorboy' or something. :)

Any ideas? Comment please. :)

Whoa! O_O

Just yesterday when i posted i was amazed i got 565 hits. Now it's up to 1300. :D/:O LOL

New links:

VIPtogether and Romancing the Stone. Thanks to... i don't know if i should use his real name or not... Oh well, thanks to whatsisname for sending me an email. It seems more and more people actually want to link to me now. :D

Hahaha it is literally illegal for me to look at Romancing the stone cos it's about porn. Be warned. o_O

VIPtogether's got a lot of cute pics and is fairly tame in comparison (lol) and i've been checking it out for a while. :)

*EDIT: I say that and then he puts up a bunch of dick pics. :P EDIT*

So be sure to have a look at both, that is, if you're not under the legal age... :p

Also, a big thanks to my readers for leaving some pretty sweet comments. You make me smile. :)

And my MSN list is bigger than ever. :O

Thanks friends. Thanks linkers. Thanks readers. I'll post again soon. :)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


You may or may not know that my cousin is gay - I've mentioned it before.

He moved to a different city a while back. He's had a few bad experiences revolving around his sexuality and I'm pretty sure they're what caused him to leave... mainly a vengeful old cow who was determined on ruining his life... but she's another story. :)

I'm not sure how old he is but i think he's in his mid-twenties or something.

Anyway, i'm going to tell you about my first encounter of the gay kind.

I was about... 13 i guess. My cousin was leaving and my Mum bought his computer from his cos it was a pretty good one. I ended up with it because i needed something to type up my stories on.

Needless to say, he didn't get rid of all the pictures on there. They were those sort of files that the computer stores on there when you visit a webpage - temporary internet files or something. I came them when i did an image search. O_O

I had no idea he was gay, but i did now. Here i was looking at naked guys. Wow! That was so new to me. I'd never seen gay porn before.

To use the term of a friend of mine, it was like an 'instantgasm'. lol

Ironically, a couple of years later my mum found out i was gay when she saw the addresses of the websites i'd been on at the top of the page, after she got on the computer when she got home from work.

The internet - shoving people out of the closet for years. :D

Happy happy happy happy. :D

Whoa! A few days ago i was celebrating my first 100 views. Now it's shot up to 565 O_O

Never in my wildest dreams did i think it would grow that fast. Thanks to all my beautiful, intelligent and, no doubt, sexy readers. :D

I just thought i'd take the time to thank a few people... (i hope this doesn't sound like an awkward award acceptance speech.)

Jake from
My Life On A Wall was the first to link to me. I don't know where i'd be if a hadn't found a blogger like him who was willing to help me out. He's actually pretty modest so i'll just say he has a wicked sense of humour and his blog's great so you should check it out. :D

Secondly to my friend Lach. His comments and feedback have
been really helpful, and i know that he took the time to read some of my more 'boring' posts and leave comments just to make me feel better. Thanks to you buddy. :D

Also a big thanks to Josh and milkboys. They must have so many emails but he still replied to mine and added my blog to the links.

Also to Seth from Sethboyardee. I asked him to link and he kindly said he would as soon as he got time... :) lol i'm still waiting but i'm sure he will soon. :D

And also a big thank you to Tristan (i think that's his screen name so i'll use that) from The Genesis Children. I'm quite surprised that someone linked to me without me asking them, but of course it's a wonderful surprise. :D If you're looking for something interesting and different be sure to check him out as well.

Life is good. Here are some of my favourite mirrorboys to celebrate.

I was a lonely gay kid with friends who didn't know me and a desperate longing inside of him. I could not be myself around anyone i knew. Starting a blog is quite simply, the best thing i've ever done and it's not because i get to share my life with you, it's because we get to share our lives with each other.

If any of you want to make a friend, get in touch with me like the people above did. I look forward to getting to know you.

- A happy boy - mirrorboy