What just happened?

What a bizarre day. I leave it with mixed feelings.


It started when i walked into the classroom.

Guess what? The two guys in my class who i needed to talk about, because they were the two who i thought knew, didn't show up today! O_O

Already i was disappointed. I was full to the brim with gay pride. I was ready to give them a piece of me. My heart was thumping and i had a million thoughts running through my head about how i was going to deal with this and...

it was just three people. Matthew, and two other friends. Those two others didn't even know yet.

So the first 2 periods were like normal.


Then at recess, the library was closed, which me and Matthew usually go to and i work on my story.

We headed back to the lockers, where our other friends hang out.

Now the friend who supposedly found my stuff, is in another class, so i hadn't seen him until then. I knew he'd be there though.

My heart was really thumping now. This was it. What would he say? It would be in front of a lot of my other friends, some of whom i didn't want to know about me.

Me and Matthew showed up and... nothing.

Nothing. He said nothing. It was like normal.

Wtf?

I thought when i got to school i'd be jumped on with a million questions.

But here i am, standing amongst my friends, and the one who found my stuff in the first place is acting like nothing's happened.

At least i know that it hasn't been blabbed to everyone, yet.

Everything went like normal for a while, until one of my other friends asked me why my MSN message was 'i guess i have a bit of explaining to do', which i'd put up to try to talk to the ones who found it.

I brushed off the question, then he asked if it was about what happened with my USB.

I said 'maybe'.

He went 'oh right,' and walked off.

Then some random kid i don't really like walked up to me and asked me if i was gay. I said it wasn't any of his business. He said 'i'll take that as a yes.'

And there, he knew i was gay.

After that, the friend who found the stuff came over, and told me he'd found it. We joked about it, and asked if i really was gay.

"Haha, what do you think? You found my stash."

"Yeah, so you are."

We talked for a while, and he said he was okay with it.

I also found out from him that the other friends i have are okay with it, i think.

He also told me that one of my other friends had found a few movies on my own pc a while ago, and had thought i was gay for a while, but i didn't get to talk to him.

So that was weird.

A lot of the day was a blur.

Still, as of now, i don't know who knows that i'm gay.

It's obvious that those friends who don't know, will find out very soon, and it also seems that my sexuality will be known throughout my whole grade, in time.

And... that's okay.

If i am outed, that's okay.

I'll be myself. I'll be honest. If i'm accepted, that's great. If people take it upon themselves to pick on me, i'll tell them to get f**ked.

Although i'm 99% positive that it won't be seen as a big deal, and i know that people will forget about it in time.

So overall, it was a decent day.

I'm still waiting for the chance to talk to the friends who didn't come to school today, and i also still don't know just who knows. And i wish i did.

But it's okay. I'll be okay. My friends are still my friends, and i'm closer to them than before. I don't have to pretend around them anymore, and the ones i've talked to don't care about my sexuality.

I hope things don't take a turn for the worse in the following days... because that is possible.

But, even if they do, i will be okay. There's no doubt about that.


Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot.

I checked my emails and comments before i left this morning (even though i was running insanely late) and you all make me smile.

I wouldn't have been so strong without you.

Lots of love,

===>mirrorboy<===