Friday, October 10, 2008

A lonesome life.

I didn't feel good when i woke up this morning so i'm spending the day at home. :/

If you don't know by now, i am an only child. Add that to the fact that i never met my Dad, let alone even heard anything about him, so i only have my Mum, and that leads to a pretty lonely life for the most part.

My Mum also works a lot of nights so about 80% of the time i'm completely alone.

It's been that way for a long time...

It always amazed me when i'd go over to my friends' houses in primary school and they'd get angry at their brother or sister, and then tell me how lucky i am that i was an only child.

Yeah... Lucky. :/

How did that affect my life?

I spent my life imagining. I created. My mind grew. I got smarter creatively and logically.

I got to know myself. I learnt every detail about what makes me work. I know how i think. I know what i like. I know what i hate. I know almost every little detail about what goes on inside my head.

I'm incredibly good at picking up other people's emotions and signals. I can get inside a person's head quite easily.

But is knowing yourself to that level a good thing or a bad thing?

I'm shy. I get intimidated easily. It's hard for me to make friends. I've got a very thin skin.

I'm also incredibly self-conscious. I pick on lots of little things about me that i don't like.

What has being an only child done to me?

It's made me smarter, but is that necessarily a good thing?

Now that i'm older, i do wish that i'd had someone else.


Seth said...

Wow. You sound so similar to me sometimes.

I too grew up an only child (but with an overprotective, overbearing Mom who tried to be Mom, Dad, best friend, and everything else to me all at once. (Which turned out to her having mental issues, and me too... but I digress)

Being "alone" and "lonely" are two different things, and you seem to have some of both, and thats a tough spot to be in.

Growing up "alone" without siblings, is both a blessing and a curse. You get to have your parents full attention (hopefully) and don't even share toys ha ha. On the other hand, perhaps you miss some of the "growing up" routines that an older sibling can provide. I don't know for certain, and thats the whole point of it.

If you had a sibling, you would NOT be who you are today. The world would have gone on different pathways, your life would be completely different, and so forth. You can imagine, fantasize, but the reality is, you are who you are, good or bad, pimples or not, right or wrong choices - thats what life and growing up is all about.

You seem pretty down lately - keep your chin up and relax a little. You're young yet, have some fun, make a little mischief *disclaimer: I do not advocate you misbehaving LOL* and just live your life.

PS: I added myself to MSN um... i think, in case you ever need to talk.


Seth said...

I hope what I say makes sense, I'm never totally sure. And I never mean to offend you with anything I say, if I ever do just email me and say "shut up Seth" LOL

Landyn said...

awwww. i hope to catch ya on msn again soon so we can talk more.

know u are loved <333

-Landyn <3

Jake said...

Hey :D
I grew up without a Dad. I have a mom but I never had a father. I have 2 siblings, but I still grew up lonely as ever.

I was always really shy and had a hard time making friends. I had no friends. Absolutely none. I was sad and lonely. Until I met this boy when I was 11 years old. His name was Trevor and he became my best friend... and my first crush. Sadly I moved away and haven't seen him since then :(

I realized I was gay at a young age and it confused the hell out of me. I knew I was different than my brothers but I also knew I couldn't tell either one of them. Thankfully both of them know now and I couldn't be happier about that.

So, anyways, we chatted on msn tonight but I thought I would just add some comments here to let you know that you really aren't alone. Keep your chin up and remember that you have your whole life in front of you!!

Talk to you later :P

victor said...

yah dude. i'm an outsider. i know how you feel. i'm not an only child, but i just as well have been. you'll find someone, i'm sure. don't get desperate, i know that's hard, but when you find that special someone, it will all be worth it. hang in there bud.