Sunday, October 12, 2008

A lot to deal with. Deal with, i must. I am not dead, for now. Tomorrow? We will see.

I needed a break.

To arrange my mind.

A decision to make.

I needed some time.

But now i am back.

And i missed my friends.

Messages, emails, comments in stacks.

Many replies i must send.

A wave of love.

And a flood of support.

Like angels from above.

Of many assort.

With a circle of friends as amazing as this.

What do i care if school isn't bliss?

F**k the small-minded, it's their loss.

I've decided i really don't give a toss.

And those who accept me, like Matthew my bestie,

Will stick with me closely, and for that i am lucky.

Still, if things do wrong, and i cannot belong,

I will think of my real friends, and i will be strong.

Hmm... I dunno how i came up with that. It must be that creative talent i'm always boasting about. :P

As i said, i took a break.

I went to Matthew's house and we just hung out. At night we had a good talk, about me, obviously.

It was really nice. I didn't give him enough credit. Although he was shocked when i first told him about me (even though i had no choice) he said it sank in, and he's okay with it.

We talked about how i knew, and about my Mum finding out, and who i was attracted to. I also said i had zero interest in him sexually or romantically. I think he was a little disappointed. :P

Anyways, then i got back, and i had a bunch of comments and emails from my readers, plus a bunch of MSN friends who i've still got to catch up with. I know that a lot of people are worried about me, and as i can't talk to everyone, because i just don't have enough time, i'll tell you how i am, through my blog.

I've decided, that i will be okay.

Does that sound funny?

Quite simply, i've decided, that whatever happens - whether my sexuality is kept a secret between me and my friends, or everyone finds out, i will be okay.

Whatever happens, happens. I will deal with it.

I have a sort of... motto for dealing with things.

If things seem like they're awful, i just imagine where i'll be in a few weeks time.


I'm not going to worry so much that i'll end up ripping my hair out and crying myself to sleep. My sexuality is not a big issue, and that is the 'plan' i will go to school tomorrow with. It's not a big deal. I will tell my friends, that they've been friends with me for years, and i've been gay that whole time. The only difference between then and now, is that now they know. I am still the same person.

If that's not good enough for them, they can get f**ked. And i will tell them that they are childish, small-minded pricks who i don't want anything to do with.

And i'll make some other friends, who know the real me - friends who i don't have to pretend around.

That is that.

I will be okay.

It's not a big deal.

Now, onto something else. I've reached the 10,000 views mark. :)

That's amazingly hard for me to comprehend. I never thought that so many people out there (around the world) would be interested in what a 15yo kid from a small town in Australia had to say.

But it makes me very happy, and the friendships that i've made through this blog have been incredible. And they came at a good time.

Without YOUR support i would be completely terrified. I would also be alone - alone, and lonely.

Without you guys, i would be in a very dark place right now.

But i am accepted, and that will help me when i am scared or sad.

I have hundreds of friends who understand and care.

The next time i'm in my dark place, i know i have a lot of beautiful, caring, loving, amazing friends to turn to. For that, i am eternally grateful.

Look out for my post tomorrow. I'll let you know how the hugest day in my life so far goes.




Jake Annonymous said...

good to see your alive my brother

Anonymous said...

Ku u' lei. ku u' ipo keike kane ku nani pikake... that means: "You, as a young man, are a blooming flower in the warm rain"

Sometimes when it seams all is ending, all is really just beginning.

Be a beacon of courage for all that will follow... Love Tristan

Landyn said...

dude, u have a great outlook on life. take care, be sure to let me know how it goes tomorrow. I'm glad u are alive and are handling this is such a mature, smart way. Hell, idk if I would even be able to do what u are doing, so GOOD FOR YOU.

I know ur probably really busy with everyone trying to talk to u and stuff, but hopefully at some point we can talk again. I miss u dude.

Love ya,
-Landyn <3

KS said...

hey :)
Despite the horrors you must've felt on Friday, i'm really happy for you that you managed to sort yourself out and have such a positive outlook for tomorrow. Your attitude on this is too awesome, and i guess i may have to try that some day :)

Good luck tomorrow (even though i'm sure you won't need it).


Lach said...

It means No worries :P

Lion King ftw!

In all seriousness, I think some time away from the pc, and spending it with Matt was the perfect solution to your temporary sensory overload =]

Speak soon Boyo

victor said...

dude, glad you've got it sorted. it helps to have a physical person to talk with, in addition to the virtual ones. keep your perspective. you haven't changed, but if people can't deal with who you really are, they're not worth dealing with. and you're right, this will be over soon enough, it's like going to the dentist, it's unpleasant for a while, then it's over, and hopefully better. and even though it sounds like a cliche, things of this nature actually make you a stronger, wiser person. take care then, we're all behind you bud.

JC said...

that is very mature, but words speakless then actions, so torrmow will be the day, but i am sure you will be alright, like you said you got us, and we got you, its a good thing to have,peace out man

steevo said...

i just wanna suggest that if some current friends freek and get nasty, just say that u r sorry they feel that way, and if they someday gain a better understanding you'll talk w/ them again.