Conclusion. :o

If there's one thing i've never wanted to be it's one of those bloggers who apologises for the lack of posts, or time between posts, every time they post.

I'm sorry.



I guess the end came into sight at the beginning of this year when i took a short leave from blogworld when it became too emotionally straining to be a strong presence around here. And that's a part of why i'm wrapping up now. For a long time after i started i was fully invested in this online world of ours and it became my life. I can't give my blog and its followers the attention they deserve any more. Between posting regularly, maintaining a bazillion links, reading blogs and commenting, reading and replying to emails and talking to readers on MSN etc i just can't do it any more.

Part of it is a time thing. I have a boyfriend who i'll admit is a major part of my life, a hobby that i struggle to give attention to, a final year of school that will be more work than ever, disorders and fears that i'm still learning to cope with on my own, and a job to find next year.

The other thing is that i've outlived my usefulness. I've shared my story now. I've given you the worst and best times of my life and told you how i dealt with them. For a while during so i was there to give advice and help to people who asked or needed it.

But now i'm just here. I don't have the time or strength to be invested in anyone else's life but my own, and i have little to contribute to this community any more.

This isn't easy for me in any sense of the word. But this was a long time coming and probably very overdue. This blog meant the world to me for years and i could try to explain just how much, but that would be a humungous wall of emotional text. Anyway, the people who've shared those times with me will know for themselves. :)



So, wut do?

I'll never forget the people i've met on here. I can't express how much you've helped me and changed me to be a better and stronger person. You were there for me when i struggled and were happy for me when i was happy, given me confidence when i had none to give myself, even helped me with my homework, and i hope i was the same for you in some way. I truly consider many of you to be friends, and lifelong ones at that. But our friendships are better suited to grow elsewhere than blogworld.

I won't be disappearing from the internets. I'm on Twitter every day. You can email me at the address in my sidebar and i'll get around to reading it sometime. Or you could email my main address which is under (MSN) on my blogger profile if it's important.

I won't delete my blog. It's like a diary to me. It's my history. In fact i should probly back it up. >_> I'll probly still lurk blogworld too. Maybe you'll even see an occasional comment. :P But i'll likely just read silently, to see how things are going for the people i care about. And if you desperately miss me or just want to see how i'm going, you can go to my Twitter page. You don't need an account to read what post. (My followers even got to see a pixure of my face :P)



So, that's it.

Thank you for everything.
Oh and Merry Christmas.
Love,
Mirrorboy.

English exam.

Well i just had my year 12 end-of-year English exam which counts towards half of my final mark for the year. I had 3 hours to do 3 essays. -.-

1 Text response. 1 Writing in Context piece. 1 Language Analysis.

After our 15 mins of reading time i decided to go with the Language Analysis first cos i'm pretty confident in identifying persuasive techniques in an opinion piece. :3 I managed to do a decent job of that and finished just in time.

Then i had a look at the other two sections. The Writing in Context part, where you write either an expository, persuasive or imaginative response, drawing on ideas from one of two texts to respond to the prompt, had a prompt that said 'Having a sense of being different makes it difficult to belong'. I was like "score!" and wrote a personal persuasive piece about being gay and all that crap. :P And finished just in time again.

Then i had to do the Text response, and that was the one i was least confident in. You have to write a response to one of two topics for one of two texts. They all looked pretty horrible but i chose "'When confronted with the mortality of others, the characters in Look Both Ways learn a great deal about themselves.' Discuss." I didn't do as well with that one and wrote a pretty bland and confused expository response that was kind of related to the topic. I was writing the last sentence of my conclusion when we were told to stop, and i wasn't able to finish it, so that bugged me. :/ But it's kay. :P

The main thing i focused on was just getting over my perfectionism and writing words down onto the page. That wasn't too much of an issue for the first two cos i was quite confident in what i was writing, but i hated the tripe i was serving up for the text response so it was a struggle to keep wading through it.

Anyway i did the best i could for the hardest work i've ever done. I'm happy with that. The multiple choice Maths exam is on Monday, and the written response Maths exam is on Thursday, but English was the one i was most concerned about.

:3

More Endings.

Well, surprisingly, today was my last psychologist appointment, and likely the last time i'll see her. She gave me a folder of worksheets and resources that i've used in the past, and the closure documentation is in the mail. And that's that.

It came as a shock to me as i didn't expect today to be the last day, but i guess it makes sense as i didn't really have much to talk about any more, and the stuff that i did, was all positive. The fact that it was such a shock could contribute to me not being too upset or worried, but i think i'll genuinely be okay on my own. And if i'm not, there's plan Bs and Cs.



Reece went home six days ago. Things are harder than i anticipated they would be without him. Having him here made even the most boring of things fun and enjoyable. Every day was awesome with him here, and now they're just... alright.

We're hoping to have him come back sometime around Christmas, and then i'll visit him sometime next year, assuming we're still together. :P



And school. I've been doing mad revision for Maths and English the past few weeks. It's been test exams and revision every day. The end-of-year, end-of-school final exams are only a week away now, the most important ones i've ever done, so things are pretty intense at school.

Before you get excited tho, let me remind you that i'm doing year 11 and 12 of school at the same time, over 2 years, as i'm year 11 age but advanced at doing Maths and English, so i'm doing the year 12 subjects of those. So this won't be my final year of school. I'll be back next year to do a few more year 12s.



But things are good. Mostly good. :)

My Blog Turns 2.

Well it axly had its second birthday a couple weeks ago but i didn't notice. :P

I know i haven't been posting much as of late. Sorry to say things aren't going to change, because it's intentional.

I've told my story now. It was one of overcoming troubles, learning and growing as a person.



I made this blog for me in the beginning. I was alone and felt like a freak in this conservative city of mine. I knew no like-minded people, no one who understood what it was like to like people of the same sex. I had no one i could talk to. So i was reached out to the internet in the hopes of finding people who understood what it was like to be gay. I did, and it was an incredible and invaluable experience, and now the fact that i'm gay doesn't have the tiniest impact on my day to day life, when it used to be a major issue. It's thanks to the people i've met online and for that i'm eternally grateful and thankful for having met you. That's the best thing about my blog for me.

But slowly Mirrorboy became less about me and more about helping others. I grew to be obsessed with helping people in the same sort of situation and that snowballed until i was eager to help anyone with any troubles any time, no matter how simple or intense.

I met more people. I got to know people more deeply. Everyone has shit in their lives, and i got caught up in everyone else's intentionally. Like i said, i got obsessed with helping, and soon my every thought was about my numerous online friends and how i could help them. I'd be freaking out some days about the issues my friends had. I'd even talk to my own psychologist about how i could better help my friends sort through their struggles.

I imploded. It got to be too much and i had to step back. I had enough on my own plate to deal with, and whenever i came back to blogworld i was faced with a loaded buffet of others' troubles. I would try and often fail to help people and it would hurt me hard. I know it was of my own doing, but perhaps i'd lost sight of reality and who i was. I couldn't fix the world, as much as i would try. I am after all, just a boy.

That's why i had to temporarily leave. To put things into perspective and come back knowing how much i could handle, and what i could not.

So things haven't been the same since i came back. For that i'm sorry. As much as i wish i could, i'm not able to help everyone with everything, and i've failed to live up to some people's expectations because of that, and sometimes my own.



I've told my story while getting caught up in others. I don't regret a moment of it. I grew as a person and i've made many friends i'll keep forever. I'm sure i've helped some people along the way. That's never a bad thing.

But i'm sitting in the back seat now. I'll watch over who i can. I'll read, often silently. I'll leave comments sometimes. I'll post occasionally to let you know how i am, but this is mostly for the friends i've made, not for an audience of anonymous people.

Mirrorboy has found his place in blogworld.

And Mirrorboy has found his place in me.

It's the back seat.

Huzzah. :3

So he's here and everything is good. :P We get along really well and do fun stuffs together. Dunno what else to say really. :P

He's really tall. O: I'm 170 cms and he's 190 cms. So if we wanna hug i can't put my head on his shoulder. :P

And he's skinny as hell. o_o I need to fatten him up. :3

And he's cute and sexy. :P

Dunno what else to say. Things are good. ^_^ If there's somethin you wanna know leave a comment and i'll answer it in the comments section. :P

<3

Beginnings and Endings.

Well, school is done for the term. I'm on my 2 week break now. ^_^ However once the next term starts (because it's year 12) i'll be doing insane revision and solid prep for the end-of-year uber-important exams. o_o

In other news, when i saw my psychologist the other day she told me that she thinks it might be time for me to stop going to see her. I've learnt a lot of skills and gained a lot of knowledge about how i work so it might be time for me to try and make it on my own.

I've gotta admit, the idea kind of freaks me out. As long as i've had her, no problem has ever been unsolvable. Nothing has been off limits and I could talk to her about things that to anyone else in my life would sound insane. She's helped me infinitely in so many areas of my life that i'd struggled with sometimes for such a long time, to such a degree that i couldn't even begin to explain.

...I think i'll be okay.

I hope so.



On a happier note, things are going swell with Reece and I. He gets here tomorrow at 4:30. I'm nervous as heck and stressed as hell.

But also excited. ^_^

The Other Side.

For anyone who took an interest in my previous post, or is familiar with Kakistos (aka my current online bf) and his old blog, i strongly suggest you follow this link to his new blog, Falling Awake. :3

Specifically relating to our relationship is this post. Dare i say, he presents a more eloquent and meaningful interpretation of our relationship than me :S, and it gives you a bit of history about him and a bit of insight into who he is.

I think he addresses a lot of what may be your concerns, and expresses his motivations, and also shows his maturity, so's there's not much else i can do than strongly urge you to go read. ;)