Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Memorable Moments #1

September 2008 - February 2009.

Here are what i consider to be some of my most important or memorable posts for the first 6 months of blogging. :)

September. This post pretty much sums up why i started blogging. I was angry and frustrated, and that meant lots of CAPS. lol. I was a gay boy living in a homophobic world and i hated it.

October. After i got a few lucky links, my daily views were doubling. Quite quickly my mind was put on something else though. I was outed. First there was confusion, then calm, and then happiness. That happiness lasted for a while. But unfortunately, things got worse, much much worse. Only a week later i was struggling and contemplating suicide.

November. At home i tried to forget about school, and i blogged about other things as much as i could. November was witness to my teddy bear post (deceptively innocent). Since i posted that it has never left me, still haunting me to this day. :P

Unfortunately although i tried to put my mind off the shit that was happening to me, that didn't stop it from existing. 2 weeks into November, the storm hit me, and i was scared.

This is painful to remember. I can even see my social anxiety disorder growing as i read what i wrote. At least i had Mrs OC. I could always talk to her. I don't know what i would have done without her.

November was when i started to drift. It was when i switched to auto-pilot. All i could do was try to block the immense pain inside of me, and use every spare minute i could to relax.

December. As if the shit at school wasn't enough, one of the people at my school, someone who i dared to call my friend, started abusing me on my own blog. Currently i couldn't care less about what people say to me on here, but back then i was fragile, and it hurt a lot.

My life was a total mess.

Meanwhile in blogworld, i helped AJ. If you weren't around for what happened, then it's hard to explain, but it was definitely memorable to me.

At least i got a few weeks break from school and i could relax a bit. The day before New Year's Eve, i made a post about my history before blogging, and about that whole year. That post also includes my first coming out story, to my Mum.

January. I started my e-relationship with Jake Anon, and i posted about a lot of easier stuff to swallow. 3 weeks in though, and the dread of returning to school was upon me.

February. My first day back was crap, and it got worse from then on. Luckily, i also started attending my gay youth group.

That may seem like a lot to swallow in one post, but i'll be using this (and some of this week's other posts) as a future reference for people new to my blog to get to know me.

March to present continues tomorrow. The day after that, is the big day.

Looking back on what happened to me really shows me just how far i've come. Life is drastically better, and i'm so thankful for all the support. During all that time i was posting about suffering, there were people on my blog leaving comments and sending emails, and talking to me on msn, with support and love. Thank you so much.


Planetx_123 said...

Oh- how much has happened in a year :-)

I'm so happy and proud of you for greeting your circumstances with perseverance and making it through to a better 'other side'. It's cool that this simple little blog has had such a tremendous effect on your life, and you will remember it forever.

Much Love,

BILIKEME said...

good synopsis for those of us that are new to your blog. I;'ll stay up to date.

Check out my ramblings at: http://bilikeme2.blogspot.com

naturgesetz said...

It was such an awful time for you. I'm glad that you began to find some support (including *finally* taking my advice to tell your mum what was going on).


WkBoy714 said...

Coz we love you. :)

Anonymous said...

God, you have no idea how it pains me to read this about you !
Being half a world away and unable to do nothing but try and send incouraging words to you !
I sware this to you if I could have I would have gotten on a plane and come down there and of course been arrested at your school and deported
but perhaps the headlines in the paper
would have proved something !
But as I type this it makes me think
how many kids need help right here ?
Now I have something to think about.

Aek said...

Mboy, you've taken a rough odyssey that you never wanted to take. But you survived and are stronger for it. Thanks for sharing your history with us all again.


Anonymous said...

You've really come a long way! That's awesome. (:

Anonymous said...

wow you went to hell and back (and more then once too by the looks of things)

Hmm Jake Anon (?) that names sounds familiar but I don't know why

anyway good to know things got better for you despite everything that happened.

cvn70 said...


those days of pain and stryglle hope wil make you a better person but i knw those months of your blog were were amazing to read and definitly caused me to care for you
those months you endured ill help so many endure their hardtmes

take care and be safe