Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Awful day.

I had an awful day. It was so much worse than yesterday. I don't want to talk about it.

I don't know how i can possibly make it through this in one piece. I can't see myself living this for a year or a semester or even a month. I just can't. It's too hard. Nobody should have to go through this. I'm not accepted here and people haven't forgotten about me.

I hate my life right now.

29 comments:

Jake said...

Don't give up, Mirrorboy. I believe you can do it.

Peter said...

Okay, you really need to find an alternative to that school. Whether it is cyber school or something else, you need to get outta there.

Like I said before, ask me for information I can get about the cyber schooling that you can do.

You need a way out and this is it.

Planetx_123 said...

Wow- that sucks so much. I hate this for you... I hope you can switch schools or something.

Steve

Poisoned Happiness said...

I'd love to hug you and let you cry on my arm if that might make you feel just a little better. And I still think you are strong person and can face any problem. Don't let people make you feel down.

Tombi04 said...

*hugs*
I wish there was a way you could find a different school or something. And I wish I was there so I could kick peoples arses for you.
And I know it's hell. I've been there. But you are strong, Mirrorboy. I know you can handle this. Just don't be afraid to ask for help. And I know it's hard to talk about, but it really helps.
Love Ya

Jake Annonymous said...

naww honey :( come talk to me?

and Peter, you may think that cyber schooling in Australia is acceptable, but you are seriously wrong. Australia has a very complex marking scheme at which exams have to fit certain criteria or certain subjects, before being cross marked by at least one other state qualified teacher. This exam is checked against other schools exams on similar topics at Panel, to ensure kids at different schools are receiving equal marks and assesment. Without passing a certain amount of assesment pieces an Australian student can not get a completion of high school or equivalent certificate. Something that your cyber school does not support. That and no parent here would allow there child to pick up cyber schooling. I know your trying to help, but continuously bringing up this idea does not help the situation at all.

AJCon89 said...

Love you

Anonymous Blogger said...

im telling you it'll get better. People grow up, just hang in there.

Paul said...

Just try taking it one day at a time. Richard Bach wrote "what the caterpillar calls the end me the world, the Master calls a butterfly"

Lindsay said...

Saddened to hear that today was that bad.
As you say, nobody should have to go through this.

Don't hate your life.
But do hate the injustice of the treatment you are getting.

You said on Sunday that you were going to take positive steps to seek support if you found you needed it.
It sounds to me that you need to start doing that now before this drags you down any further emotionally.

There will be people in your town who will want to help. The task is to find them now and to get them on-side now.

You have to start it.
You have to talk to your mother now to get her to help you get the extra support.

In the meantime try and ignore the hate and humiliation that is being targeted at you and focus on those things you can do that give you enjoyment, escape and peace.

Col said...

You must talk to a teacher, a counsellor or your mum. Better still... ALL THREE OF THEM. The more "real life" support you have the better you will feel. Does that sound familiar? It should do... it's time to make good on that decision you made only a few days ago Mboy.

Please be proactive and do something now... before it's too late!!

Grasp the Nettle!!

Take care,
Col
*hugs*

Mr. HCI said...

What Col said!

You can make it through this; I have confidence in you.

On the other hand, I feel awful for you and I'd give you a hug if you were here in person. Hell, if you lived over here, you could stay at our house and go to school in our neck of the woods. I doubt your mum would allow that, though.

naturgesetz said...

I'm so sorry that it was bad again.

I wish I could give you this *hug* in person.

I agree with all the bloggers who said that it's time to put the plan you had on Sunday into action. If it's more than you can bear, don't try to bear it alone. Get all those people to help you bear it. Please!

Davey said...

MB...
I am so very sorry that you are going through all this.. if it helps at all this is almost *exactly* what I went through in HS at your age... and I got through it bro! Just hang in there... rely on your friends... even on here.. people care *a lot* about you... i hope you realize that! I would so hug you and tell you everything would be ok if i didn't live clear around the world!
Take Care!

Davey

xthecouragex said...

*Hugz* Majorly...

I'm sorry to hear things are going bad. I tried to get up before my early class today to try and catch you maybe but I didn't so I'll post stuff on here.

I agree that you need to be active about this. Go to the youth centre and give that group a chance. Talk to your counselor. I doubt you know which teachers you can trust yet but soon you will.

Also is there anyway you can get a hold of OC even if she's not at the school. Even a phone call to her may help.

I loves you buddy, and I believe in you. You can do this...

Anonymous said...

I don't know. So much of this requires a lot of inner strength to get through this and maybe something you have to acknowledge is that some days you may not have enough strength, but other days you will have.
Talking to others like your teacher, mom may only help in that you know that someone else is aware of your struggle, but at the end of the day, you're the one that's got to face the shit at school and that's got to be tough.
I don't have the eloquent words like some and I won't try and come up with some sort of fancy quote like others because I am full of fail. But if some of the words offered here helps give you that inner strength to get through the day, then grasp onto it. If not, keep searching. SOrry for the rambling... I'm kinda have a shit of a day as well.

cvn70 said...

Mboy

Please read my last email. We can work together. Love you little guy

Take care and be safe

Bob

Seth said...

What everyone else said.

Hang in there. If you need to just talk, you know where to find me.

*hugs*

noninc - a corporation that is not.

cant think of a cool one said...

I wouldnt talk to a teacher. Teachers talk to each other and things get round quicker than u could imagine, and u dont want to have prejudiced teachers against you. Ive had that (but for a different reason) and it messed up my subject mark :S

Switching schools is just running away and it would come back to haunt you. Don't do it.

I find that physical excercise helps cos ur mind just switches of and at the end ur too tired to think. And it makes u stronger.

Or just go outside close ur eyes and listen to music.

x

Anonymous said...

Dear MB
I am from Portugal and we are thousands of miles away.
But know that I am with you and that I do have love for you.
Please be strong, we have to be strong and dont let those homofobic ignorants win.
you will get stronger after all this is over.
A BIG HUG just for you.
Fernando

Aek said...

:( You outlined a plan. I think it's time to put that plan into action, though it sucks that it's come to this so fast.

I'm here wishing you the best, as always. *hugs*

jay.osa said...

i wish it could be easer for you. i hope for all teh best for you, but all i can say is talk one day at a time and try and talk to someone. maybe the gay group that you talked about. they might be able to help, or at least give support.
*hugs*

Wat-So-Eva said...

the standards have like JUMPED up so much this yr! Damn DOE (dep. of Education)
english has become hell!
methods have just became the old specialist maths.
im so screwed for VCE!
wats worse is for some subjects, i dont know friends (or aquaintances for that matter) ~sigh~
hope you're doing beta than me.
wish u all the best!

torchy! said...

we're all standing behind you mboy, but you've gotta draw on and develop your inner strength.

col has good advice - you need to seek help and support from real adults about this - definitely your mum.

if this was the uk, you would tell your mum and your tutor. your mum would talk to your tutor, head of year, head teacher, school governors, local education authority, member of paliament, lawyers and newspapers as time progressed. it won't be the same in oz, but there must be some parallels. there will be some1 in that lot who will understand and care and do something. NO ONE should put up with that shit - it's infringing your human rights ffs.

if your mum is not progressing this, she doesn't appreciate your depth of feeling - work on her, try to get her to understand - show her these comments.

jeez i'm angry now.

but mboy, like i said, we're all thinking of u and wishing u well and also desperately wishing there was something we could physically do to help.

i don't dish out e-hugs lightly, but u got a massive one.

torchyyy!
fuck - i'm in tears now.

Anonymous said...

Be steadfast in your spirit.

You have an amazing number of souls supporting you now; even when you feel you're at your lowest, know that we're always present - comforting, nurturing, and encouraging.

Whenever and however you can, let yourself feel our strength - working through you and within you.

GO, mboy!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

TALK TO US

it helps with the burdens

We love you, you hard-headed junior saint.

cvn70 said...

Mirrorboy

pleaase let us know how you are doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you

take care and be safe

bob

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

Fight Back. Always remember that once high school is over, you will never ever see those people ever again. Hang in there bro.

Anonymous said...

hey . just caught up on your blog. So i just wanted to say im thinking of you and hoping that things get better for you , Please take care of yourslef and be strong. Life is always hard but it has sweet moments that make it worth while, we just have to get through the bad times.