Saturday, November 29, 2008

Forget my worries. Memories and OCD.

Umm... Well yesterday i said that things weren't going too good in M-boy's world.

I'm not really sure whether i want to talk about this stuff or not. I know whenever i post one of those 'sad' posts then you all start worrying about me, and then in turn i get sort of depressed because people all start asking me if i'm okay and telling me they're worried and all that does is force me to not stop thinking about what the problems are because i start getting constantly reminded...

Well, i'd rather not talk about it all, for now, because if i do start articulating my problems then i'll make MYSELF sad and worried about it all.

For now, i want to not think about it. I want to worry about it all if or when it gets worse. I'll post about it then i guess. For now, don't worry about me.

I am very touched that you all care so much though.

Anyways, for now, here's another random 'about me' post i thought you might find interesting. Comment on whatever takes your fancy.

1. For some weird reason, which is probably my OCD, any volume setting (like the one on a TV), has to be set at either 4, 6, 8, 11, 12, 14, 16, 18, 21, 24, 26, 28, 32, 37, 43, 48 or 54. If it's not, i feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's because i don't like groups of 5 or something.

2. Also on OCD, i remember that even as (quite) a young child, i felt forced to always take an even number of sips from a drink or an even number of bites from a food item. When that really started to stress me, i forced myself to stop, but the effect of that was that afterwards, i had to avoid even numbers and i ended up avoiding any sort of pattern at all costs, so i didn't really accomplish anything.

3. I've been on more intense ones, but the scariest ride i've ever been on was a Ferris Wheel one time. The little open compartment thingy was shaking and creaking and it was windy as hell. I had a DEATH-GRIP on the metal bar behind me and my seat. When i finally got off my shoulder was so sore because i'd been absolutely frozen the whole time. My friends wanted to go for another ride.

4. I have tiny hands and feet, although the rest of me is pretty big, like, i have big hips, so that's weird.

5. When i was younger (like, 4 or 5) i always had to sleep on a certain side, because if i didn't, i would ALWAYS have nightmares. Is there a logical reason for that? Because it sounds like there should be one...

6. Also when i was younger, some nights i would hear awful metallic clanking noises outside and think that aliens were coming to get me. I would hold the covers over my head and shut my eyes, thinking that if i didn't see them, they couldn't hurt me. In hindsight, i realise that that would have been the garbage-truck.

7. The only bone i've ever broken was my little finger. I was playing mini-golf and tripped over... I always knew it was a dangerous sport. T_T

8. One time i went to the dentist for an ulcer or something. I had an allergic reaction to the anaesthetic they gave me and i ended up in the casualty ward in the hospital because i was vomiting violently.

9. I needed to sleep with some sort of light on at night until a few years ago. Now i love complete darkness!!

10. I still can't touch type, and yet i am a 'writer'. I write so much... so... why can't i do it yet?

11. The most important thing to me (and perhaps some of my friends like AJ should hear this) is love. I feel that as long as you have someone to share love with, then nothing else matters, because everything else will fall into place sooner or later. Finding someone whom you truly connect with is a real blessing. Love is the one thing in life that you cannot control. You can earn money, and you can work for for a job, but being loved is based on your entire soul. Having love means that you have found a soulmate, and that is the most special thing of all.

I want to be loved. Nothing else matters to me.

That's it for now. See ya later, hope that things work out for me - i need some good luck for once,


Friday, November 28, 2008

Nothing too important about me.

I'm really feeling bad for a lot of people i know right now. Please take the time to show support to those you care about. Nobody can get through a struggle on their own.

Life's not so great for me right now either, but i'll post about that some other time. We don't need me throwing my troubles into the mix at the moment. I'm also really worn-out now and need some sleep...

Perhaps it also has to do with the fact that a lot of people have been leaning on me and i can't help but care for them.

If anyone needs to talk, (ANYONE), please just drop me an email. I've been doing a lot of listening recently, so i think (hope) i'm getting pretty good at it, and i will do my best to help.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

M-Boy's Verdict on Stereotypes.


Well, i opened this can of worms/bag of snakes/or some other better metaphor...

so i'll try to wrap it up, the best way that a 15yo kid can... :P

Let me first say, before you all get angry at me, that this is just MY opinion, and i'm not the most in-the-know about this. I'm still going to say it though...

I KNOW some of you will disagree with me, and that's what makes this so much FUN!!

We know that gays aren't portrayed in the most positive of lights in the form of the media.

Perhaps that's our own fault.

We literally parade ourselves,

then we try to say that there's nothing different between us and the 'straights'.

There is a stereotype out there, and we know it, that all gays are massive flamers.

We perpetuate that myth ourselves, especially in our stereotype pride parades.

The stereotype is THERE.

We need to CRUSH IT.

We are NOT ALL massive flamers. We are all DIFFERENT.

And because we are so different, that's what makes us NORMAL.

Soft twinks, hairy bears, flamers, queens, butch or effeminate, the muscly macho men, the dancers, the hairdressers and the make-up artists.

That is what we are seen as.

Yes, some of us do fit into that, but i think that the majority of us do not. And yet that is how we are represented.

So, i say we stop enabling these stereotypes.

Bring on the gay accountants! And policemen/women, journalists, sportspeople, computer geeks, emos, chefs, farmers, scientists, butchers, doctors, dentists, lawyers, and whatever the fuck else you can think of, because in all fucking honesty, we as a group are no different than everyone else, because we're all different!

Why must we continue to feel we have to conform to this? Is it because we so desperately want to show that we are proud, that we will get so in-your-face? That we wave our bright flags to show we're not ashamed?

All that's done has created and reinforced a fairly negative stereotype (that is the butt of jokes), and that has made more people fall into it... myself included...

I don't even know why. I just know that one day i DECIDED that my favourite colour would be pink, and i would watch modelling shows and care about 'gay stuff'... and i never looked back.

I did that, because i was gay, and i wanted to show it.

Whether or not that is the true me, i don't know, i never will know, but there's no turning back now.

Gay is flamboyant. Gay is soft. Gay is weak.

Gay has been stereotyped.

We can't let it go on. We need to show that we are just 'normal' people, and that our ONLY difference is that fact that we are same-sex attracted. Nothing else should go with that, just our sexuality. Because not all gays have a fashion sense and love Pop music.

Unlike our sexuality, i believe that who we are is a CHOICE, or can at least be influenced.

We should not be pigeonholed into something that we are not.

We should be free to be whoever the fuck we want to be, and not feel we have to conform!

So perhaps the day that we stop fucking ourselves around with this stereotype, will be the day that we earn some respect in the rest of the world.

Now, bitch at me all you want! Cos i'm going to my bedroom to watch the episode of Will & Grace i taped earlier today.

And do not say that i am homophobic, because I AM GAYER THAN YOU.

See you tomorrow. Set me straight in the comments until then.

love you ALL, from the flamers to the miners,


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Stereotypes. :/

So at school today while we had a class (in which were doing doing absolutely pointless crap) my 'friends' started talking about gay stereotypes.

Not being very... intelligent (couldn't think of a better word to describe them) they of course think that the sort of gays they see on TV and in movies are accurate...

We've all seen them - they show massive flamers with a swish in their walk and a soft gay lisp, who wear flamboyant clothing and get jobs as hardressers, clothes designers or doing make-up.

Think about it - most gay characters in the media are shown in an incredibly stereotypical way. Unfortunately it almost brainwashes ordinary people into pegging us down as a 'sort' and disliking us.

I don't like that.

I also think that's the way we are shown is very untrue. A LOT of the gay people that i've met through my blog say that they AREN'T like that. I also know more than a few who've said they really dislike the massive gay flamers.

So don't you think that sucks?

We need more positive gay role models, who can be out there and not acting more girly than a girl. What we really need are just some gay 'normal' people, because let's face it, it would help our image...

And not make some poor young struggling kids think that they'll turn into 'that'.

Everyone should be free to be who they want to be. Effeminate guys can be effeminate if they want to. I just don't think that it is the most accurate depiction of gays, and we should be shown in a different, more positive light.

And of course, we wouldn't be on the receiving end of soooooo many gay jokes that have become the norm...

Saying all that... the truth is that i'm fairly 'gay' in real life... haha

And to be honest, i really like effeminate boys as well. I think high-pitched voices are really cute, and of course you all know that i like longer hair.

That's just me though. And i still don't think that we should all be shown that way.

Not all publicity is good publicity in our queer plight.

I truly think that having some good gay role-models would be a big step forward in more acceptance and understanding.

Spill your guts in the comments, especially if you can think of some positive gay figures that are out there.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Writing, polls, and a few links...

First of all, i'm sorry i missed yesterday's post. I got caught up playing a game and before i knew it my mum wanted the pc back to do homework or something...

Second of all, i'm surprised, and proud, that a lot of you read my last post. I thought it would be too long and boring but perhaps i underestimated you haha. :D

Thanks so much for all your kind words. It really does mean a lot to me to have you guys show an interest in what i'm doing.

There were a few questions asked in the comments section, so rather than write a really long comment of my own, i thought i'd make a mini-post.

Q. Books and writers i like and why.

A. I don't read much nowadays. I haven't touched a novel or anything like it probably all year. I did read (and get read to) a lot when i was younger though. I have really fond memories of, as a child, lying in bed with my Mum sitting next to me reading The Faraway Tree and The Wishing Chair by Enid Blyton to me. I'd always ask if there were any pictures on the page. :P

I don't remember much of those books, other than that i loved them. Very fantasy-like.

When i was in about grade 5 or 6, my Mum got me the Lord of the Rings' books for Christmas because i loved the movies. It was probably a little ahead of my comprehension, but aim high my friends! Aim high! It did me good.

The most recent books i read were the ones by Eoin Colfer. Now i love him as an author. When i read his stuff, i get the feeling that he never underestimates his audience's ability to grasp what he's trying to get across. He gives them a lot of credit basically.

Q. Will my story be a novel or a series.

A. Well, THIS story that i'm writing, will either be one book or two. I haven't really decided because... i haven't finished it yet.

Now if i keep going with my worlds and races, then any future stories would probably not contain my current characters. I would probably start a new struggle with an entirely new plot and cast because by the end of this one, they'll have outlived their usefulness.

Q. Have i taken any creative writing classes or read up on how other authors write?

A. Nope. Not at all. But next year i'm doing 'creative writing' as an elective. :)

Feel free to ask me any more questions. Like i said before, i could talk about this sort of stuff forever. Writing is my life, afterall.

After boys. ;)

I don't want to start a whole new post now so...

To the polls now. :)

It's pretty obvious that a lot of you think Skylar is a really hot name. Well, i agree. It's also the name of the main character in my NEXT story, Hope Hurts, which i've started planning but haven't started writing yet, and i won't start writing until Universes is done.

Personally, i think Lynx is the best. :)

Lynx is another twisted individual, very much like Coltrane, except this guy is ACTUALLY evil. He's also bisexual... and has powers of seduction... *wink wink

I won't start talking about that story now... Some other time.

Poll B speaks for itself. It seems that you're all very horned-up. ;D

More than half the votes so far go to something to do with hot boys. ^_^

And poll C... Cuddle me is winning? Oh wow! That's so sweet. :D:D

I knew you guys were awesome. haha

5% of you want to bonk me haha lol. I wouldn't be much fun in bed. Sorry. ;)

2nd is talk to me... Well, sorry, but i don't think i'll be meeting up with you any time soon. You can always add to msn though.

I must admit - i'm pretty damn awesome to talk to.

*free plug for addys lol

And what else? Well...

I like this game.

I like this song.

Check out this new blog.

See ya tomorrow.



Saturday, November 22, 2008

My first 'real' post about my story. :)

(LONG POST. BE WARNED) I've made it as easy as possible but it requires a bit of commitment to read. haha :P

So i've talked about my story quite a bit in the past - about some of the characters, issues i've had with it, why it's so important, and the like...

Well, for once, you're actually going to hear what it is about. :)

Bear in mind, before i start rambling, that i have poured my heart, soul and spare time into this story for over a year and a half now. I have pressed well over a million keys on keyboards (perhaps backspace more than any others as i try to get it right) and jotted down hundreds of notes on hands, scraps of paper and in notepads.

I've gone to sleep dreaming about it... and daydreamed about it during the day.

When i hear a good instrumental song, i start to imagine particular scenes in my head...

Sometimes i see people and go 'ooh wow. They look so much like how i imagine my character...' :P

When i watch movies with cool action scenes i think 'whoa... that's awesome. I've gotta put that in my story somewhere!"

It's almost impossible for anyone but me, to understand how much this story means to me.

It is a part of my soul now. And my soul is a part of it.

If you have the patience to read this all, you get a special prize from me! :D:D:D

This is the basic plot. Don't worry if you get confused. It is quite complicated. Remember that if you were reading it, these things would be revealed one at a time.

First of all, you have to understand that there is more than one universe. That is why the story is called 'Universes'.

What we call Earth, is known to everyone else as the Light World. We are Lightians, descendants of the Light Spirit. The Spirits created the worlds and universes, and 'humans' were born from their power.

Cross to another universe, and you meet the Powerians (descendants of the Power Spirit). Then we also have Heatians, Waterians, Speedians, Stonians, Airians, Healthians, Sightians, Thoughtians, Soundians, Shadowians and Deathians, each living in their own worlds. There is also a Beast World that contains animals.

Each race has a unique power. Heatians have firepowers, Waterians have waterpowers etc... and they get their strength from their race's 'Orb' which is housed in their world.

Now, the big problem is the Deathians.

Since the beginning, it was their job (and power) to remove souls from bodies and send them on their way to the afterlife...

But one day they discovered something awful - that if instead of sending the soul onto the afterlife, they absorbed it into their bodies, they got the power of the deceased.

And since then, the Deathians have been on a quest for power and conquest.

If they can steal a race's Orb, and take it back to the Death World and place it next to the Death Orb, every Deathian gets that race's power. :O

So, if the Deathians captured the Heat Orb, they would rob the Heatians of their fire powers. Heatians would be severely weakened and permanently fatigued until they get their Orb back to the Heat World. The Deathians would have fire powers and be even stronger than before, thus, being another step closer to wiping out everyone else.

So every other race formed an alliance against the Deathians (except for the Light World (Earth), because us Lightians are way too stupid and concerned with fighting and killing our own people to be involved). :/

Access to our world was cut off, so we were left out of this war... except for a select few.

The alliance has fought for thousands of years against the Deathians.

Unfortunately, Soundians had their Orb taken, so they are now too weak to keep fighting. Also, the entire Shadowian race (perhaps the most beautiful of them all) was wiped out and their Orb was also stolen. The Beasts Orb was also taken by Deathians.

One more race also falls recently, in an event that takes place in my story... due to the betrayal of one of my characters.

One more thing - because they Shadowians had such an individual look, and the Deathians took their powers and everything, the Deathians took on the beauty of Shadowians in a twisted way, and started to resemble them...

Does that make sense? Anyway, since the fall of the Shadowians, Deathians were called shadows... because... well...

because Deathians sounds too corny! And shadows sound much creepier! I just needed an excuse to call them shadows!

There is a difference between Shadowians and shadows...

Shadowians - good.
Shadows - bad... and formerly know as Deathians. :)

Also, the alliance fights in teams, and combinations of teams, rather than in armies, so that people are always with their friends when they're fighting.

Phew... Now that's the background to my story...

That's what it's all about - the struggle against the Deathians (now shadows), who grow stronger every day, while the allies grow weaker.

The alliance must fight back against the shadows, who aim to wipe them out.

Keep reading if you want to find out about my characters and plot...

The story starts with Jack - a Lightian, waking to find his father being murdered by a Deathian/shadow in his own home in the middle of the night.

With an intense throbbing silence in the air (the stolen Sound Power), his ears bleed, and he falls to his knees behind the door with his hands on his head, unable to move, and watches his father's soul be taken.

The shadow leaves, and Jack gets up and stumbles over to his father's remains, which are now just a pile of ash.

Suddenly, there is a flash of purple light, and Jack runs back to hide behind the door.

Three people appear...

Marc - a Powerian, Sydney - a Heatian, and Dorph - a Healthian. They are part of a team, that used to include Jack's father.

After the realisation that they are too late to save him, Marc, the leader of the team, tells them that they have to find his son, Jack.

So they look for him, and (eventually) find him. Jack is told he has to go with Marc and his team-mates, or face a life alone and confused, and possibly in danger.

So, of course, Jack goes with them, and is given his father's sword.

(Yes, they fight with swords and magic and stuff. No guns... cos they're too hard to write about basically. No gun battle can match hand-to-hand combat. :P)

They warp back to the Power World, which is the main base of the alliance. It's where the teams rest, between missions when they warp out to the other worlds to fight or defend.

Marc's team is always on-call. Every morning, the team leaders meet up and are given their orders which they later carry out with their team-mates.

Jack is slowly introduced to the other team-mates - Neo the Waterian, Klax the Stonian, Xeros the Speedian, Zhetty the Thoughtian, and Coltrane who's another Powerian.

They work together, doing missions for the alliance.

But now i introduce my main character, Coltrane - a writers dream.

He is the central character in this whole story, and most of what happens involves him, or happens because of what he did.

He looks kind of emo, with thick black hair and dark eyes. He rarely talks, and shows little emotion, except to his best friend Marc, who he grew up with after his parents were murdered.

Yes, he's in love with Marc, a guy he can't have. (A problem that many of us face, isn't it?)

But not only do i adore Coltrane because he's a great character (and a gay one!)... I adore him because Coltrane is a traitor.

On his 16th birthday, he learned that his mother had been working for the shadows, promised that if she helped them, she would survive when the shadows took over...

However, when she fell in love and gave birth to a son, she quit that life and tried to leave.

On Coltrane's 2nd birthday, while he was with his parents who were going for a walk, his parents were attacked. His mother fled with her son in her arms, but she was mortally wounded, and as she got to safety, she fell to the ground with nothing left...

This was all revealed to Coltrane in a note from his mother...

Coltrane wanted to do it right. Rather than take it as a lesson, he decided to offer himself to the shadows as well, and ask for his survival in return.

That was years ago. Now, Coltrane has been working for the shadows for a long time, doing things for them that only someone on the inside could do.

In my story, his various joyful adventures include:

- Murdering the guardians of the Thoughts Orb and giving it to the shadows.

- Releasing a shadow from prison while his team-mates are outside guarding him.

- Working with a shadow general to grant access to the Health World to the shadows.

- And killing more than one of his team-mates to prove his loyalty... o.O

But is Coltrane really evil? Or did he just make a decision when he was younger that he lived to regret, and which he wants to turn away from, but is too afraid of dying to do so...

What he has done catches up with him eventually.

There is hope for him, in the form of Klax the Stonian.

Klax believes in him, and understands all he has done.

And Klax loves Coltrane...

As well as the characters in Marc's team, we also have Syrene, the Airian team-leader, who's older than Marc, but falls deeply in love with him... even though all those she was close to died a long time ago, and she had fallen into depression.

Slexo, the Speedian Prince, who's been fighting for so long in enemy territory, and hides his true identity.

Zamny, the hyperactive stepbrother of the 2 Healthian generals, who a member of the team is told to look after.

And we also meet the Shadow King and his general Vicious, who Coltrane works with on many occasions.

And many more characters with recurring roles.

Oceavan, a Waterian celebrity.

Selsy, a love interest for Neo.

Alphaz, Dorph's brother, and Malo, Neo's brother.

And many more... :)

And... urgh... that's all i want to write for now, but i could say so much more...

If you have any questions, send me an email or leave a comment anytime. As you can probably tell, i'm more than happy to talk about it. :P

Anyways, that's probably the most important thing in my life right now, so don't blame me for carrying on. I can't help it!

Hopefully, you've gained a much bigger insight into my life now though... (if you actually read the post).



Friday, November 21, 2008

Finally found some time. :P

I'm back!


I've got the computer to myself for once tonight... finally... so i can post proper.

I'll catch you up on a few things in my life... Comment on what you will...

I went shopping with My Mum and Nan after school today... Nan didn't say anything about my sexuality. I can't say i expected her to - our family never talks about anything important. :/

Still, it could have been much worse! So i'm not complaining. :)

I haven't been contacted by the woman who runs the gay youth group yet... I do still have the former gay student's number that Mrs OC gave me and told me to call about it though, so i guess i'll call him on Saturday or Sunday... (See Thursday's post if you don't remember)

I'm kind of nervous, and kind of excited haha...

The thought of seeing a real life gay person... wow... :P

School is still sucking big-time, but only 2 weeks and 6 days left and i will get a break from it all. Let's just hope i pass... O_O

I seriously need a haircut... My hair is just SO thick and it grows way too fast. When i get out of the shower i have perfect emo hair. :D

Then it gets dry and goes all wavy... :/

I would make a great emo... You all like emos don't you? :D

I'm making good progress on my story again. I think i'll make a post about it sometime on the weekend... If you're lucky, you might even get 2 posts. *dances

- To make up for my crappy posts recently. :P

- Cos i could talk about my story forever even if it bores the shit out of you. :D

My Mum and i are getting along better now. She's doing a nursing course at the moment, and is in the middle of her very important tests which she needs to pass. I guess that's why she's been a bit snappy recently.

She only has 2 days left, and if she passes, this means she can work as a nurse in a hospital.

Also, she starts working in the evenings again, which means i can use the computer for a couple of hours. :)

*Still praying for the internet in my own room...

Although at the end of the year, we will get a fair bit of money from our tax returns, and she owes me like $350 or something (don't ask me why)... so if she pays me back (although that seems unlikely because she's not very good at it), i will be able to afford it. :)

*Fingers crossed...

And i put up 3 new polls, so take a look at them and vote, and as always, comment about what you picked and why in the comment section if you want to.

I'll get back to proper posting tomorrow.

To my blog buddies...

Matt, you are truly awesome for taking care of AJ like that.

AJ, i still think you are really brave for putting yourself back out there.

Landyn, i got your email and you really made my day... actually, my week. I love you so much.

Love you and all my readers,


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Random stuff about me... again.

I have neither the time nor the mind to construct a proper post at the moment - my mum is bugging me for the computer, again... O_O

So here is a bit of random stuff that you may or may not already know about me. Feel free to comment on what you will.

1. I love emos. Mmm... hair...

1 1/2. Hair can definitely make or break a boy.

2. I have a fear of emus... and spiders, and heights, and blood, and needles...

3. Let's get geeky here. I don't do that very often... do i? :P

I have a Nintendo Wii. My favourite games of all time are the Paper Mario series. On Super Smash Bros my favourite characters are Yoshi, Pit, and Zero Suit Samus.

4. We have to wear uniforms to school. Mmm... grey and white... how very appealing...

And... sorry for that sucky post, but i've run out of time. I promise i will post something decent next time... I just wish i had the internet in my room because for the last few days i've barely had the internet at all, and when i do finally get it, my Mum is always out here, so i have to be careful what sites i look at, cos if 'pics' come up, then i'm OBVIOUSLY on porn... So it's better just to avoid them...

Of course, that means what i can view is very limited recently... *sighs...

*Praying for the internet for Christmas...



(Still haven't gotten to emails. Promise will do so soon.)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Random Wrap.

Damnit. I only get 20 mins on the computer tonight... And i also have to try to post while my cat is rubbing his face all over my arm. :P

The poll finished today. There were 152 votes. The question was 'How important is sex to you?'

OMG It's the most important thing! - 3%
I need sex to survive - 13%
Can't have a relationship without great sex - 2%
Not the most important thing but still necessary - 32%
Sex is a small part. Affection is more important - 28%
I don't mind. We can always work something out - 2%
I don't give a shit! I just want a partner - 7%
Sex doesn't matter to me one bit - 3%
I choose not to have sex - 5%

Well if anything, that poll helped me not feel like such a freak for not caring about sex. Everybody is so diverse - if we were all the same then finding love would be pointless because there would be no challenge. When you find someone who feels the same as you do it makes it all worth the wait.

I hope that makes sense - i'm kind of in a hurry. :P

A few other things to get through...

- Thanks very much for the comments on my last post. More than once i felt very humbled. I'm very lucky to know you all.

- I broke the 175,000 word mark on my story the other day. Woot for me. WOOT. :P

- I'm still sore all over. I figure that's due to how stressed i've been recently...

Oh man, i wish it was the holidays already...

- AJ's had a tough time recently. I can't do much else to help him other than to tell him that he's loved by many of us and he will be okay - it will just take time for him to feel better on the inside. He has Matt to look after him though... and i know he knows just how lucky he is to have that.

- I'm working on fixing up my blog links. Get in touch through comments or email if you want to be on there.

I had more to say but it has all flown out the window...

I'll get around to comments and emails when i get time.

Love you all, wish me luck, and i wish you all luck as well,


My cat has gone psycho now and is attacking the rug.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Milestone. The story of my blog.

I started this blog 2 months ago.

Since then, I've had over 50,000 views.

Just 2 months ago, i was an incredibly lonely boy who felt he was nothing.

I was in the closet and frustrated to hell about it. I had absolutely ZERO contact with any sort of gay community, which was what i prayed for. I resented the friends i had because i was sure they hated people like me.

Every day i was crushed further into the ground as i pretended to be someone else. I let people stamp over my values and make crude remarks.

I felt i would be like this forever...

I would never meet anyone else like me. How can you, when you're too terrified to come out, and when there are no other 'out' people around you?

I felt i would lie forever.

There was no way out that i could imagine. I would be crushed, along with my values and hopes and dreams into a snivelling little mess.

I cried at night more than once, because i felt so pathetic.

There was nothing i could do.

Then one night, i sat down. I had 20 minutes before my Mum got home from work and i would have to get off the computer.

I got onto Blogger... and i clicked on Create a Blog.

I had to think of a name... I had to think of a blog address... I had to pick a layout. I did.

And then i started writing.

I started a tiny little blog with one post.

I slowly added to my blog everyday, even though nobody was reading.

I was more nervous than you could possibly imagine. I was sure that what i thought would mean nothing to people who had their own lives to live.

There were already so many other blogs out there. I thought mine would be lost.

And then it all began...

My first link and comment came from Jake Annonymous. He said that we should be 'brother blogs,' and at that point i had only written a few posts that nobody had read.

I owe a lot to him. It was the first sign that something might come of this.

I started linking. I started getting more views... and then very slowly... i started getting comments.

I put up my msn address, and for the first time in my life, i was able to speak to someone who understood what it was like. I think his name was... Lach. :P

Thank you Lach, and Jake. You both gave me a lot of confidence when i had none.

I started getting more links, and slowly more important ones on places like milkboys.

People started reading. They started actually commenting and e-mailing.

I sent out requests for links. I started spreading. People started asking ME for links.

People added me to msn. And i started making friends.

I started connecting with the sort of people who i had been looking for since i found myself.

I was getting somewhere.

My blog grew. And as people showed an interest in me, i started putting more effort in.

I witnessed the births of other blogs, who said that blogs like mine gave them courage.

And i got somewhere. My blog was being read by people. People actually cared about me.

I made dozens of amazing friends who have got my back and genuinely want the best for me.

Since i started, i've gone through the toughest time in my life.

I was outed to my friends, and then at school. I was outed to everyone.

I was terrified, but i had all of YOU to calm me down, reassure me and give me advice. I think that without your support, i would have broken down. I would not have been able to take this.

But i did, thanks to my blog - my place to share my fears and concerns with a world who cares.

I'm so grateful to be in this position.

I just want to say THANK YOU.

You've been with me, every step of the way.

You've been along the times i've been strong, you've cared when i was scared, you've helped me when i was sad, and you even sat through my awful rants. :P

From my every-post commenters, to my daily e-mailers, to my silent readers, to the nervous people who've been entirely in the closet all their lives, and who tell me just working up the courage to write an email was a struggle...

You make my life bearable.

And if me being here has helped anyone be more confident in who they are, then it was all worth it.

...Saying that, it has helped me more than any of you.


Monday, November 17, 2008

Another week off to a GREAT start.

Hey everybody. Sorry i missed yesterday. I lost track of time.

Today was pretty crap.

For no reason i can think of, i was sore all over. My leg hurt when i walked, my back hurt when i sat down, my hand hurt when i wrote.

Also that boy that i got suspended came up to my face, shook my hand hard and in a really snide tone said "thanks for getting me suspended, mate!"

He's pretty much the most intimidating person you could ever meet...

My Journalism interview is due tomorrow. I taked to my Journalism teacher about it not being suitable for playing in front of the whole class because of how personal it got, so she's just going to listen to it herself and mark it...

I still have another 20-30 mins of scratchy tape to try to get down though. And then i have to write the Feature Article about it... Fuck...

That's what procrastination gets you.

Regarding my last post, i was actually told that i sounded like a 'runny nose spoilt little bitch'...

Well, that's how i felt at the time. Believe it or not, my Mum and i get along most of the time, but when i was writing that, she was really fucking pissing me off, so that's the reason for my post. I had been dealing with such a hard time recently, i just needed to vent a little.

*sighs... Mini-rant over...

After school today, i went down to our Youth Centre and enquired about that group of people who meet up the street once a week. I gave my name and phone number to the lady behind the desk, so i'm expecting a call from the woman who runs it sometime this week.

Hope it turns out well...

I also ran into my old cute Asian friend from Primary School... He has cool thick black hair now and he's damn cute...

Unfortunately... he's not gay. :P

I did take the opportunity to come out to him when he asked why i was up the street. I don't think he really cared though.

Isn't it funny how easy it is to come out now? It was such a quick spur-of-the-moment thing.

Speaking of coming out, my Mum said to me on Sunday that she'd told my Grandmother i'm gay.

Hmm... I'm kind of angry that she didn't even ask my permission. O_O

She said that Nan took it fairly well...

Knowing my Nan, she was probably in shock. She's quite religious - a churchgoer, with pictures of God and Jesus hanging around her house. She also always says 'God bless' when you're saying goodbye.

It will be interesting to see if i keep hearing that now...

She probably thinks i'm going to Hell. :P

Anyways, i'm just kind of sad right now. Life is so frustrating and the holidays are only crawling towards me.

11th of December and i will finally be free of school.

I won't have to put up with my daily shit anymore...

Wish me luck... in everything really...


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Shut up and leave me alone.

I haven't had any alone time in ages. My mum's been home all the time recently.

And when she's home, she's usually out here in the kitchen, and in case you don't know by now, the only computer in my house that has the internet is the one out here in the kitchen.

That means she's almost always around me when i'm on the internet. O_O

Let me give you a few reasons why i HATE that.

1. I can't look at some websites when i want to cos i know they might have 'pictures' on them, and if she sees 'pictures' she'll think i MUST be on porn, and then blame me for infecting the computer with viruses.

2. She talks to me when i'm busy. It doesn't matter how many times i tell her i'm in the middle of something or whatever, she just keeps talking and talking and talking, to me, or to herself, or to the cats.

3. She smokes and doesn't close the glass door.

4. She plays music really loud and i can't hear myself think.

And then the other day she was out here, and we were already in a bad mood... Out of the blue she asks (demands) in a snarly tone what i talk to my friends about on MSN.

I told her it was none of her business...

And then she starts yelling (and swearing) about how she pays for the internet and "IT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS?????" making out like i was being a sneaky prick.

"OH i work so hard and you don't give a fuck. I pay all the bills and you show no respect. IT IS MY FUCKING BUSINESS."

WTF? Like she was implying i'm doing something so WRONG??

I wanted to scream "GET FUCKED!" at her. She just lost it for no reason at me.

It's fucking hell in my house sometimes. I need time away from her or i will go insane.

Now she's bugging me for the computer. She's actually taking flash photos of me... O_O

Friday, November 14, 2008

Weekend. Let's relax while we can.

Oh my God. I am so exhausted. The weekend could not come early enough.

Thank God for weekends. :)

No thanks for all the homework i gotta do during this one though. :(

Anyway, i'm at home now, so i'll stop thinking about school for now.

Before i forget, good wishes to my buddies AJ and Landyn. Life is hard. I hope we all feel better soon. :)

A while back i promised more about my story, so here we go... again. :P

I've been getting a lot done on my story recently, so it seems like i've gotten past my writer's block... again. I've written a few thousand words in the past couple of days, and considering the scene i'm up to, that's pretty damn good.

Things are so much easier when you have great characters to work with. Unfortunately, that's one of the biggest problems i've had recently. With my main character in prison, i've had to put more work in with making my other ones have more interesting storylines.

That's hard work.

I introduced a couple of other characters to help put a jolt back into things though.

One character who i introduced in this chapter, is Zamny. I wrote a background for him before he even appeared in my book. I like to do that because by the time you put them in, you already know who they are and how they act and stuff.

He's an exciting addition.

Zamny's a hyperactive eight-year-old boy who lives in the Health World capital city. He's the son of the former Queen of the Health World, and the step-brother of the 2 Healthian generals who were already characters.

He has really strong fire powers and could take down a strong foe, but his brothers don't want him to fight because he's too young...

He's a fast runner though, and they can never stop him.

Characters like that, although they're complex, make writing easier.

My main character, Coltrane, is the most disturbed of them all, but he is such a joy to work with.

You'd think that it would be the other way around - that the characters you have typecast as a certain sort, would be easier to write for... and in some ways that is true, but they're not as exciting and unpredictable as the ones you wonder about.

Excitement and unpredictability are the 2 staples of a good story.

I think a good story needs a mix of both unpredictable characters, and the ones that you can rely on. I like to think that i've found that balance.

I have my former team-leader Marc, who's protective of his group and takes charge when things get hard. I have gutsy fire girl Sydney, who would take on the world for her friends. I have my softie healer Dorph, who tries his best, but feels he never lives up to everyone else. I have my joker Neo, who teases and pisses off people who are weaker than him, like Dorph, but would defend them with all he had. I have super-fast Xeros who only wants to be useful and helpful but sometimes fades into the background.

Then i have Klax, who adores my main character Coltrane, but feels like he won't have his feelings returned.

And then Coltrane... an author's dream. I won't get into him here though...

One day we'll see if it pays off huh?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'm still in hell... but my view of the world has changed.

What happened today?

Well, i haven't been bashed yet. That's a plus. Of course, 'that boy' hasn't been back at school yet... because i got him suspended... so i get the feeling that i'm in the eye of the hurricane and coming out the other side is going to be fucking rough.

I still get immature comments and insults thrown my way. Fucking lame...

I definitely feel very uncomfortable at school. I can't shake that, for obvious reasons. I know there are people here that hate me and i can't do much about it.

What else happened today? I did my Journalism interview with Mrs OC.

Mrs OC is of course my favourite teacher - the one that changed my life and made me want to be a writer, the one that pushes me to do my best and believes in me, and the one that swears!

So we went into the auditorium and went into the dark little kitchen there.

I checked my tape-recorder thingy, and we talked for a couple of minutes.

Then i started the interview. I asked questions from my list, about her life as a child, school, what she wanted to be, who she admired, stuff like that...

It was really interesting to learn so much about her... I think that it was because we are quite close and feel relaxed around each other. It got so personal that i think i should tell my Journalism teacher that it might not be suitable for playing in front of the class (it gets into how she's only still with her husband for their kids). O_O

She shared some personal things with me...

I felt it was the right time to tell her about some of my hard times. And yes, the tape-recorder was OFF.

I told her everything - About me being gay, that my friends found stuff on my USB ("You stupid boy!!" she said), that i was outed at school and that i'm going through a lot of crap from kids. She responded well, so i kept going...

I told her that i write a blog about myself, through which i've met some amazing and caring people. I told her about a few examples of my friends, and that made her smile.

I said that i go home to this wonderful community, and she thinks that's just great. I could see her just brimming with happiness for me.

We talked about all the stuff a lot. She shared some of her experiences with gay people, from a young man with cancer, to some kids who used to go to the school.

She says that our town is a nice place, but we have such small-minded people here and such little diversity... but one day i will leave this place and go to university in a big city like Melbourne, and she says that i will find my group of people and i will just feel like i belong.

I HAVE to leave this place behind. I have to go and find my place in the world. Staying in this town will crush me.

She says i've only got three years left. One day i will leave, and i will make my own way in life, and what happened here won't matter.

It's true.

She really helped me put things into perspective.

Life may be absolute shit now, and it's gonna get worse, but one day it will be gone.

I have a whole life ahead, and it will be a FUCKING GOOD ONE.

Like she said herself...

Life will be awful at times, but there will be intense moments of absolute joy.

I left that room a different person.

There is one more thing though...

There was a boy at school, who is gone now, but when he was here he was openly gay.

He's part of a tiny community in my town of same-sex-attracted people who meet up on Mondays at 4 o'clock at a place up the street.

After the interview, i think Mrs OC gave him a call.

During period 5, she came to my class and gave me a note, saying that i should give him a call because he's good to talk to and he could take me to this thingy.

I'm kind of nervous. I think i'll call him on the weekend and see what it's about though. It could be interesting.

So after today, i'm a little bit stronger, but i am still scared.

We'll just have to see how things pan out, because i know that in the next few days, things are either gonna turn out okay, or come crashing down.

If they do come crashing down though, i know who i'm going to talk to - my favourite teacher who just got even better.

Wish me luck,

love to us all,


And thanks for all your support on the last post, and for the emails you sent me. It made me feel so much better.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The storm.

I'm back, on my hands and knees, asking for your opinions and support and advice. PLEASE.

Remember how yesterday i said that school was sucking majorly? How i had a problem? And that i then talked to the coordinator about it?

Today, the coordinator talked to the boy that caused yesterday's awful problem...

And now, i may be responsible for getting the meanest and toughest kid in my year level suspended from school for a week.

This boy, hangs around in a big gang of other boys that you don't want to mess with.


I know it. I'm in for it.

Nobody will stick up for me. I know that. My friends are 'nice', but they don't care about me. As long as these people don't go after them, they don't give a shit.

Telling my teacher got me into an even worse situation than before. Do i keep going back? Is that going to make things even worse? What could they even do?

I HAVE to go to school. I can't hide at home. I'm behind in my work already. Tomorrow my Journalism interview is scheduled... which i have to prepare tonight. Fuck.

And i can't defend myself. Not with fists and not with words.

I'm at a loss of what to do.

When i think about MY LIFE, i feel deeply sick and terrified.

This is it. This is my life and i've fucked it up. There is nowhere to hide and nobody to turn to.

I don't want to be me.

I wish this was a stupid story or something.

But no, it's me. This is my life.

This is my everything.

I'm fucked and that's it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Smile... Laugh... Cry...

Ugh... I think i'm getting all depressed and crap again. I'll try not to bore you with all the details but i don't feel like posting about anything else.

So school is SUCKING MAJORLY right now. By the end of the day i just want to collapse and disappear from this awful world.

I don't want to talk about it, so please don't inundate me with worried emails! I know you all care, and that's really sweet, but i kind of don't want advice from people who don't know the situation. I hope you understand. :/

BUT... i did make an appointment with the counsellor, again. (The previous time was for truancy.) I also talked to my form coordinator about the shit i was dealing with. I know he will do what he can for me, although we don't have and probably never will have a fix-all solution. Unfortunately we both agree that things are going to get worse before they get better and there's not much i can do.

Then i've got French, Journalism, Science and Catering homework to do.

I'm actually cutting one of my classes on Thursday so i can interview a teacher (Miss OC) for the Journalism assignment, which is due on Friday, along with a full feature article about the interview.

There's also the money situation at home. *sighs...

We can't afford much of anything right now. It looks like we'll be waiting a long time before i finally get the internet in my room, along with many other things. :(

Also, because my Mum has to leave early now as she's on placement, my Grandmother comes over EVERY morning and gets me out of bed. She comes in (WITHOUT KNOCKING) opens the door and turns the light on (much earlier than necessary FFS!)

I have things to do in bed before i get up! I don't need her poking around!

I have a headache today as well, (probably due to the stress i bet).

My feet are hurting so bad because i really need new shoes. (Oh look! We can't afford them.) O_O

Sorry. I don't want to burden you with all my shit. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything from you, i just don't have much else to say at the moment.

I put on a smile all day and all night.

Inside i am a sad and scared little mess.

Nobody will pull me out of the mud.

My arms are too tired to pull myself out, for they've been pulling for so long already.

All i can do is wait for the mud to dry.

But it has started raining,

and i'm still expecting the storm.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I can't think of a witty and/or thought-provoking title.

Jim (Jemima). A much less photogenic cat than Tig.

Tig loves the camera. So much so he will try to rub his gums on it.

Ugh... so i finally got around to posting, even though i have a massive headache tonight... :/
And... it's 11 o'clock...
What can you say at 11? When you're tired and have a headache...
I dunno... I really can't think of anything. I'm just so bored and down and i can't be stuffed tonight. I'm sick of school and i've got all this homework to do (which i haven't done yet - it can wait till tomorrow or somethin). We're really (i mean REALLY) low on money so tensions are high in my house. Mum's also on placement doing some stuff during the day so usually wants the computer at night and because only the pc in the kitchen has the internet, we have to share... which is lame.
Bah... This is a pointless post... I am so fucking tired right now you... wouldn't... believe...
And the paragraphs are going all crazy on me while i'm trying to type so... smeh...
And... crazy... green... lines... everywhere... o_o
See you later, friends, when i'm feeling better.
The view from my front window (minus the cat).

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I almost forgot a title.

My Tiger. The most photogenic cat in the world.

The new poll is up so make sure you vote on it. The red is supposed to encourage you to do so. :P

I posted about sex basically. It seemed the obvious choice after yesterday's post... I hope you don't all say sex doesn't matter just to make me happy. Surely it MUST matter to SOME of you.

I'm expecting at least a few votes towards the top... Don't be shy now. :P

Well, that's it for tonight. My mum wants the PC... *sighs...

I must get the internet in my room, but i need money first... and that, i don't have. :(

I'll post proper tomorrow.

See ya, love,


///You can use this space to spill on what you voted for and why. :)///

Saturday, November 8, 2008

My head and my (lack of) lust.

The poll results are in.

Story stuff - 15%
Stuff about Aus - 9%
More vids and pics - 10%
More about me - 43%
More about boys - 21%

The clear winner was me. Obviously i'm just so awesome that you can't get enough of me. ;D

2nd was boys... and that's the opposite of me... o_O

That's a little confusing, but oh well, i'll try to add a bit more of them in too. :P

Then the others came in at about equal 3rd, still with a decent amount of votes. There are people out who want to hear about or see them as well, so i will post about them soon too. :)

But as promised, here's a personal post about me. :)

You may have gathered from the title that this post is about 'lust', as in 'sexual desire'.

Well to be honest, i don't think that i have strong sexual desires.

My dick doesn't go up easily. I don't get turned on easily. It takes a long time for me to reach orgasm. Things that turn other people on don't do it for me.

I wank and stuff... and I CAN get turned on, but only through pretty hard porn (i'm NOT talking about any extreme stuff here) just a lot of moaning... moaning does it for me i guess, and i have a few kinks, but it always takes me a long time.

This isn't just with my dick, it's in my head. I just don't get really turned on.

I don't know... this makes me think that i'm not even capable of sex, because i'm just not a sexual being, i think.

I am much more into 'eye candy' than other porny stuff. I don't really care that much for porn actually. It's just so much harder for me.

And i don't think i'd be able to 'get there' in sex...

So sex doesn't matter to me. I could easily live without it, honestly.

But the problem is... sex DOES matter to a lot of other people... so that means... umm... i just don't think i could satisfy someone because that part of the relationship would be missing.

Great... So if i do find 'that boy' i won't be enough for him.

I just wish i could be normal. :/

Yeah. That's mirrorboy for ya...

Always just another thing standing in the way of happiness.


Friday, November 7, 2008

Bah. Too much to do.

This is just a quickie post. :)

I'm gonna go back to my room soon and try to get some more done on my story. I'm in the midst of a big battle for an outpost, and the thing i'm most concerned with is making it interesting. There are only so many times you can have a battle before you start having the problem of deja-vu, it would seem...

I'm taking it paragraph by paragraph, just trying to push out the words, each one trying to be new and interesting.

The big problem is that I'm a complete perfectionist. Every single word has to be right before i can move on, and every little detail has to flow and make sense.

Oh my God, it's torture sometimes... :P

The poll is nearly over, so i'm looking for suggestions for the next one. Leave your ideas in the comments. :)

Should i have a particular theme or question, or another one similar to my current one?

Anyway, results tomorrow, and i'll post about 'me' (the winner) and something quite personal. It'll be interesting to see how many votes the others get though...


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Reflections of my habitat.

Haha first...

Am i ever gonna live it down?? lol

-Also, you've got just over a day left to vote on the poll. So make sure you do, before the next one starts. (Suggestions are welcome for topics). :)

Today i had PE (sport/excersise and stuff) for the first 2 periods of school. I usually hate PE cos i SUCK at sport, and we also have to wear these daggy uniforms.

Sometimes it's fun though, like when we go bowling (yeah! i won last time! :P) or tennis which i don't suck at. Today, we went down to the beach for a walk. I like walking, because i don't fail at it. :)

Maybe it's something to do with the 'walking' itself. Maybe it was the absence of stress. Maybe it was the fact it was just the sand and the ocean and the seaweed and the shells... but today i actually appreciated the beauty of my little town.

I often put down this place. I mean it's boring as hell. There are no fun places to go. No cool things to do. There aren't any good shopping malls or anything. There are some attractions but nothing awesome. And forget about any sort of gay scene...

But today, i forgot about that... for a little while at least.

We caught the bus and headed down to the beach.

We went down the road between the short stone-layered cliff-faces.

We drove past the huge colourful playground around the blue lake.

We got out and walked up the green hills.

We walked amongst the succulent green bushes to get to the beach.

We stepped onto the soft white sand.

We walked under the bright sun.

We dodged the rising blue tide.

We walked alongside the big black sharp rocks, offset by the bright green behind them.

We passed a horse, galloping along the water's edge.

We looked out and saw the horizon - unobstructed by anything man made.

We got to the end of the beach, and saw the fisherman standing alone.

We went up to walk along the tall stone wall - the breakwater... and it hit me.

It hit me. A huge rolling blanket of blue-green, aqua and turquoise sea.

I was lost in it.

I hadn't been up there in as long as i could remember. I'd forgotten how beautiful the sea was.

It's amazing... and this is our sea. This sea is ours to enjoy.

We saw a fisherman catch a small wriggling shark at the end of it, then we walked back along the breakwater.

Most of the others headed along the bottom of the wall. Me and my friend walked along the top.

I'm damn scared of heights, and we were fairly high up. He kept lurching at me like he was gonna push me off. He loved it. I had a heart attack every time.

We were getting close to the bus, and we saw some people (tourists o_O) looking over the edge...

We looked over too, and saw a little seal floating lifelessly on the surface next to the wall amongst the little bits of seaweed.

It looked dead. Aww... that was sad. It was such a cute little thing too... My friend just laughed and pretended to shoot it (with a shotgun of course).

We headed down the steps, past the yellow flowerbeds, and onto the waiting bus, while our teacher was still coming.

When he did arrive, he said (something along the lines of) "Did ya see the seal back there? Putting on quite the performance..."

Huh? A couple of others got off to go have a look and my friend and i did the same...

Back up on the breakwater, we looked down, and the little bugger was doing twists and flips and somersaults in the water. It had big shiny black eyes and tiny little whiskers. It was the most adorable thing i'd seen in ages...

I was like, "Aww that is so cute."

My friend said a whale would eat it... then get beached on the rocks. Then pretending to be the whale he said "Eh... It was worth it!"

Yeah, the whale killing itself just to eat the baby seal... :P

My friend - he's bizarre. :D

Next time i head down to the beach i'll take the camera and get some pics.

In conclusion - my town ain't so bad. Hell, it could be a LOT worse.

We're on the coast. We have the beautiful sea. We have a lot of wildlife (compared to cities). We even have a few typical Aussie animals.

Still, i do want to move away when i'm older. I just don't feel that i'm suited to a place like this. I want the bustling city. I want the malls. I want the socialism. I want the scene. I want the jobs. I can't have that here...

I will remember my town fondly though.

I will be proud to say i grew up in such a beautiful place...

And i will return.

I will always return, to walk along the soft beach and dodge the tide, to get lost in the neverending blue sea, and to rediscover those special things i'd taken for granted when life has been so awful, stressful and mundane.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

This is about one of the most important things in my life.

One of the most important things in my life is my story - the one that i've been referring to a lot. Its name is 'Universes'.

It's around 172,000 words at the moment, but growing each day...

You all know how much writing means to me, and when i'm actually 'writing' stories, i put everything i have into getting it right. I draw on every bit of skill, creativity and knowledge that i have to create the best tale i can.

Every aspect of me goes into my story - from distant memories, to what i love, to my fears and dreams, and from my happy places to the darkest recesses of my mind...

I created everything from zilch. My story is part of me in a way you wouldn't believe.

My characters live within me, just as i live within each of my characters.

My worlds are created from my dreams.

The homes are where i long to live.

Their relationships are my fantasies.

The dark creatures are my nightmares.

The magic is everywhere.

My story is my everything.

And not only is it my passion, but my therapy. It keeps me sane and collected. It gives me focus. It gives me some meaning in this bland life.

At times, it can be my torturer...

Like right now. I STRUGGLE to find the RIGHT words!! I want to smash the bloody keyboard into the white page staring back at me under the full stop!

It hurts, but i always (eventually) find a way.

And it is SO worth it, when you get a shiver down your back, or laugh out loud, or bring a tear to your own eye.

That is the life of a writer.

At this moment, you don't actually know what is happening in the story... but if you want to find out, you have to vote for it!

...I'm sure i'll end up putting it in anyway though. :P

In the poll, it's pretty clear that you want to know more about 'me', but it's funny that coming 2nd is 'more about boys' and that has nothing to do with me really...

Speaking of voting, woot for Obama!

Here's a pic of Yoshi. Big woot for Yoshi!! <3

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I don't do teddies. :P

Yeah, i think you liked my random facts. One of them seemed to stand out in the comments though. :P

Yesterday i wrote...

- I have a teddy-bear who i pretended was a boy when i was younger (just like an imaginary friend)...

(also how i discovered masturbation) :D

I'd better explain that one a bit better aye? ;)

Well, i must have been 9 or 10 or something...

As you (should) know by now, i was alone a lot. I didn't have any siblings and it was just me and Mum, so i had to entertain, and look after, myself a lot.

I used my imagination a lot of the time - from making little people out of Blu-Tack, to building Lego castles and staging swordfights, to tying string around the garden and then pretending the strings are lasers and i was a spy...

At night, i used my imagination as well.

I had imaginary friends. At night i would enter my own little world with them, and i would just lie there and imagine them, until i fell asleep. My little imaginings carried on from the night before, so i actually lived a mini imaginary life at night. I have some fond memories...

I had a teddy bear, and he was around the same size as me, so my friends lived in physical form through him.

One thing led to another, and i ended up emulating sex on one of my friends.

Umm... How do i say this...?

Friction = whoa!! ...and one surprised little boy.

That was how i discovered masturbation. Unfortunately my technique was awful (friction friction friction) and... it wasn't all that good for my... body parts.

Weeks later i started doing it different ways - each technique was better until i finally found the one that we all use.

There. I taught myself masturbation. I thought i'd made an amazing discovery... although i later found out that i wasn't the only one practicing it. :P

That wasn't TOO personal was it aye? :P

Lol i might need to tone it back a bit now... o_O

Keep those votes coming. ->



Before i go, here's a little picture i thought i'd leave you with.

This is Pit, from a game called Super Smash Bros.

Surprisingly, he's one of my favourites...

Monday, November 3, 2008

Milestone, and miles above the clouds...

So a week ago i celebrated 20,000, now it's time for the 30,000 views milestone celebration! woot! :P

Although i don't have the computer for long tonight so i can't go and find any cool stuff to celebrate with...

Still, the way the poll is going, it looks like you all want to know some more personal stuff about me, like what goes on inside my head, so that will be our celebration for tonight. :)

As all my friends know, being RANDOM is what i excel at... :P

So here are some random (and personal) facts about me...

- My next-door neighbour looks like Drew Carey.

- I have a thing for Rafael Nadal, and i love tennis. :)

- I think my first crush was for an Asian boy i knew in Primary School.

- I have a teddy-bear who i pretended was a boy when i was younger (just like an imaginary friend)...

(also how i discovered masturbation) :D

- I have a Nintendo Wii, and i kick everyone's asses on it. :P

(just a little geeky lol)

- I got done for truancy at school. :(

(Bad m-boy!) i know... but i've gotten past that now. :)


- Lately i think i'm obsessed with angel-boys - even boys dressed as angels. Thinking of that toga-like thingy draped over their body revealing random spots of skin... oh, and wings! How awesome would that be...

We all fantasize... :D

- I'm an early-riser.

- It's easier to write when i'm tired... (isn't that weird)

- I cry really easily when i watch movies or TV (especially when bad things happen to the cute ones) ;)

- My favourite drink is Schweppes Lemonade. I can almost fall over in pleasure when i take a sip... (well, maybe that's a little exaggeration) :P

- I have bad circulation. My hands and feet get cold really easily and even in normal weather i get really cold and start shaking.

(All the more reason to find a boy i can cuddle, aye? Make me an offer.) :P

- I am a 'cat person'.

- No, i don't like meat, but i still eat it... One day i might be a vegetarian though... I'm not sure.

- My single biggest wish is to have a boyfriend i can share love with, but so far i've seen absolutely no sign of any decent ones in my life... That's kind of depressing... I get sad if i think about it too much. But i'm not depressed, so don't start with all that 'be patient - it'll happen' sort of stuff again! :P

Umm... that's it for now, but i've got more. If you want more just keep voting the way you are, because i've got something big on my mind i might spill, if you want me to. :)

Otherwise, you can keep voting for the other stuff. :)

I'm heading back to my room now, to work on my story, watch TV, and dream of angel-boys with wings in skimpy white outfits... :)

G'night, love,


(Feel better soon Landyn)
big love to you <3<3<3

Saturday, November 1, 2008

The Shopping Adventures Continue...

First, i've added some new blogs to my links, and also changed my layout a bit. :)

If you link to me and you're not over there with the others, please tell me so i can link back to you! :P


Shopping seems to be the only mildy entertaining thing that i do. A few of you liked my last post about it, so i thought i'd tell you about yesterday's adventure to Safeway. ;D

School finishes at 3:30. My Mum finished at 3:45 and was going to walk down to Safeway, so my Nan picked me up from school and we went home first so i could change clothes, and then we headed down to meet Mum who usually goes inside and starts shopping.

Before we left again i sneakily checked my emails (my addiction). I had to make sure my Nan didn't see what i was looking at though. She doesn't know i'm gay and i'd like to keep it that way. She has a habit of sneaking up on you, and she's also very nosy. :P

Then we got back in the car and headed up the street. I was of course, in the car alone with the small-talk champion of the world. Sometimes i don't even realise she's talking to me and i find myself just going 'uh-huh' and 'yeah' without even noticing.

Friday must be the day that teachers go shopping as well, because when we got to Safeway i saw... Golemn... grabbing a trolley (also known as a shopping cart).

I should explain. Golemn is what me and my friends call one of the science teachers at school. He's named after Golemn from Lord of the Rings, because of his head - big eyes and bald... you get the picture...

We have nicknames for almost all the teachers... but i won't go into that. :P

I went in and found Mum while Nan did her own shopping. When i did, she said that we would be having a quick shop today because she had to work at 5.

So of course, we have a certain sense of urgency, rushing down the aisles and grabbing the essentials. It's weird, that we're only in a hurry when we're looking at things i want, but she can spend a whole 5 minutes looking for the right tomato sauce or shampoo. O_O

I had to put aside my pretty-boy-watching for the while as we soon headed to the checkout. Once there, it was of course my job to go find Nan and try to get her to hurry up so we could leave.

She was over in the meat section. I can't stand the meat section. One, because i don't really like meat, and two, because the smell of BLEACH makes me want to throw up. :O===

aww crappy smiley lol

We got home and Mum got ready for work and i checked my emails. ;)

Nan's always good for takeaway so i hopped in the car and after we dropped Mum off we went and got pizza. Woot pizza. ;)

I talked to AJ and a few others on msn for a while. AJ was rubbing it in about his beautiful boyfriend Matt and his beautiful hair... ooh... hair... :D

(Yes i have a hair fetish, but only for the stuff on top of the head). ;)

That reminds me... you can always use my email to send me pics as well... hahaha :D

Anyways... if you've got any suggestions for the blog or even anything you'd like to know about me just comment or email. :)

haha well i hope that post wasn't too boring. I'll post about something different tomorrow, but that was just to let you know a bit more about my exciting life. :)



PS. VOTE on my POLL, if it works. :P