I'm still in hell... but my view of the world has changed.

What happened today?


Well, i haven't been bashed yet. That's a plus. Of course, 'that boy' hasn't been back at school yet... because i got him suspended... so i get the feeling that i'm in the eye of the hurricane and coming out the other side is going to be fucking rough.

I still get immature comments and insults thrown my way. Fucking lame...

I definitely feel very uncomfortable at school. I can't shake that, for obvious reasons. I know there are people here that hate me and i can't do much about it.


What else happened today? I did my Journalism interview with Mrs OC.

Mrs OC is of course my favourite teacher - the one that changed my life and made me want to be a writer, the one that pushes me to do my best and believes in me, and the one that swears!

So we went into the auditorium and went into the dark little kitchen there.

I checked my tape-recorder thingy, and we talked for a couple of minutes.

Then i started the interview. I asked questions from my list, about her life as a child, school, what she wanted to be, who she admired, stuff like that...

It was really interesting to learn so much about her... I think that it was because we are quite close and feel relaxed around each other. It got so personal that i think i should tell my Journalism teacher that it might not be suitable for playing in front of the class (it gets into how she's only still with her husband for their kids). O_O

She shared some personal things with me...

I felt it was the right time to tell her about some of my hard times. And yes, the tape-recorder was OFF.

I told her everything - About me being gay, that my friends found stuff on my USB ("You stupid boy!!" she said), that i was outed at school and that i'm going through a lot of crap from kids. She responded well, so i kept going...

I told her that i write a blog about myself, through which i've met some amazing and caring people. I told her about a few examples of my friends, and that made her smile.

I said that i go home to this wonderful community, and she thinks that's just great. I could see her just brimming with happiness for me.

We talked about all the stuff a lot. She shared some of her experiences with gay people, from a young man with cancer, to some kids who used to go to the school.

She says that our town is a nice place, but we have such small-minded people here and such little diversity... but one day i will leave this place and go to university in a big city like Melbourne, and she says that i will find my group of people and i will just feel like i belong.

I HAVE to leave this place behind. I have to go and find my place in the world. Staying in this town will crush me.

She says i've only got three years left. One day i will leave, and i will make my own way in life, and what happened here won't matter.

It's true.

She really helped me put things into perspective.

Life may be absolute shit now, and it's gonna get worse, but one day it will be gone.

I have a whole life ahead, and it will be a FUCKING GOOD ONE.

Like she said herself...

Life will be awful at times, but there will be intense moments of absolute joy.



I left that room a different person.



There is one more thing though...

There was a boy at school, who is gone now, but when he was here he was openly gay.

He's part of a tiny community in my town of same-sex-attracted people who meet up on Mondays at 4 o'clock at a place up the street.

After the interview, i think Mrs OC gave him a call.

During period 5, she came to my class and gave me a note, saying that i should give him a call because he's good to talk to and he could take me to this thingy.

I'm kind of nervous. I think i'll call him on the weekend and see what it's about though. It could be interesting.



So after today, i'm a little bit stronger, but i am still scared.

We'll just have to see how things pan out, because i know that in the next few days, things are either gonna turn out okay, or come crashing down.

If they do come crashing down though, i know who i'm going to talk to - my favourite teacher who just got even better.



Wish me luck,

love to us all,

===>mirrorboy<===



And thanks for all your support on the last post, and for the emails you sent me. It made me feel so much better.