Sunday, February 1, 2009

The night before.

Thanks for all the supportful comments today. It doesn't matter how strong someone is, they all need support at times. What i really need right now is support. I'm so thankful for the help and advice from all of you, but i really do need some people in real life.

So here's what i've decided i can do. I can find a teacher to talk to if i need to. I can look into the gay youth group in my city again. I can talk to the school counsellor about what's happening. I can tell my Mum if things really get out of control. I can't be alone in this because i wouldn't be able to take it.

Tomorrow will be the decider i guess. I'll find out who i'm in with for most classes and who my teachers are and stuff. I'll also be able to get a read on how people are thinking etc. Surely i can't be the thing on everybody's minds.

I'm happy that tomorrow, if things go to plan in the morning, i'll be going to school minus the glasses, which is a big thing for me.

I have to go to school strong and positive, and if i can't, then i'll fake it. And i can't go to school with the fears of a whole year in my head on the first day.

Deep down, i know who i am and i accept myself, and that's the main thing. Nobody will ever ever change that, no matter what happens.

Wish me luck.


Jake Annonymous said...


mirrorboy said...


Jake Annonymous said...


mirrorboy said...


umm... LOVE

Jake Annonymous said...


garbled said...

I don't know what time it is on yur side of the world, but it looks like time for your bed so tonight you can dream of getting to school really early to swing on the gates as the new kids come in, and checkin' 'em out ! It's a new term, so make it a new you. Plus you've probably still got summer down there if the tennis is anything to go by, whereas we've got a fucking FREEZING wind blowing ! Anyway, there's a whole lot of good stuff just waiting to happen for you, get out there looking for it...

much love, garbled x

Anonymous said...

i was about to tell you the story of the little engine that could (, but it seems you don't need it now :)

good lick


Anonymous said...

LUCK* damn it lol oops


Seth said...

I totally forgot you were already headed back to the dungeon...err, to school. I haven't been keeping up with my blog reading :(

I was going to msg you and wish you good luck, but I guess by now your first day is underweay or soon will be.

So, without repeating the same stuff everyone else says, I'll just wish you the best, have (or having, or had) a great day at school. You are a strong guy and no one can change that - just be confident and make the best of it.

*big hugs*

Sven said...

I could wish you good luck - but it won´t be necessary. Because the only thing you need is to feel your own strength. So: Feel it, be it. And I promise you: Most of the others will be damned, weak and fat losers when you meet them again in 5 or 10 years. But you will be a winner.

All the best to you.
And: You are NOT alone!!!

naturgesetz said...

Sounds as if you've got things well planned.


Go get 'em!

Aek said...

I'm glad you've thought it through. You seem to have a good plan there, just don't let it go to waste!

Good luck, I wish you the best. :)

My word verification is, "cation." Yes, how chemistry . . .

cvn70 said...


good luck my friend let us knwo how the day went

take care and be safe


Mr. HCI said...

Just a few hours to go . . .

I'm very glad to see you more up with this post!

May your classes be full of cute boys, your teachers full of wisdom and compassion and you full of peace and joy.

Fuck, I sound like a greeting card . . . Mr. Hallmark Cunting Imbecile.

Have a fuckin' great day, mate.

Is that better?

Aahsazyl said...

XD comment sex
tell your mum, its either the worst or the best thing you could do
it needs doin
love you :)
but no creamin...i got mine

Lindsay said...

Congrats on the more positive attitude, especially getting more 'real life' support.
A day at a time, MB.
You'll be fine.

No glasses at school... you'll propably feel a bit naked for the first hour or so...

I hope today surprises you with some good experiences.

Jake said...

Best of luck! Haven't you been wearing your contacts everyday since you got them?

Anonymous said...

Remember, life gives you crappy moments so that you will better appreciate good times. Many expect that school years should be all happy times but, in reality, it is rough for many. And, why not? Look at the changes everyone undergoes. Ten years from now (I know, it seems an eternity), your circle of friends will be 100% different and you won't even think about these days.

Be glad that you are blessed with intelligence, empathy, the skill to craft words and some good old stick-to-it-ness.

You said that you accept who you are deep down. Hold on to that and forget the immature classmates who are still uncertain about their own identity.

Maybe you could use your writing skill to help a good cause. Charities need people to tell their story and do good works.

Here's an example of what one young man has achieved:

pinstripe said...

Ok guys, recess is over, he's going into third period.. I wonder how it's all going.

Thinking of you mcake!

Tombi04 said...

I was gonna wish you luck, but by the time I'd read this you day is almost over. So I hope it's gone well.

Steevo said...

Mrs. OC ought to have an email listed on the school website as a staff member or did. Ask her to suggest someone at school to talk to. She will know who you can trust and who will support you. Or if you have to write her a handwritten or typed letter, seal and add postage and her name but no address and ask an office staff person to see that she gets it.

Or maybe the counselor who helped out with the bully last year can get the message to her.

From my experience what you probably need is a real person who will listen. Just listen. They don't have to have solutions, just listen. Tell them that. Ask if they will be your safety valve? I play that role for several of my students. They show up in my room and I know when they walk in that they need to talk.

The very act of forming your thots into words and hearing yourself speak them out loud to someone who will listen is highly therapeutic. It usually helps to diffuse tensions and helps you get some perspective. I seem to recall thats what happened last year when you talked w/ Mrs OC. Remember?

If high schools there are anything like mine here many staff know of your situation from last year and would support you in an instant. Its just the way we are. But we don't intrude usually.

I figure school is almost out now for the day down there.

I push comes to shove maybe kick 'em in the balls?

Or not. HUGS


Planetx_123 said...

good luck- I look forward to hearing what happened.