Gay friends... I want one!

I'M IN A BAD MOOD TONIGHT. PREPARE FOR A RANT.

For straight guys it's just not so hard. There are billions of them out there, you step outside and the odds are the next guy you will see is straight. That means that inevitably, straight guys are going to have a LOT of straight friends, and gay guys are going to have a LOT of straight friends as well!

Yeah, that's a fun/good thing for the straights. They can talk about which chicks are hot and watch porn and laugh about wankin and stuff. They talk about who they wanna have sex with and who's got the biggest tits...

Me? I have to endure that crap pretty much everyday. Thank God i did not go to one of my friends recent birthday parties. According to Matthew all they did was watch porn. Haha. He must have been traumatised, although i'm pretty sure he would have just played computer games all night. Me? I would have SERIOUS issues with a night like that.

On top of that, a lot of my 'friends' (HA I USE THE TERM LIGHTLY) are pretty damn HOMOPHOBIC. Their hilarity usually includes the reference to, oh i don't know, blowing all the gays up, or their all gonna get AIDS and die. HAHAHA

Sometimes i just wanna explode! Sometimes it takes every bone in my body to to whack one in the face for their lame shit!! Better yet, why not just completely F up my life and yell out in the middle of class "GUESS WHAT? I'M GAY! PS. I HATE YOU ALL."

Why should i have to deal with their immature crap? They have no idea what it's like being gay or bi, but they feel it's their F'ing obligation to chuck in their two cents!

Why must i fake a big part of me to be friends with some people who wouldn't want to be friends with me if they knew the real me??? Why???

I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S IT. I DON'T KNOW. AND THAT'S WHY I GET SO PISSED OFF.



Oh... but i digress...

I'm sorry. :)

There is one particular 'friend' i have on MSN and i just spent a while talking to him. You get the picture. I had no idea the post would take a turn like that, but that's just how i write everything. I start out with an idea in my head and i end up down a completely different path.

The point of this post is, just how important is it for gays/bi's to have gay/bi friends?

It's the things i'm missing out on the annoy me so much. I can't talk about who's cute. I can't talk about my favourite websites. I can't talk about my favourite shows. I can't talk about why i really love tennis (thank you Rafael Nadal) :p

I have to be careful when anyone even sits down at my computer cos i'm worried that they'll go poking around in my stuff. Not just for pics, but i have a lot of private stuff - I feel the inclination to write everything down. Hell, i found my friend's porn stash pretty easy, i just did a search when our computers were linked up at a LAN. (Don't ask)

And i feel like my life is being held back, like i'm being held back, because i am not ME at school or around my friends. And there are only two situations where i could be the real me...

- Online.

- Around other people who are gay.

And the second one is a lot more important than the first, but i've yet to find a gay friend.

So what do i do? I honestly don't know. I don't just want a gay friend, i NEED one, to keep my sanity, and yet there is no way i can find one except by waiting or by luck.

And frankly, Lady Luck's been a bit of a bitch to me recently, and waiting just isn't good enough.