Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I am not going to kill myself.

I may have hurt some people with what i said a few hours ago.

I want to emphasize the fact that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are written about how i felt on MONDAY night, not tonight.

I am not my sanest at 2am in the morning, believe it or not.

Like i said in the 6th paragraph, i am OKAY for now.

Yes, my life is incredibly hard right now, but Mirrorboy is not a quitter!

The (surprising) fact that i've been inundated with worried (and furious) emails and comments from people who adore me in just the past few hours, shows me just how much i mean to you... and i didn't actually know that i did.

I have been through SO MUCH IN MY LIFE so far, like learning to accept myself and my own sexuality. I am not going to give in now.

I will hurt. I will cry. I may bleed. I will dream about ending it (but i dream about everything).

I will NEVER give in.

I'm so sorry if i hurt any of you. I didn't think there were people out there who actually looked up to me.

Now i am determined not to let you down.

I take all of your emails and comments to heart. You mean so much to me.

I'm thinking i should go talk to OC tomorrow. That's what everyone seems to be suggesting. I really do think i need to talk to an adult about what i'm going through.

Again, i am so sorry.

If there's anyone in the world i don't want to hurt it is you, my amazing readers who've shown me so much love and compassion, and have been there for me through my toughest times.

Mirrorboy will be okay.

And he loves you so much for caring.


PS. perhaps 'Last breath' wasn't the best title for the post. :)


Doug said...

I'm not sure what the above comment is all about....

But I'm SOO glad that you're feeling better and that you are NOT giving in! Definitely talk to your counselor. It will help a lot. Just having someone to talk to and express your feelings to.

And it's definitely great that you're not giving in because you feel you don't want to let us readers down.. but you really have to do it for yourself! YOU really have to want to keep fighting and keep facing life's obstacles head on. Do it to make yourself feel good, not for us.

And we'll continue to be with you through your troubles AND your happiness. Or at least I will! You're a strong guy Mirrorboy - I can tell nothing will keep you down for long. You will bounce back even stronger. You'll see!

AJCon89 said...

yeah... and anonymous fucker #2...

refer to my comments on the last post.. you peice of shit anonymous poster....

these people are pissing me off..


Hang in there mirrorboy.


Bill said...

Am so happy to hear that from you mirrorboy.

=) XD =p =D !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

lovely post. really. you exude strength and determination. you sound like you are willing and able to go through the hurt and come out the other side. and that makes me glad and hopeful and blessed.

life is hard. be well.


naturgesetz said...

Yes, mirrorboy, you have the right spirit. It may be tough for a while. But you won't be in that school with those people forever.

You are right, imo, to want to talk it all through with an adult. Knowing that there is someone who understands, who is on your side, should be a big help.

Thanks for giving us a chance to tell you we care and to put in our own little bits of advice, and those of us who believe in prayer to offer our prayers for you and say, "God bless."


KST said...

I'm so glad you've had a change of heart :)

"Now i am determined not to let you down." Please, mirrorboy, make sure that you're not only doing it for us, but for yourself as well :) From the stories you tell, you appear to be much stronger than whatever is out there.

Good luck :)

David said...

*great big cyber hug* <3

Jacob said...

Hey :D

I'm so happy and relieved that you are ok. Soon enough all of this will blow over and you will start feeling better about yourself.



Landyn said...

i was really worried. like, really worried man.

i didnt send an email because I figured either u werent gonna read it or just didnt care anymore. but know that I do care about u and my heart/prayers/whatever else i can give are with u.

please stay strong and be the best u can be because thats all anyone can ask of you. i love u man,

Landyn <3

Joshua said...

Hi MirrorBoy, thanks for not giving in, thanks for being here. I don't really know you because I've never seen your blog, but I love you and I know how hard it is. :)

By the way, anonymous is most likely a complete social reject who can't stand the sight of seeing strong people develop from weak situations, so he/she attempts to screw with other's feelings to make himself look stronger and cooler. But we know he's just that asshole.

Lach said...

Fuck anon, if he had any balls he'd leave some contact details.

You know what the score is, don't let anyone fuck with you and if you get beaten up in the process.. well it will only make you stronger. haha.

Be good boyo.

victor said...

dude. glad you're still here. had me worried, you did. keep alive.

tom said...

yeah i wouldn't kill myself either, dude. i;m 75 and been thru worse than you, what if you were zak efron and at 20 had to be straight.