Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Pent-up Love.

Sometimes the way i feel is so confusing i have absolutely no rules with which to define myself.

I'm talking love.

Now, of course there are so many different levels of love. From complete and utter devotion to your soulmate, to a crush, to strong physical attraction, to the love i have for coffee ice-cream. :)

I'm talking about those on the higher end of the spectrum.

Now, i can't say i've ever fallen in love with anyone in real life. I also have pretty much zero interest in 'straight' guys. I really like gay boys though, and the thing is, because i like them so much and i want love so much i can't shake the feeling that the first gay guy i meet is gonna be on the receiving end of all my pent-up feelings.

I'll probably throw myself at the first potential mate i find.

A boyfriend is the one thing i want most in life. I want to be with someone. I want hugs and kisses so much. I crave that sort of affection so so badly, so why shouldn't i?

Pretty much any nice gay boy will do. Hell, i think i'm in love with a guy on msn. :O

I'm not gonna tell who it is though. :P

Lol. I gotta keep to the point.

Let's try to wrap this up in a simple way, like i like to do. :)

I'm starved of affection, therefore i've got so much to give and so eager to receive. That means i'm desperate for someone who'll give it to me, also known as a boyfriend. That means i'm going to be so in love with the first gay boy i meet because it will be my first opportunity, and i will basically throw myself at him.

Blah! You're all going to say that's wrong aren't you? :P

Well, i'm open to comments. :)

I had a great chat to a friend of mine last night. We have so much in common. Even though it was the first time we'd spoken we felt like we'd known each other for ages. I think we're soulfriends. That's an opportunity for me to ask you all, do you believe in soulmates and soulfriends, or do you think we make our own way in life?

Comments are welcome for that as well.



PS. yes, that's my sig now. I picked that because that was really the only one that someone left a comment about. :P


JC said...

its hard to say, but just do what yo feel is right, and you will be happy.

Landyn said...

just dont throw it at some person randomly because ur desparate for love/affection. u dont wanna waste it and then feel how bad it is to be used (been there...)

just give it time-u will find someone when the time comes. i kno thats not encouraging at all haha sry, but its the truth. it will happen, and u will kno how awesome it is. I'm still waiting to find someone too, but i believe it will happen and thats what keeps me going.

and ya i believe in soulmates buddy ;)

take care, have a great day

Seth said...

~ amor vincit omnia ~

However, love comes when you least expect it, not when you search for it. You're young, my friend... give yourself time to live your life and reap the rewards in due time.

Of course, there's something to be said for having someone special in your life. And I wish you only the best (and that he's a cuteboy!!)


naturgesetz said...

In addition to the kinds of love you mentioned there is the sort of love you have for family and the sort of love you have for friends. The sort of general benevolence you have for people in general is also a kind of love. Anytime you want someone to have what is good for them, it is a form of love, and perhaps even a higher form that when you want to have the person for yourself.

Anyway, I think it is possible to have a close friendship that does not necessarily include sex. You are wise not to look for sex from straight boys, but you might be able to have some great straight friends who could let you give some (non-sexual) love and give you some of their love in return. You'd be a lot less lonely that way.

naturgesetz said...

So yeah, I do believe in soulmates.

victor said...

throwing one's self at someone because you're desperate for attention is not necessarily wrong, it depends on the circumstances, but be aware that if the conditions are right, it leaves you open to having your heart ripped out and thrown on the floor and stomped on 3 times in a row. it's not very conducive to things. not trying to talk you out of anything, just saying, plz be careful. on the other hand, it can be amazing. you just have to try it to see.
and yeah, i do believe in soulfriends, i've connected with a couple of people who are longterm friends that i can pretty well sense when things are going wrong, or when they're excruciatingly happy. it's weird. and by default then, soulmates also, although the local psychic told me it would take me 9 lifetimes to locate my soulmate. sheesh.

Jake Annonymous said...

is it elliot? lol

Lach said...

So subtle JA..

Yearning for affection is something everybody wants and needs boyo, but eventually it will come good.

how's that for blasé information..

mirrorboy said...

naturegesetz - unfortunately the sort of friendship i have with my friends at school is not the sort i'm going to get any kind of love from. Sometimes i even feel a passive hostility but i won't go into that.

victor - i believe in both soulfriends and soulmates, and i also believe that if you love someone enough you can BECOME soulmates. We don't need fate to tell us who we can love and who we can't. :)

jake - why do you care? jealous?

Nike said...

hi there! great blog you have, loved it :) take care of yourself and be careful. love will come, just look out for it.

Anonymous said...

anyone who you loved would and should ,consider himself luck indeed dear boy..