Thursday, October 2, 2008

Affection vs. Sex

I realised something whilst talking to my friends recently. In various conversations we talked about why we wanted boyfriends and stuff like that.

To me, it seems that my friends and i would all rather have a good cuddle than a great sex session. Affection is important to us guys...

But we're constantly hearing about how straight guys just wanna sleep and aren't into any of that stuff... They're more interested in the sex...

I can't really think of anything i'd like more, than to cuddle a boy in bed, or have a long kiss on the couch, or hold his hand... things like that. It seems i'm not alone...

Why is it this way?

Is it simply because we're gay that we're into lovey stuff more than our straight counterparts? That it's simply a 'gay' thing?

Is it because we're starved of affection, because we've had to hide for so long?

Or am i wrong? Am i too young and i just don't 'get' what the gay world is about?

Is this just a big generalisation of stereotypes? Are you a bonker instead of a lover? Are a lot of the gay friends you know, bonkers?

Do you think a lot of gays are more into sex, and a lot of straights are more into affection?

If you're a girl, comment too! I'd like to hear the female side of view just as much.

And do you think our desires change as we get into relationships? Do you think they change as we get older?

What are your thoughts on this topic?

Leave a comment! Now!




Landyn said...

Hey, ya I agree with you. I'm so much more into caring for people and just wanting to be with them and "cuddle". I am all for having fun with each other if the time arises, but its not like i want that over anything else.

I'm an emotional person who always hides it, but for me, its all about affection and love. sex is good too, of course, but I dont obsess over it like my straight friends do.

just a thought ;)


steevo said...

dan and i have always like to cuddle a lot. Even as kids we liked it --- both our families were comfortable with tactile communication. B4 we discovered our mutual gayness, we did a lot of wrestling and horse play and teasing about "you got a boner". Was cool, but no angst at all. Lucky us thanks to good parenting.

Skin is our biggest organ. Some gay guys grew up with little touching, even as children. Sad.

Gay men know they want it, but some r so repressed it is a problem. One mid 20s gay friend of ours finally found a sweet gentle slow lover who taught him very gradually to accept and finally enjoy touch.

A good bf gives what u need and u do the same 4 him.

Many many str8 men are the same in my experience. Affection and touching are natural human needs, not just gay.


Landyn said...

steevo, i swear, u say everything i want to but so much better haha. u have a gift :)


mirrorboy said...

That last line, steevo, really knocked it into me. Affection is a natural human need. I totally agree. It's just a shame that some people can't experience it.

Here's hoping we can all find that special guy or girl. :)

- mirrorboy

steevo said...

landyn-well i do have an advantage of a BA and many years teaching and i LIKE to write. In HS we had an asshole sob English teacher who we all hated. BUT he taught writing and made us rewrite everything usually 3 times.

Well in spite of him I worked hard and had to admit that the returned papers with more red ink than Wall Street were very helpful. He was an SOB but by golly he knew how to teach writing. When u got a good grade from him knew u had done very well indeed.

M-boy: There are _any number_ of special guys out there. Any one of them CAN be right for u and u for him. That's a crucial concept IMHO.

Two people who are attracted to each other, and who become true friends and are honest and loyal can build a wonderful [not perfect] relationship.

A FB can be fun and a good way to learn. So can a BF. It takes 2 people working HARD lol to become lovers. When u find that, then sex becomes a whole new thing. For true lovers, sex is just a part of it. Important, but just part.


Landyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Landyn said...

Mirrorboy - Thanks for the comment :)
Of course I won't harass u for ur opinion haha. Especially cuz I totally agree with u :)

I'll be reading urs too, and commenting whenever I can :D

feel free to email if u want to too, the address is in my profile i think...

thanks buddy <3


JC said...

its true, blah people are funny, good blog by the way,sometimes it makes you wonder, have a nice day by the way.

Anonymous said...

There is no one right answer. Lots of straights are into affection. Lots of gays are into just sex. I can't tell you how many times I've been in dating/chat rooms and the first thing a guy says is, "how big is your dick?" or "are you a top or a bottom?" But for me, if that's the first thing they think about, then I'm not interested in them.

Otaku said...

I see straight guys a little differently I guess. Guys are always told to 'act like a man' or 'take it like a man'. Many fathers won't hug their sons after a certain age, they are worried it will make them soft and weak, which I have always thought was code words for gay.

So, the deep emotional and physical desire for affection of the non-sexual sort gets perverted into wanting sex. Because that is what 'real men' do. They have sex. Cuddling, hugs that is sissy stuff for girls and gays.

All children/teens need physical affection. I know that boys will act like they don't like it, but down deep they love it. No that isn't right, THEY LOVE AND CRAVE hugs, pats and giant bear hugs. Boys bitch about it, but in private they relish being touched with affection.

I think gay teens are starved for affection, and often feel so bad about hiding such an important part of who they are from their parents, so they distance themselves from their parents. So, to touch someone that is the same as you, connects you on a different level than boy/girl hugs. Many girls seek validation in the arms of boys, to make themselves 'real'. Because fathers are embarrassed about hugging their developing daughters, or are worried that it is somehow 'wrong' to touch them in such a manner.

The upshot to me is to just hug your kids, until the day you die!! Often and even more.