Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm baaaaaacck.

It is so fuckin good to be behind a keyboard again. Blogging from a mobile phone was so lame! Both the 'end call' button and the 'cancel' button were between the clear/backspace button and the 'go right' button. So sometimes i would have to write a post 3 or 4 times cos i kept accidentally deleting the thing! And i could only type about a letter every second. It was so hard to say what i wanted to say! In comments too, and emails. So much stuff i wanted to do, but i just couldn't because so many things didn't work on mobile internet.

Anyways, it feels so good to be behind a keyboard again and to have the internet! :D

I thought it would be nice to be 'home' again, but arriving home i just felt so... eh. I didn't ever want to leave Melbourne. It was just so fucking amazing. And i feel like i belong there! Not here, where i feel crushed and restrained.

The trip was fantastic. And what i got from it is beyond words. There, i actually felt good about myself. And i never feel good about myself! What i mean is, i wasn't cripplingly self-conscious. I wasn't disgusted when i looked in a mirror. My heart didn't race when i went outside cos i was so worried about how i looked. I didn't feel so hopeless and pathetic all the time. Cos that's what this town does to me. It makes me feel like shit every day. But Melbourne was so... different! And i will be back soon!!! One day i will catch the train and not come back.

I'm in love with it! It blew my mind. It gave me hope when i was hitting the bottom. I feel like a new person, and now i have something to aim for. I will not sit here at home and wallow in sadness and frustration. I will work for what i want. One day i will get it. And one day i will be in a place where i fit in.

The best thing was the diversity. Seriously, there are hardly any blacks or asians here, and nothing like muslims. But in Melb there was every type of person under the Sun. And it was amazing. I can see why people there are so open-minded compared to my own town. In Melb, you see all sorts of people every day. Here, those people are ridiculed and laughed at. Just like gays.

As you can see, i could talk about it forever. I just want you to understand how different and new this was to me. This is a trip that changed my life for the better on a huge scale. I am a new person!



So while we were there we went to the Melbourne Museum, went to the Chill City Concert, went shopping in huge places, went up the Eureka Tower at night, saw the fire show along the Yarra River, went up to the Dandenongs while it was raining, walked along the St Kilda beach, saw Luna Park and took dorky photos, and just took in all the sights and sounds and tastes.

Took heaps of photos too but there are so many i'll make a post just for them tomorrow.

I also met up with one of my online friends and his boyfriend and we spent the day together. That was really cool - to see a gay person in real life! lol. He was really nice and i know he's reading this and he's really sexy too. :)

Bought my first mobile phone and used up all the credit, got a recharge, and used up all the credit again. lol. Stupid internet!

Also bought an Ipod, and a bunch of games, and heaps of clothes, and sunglasses, and shoes. And hair gel and stuff. lol

Also, my cousin had 100's of channels on his TV. That was awesome. ^_^

The weather was great and sunny the whole time. And for once, during a trip, i wasn't sick or tired or sore.

Everything was... perfect.

I can honestly say, they were the best, and most important, 5 days of my life. And without them i probably would have given up hope on ever being something and shrunk away from life and reality until i just was crushed beyond help and suicided or something.

Okay. Now i'm back here. The plan is to make it through until i've got some sort of plan to move there. That's all i have to do. Just tough out everything life throws at me until i can leave. And i think after that trip to Melb, i may just have the strength to make it.



I can't wait to catch up with all of you and your blogs. While i was gone, some people seemed to get the impression that i hate them or something. I dont know how the hell that happened. I don't hate anyone. MB LOVES ALL lol. So i've got a lotta internet stuff to sort out.

It can wait though. I'm gonna go relax. :)



Remember, no matter how shit life is, there is always hope!

Lotsa love!

22 comments:

Baz said...

nice to see you so positive and full of enthusiasm.

but what's with the "may just have the strength..."?

just substitute "HAVE", cos you ARE strong.



Luv, Baz

AJCon89 said...

Welcome back buddy...

I am so happy you had a great time...

Now get on MSN... I need to chat with you... please?

Love you.

Peace,
AJ

goleftatthefork said...

isn't it amazing the things that exist just over our horizon that can change our lives if we can just hang on long enough to get a glimpse of them?

Micky said...

In a way you didn't leave us coz you posted on that dratted phone.

So pleased the big M was so awesome - def. for you for the future. And not too long. That's got to be the aim.

Loads a hugs

xthecouragex said...

welcome back.

it sounds like a really good trip. Maybe I'll have to add that to the places i want to visit someday. It might jump to the top if you you end up moving there too =)

Hope to talk to you again soon...

luv ya

PoisonedHappiness said...

I'm happy you had time of your life so far :) But if you like Melbourne go to Sydney next time, it's 10000 times better! :P

I totally understand you - Poland is as shitty as your town, so my trip to Australia did same for me as your to Melbourne

torchy! said...

awesome. *so* pleased you had a good time and it's been so positive for you.

i really liked your posts from melbourne, coz there was just such a palpable sense of wonderment!

torchyyy!

(can i just say that this is the 1st time i've ever said 'palpable'? 2nd now).

Highwayman said...

I am so glad that you have had such a wonderful experience and seen the other side. Also very glad to have a jubilant Mirrorboy back.

Col said...

It's amazing how something like a trip can make such a positive impact on our lives. Glad to hear that it's changed your life and outlook in such a huge way. I hope you've brought some of that self-confidence back home with you!!

Take care,
Col

Steevo said...

Ah dear sweet Mboy... Melb may be a wonderful PLACE and I share your enthusiasm whenever we get to San Francisco, gay mecca of the world...

But what's inside you makes you you. An environment can nurture and supplement, but if your are hollow and dead inside, Melb won't help much.

You saw a nice place, but you also saw your future and your potential then.

So you can work on becoming the man u wanna be... so you will be ready for Melb... but YOU are what is important...
once you are all finished evolving... as a young gay man that is...

you can be in Melb or anywhere... and still be happy inside...

IMHO anywayz

PS... we never finish evolving as gay men if we r smart and aware and open to people and ideas...

hope this makes some sense...

steevo

Aek said...

^_^ I'm glad the trip was amazing for you. Looking forward to the pics!!

Jeremy said...

:D

cvn70 said...

mboy

your future is right around the corner and you can nclimb what ever hills exist between you and there

i hope you have that online frinds number for that fancy new phone also so you can stay in touch

get your rest and start anew, take care and be safe

bob

pinstripe said...

Cheeky boy =p

Melbourne awaits your return, and it will be sooner rather than later ;)

Lach

Seth said...

You're damn right there is always hope. And you've gotten a taste of it which will provide you the strength to carry on and work towards your goals.

I am so happy for you that you had a great time, even if you had to travel long distance to buy hair gel!! LOL just kidding.

*big hugs* and smiles

Kevin Wilson said...

Travel does broaden the mind and it is good that you got such a positive experience from your trip. I've known people who have looked forward to trips like yours and have come back disappointed because they had such high expectations or they fluked a bad experience or two when they got there (bad weather, sickness etc).

Hopefully you will be able to use some of the positives to cope with your day to day life in your own little corner of the world.

Mr. HCI said...

It's wonderful to see you in such a good mood! Travel can indeed make a huge difference in one's life; I know it did in mine or I mightn't be typing this.

billy said...

That day will come! You'll catch that train with a one way ticket.

You've got a goal, work towards it. University is a great way to hit the city. Study interesting things with like-minded people, and it leads you somewhere. That means working hard at school. Every shitty day at school just remember you're getting out of that hole and they aren't. That was what sustained me.

In the meantime, is a part-time job a possibility? Cash means trips to Melbourne, now that it sounds like you might have somewhere to stay.

Planetx_123 said...

Im really happy for you :-)

Steve

Deadwing said...

Welcome back! *glomp* :) I am so happy for you! It's really awesome that your trip was so perfect.I guess it gives you something to look forward to. Mobile phone, iPod, clothes...sounds like you went on one hell of a shopping spree! :) Well, you most certainly deserved it buddy.

Tombi04 said...

Yay!!!

Glad you're back sweetie.

Hypnos said...

I'm soooo glad that you had the best time ever... I can only imagine what means move from town to the city and by your impressions it's amazing thing.

Welcome back and good luck with your goal, I wish you all the luck!

Keep blogging!