Friday, October 2, 2009

I Are Sadness.

I found out today that one of my psychologists is leaving.

This is someone that knows more about me than anyone else on earth. I've told her about the most personal things in my life. She's helped me through the hardest stuff imaginable. I could talk to her about anything. She helped me work through my disorders. She's literally changed my life. Without my psychs i would still feel like a freak. Most likely, i would be dead. Now i'm going to have to say goodbye.

I had tears streaming down my face once i'd gotten in the car. I've been crying on and off since the appointment. *wipes tears so he can see the keyboard* I'm about to break down right now. I don't know where things are going to go from here. For the past months my life has revolved around her words.

K i'm gonna have to stop now this is too hard.

29 comments:

Landyn said...

Hey man, i am so so sorry :(

Did she say how long she was still gonna be around? Or why she had to leave?

I can't imagine how you must feel right now. I could try and say that you always have your other psychologists, but I understand how much this one means to you.

Remember I love you, and if you wanna talk, just email. I'll try to catch you on MSN.

Love youuu <3

Mirrorboy said...

A few weeks. She said she was leaving for personal reasons.

xthecouragex said...

Hey I'm sorry, I know words probably wont mean much to you right now...

but I know you'll get through all of this. Yes, she may have been the one to help you, but it was YOU who got through everything.

But I know she means more to you than I can understand...

I love you bud, and I'm here for you if you need anything.

Keep your chin up

Mr. HCI said...

Oh, man. How awful. I know it's not easy to find a psychologist with whom you click. Maybe you can keep in touch with her, in case of a crisis, by IM, phone and/or e-mail?

*HUG*

Skeeeter said...

Chin up mate, remember as 1 door closes another opens. I am sure she would have her reasons and worries about how her decision will affect the people she sees. By the sounds of it she has helped you so much already which will help you deal with it all.

WkBoy714 said...

Aww,
:( it is sad good things come to an end.

Try to remember to be thankful to her of all the good she has done, rather than angry.

You could perhaps ask if you could keep in touch with her.

Though we're probably not as good, you do always have support here - and you will again from others. :) *hug*

goleftatthefork said...

I'm sorry to hear that - I hope she will at least allow you to keep in touch through email or by phone - and I guess you never know but it's possible someone new and even better will come into your life now, and you can share all of your stories with a new, and perhaps better perspective - idk - for now you probably just need hugs not words :-/

Aek said...

Awww. *Hugs*

At least you have a few more weeks with her. Cherish the time you've got, and really try to bring things to a close. She may be there to help you transition to another psychologist, and that'll hopefully make things easier.

It sounds like she has helped you tremendously, but it's just as much your own effort as her words. So don't forget all the things she's told you and helped you with.

AJCon89 said...

:::Hugs:::

Sorry to hear buddy... that really sucks and I dont know what to say...

Hopefully it wont be as hard of a transition to a new shrink as you think... who knows...

Anyways... I love you so much buddy.

Peace,
AJ

Spastic Fantastic said...

Hey Mboy.

wow don't know what to say other than i'm really sorry your hurting :(

just remember that her leaving is out of your control and all you can do is keep your chin up and keep up the work you began with her. I'm sure she thinks your as awesome as the rest of us do, and she'll miss you just like you'll miss her.

anyway it goes without saying that you have tons of friends online to talk to that can offer you the best support and advice that they're able to. and if they're all busy you can even talk to me ;) i may not be much for good advice but i'm always willing to try and put a smile on your face :)

*hugs & luv*

Wolf said...

awww man its really sad to hear this :(

* massive hug! *

stay strong

- W

xx

torchy! said...

*is sad for you*

your psych picked you up when you at rock bottom and she helped lift you up to where you are now.

your next psych doesn't need to be anywhere near as good because they've got far less distance to lift you.

having said that, i think you'll be pleasantly surprised after a few meetings. i hope so, anyway.

all the best
*hugs*
torchy!

Dave83201 said...

I am sad for you. I don't know you personally, but the man I see from the blog impresses me with his strength. Good luck as you overcome this, and know so many of us wish you well.

Jason Carwin said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your Psych leaving. I can't imagine what that must be like. I guess it's like losing a best friend. Will you be able to talk to her after she goes? I lost lots of my best friends (we all moved away from each other), but the phone helped keep things together, and I still keep in touch with them.

J said...

That is sad news. If its any consolation, I can't tell you're any freakier than the average guy on the street, but to the extent you are, you're my kind of freak. Tell this lady that if she has to leave, to be sure she's lined up a good therapist to take her place, and ask her to fill the new person in on what is going on in your life. And tell her that if she doesn't find a great replacement you're going to kidnap her and bring her back to Shitsville, whether she likes it or not.

Just said...

I once had someone help me like that when I was a teenager. Never met another like her either. But did stay in touch with her for a while . But she was right she needed to move on. She did amazing things for others that needed her like I did at first . Like she said her time with me was done. I was lucky enough to be able to thank her. I even still think about her to this day. But what she taught me change me and she was right I didn't need her any further. I am hoping you get to move forward to and with time it becomes easier for you. I know that doesn't help for right now, or what you want to hear , I don't blame you either. It sucks when you lose somebody you can rely on, but you deserve to grief the lost of her, for now. But your damn sure stronger now than you think .... take care and hang in there ...

Seth said...

That's terrible. Especially when she is someone you have developed a connection with. But somewhere out there are other psych professionals who can also help and keep you going strong. It might take a while to find the right one, but you will.

In the meantime, you should ask her for a recommendation - I would imagine that someone leaving a practive like she is would have to help (all) her patients find a suitable alternative, so she what she says.

If you need some advice on selecting another therapist, just ask. Like I said, it might take some time - but DO find someone ASAP, even in the interim so you have some continuity - and that will allow you time to find the right one.

I'm not sure how you pay for the visits (insurance, public program, etc) in your country and situation, but hopefully you can also find a similar situation financially.

Anyway, hang in there - you KNOW you are strong and can get through this.

*HUGS*

Ryan said...

Mboy,

You can do it. You can weather this storm and you can stand strong against any pain or fear this may cause in your heart.

Your Phsych is leaving, yes. But you are what you have become, not because of her but by her. She helped you to become who you are now, but that person is a person of strength, a man of steadfastness and someone who looks at the positive and good things in life equally if not more now than the negative.

You have a strong network of friends and support on here and you will no doubt develop a new relationship with a new counsilor, if you choose to that is.

As hard as smiles and cheerfulness must be right now, remember that nothing happens without a reason. You can use this as a stepping stone to a even stronger stance on life. Use it! Grow stronger!

Good luck, A HUGE HUG and lots of love!

-Ryan

PS: The word I had to type to post this was lablik

cvn70 said...

Mboy

hey buddy sorry tohear about this and i know how painfull this must be. But just like every oter challenge youhave had i know you will mak it by this one too

take care and be safe

bob

rudyyy60 said...

just started do this blog thing and getting into it ya know...but all i can say is things happen and people change it is human nature...i will be reading all your post to get to know you a little more before i say to much all i know is life is what you make of it..me myself have crawled my way back from things that would rather not say on here i might talk more about it in my blog when i feel more easy talking world wide about it...all i can say IS keep your head held high and walk you own line that is all we can do in life is walk the path we chose and keep on it now matter how hard it is to bare it..and also i am sure you look fine so plz dont get so down on yourself about that cause even tho people say bad things about you YOU MUST NEVER SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF....

Kevin Wilson said...

When you first met this psychologist, she was someone new and an unknown quantity - I assume it took you some time to open up to her completely.

The same will happen with whoever replaces her - it will take time to get to know them and feel comfortable talking about things.

Yes, it is sad that you are going to have to start fresh, but look at it as an exercise in learning how to trust new people. It is something you will have to deal with.

Mr McCabbage said...

The rule for any healer is, not to create dependency. We should not keep looking to others for our needs. We already have everything inside, and can receive by giving to others, since that way we learn what we already have. (That is why some oldies don't establish strong cords of attachment.) Also, your soul won't allow you to follow a routine, even a pleasant one. What we came here to do is not easy.

She will have a hard, personal and secret battle to release you, and perhaps others. Try to help her get through that. What matters is not who loves you, but who you love - because it shows you that you possess love, see? When you feel down, send her love. Know that she is alive somewhere at that same time, and that you remain connected for ever .. So be it.

Ben said...

I know im no psychologist but im only a few clicks away and because of you i feel comfortable being myself and i feel like i owe you.



--Ben

Kevin Wilson said...

Don't look at this as a negative. A new psychologist may help you see things in a different way and help you move further along. Sometimes a change can be good.

Planetx_123 said...

I can't imagine how you feel either. I don't have anyone that I can 'say anything to'. I have some close friends that almost fit this, and I felt terrible when they left. To have someone even closer and more important...I just hate this for you. Well hopefully another will come along and after time can fit the same role. Be strong, and take all the hugs we're sending :-)

Steve

backtobeyond said...

*Hugs*

Doug said...

So sorry to hear about this. It must have come as such a shock to you. I hope you feel better. I'm sure she will recommend you to another psychologist that's just going to be just as good. Like everyone else says, I hope she keeps in touch with you through phone/email/IM.

I'm certain you can get through this. Feel better soon. ::HUGS::

Dean Grey said...

You'll make it through just fine, Mirrorboy!

Just take it one day at a time.

Wishing you the best!

-Dean

Spastic Fantastic said...

hey Mboy, no need to publish this, just wanna see how you're doing and all, hoping you're just busy with school and your radio station job thingy. anyway miss seeing you online, hope you're doing ok :)

luv
me