English exam.

Well i just had my year 12 end-of-year English exam which counts towards half of my final mark for the year. I had 3 hours to do 3 essays. -.-

1 Text response. 1 Writing in Context piece. 1 Language Analysis.

After our 15 mins of reading time i decided to go with the Language Analysis first cos i'm pretty confident in identifying persuasive techniques in an opinion piece. :3 I managed to do a decent job of that and finished just in time.

Then i had a look at the other two sections. The Writing in Context part, where you write either an expository, persuasive or imaginative response, drawing on ideas from one of two texts to respond to the prompt, had a prompt that said 'Having a sense of being different makes it difficult to belong'. I was like "score!" and wrote a personal persuasive piece about being gay and all that crap. :P And finished just in time again.

Then i had to do the Text response, and that was the one i was least confident in. You have to write a response to one of two topics for one of two texts. They all looked pretty horrible but i chose "'When confronted with the mortality of others, the characters in Look Both Ways learn a great deal about themselves.' Discuss." I didn't do as well with that one and wrote a pretty bland and confused expository response that was kind of related to the topic. I was writing the last sentence of my conclusion when we were told to stop, and i wasn't able to finish it, so that bugged me. :/ But it's kay. :P

The main thing i focused on was just getting over my perfectionism and writing words down onto the page. That wasn't too much of an issue for the first two cos i was quite confident in what i was writing, but i hated the tripe i was serving up for the text response so it was a struggle to keep wading through it.

Anyway i did the best i could for the hardest work i've ever done. I'm happy with that. The multiple choice Maths exam is on Monday, and the written response Maths exam is on Thursday, but English was the one i was most concerned about.

:3

More Endings.

Well, surprisingly, today was my last psychologist appointment, and likely the last time i'll see her. She gave me a folder of worksheets and resources that i've used in the past, and the closure documentation is in the mail. And that's that.

It came as a shock to me as i didn't expect today to be the last day, but i guess it makes sense as i didn't really have much to talk about any more, and the stuff that i did, was all positive. The fact that it was such a shock could contribute to me not being too upset or worried, but i think i'll genuinely be okay on my own. And if i'm not, there's plan Bs and Cs.



Reece went home six days ago. Things are harder than i anticipated they would be without him. Having him here made even the most boring of things fun and enjoyable. Every day was awesome with him here, and now they're just... alright.

We're hoping to have him come back sometime around Christmas, and then i'll visit him sometime next year, assuming we're still together. :P



And school. I've been doing mad revision for Maths and English the past few weeks. It's been test exams and revision every day. The end-of-year, end-of-school final exams are only a week away now, the most important ones i've ever done, so things are pretty intense at school.

Before you get excited tho, let me remind you that i'm doing year 11 and 12 of school at the same time, over 2 years, as i'm year 11 age but advanced at doing Maths and English, so i'm doing the year 12 subjects of those. So this won't be my final year of school. I'll be back next year to do a few more year 12s.



But things are good. Mostly good. :)

Beginnings and Endings.

Well, school is done for the term. I'm on my 2 week break now. ^_^ However once the next term starts (because it's year 12) i'll be doing insane revision and solid prep for the end-of-year uber-important exams. o_o

In other news, when i saw my psychologist the other day she told me that she thinks it might be time for me to stop going to see her. I've learnt a lot of skills and gained a lot of knowledge about how i work so it might be time for me to try and make it on my own.

I've gotta admit, the idea kind of freaks me out. As long as i've had her, no problem has ever been unsolvable. Nothing has been off limits and I could talk to her about things that to anyone else in my life would sound insane. She's helped me infinitely in so many areas of my life that i'd struggled with sometimes for such a long time, to such a degree that i couldn't even begin to explain.

...I think i'll be okay.

I hope so.



On a happier note, things are going swell with Reece and I. He gets here tomorrow at 4:30. I'm nervous as heck and stressed as hell.

But also excited. ^_^

I Told My Teacher.

Remember that personal and special post i made a few days ago on my Words Blog? (You won't if you aren't one of the 8 people who actually read it.) Well, the day after i wrote the original, i handed it right in to my English teacher at school. He always wanted us to write at least one piece of writing a week and hand it in (but soon abandoned that goal after he got nothing every week). I handed it to him and got a pleasantly surprised smile, but wanted to get the hell out of there before he started reading. :P

When i received my piece back later in the day, it had his reply attached to the back.

"Mirrorboy,
Thank you for sharing this part of your experience with me. Falling in love one of the greatest privileges of being human. The cruellest aspect of this is when the other, the loved one, is fickle or less committed than we are. At the time of rejection we feel completely devastated. It is possible to believe that we might not be able to recover our composure, or our ability to love wholeheartedly again. Fortunately, it has been my experience that the human spirit is capable of coming back from adversity that at the time seems insurmountable.

I watched one of my favourite films, again, on Saturday night. In it, the central character is subjected by circumstances to extremely cruel treatment. Despite the worst that the world can ditch up, he fights back to establish his right to freedom. The movie is called "Cool Hand Luke" and stars the late Paul Newman in the title role.

Be reassured that you will recover from your bitter disappointment, provided you do not spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. May you enter your next relationship a bit less vulnerable than you were in this instance. You will find love again.

Best wishes,
Mr. English Teacher"



At this stage i'd completely forgotten that it was a gay story. I think that says something in itself. For all the worst aspects of people and their opinions i've experienced, whenever i've 'opened up' to someone with authority and responsibility, the response has been, not so much good, as neutral. That's what we really want, after all, isn't it? We don't want a pedestal but we still want a seat.

I believe the sane people of the world accept us, and sanity ultimately, always, prevails.

Oh Hai There.

Yes, hai. :P

I originally started this post at school, between classes, but then my class started. lol. So anyways, here i am at home finishing it. ^_^

I wanna apologize for not being around as much as i would like to have been. D: I know i said i wanted to be on msn more, and reply to emails quicker. Frankly, i've just been overwhelmed with school stress and homework. I'm not tryin to make excuses, but i am a 16yo doing schoolwork that 18yo's typically do. lol. I have (really, really freakin boring) books to read for English, The Catcher in the Rye for one. *barf* I had a speech to do on alternative energy the other day, boring as hell again. The Maths class i'm doing is going at lightspeed. I'm just rapidly churning out sheet after sheet of work, pages full of formulas and numbers and graphs and crap. Then there's the multiple projects i have to juggle for my other classes like Psychology and Outdoor Studies.

Anyways, not trying to make excuses... :P

I only had a look at my public email address inbox, for the first time in months, a few minutes ago. I have over 40 emails that need reading and replying to. -_- And i was expecting something like that, and that's why i've been putting it off. :P

Anyways, i have 2-week school holidays in a couple of weeks, so i'll try to get over that clog of emails in the next few weeks. I'll try to get msn more too. And by 'more', i mean more often than not at all. ^_^



SO, how is everyone? O: How's blogworld? Hopefully things haven't fallen apart without me. :P



In my own life, there's lots of school and that's about it.

Bitboy was supposed to come see me in early March, but his exams were rescheduled and rescheduled, so now he's booked a flight for April 12. I know i'm lucky to have a boyfriend and all, but man this is freakin hard. )': You want something so much but can't have it. D: And when Bboy sends me naughty things it's like going 'well here's your cake, BUT YOU CAN'T EAT IT'. lol.

And boy is it a yummy-looking (huge) cake. O_O lol :P

In other news, Bitboy quit WoW to focus on studying, which was 95% of our contact, so that majorly sucks. T_T



Anyways if you have any questions feel free to comment, but at least make it interesting. No boring-ass questions about how school is going and what my subjects are like and all that. :P

<3

And What A Year It Was.

So 2009 comes to an close. Without a doubt, i can say it was definitely the most eventful year of my life. Funnily enough, it was also the year that i was able to share with my readers. While it held the lowest of lows, it had a pretty damn good high at the end.

At the start of the year, my life was utterly horrible, and near unbearable. I'd been outed at school, and i was copping abuse from all sides. I know what it's like to be the centre of discussion and have rumours spread about me. I know how it feels to be mocked and hear people laughing about me behind my back, and then to my face, and to hear of people wanting to bash me up. I know what it's like to be pushed, have things thrown at me, have things knocked out of my hands or be hit as people walk past. I could go on, but you get the idea.

I couldn't sleep at night. I'd lie in bed in numb terror. I couldn't eat in the morning because i would already feel too sick. School wasn't about work or learning or socialising, it was about trying to scrape through with a bare minimum and do what i could without breaking. And i couldn't even do that. I was failing everything.

My Mum couldn't help me, nor could teachers or the principal, neither could the counsellor, or the chaplain, or the mental health woman they thought i should see. And my 'friends' turned out to be weak little backstabbers.

So i was a plane going into an irreversible nosedive, and eventually i crashed. My life shattered into a hundred pieces around me. There i was at the kitchen table, in pain, shaking, sobbing uncontrollably, tears falling in my cereal, and unable to take another second of it. There was no way i was ever going back to that place again, and that was that.

So i started again from the beginning.



I was lucky enough to cross paths with my psychologists, and they helped me to rebuild my life. I shared a metaphor with them, as one of them was leaving the clinic.

"It's like, before i kind of broke down. I was driving a car, that i'd built myself. I'd been driving for 16 years. It was a way to get from A to B. I never took any exciting paths, but i'd never encountered anything that stopped me from using the car either. Never had any major crashes.

But as i grew up the car started to veer slightly off direction. It's like there was something wrong with the steering, always going slightly off course. And then sometimes the tires would lock up and the car would jolt, and it was hard to correct (the tires and steering are references to my 2 disorders). And it made it a lot harder to get around. So rather than risk it, sometimes i would just stay at home and not use the car. The more i did that, the harder the car became to drive. I had to do a lot of correcting while driving, and it stole my focus away from more important things.

Then one day, i crashed. And it wasn't the fault of the steering, nor the tires. But still, i crashed, bad, and the car was so smashed it was irrepairable.

So i got scared of driving, and i stayed at home for a few months. I couldn't bring myself to go outside again, let alone drive.

I knew i would have to build a new car, but it was such a huge task, i could barely bring myself to do it.

But you know what, thanks to that crash, i came across two mechanics, and they gave me a manual, and stuck around to give me guidance about how to put a whole new car together. And this time around, thanks to them, i knew what was wrong with the steering, and with the tires, and i could work on fixing it.

I wiped out my old car, but now i'm building a better one. I can fix the problems with the steering, and the tires, and now all i have to do is practice getting behind the wheel again, my driving will grow to be smoother than ever before.

One day, i'll take those exciting roads that i used to avoid."



And i was right.

With my psychologists, i uncovered many of the demons inside me that made my life hard. I had body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder. As a result of what i went through at school, i'd acquired adjustment disorder. Now that i knew what they were, i could work through them.

I won't go into any more of that, many of my readers already know about this stuff anyway. :P I made progress with them, and life got easier. It truly was like a weight was being lifted from me with each step i made.

I started going to a new school, which is infinitely better than what i used to have to go to. The people there aren't in the highest of social classes, but they're a lot more accepting and mature than my previous peers.



Well, i'll say what my point is.

In many ways, this year was horrible, and it is something i would never want to relive. It was, and probably will always be, the worst year of my life.

But it was also the best year of my life. If i could go back to the start, i wouldn't have done anything differently... Well, maybe i would have broken a few noses, but you get the idea.

For from the bad, came good. If i hadn't been outed, i wouldn't have met my psychologists, i wouldn't have found out i had my disorders, i wouldn't have been able to treat them, and they would have haunted me for, possibly, the rest of my life.

So what if i lost a few 'friends'. Now that i know who they truly are, i would never want anything to do with them anyway. I truly am better off without them. And hey, i've got better friends now.

If i hadn't broken down, i'd still be going to that shithole of a school, and struggling with my work, because i'd always found it hard there. Now i'm going to a much better place, and doing much better too.

And my Mum and i have grown closer, and my Grandma knows who i really am. That's something i can be thankful for.



What i've gone through has made me who i am, and i am fucking tough. I have survived hell at school and abuse from people i'd let get close to me. I've discovered, and waded through the dangerous oceans of my inner demons. I know that now, i am unbreakable. My self-esteem used to be in tatters, but when you have to build something from the start again, you make it better than ever. My self-esteem has a shield up, and no one's gonna touch it. They can try, but they're gonna get burnt by the lasers i installed.

I can overcome anything that gets in my way, of that, i have no doubt.

And the best thing is...

I'm a stronger, more mature person, going to a better school, doing better in subjects, with better friends, making progress with my disorders, and with higher self-esteem...

Life can only get better.



I used to be down all the time. Now, i'm feeling just fine. I haven't been down, in a very long time. I don't get depressed about my life, or feel hopeless, or worthless, and i definitely don't feel unlovable any more. I'm much more positive, and i look forward to the future now, instead of wishing i didn't have one.

So bring on 2010.

Fun. :|

Monday, for English, we spent the lesson finishing a picture made out of buttons, that the 'special needs' class started and never finished. It axly was kinda fun lol, but hardly English. :P

And English is heaps of fun, am i right?? :D

Then later in the day for Personal Development, i pretty much just got on the computer and replied to emails. :P There was a bit of report-writing and letter-writing, but yeah, seeing as only 2 people showed up, not much work to do. lol

Tuesday was interesting tho. Twas Psychology and we had to choose a mental illness or disorder and do an assignment on it. So surprise! I chose social anxiety disorder. :D

So i figure i did a pretty good job on it. lol

Then when i handed it in, i told the teacher that i axly had it. Fun times. We spoke about it a bit, and she seemed genuinely really interested. I spose that's cos she is the Psychology teacher. :P

We both agree that psychologists are ftw. :)

That's about it. lol

Stay cool everyone. :/


Before i go, here's a picture that's a post in its own. :O

(Read the convo in the lower left corner :P)

Tomorrow.

I have to meet my Work Skills teacher at the radio station tomorrow at 10:15. We'll be going in to talk to the guy there about organising my work experience, starting about a week from now.

And then at 11:30 i have an appointment with my psychologists, so fun times. :P

The break's almost over. I start at school again on Monday.

I think this is the first time in years, that i'm not terrified about having to go back to school.

:)

Birthday.

Happy Blog-Birthday Mirrorboy.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been my friend and supported me over the last 12 months. I can't begin to describe how much it, and all of you, mean to me.

I've come a long way. I almost didn't make it, but somehow i did. And now life is finally starting to look up for me.

The exposure treatment for my S.A.D with my psychologists is working. I'm more comfortable in social situations, i can do things on my own more, and my anxiety is generally lower than before.

My school is going well. The schoolwork is going fine, although i did get heaps of homework today. :P

I'm talking to the people in class, and most of them are quite nice. In fact they surprised me the other day. For the speech we had to do in English on a controversial topic, one of the girls chose same-sex marriage (she was for it btw). As usual, we discussed it afterwards, and the people are actually pretty accepting. I was quite proud of them to be honest. :)

I also heard back from the radio station today. They accepted my application and in 3 weeks i'll be doing work experience there.

On top of that, today was the last day of term, so i get a 2-week break from school. :D

The layout of the blog has changed. The blog links are updated. And a big thank you to deejohn for the bday present (the blog header). :)

And massive thanks to all of you for your continued support and love!

Memorable Moments #2

March. It was early in the month, when i celebrated 150,000 views, that i started up my other 2 blogs, Secret Project (co-owned with Jake) which was basically boy pics, and Mirrorboy's Words, on which i posted excerpts from my story

2 days later, i started seeing my psychologists (thank God they came into my life). I had a bit of support in my life now, but school was still really hard.

At the end of March, i posted the interview that Col had done with me, and it provides a bit of insight into my life.

April. The 8th, and i was getting ready for my trip to Melbourne, the state's capital city. Not only was it my first holiday, but it showed me that there was a life outside of my crappy, small-minded town. I could at least look forward to the day when i finally leave.

And i had photos. :P

During April was the time i stopped attending school. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it had all become too much. My Mum knew she couldn't keep sending me, so i just stopped going. I didn't make a post about it though, because frankly, it was private.

May. Not much happened in May. I continued not going to school, and instead focusing on trying to get better by working with my psychologists. I also kept going to my gay youth group.

The 22nd was my birthday. I got some really nice bday wishes from my online friends. :) Other than that it was a pretty crappy day. lol

2 days later, i explained everything about school, and life, and i told you about my disorders. I also said that tomorrow i would be starting at a new school (which is my current one). My first day wasn't bad, although i was expectedly nervous.

With a lot on my mind, i took a break from blogging and didn't return until mid-June.

June. I included a post about the kinds of things we get up to at my youth group.

By the 19th, things were starting to get back on track for me, thankfully.

June also had a Q&A post about me, and if you're interested, i showed you pics of where i blog from.

July. My school hours increased. I was also going through a lot of ups and downs. Life was pretty unstable as i juggled blogging with school and my disorders. I used my blog to vent when i needed to.

I also posted some pics of the beach in my city.

At least things were on the up, now.

August. I was busy, and that was good. Inadvertently, i was also being more positive. Things were starting to improve.

And now September. There's not much point in looking back on this month. :P

But i will say, the past few weeks have been the best in a long time. Every single day, things get better for me. Living gets easier.

The time between now and a year ago almost killed me, literally. But i've survived. I've got the scars in my mind and bruises on my soul, but i made it, thanks in no small part to all of you who supported me.

Memorable Moments #1

September 2008 - February 2009.

Here are what i consider to be some of my most important or memorable posts for the first 6 months of blogging. :)

September. This post pretty much sums up why i started blogging. I was angry and frustrated, and that meant lots of CAPS. lol. I was a gay boy living in a homophobic world and i hated it.

October. After i got a few lucky links, my daily views were doubling. Quite quickly my mind was put on something else though. I was outed. First there was confusion, then calm, and then happiness. That happiness lasted for a while. But unfortunately, things got worse, much much worse. Only a week later i was struggling and contemplating suicide.

November. At home i tried to forget about school, and i blogged about other things as much as i could. November was witness to my teddy bear post (deceptively innocent). Since i posted that it has never left me, still haunting me to this day. :P

Unfortunately although i tried to put my mind off the shit that was happening to me, that didn't stop it from existing. 2 weeks into November, the storm hit me, and i was scared.

This is painful to remember. I can even see my social anxiety disorder growing as i read what i wrote. At least i had Mrs OC. I could always talk to her. I don't know what i would have done without her.

November was when i started to drift. It was when i switched to auto-pilot. All i could do was try to block the immense pain inside of me, and use every spare minute i could to relax.

December. As if the shit at school wasn't enough, one of the people at my school, someone who i dared to call my friend, started abusing me on my own blog. Currently i couldn't care less about what people say to me on here, but back then i was fragile, and it hurt a lot.

My life was a total mess.

Meanwhile in blogworld, i helped AJ. If you weren't around for what happened, then it's hard to explain, but it was definitely memorable to me.

At least i got a few weeks break from school and i could relax a bit. The day before New Year's Eve, i made a post about my history before blogging, and about that whole year. That post also includes my first coming out story, to my Mum.

January. I started my e-relationship with Jake Anon, and i posted about a lot of easier stuff to swallow. 3 weeks in though, and the dread of returning to school was upon me.

February. My first day back was crap, and it got worse from then on. Luckily, i also started attending my gay youth group.

That may seem like a lot to swallow in one post, but i'll be using this (and some of this week's other posts) as a future reference for people new to my blog to get to know me.

March to present continues tomorrow. The day after that, is the big day.



Looking back on what happened to me really shows me just how far i've come. Life is drastically better, and i'm so thankful for all the support. During all that time i was posting about suffering, there were people on my blog leaving comments and sending emails, and talking to me on msn, with support and love. Thank you so much.

'Sup Me?

Oh hai y'all. ^_^

I haven't got that much to post about. Life is going pretty steady for me at the moment. I'm keeping it together pretty well, which is a change. lol. A nice one.

Though if life was turning to shit then i'd have something to post about. :P

- Haven't heard anything back about the jobs yet. It's no biggie though. I'm sure i'll find something soon so don't feel the need to comfort me. :P

- School is going okay. Lots of work to do but i can deal with that. It's a million times better than the other place i used to go to. 'Twas a school but i see it as more of a hellhole. :P But yeah things are going okay there.

- Practicing exposure with my psychologists. Now instead of sitting in a room talking about stuff we go out to a cafe or something and do it there. It's like, because being in social places makes me anxious and stuff, in a way it's trying to get me used to the situation. Also have to find a nice thing to say about myself every time i look in the mirror. That's hard to do though. Anyways they're really nice people. They probably know more about me deep down and what goes on in my head than anyone else. It's hard to explain what a difference they've made in my life so far, so i won't even try. But they're great. :)

Everything else that i care to think about is going okay. I've got school and homework during the week and i spend my spare time relaxing. Sounds like a decent plan aye lol.



On the blog side of things, well. Idk. Blogging has become way too high maintenance. I only read blogs that catch my eye now, and i only comment if i've got something important and/or witty to say. lol. There's just too many links in that sidebar to give everyone some of my time. I try to catch up with everyone on msn though.

I'm hoping i don't scare you all off talking to me now. lol. People seem to get the impression that i've got more important things to do than care about what's going on with them. That's untrue.
I just can't sit here for hours reading and commenting on dozens of blog posts. I still love talking to people on msn and i consider many of you good friends, and i'm still up for meeting new people (always am). :)

Hope everyone is doing okay. *love*



Because i'm doing okay for once some cataclysm is probably around the corner. lol

Seeking.

A job, please.

So as i said the other day, to pass my Work Skills class i need to axly do work experience for a minimum of 8 weeks to pass, and our teacher wants to get us out there ASAP. Full steam ahead kind of thing.

So on Thursday in class i looked through the phone book for places that i might be able to do work placement at. The one i wrote down first, was our local newspaper. Long-time readers might already know that i want to be a journalist.

Now asking this newspaper is quite a big deal. It's not a small thing. It's a very professional paper. It does local news, state news, national news, international news, all news. In a work placement book i saw at my old school before i left, it said they only took year 11 and 12 students, preferrably those studying Journalism as a subject.

Now i'm 16. Definitely not studying Journalism. Little experience. I mean how do you even get experience as a journalist without axly working at a newspaper? And it didn't say anywhere that they had any sort of openings either.

Anyways, it's a long shot. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but that's hard to do. This is gonna be 8 weeks of my life. I want it to be something important to me.

I wrote up the quick application in about 45 mins and got it to my teacher and she said she would post it. Cross your fingers, toes, legs, balls, anything. I want this bad, and it's a very long shot. :(

If it doesn't work, my other 2 choices are the local radio station or a bakery.

Hai But Bai.

Okay, so here's the thing.

I've gotta a lotta stuff to do at the moment. I need to write an essay on a book we read in English, and also do an assignment on the book (It's called The Divine Wind, it was really good axly). I also need to find articles for a speech i have to do about a topic i chose (human euthanasia). And there's more stuff to do with my Work Skills class. I kind of need to... find a job and do work experience to pass.

I also need to get other stuff sorted out to do with turning 16, which was a while ago. Bunch of other stuff too. No point going into it.

To be honest, i haven't even read the majority of e-mails i've received in the past couple of weeks. And those of you with my msn may have noticed i've barely been on. I think it'll stay like that for a while. I went on it last night after being away for a while, and while i was on i was hurt. So what's the f'ing point, ya know? I'm just gonna be a ghost now, for a while at least.

I'm sorry to all the owners of blogs i haven't been reading and commenting. But you've all got your own lives and problems to deal with. I simply can not get involved. Right now, i need to focus on me, my life, and my own problems. That's all i can take for now.

And i may or may not be on msn occasionally. If i am it won't be for long.

Right now i will go and respond to all the e-mails in my inbox. If you e-mail me after this, don't expect a quick reply. Sorry.

I will try to post when i can. I do still have stuff to blog about. It's not the blogging that has made me have to do this, it's everything that comes with it.

I Know You...

Hmm. Today was an interesting day.

There was another new girl there at 'school' today. The interesting thing is, we went to the same Primary School (or Elementary School for you Americans). We didn't socialise much back then, but we knew each other.

Now, me being the social phobia suffering, nervous wreck around people that i am, i haven't made any friends yet, because i simply find interacting hard. It's too hard to explain why. Just understand that it's simply the pinnacle of hardness for me.

By pure coincidence, this girl had to move seats and ended up next to me. (I hadn't recognised her yet... because i don't stare at people's faces. lol) We then had to write our names down on a sheet of paper and i got it (the paper) right after her. I was looking at the page and recognised her name right away. I was like 'wuuuuuuuhhh??'. lol

Anyways, i kinda took a leap off a cliff and turned and said 'Hey, i think i know you from Primary School'.

We made a bit of small-talk. For me, it was like, 'OMG i'm interacting with someone. woot!' lol

Small-talk small-talk. Then things kind of stagnated, but by coincidence again, the teacher had work for us which required us to work in groups of two. Without anything needing to be said, the two of us worked as a group. Things lightened up, as we talked and worked on the project. And it was actually pretty enjoyable. It was nice to actually be talking to someone for once, rather than being on my own.

Idk how 'making friends' works lol, but the interactions between us were positive and she didn't seem to dislike the time we spent together. :)

The thing is... she says 'fag'. A lot. It's hard to explain. Like she says 'fag' instead of 'idiot'. "Don't be such a fag". Stuff like that. People around my age would know what i mean a lot better than older people.

So i guess... i'm not actually sure if i'd want her as a friend. I mean sure, we got along. But... i didn't feel like i was being 'me'. I felt like i was putting on a face to be friendly.

Anyways, i don't have much choice. I need someone to talk to/work with/sit next to. I can't go on being the loner because that ain't gonna work out good for me.

Of course, there's also the possibility that she'll start talking to the other people in the class and realise that they'd make better friends than me, and i'll pretty much be dumped.

Idk what to make of it all.



Oh, i've also realised that i've got back INTO the closet.

I think i have to in a place like this. This is a place where students are allowed to go out for smoke breaks, and openly swear in class.

Yeah that kinda sucks... Again, i don't really have a choice. It's play it straight, and lie if i'm asked, or risk things turning to shit like they did at my old school when i was outed, and face having to leave again. And if i have to leave here, it's bye-bye school education, for now.

*sigh*

love

School and Games.

Oh hai y'all.

I had a pretty good day. No catastrophes. That's always a plus. lol

Yeah but seriously. Things are going okay. :)

My Monday classes do indeed run from 9am to 4pm. We got out a little early today because only a handful of people showed up for the last class.

Tuesdays, which i previously had off, now have a class at 1pm to 4pm.

Wednesdays and Thrusdays are the same as before, and i still get my Fridays off. Huzzah!

It seems i've inadvertently acquired some screenshots of games i've played on this computer over time. If you know where to look, there are lots of games online that you can enjoy for free. :)

I have links to 39 online games in my Favourites folder. :P

Games ftw!

The above one is from Pokemon which i played on a GB emulator. :) lol

Meh. lol

Last day of my break from school was today. Back to it all tomorrow with increased hours. I think Monday goes from 9am till 4pm. It's easy to get out a few mins early, and i'll have to cos my gay group starts at 4.

I'll be leaving at 8:45 with my Grandma, and i'll be walking home so i won't be home until about 6pm. That's one hell of a first day back. lol



I've had a reasonably good past few days. I made friends with this really cool kid (a blogger) online a few days ago and we get along well. Making friends is fun. :)

For some reason, people seem to consider me as famous, and they get too shy to talk to me. Idk why people treat me differently just because i get lots of views. I'm still the same person. lol

Anyways my head's kinda blank right now. I got up at 6am this morning to reset my body clock for the early-ish rise tomorrow, and i'm really tired right now.

That's all... i think.

love

I Won't Be Back For 2 Weeks!

That's right. You heard me. I won't be back at school for 2 weeks! ;)

Unfortunately in Australia, the school year goes from early February to late December. We get about a 5 week break around January, and three 2-week breaks throughout the year. That's it.

Anyways, today is the start of one of those breaks, so yay.

Unfortunately once this break is over, i'll be going back to school at the start of a semester. I'll be taking more classes and my school hours will increase drastically (I think Mondays will turn into a 7-hour school day). :/



In other news, i came up with a good idea for my 300,000 views post (i know i was leaving the idea up to my readers, but because so few of you bothered to comment about it...)

Anyways, i'm going to post about how coming out (or rather, being outed) changed my life.

So that'll be a special and personal post. :)

That is all.

Answers!

Sowwy this took a while, but i had over a hundred questions (geez, thanks bob. lol). I picked and chose because some q's were boring. lol

Sorry if i forgot any but i've got questions all over email addresses, msn and many of my posts. :P



Height - 172 cms - 5'6". Weight - 77.9 kilograms - 171.4 pounds (was 79.4 - 174.7 a week ago :D).

2 qualities I like most in others - People who help others, instead of leaving them and expecting someone else to help (I suppose that could be called caring. lol), and being unselfish. But i hate that word. lol

Who/Whom do you have a crush on currently?
No one. :)

What job do you want?
Journalism.

Are you considering going to college/university after high school for English or journalism?
Yes, considering. :)

Favourite school class?
English. :D

Least favourite?
Architecture was awful. lol

Are you still in contact with your friends from your old school?
Only a couple. Some of the others are c*nts and i want nothin to do with them anymore.

Whats going on with you and Jake now?
Very little.

What is the real reason you won't post pics of yourself?
I'm actually an elderly man who gets off by pretending he's a teenager online.

If that were true i would certainly have lots more exciting sexual adventures than i'm getting. lol

When you connect with people on a personal level (either online or in real life) what is the most important thing you want in that relationship and why?
We have to care about each other.

The most important person in your life?
My Mum. I'm an only child with a singe parent. We've got a close bond. Especially recently i've known that she'll do anything for me.

Other than Writing, Wii and the internet, what thing or activity (and not wanking btw), do you enjoying doing or participating in more than anything else?
:D Wanki-- Oh umm. Writing! I don't care what you said. Writing ftw!

Favourite home cooked meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I'd eat pasta for all three. :P

Favourite ice-cream.
Cookies and cream.

Your favorite type of clothing to wear is?
Shoes.

What clothing do you sleep in?
That's assuming i axly sleep in clothing...

Favorite video game you have played?
Paper Mario TTYD. :)

Video game you want to play that you haven’t yet?
Fable 2.

Explain to me what is it about these video games that makes you want to play them.
Well aren't you demanding? lol. They're an escape from life.

What's your favourite childhood book?
I can't remember what it's called but it had cats in it and it was by Enid Blyton.

If your house was on fire what five possessions of yours would you grab before running out?
I'd be more worried about my Mum and my cats than possessions. But i'd grab my iPod and my teddy. :)

Would you talk to other bloggers about OCD if they had it also?
Strange question but yes. lol

The first blogger you emailed?
Jake at My Life On A Wall. Luckily he replied or i wouldn't be blogging. :P

The first who contacted you on MSN?
Lach. Who would have thought a few months later i'd be meeting him in Melbourne. :D

What has been the best thing about blogging for you?
Making friends.

Do you like sunsets or sunrises better and why?
Sunsets... I like the darkness...

What do you like about cats?
They're plain awesome. lol. Dogs are dirty and smelly. Cats are neat and clean and chilled out, and playful when they want to be, like me. lol

Why do you use plastic cutlery?
It feels nicer. And it's less germy... lol

What's your favourite word?
Could say something special and fancy, but i can't go past a word as versatile as f*ck. lol

What clothes do you wear for school?
Jeans, shirt, jacket. lol

Do you cook for your mother as well, and what are your favorite recipes?
I made these pizza things last night. You make the dough and roll it out, put the toppings on, and then roll it up and cut it into slices. I made Mum's dough for her and rolled it out. I'm a good boy. lol

Ask you anything??? I wanna see you :P
That's not a question. :)

Will you marry me? (Asked by Dan. :P)
Yes. I'd marry you for the lone reason that i get to play with your amazing hair. lol :D

Have you ever wanted to visit the States, and what would you like to see-know about them?
I'd go to the US to see some of my friends. I don't really care about the country. lol :)

If you could be any kind of turtle, what kind would you be?
Definitely a wood turtle.

What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite colour?
Mirrorboy. Find the Holy Grail. Red. No, wait-- aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!! ...



Pervs... lol

First crush?
An Asian friend in Primary School.

When you are looking at a guy what do you check out first?
Hair. :S

What turns you off?
Smelliness. Eww. lol

What is an immediate visual turn-on to you in someone?
Again, hair. lol.

How long is your thing?
My dick? lol. About 6 inches. :)

Top or bottom.
100% bottom. :P

Do you have a fetish?
Yes, a few, and i'm not sharing! lol

Do you squirt or shoot? Your shots thick, ropey, watery?
I shoot to kill. Whatever that means. :P

Are you trimmed, shaved or au naturale? Cut or u/c? Sure wish you'd post a pic or two to show us! :)
Trimmed. U/c. I was going to post a pic, but you forgot a question mark, so it's only a statement. Damn.

That's all folks!

I'm ok, btw.

Peoples have been asking how i'm doing after my break. Well, i'm doing okay. lol

My new 'school' is going well. It's soooo much better here than at my old school. Thinking back on what things were like for me there, and what i went through... so much pain, it really is a wonder that i didn't suicide. I guess i really am stronger than i think. But i'm pretty sure what happened there has f'ed me up pretty bad emotionally. It's quite obvious that the mental issues i have to deal with daily now, are a result of the crap i endured there.

But that's what psychologists are for. :)

And i'm going to a different place now, and it's much better. So i try not to think about the past.

Everything else is going okay. After a long period of stress, for once, i don't have anything major on my mind to upset me.

School is okay. My bloglife is getting back to normal. Online friendships and such are settled. I'm working on losing weight. My cats are fine. I found my iPod after i thought i'd lost it (and was freaking out, but it was in the pocket of my shorts in my wardrobe :P). I'm working on self-esteem and such with my psychologists. Money isn't a problem at the moment. etc etc.

Things are going okay, and in my life, that's unusual, but good. :)

Thanks to everyone who cared. :)

love