Yup. I'm sick.
I feel weak and have no energy and my body's achey and it hurts when i move a lot. As well as a bunch of other things but i won't bore you with the rest.
At least i get a couple days off school. *weak smile*
Oh yeah, i guess i'm not as sad as the other day. I just have bad days sometimes. The fact that i was alone in my room (and starting to get sick) probably made everything worse.
I came to a realization the other day too.
Nobody has the right to complain about their own lives.
People should stop moping in their own sadness - that they got a bad hand in life or they're unlucky. Cos then they don't make an effort to change.
We are ALL capable of being happy. But some of us just have to wait for it, or work for it.
Just cos you're overweight, or have bad skin or big bones, or a quiet voice or you're going bald, doesn't mean you should give up and whinge and whine and get depressed.
You have to make an effort to change. If you can't change what's 'wrong' with you, then you need to change your own view about it. And if you don't, then it's your own fault if you're a sad hermit for the rest of your life.
I've got a hundred things i'm working on for myself. I view myself as a bit of a mess. I'm like that. I have awful self issues and pick on everything about me - some with good reason, and some without.
There were some things i hated about myself that took a really long time to accept. I felt so unlucky. 'Why am i this way when others get it so easy?'
But once you realise that some things are beyond your control, you start to realise that there's nothing really wrong with having something or being a particular way in the first place.
It doesn't condemn you to a life of sadness. It doesn't prevent you from making good friends and being successful.
But if you can't take your mind off the bad things, when you should be striving for the good things, then it's really your own fault if life sucks.
Eh. What's the point of this post? I can't remember. :/
Anyways, i was gonna mention that i'm working on losing weight again. All this stress recently really hasn't done any good for my self-esteem. I comfort eat a lot.
For a while last year, i was happy. Life was kind of 'normal'. I could focus on eating healthier and making an effort, and i lost weight.
Now i've just been coming home after school, grabbing a bag of chips or something and heading to my room to watch TV or play games. It was the only way i could relax.
But guess what. When i look in the mirror nowadays and see what i'm becoming again, i just get unhappier about myself. And for fuck sake, that's all i need!
I'm only making things worse, so i've gotta change. I've done this before, and was doing okay, before i was outed. When i was outed, my world came crashing down and everything changed, and my mind moved from losing weight, to pretty much my own survival.
I can't let this go on. It's not going to get better. So i'm going to go back to losing weight.
All i need to do is find that fire within me that used to drive me.
Anyways. Nostalgia - Mario Kart 64 song remix kinda. I smiled while listening to this.
No more lazing about. ;)
Woot.
