The Other Side.

For anyone who took an interest in my previous post, or is familiar with Kakistos (aka my current online bf) and his old blog, i strongly suggest you follow this link to his new blog, Falling Awake. :3

Specifically relating to our relationship is this post. Dare i say, he presents a more eloquent and meaningful interpretation of our relationship than me :S, and it gives you a bit of history about him and a bit of insight into who he is.

I think he addresses a lot of what may be your concerns, and expresses his motivations, and also shows his maturity, so's there's not much else i can do than strongly urge you to go read. ;)

News. O:

I have a boyfriend! :P

We found each other on twitter first, and tweeted back and forth for a few days. We started speaking on MSN and ended up speaking for the entire day. I got his mobile number and we've been constantly texting all day since then as well. We've started playing WoW together too.

We just really clicked. We found out we had so many things in common and that we really enjoy being together (even if it is online). We didn't make a conscious decision to be boyfriends; it just happened. Like i told my psychologist, as we got to know each other, our relationship just naturally progressed down the boyfriend path. To use a very tired expression, it was like we already knew each other. :3

Here's his twitter if you're interested. (Used with permission) :P

We have just about everything in common that we could possibly think of. He's much more mature than my ex and treats me a whole lot better too. He's smart, he's sensitive to how i feel, he's honest and selfless... Okay i won't blab on about that stuff. :P



I told my Mum and she didn't take it very well. In our usual sort of argument she yelled over the top of me and wouldn't let me express myself until she'd blasted her opinions into my face so much that i left the room. (This happened inside a takeaway restaurant while waiting for food...) She thinks he's going to hurt me the same way Bitchboy did and says i haven't learnt my lesson.

Of course if there's anything i've done from that it's learn. I can't be hopelessly devoted to someone and wrap all hopes of my future up in our relationship. I can't let someone be mean to me just because they cuddle me at night. I can't rely on someone to always be there to make me feel good, because they just might leave.

And my psychologist agrees with me. She suggested that i write a letter to my mother telling her how i feel as talking to her isn't an effective way to communicate. :3 And i will, and i expect it to work because i know i'm right.



Anyways, the plan for now is to have him come down to visit me in a month's time, because that's when my 2-week school break starts. Should be good. ^_^

Bitboy! :D

Today he's coming back to stay with me for three weeks. :D

It's hard to believe it's axly been 4 long, painful months of aching to be with him again and not being able to. 4 months where i couldn't touch, hold, kiss and hug him. I'll admit that when i waved goodbye to him 4 months ago, i wasn't sure i'd ever see him again. I knew it was gonna be tough, really tough. And it was. It's quite hard to have a relationship over msn and texts. o_o And let's not forget he had a demanding college schedule, and a family that loathe the fact he likes boys and have tried multiple times to cut me off from him.

But i'm not complaining. We made it through those 4 months and now i can't wait for him to get here sometime this evening. (:

How I Met Bitboy.

(Sorry for the long post but it does have a rather strong point to it) :)

You know i've always been incredibly interested in how one small action can have huge implications. In fact i often find myself thinking 'where will this action or decision lead me in the future?' when i'm at a crossroads. It's why i strive do always be nice whenever i can, because you never know when a nice action can lead to a new friend.

I think the majority of my readers also came across me and my blog through internet searches or clicking random links. If you'd typed something a little different, clicked a link above or below, or not even been on the computer that day, you might not know i existed. And many of my blog readers are good friends that have enriched my life a lot.

Well on to the point of this post. It's how i met Bitboy.

Before i got WoW, i used to play this game called Knight Online. And it was a horrible game, utterly terrible, it was. Basically it was ruled by hackers and bots. The only way to level up was to find yourself a hacker to be in a group with. And then there were the bugs and glitches, and typos. Oh god, the typos. When what you were told to do was coherent enough to understand, there would be a glitch or two that made it impossible to do.

And the gameplay was bad enough too. There were warriors, mages, rogues and priests. You could only wear armour designed for your class, and the only decent stuff was so hard to get, only people who hacked or cheated to get money could buy it. The same goes for weapons. Even low levels could wield ridiculously overpowered weapons, if they had money, that is. And the music was the same goddamn track over and over and over again.



But i digress. One day while playing this horrible game, i entered an event and was put in a group with a mage called Weebs. He did his job well and saved my virtual ass many times. After the event was over i saw him back in town and said he did a good job, and he said i did as well (both with a smiley). Then we parted our separate ways.

I was in a group with someone doing a quest later, when i ran into him in another town. Weebs knew the person i was grouping with, so we all started talking. By the time the other person had left, me and Weebs were getting along quite well.

It was then that i found that Weebs was actually an Australian. We kept talking, and decided we would play together when we could. Later on, we were partying with an American who made some rather homophobic remarks. :P Meanwhile i am very much a hint-dropper. I guess i could explain it in that i try to get a read on a person's like or dislike of gays by making borderline sexual remarks or innuendo. Does that make sense? o_O Sometimes people will act positively, others will freak out at even the slightest hint of a hug.

Anyways it worked better than i expected. By the time we got back to the main town and were alone again, Weebs asked me 'are you bi?'. I replied with something like 'you're half right lol'. He'd picked up on my semi-obvious remarks, and when i told him i was gay, he in turn said he was bi. That's when i started to go like (O_O).

'Omg' i was thinking, 'he's Australian, he likes boys, and he's a teenager'. That's an incredible lot to have in common in a game in which the majority don't even speak English. 'AND HE'S NICE!'

Soon after, i showed him the address to my blog. Then our game conversations turned to MSN conversations. Within a few days of knowing each other, i was beginning to like him, a lot. And he liked me too. It got to the point where i would only bother playing the game to see him and have his 'company'.

When he said he wanted to leave Knight Online to go back to playing World of Warcraft, i decided i had no choice but to buy it and start playing it. Being around him, even online, made me so happy. We both made new characters, and went through the levelling process together. And let me just say, WoW is infinitely better than KO. :P

The rest is history.



The fact is, if i hadn't been playing Knight Online, on that day, at that time, and entered that event (meeting Weebs), and afterwards entered a group that lead me to a town in which Weebs was at at the same time, and having Weebs know the person i was grouping with, giving us a reason to talk more... I might not have had a boyfriend for 2 weeks, 2 weeks in which i was the happiest i've been for years.

That's why i'll always be thankful for that horrible game.

Bitboy's Gone.

He caught the train back to Melbourne today, on the way home to Sydney. I was teary after his train left but it's so hot and dry outside that my tears dried up straight away.

I must say that his stay here went... perfectly. We got along really well, even if we did have a few fights - nothing major and it always resulted in more cuddles. :P My cats liked him. Tiger brought him home some birds, one of which he then proceeded to eat in front of Bboy. o_O He left a single leg amongst the feathers. Nom nom. My Mum liked him a lot too. "Can we keep him??" she said. He bought her a big box of chocolates as a thank you gift, which was nice. I, of course, ate some. :D Thanks Bboy. :D He even got along with my Grandma really well. Whether or not she clued on that we were an item, i don't know. But she liked him. :)

Now i have to go back to living a single life. I dunno how i'll cope. It will be really strange sleeping alone tonight, waking up alone. I'll have to find something to entertain me. I'll have to adjust to not having arms around me and someone warm to snuggle against. I might even miss his slobbery kisses... maybe. :P

What is most of concern right now is what will happen between him and his family when he gets home tonight. Will they stop trying to prevent him from contacting me after he's spent over 2 weeks with me? Will they still try to take away his independance, after he took things into his own hands and left unnanounced? It seems kind of pointless to me, because when they push he'll only fight back harder, but it's all down to what they think, and if they can realise that.

Oh Hai!

Sorry i haven't been posting much. Frankly i have better things to do. :P But i figured it was time for an update. :) I know how me being happy makes you guys happy/jealous and spiteful. :D

It's funny how after all the struggles me and Bitboy had to go through to get here, things ended up working out... perfectly. He really brightens up my life. He gets along really well with my Mum and Grandma, and the cats don't mind him - Tiger just wants BB to feed him, and Jemima has already decided that she owns him, so she'll let him stay.

I can never tell myself that i'm unloveable any more. I can no longer say that i'm incapable of having a relationship, or being happy. BB loves me for who i am and that is something i thought i would never have. Also him being here has done a lot for my self esteem. Many of the things that i used to hate about myself i now don't even think about. He has helped me to feel normal, and sometimes even special.

Not to mention that i can now say i've loved and been loved. I can say i've been snuggled and held and hugged and kissed (even if kisses are gross). And there's also the sorts of things i wouldn't dare repeat here. :P I can wake up in the morning and open my eyes to see a (cute) boy laying next to me. It's quite pleasant, to say the least. :) And whenever i want to i can have someone to wrap my arms (and legs sometimes) around. :P



Things are going well, really well. I'm happy, genuinely happy for the first time in many months.

Dunno what else to say. :)

I See.

On Sunday evening i called Bitboy and we spoke for about 45 mins. In that time he explained everything to me, and i believe what he said. He made a post this morning and tried to explain it (it'll be better coming from him) but his father came in when he was only half finished and took away the laptop.

But basically his family and a fucked-up counsellor ganged up on him and made him believe he was a predator and a paedophile, that by coming to see me he'd be ruining both our lives, and that he was taking advantage of me, and that what we had between us meant nothing. They then made him say goodbye to me, and when i replied, wouldn't let him reply. Anyways it's complicated and it's his story so it's better if when he gets an opportunity to post the full story, you hear it from him.

I'm going with what just feels right, and hoping by some miracle that things work out.

My E-Relationship.

It's funny how many of you can NOT be happy for me. Hmm...

I'd like to thank those who are supporting MY decision to have an e-relationship with a boy i really like.



I had to explain to Peter why i was with Jake, so i'm going to repost some stuff from my comment on his blog.

I've known Jake for months, ever since i started my blog. He's a great guy with a wicked sense of humour, and he was also the first person to ever talk to me. Without his kindness my blog wouldn't have picked up.

We have so much in common.

And he makes me laugh and smile. And he's smart. And we're both only children. And we're both weird. And geez, we actually live on the same continent. So i decided to give this a shot, to see what happens. I like him a lot. I don't 'love' him (yet), but i'm willing to give that a chance to develop, and it would be great if it did.



Whatever. I just thought of a new poll.

No surprise what it is. Go have a look and vote. :)

It's not gonna change what i do, but i'm just curious what you all think.



I hope most of you can find a way to be happy for me and not wish that my new relationship fails, like some people i've talked to. :/

<3

===>mirrorboy<===