My Blog Turns 2.

Well it axly had its second birthday a couple weeks ago but i didn't notice. :P

I know i haven't been posting much as of late. Sorry to say things aren't going to change, because it's intentional.

I've told my story now. It was one of overcoming troubles, learning and growing as a person.



I made this blog for me in the beginning. I was alone and felt like a freak in this conservative city of mine. I knew no like-minded people, no one who understood what it was like to like people of the same sex. I had no one i could talk to. So i was reached out to the internet in the hopes of finding people who understood what it was like to be gay. I did, and it was an incredible and invaluable experience, and now the fact that i'm gay doesn't have the tiniest impact on my day to day life, when it used to be a major issue. It's thanks to the people i've met online and for that i'm eternally grateful and thankful for having met you. That's the best thing about my blog for me.

But slowly Mirrorboy became less about me and more about helping others. I grew to be obsessed with helping people in the same sort of situation and that snowballed until i was eager to help anyone with any troubles any time, no matter how simple or intense.

I met more people. I got to know people more deeply. Everyone has shit in their lives, and i got caught up in everyone else's intentionally. Like i said, i got obsessed with helping, and soon my every thought was about my numerous online friends and how i could help them. I'd be freaking out some days about the issues my friends had. I'd even talk to my own psychologist about how i could better help my friends sort through their struggles.

I imploded. It got to be too much and i had to step back. I had enough on my own plate to deal with, and whenever i came back to blogworld i was faced with a loaded buffet of others' troubles. I would try and often fail to help people and it would hurt me hard. I know it was of my own doing, but perhaps i'd lost sight of reality and who i was. I couldn't fix the world, as much as i would try. I am after all, just a boy.

That's why i had to temporarily leave. To put things into perspective and come back knowing how much i could handle, and what i could not.

So things haven't been the same since i came back. For that i'm sorry. As much as i wish i could, i'm not able to help everyone with everything, and i've failed to live up to some people's expectations because of that, and sometimes my own.



I've told my story while getting caught up in others. I don't regret a moment of it. I grew as a person and i've made many friends i'll keep forever. I'm sure i've helped some people along the way. That's never a bad thing.

But i'm sitting in the back seat now. I'll watch over who i can. I'll read, often silently. I'll leave comments sometimes. I'll post occasionally to let you know how i am, but this is mostly for the friends i've made, not for an audience of anonymous people.

Mirrorboy has found his place in blogworld.

And Mirrorboy has found his place in me.

It's the back seat.

Foar Warwy.

It's Wkboy's Blog's birthday and i just wanna make a post for the occasion, saying that you are one of my bestest friends. We have so much in common and so many similar interests and i'm really glad we know each other. You're one if the sweetest and most kind boys i've ever known in my life and it always makes me happy when you come online. (:

And you're amazingly sexy. o___o

Happy birfday... to your blog. :P

If you wanna share the love go visit his bday post.

<33333333

Well.

@Landyn - No, my last post wasn't aimed directly at you, but you did address many of the issues i have around this. In fact i honestly do agree with you. Yes, i do need to stop taking on other people's problems and getting involved. But i believe that in order to do that, i can't keep my blog. For just by having having a blog with a large following and the reputation that i do, people see me as someone they can contact with their problems. I mean what do people think of when they think 'Mirrorboy'? ...I am the person many people talk to when they need to talk to someone. And if i have to go through my links to find the defunct blogs, i'll again come across people having trouble. And the blogs that i follow have times when the bloggers need support badly. I'd even have people like Steevo and Bob say things like "Well this guy's having a lot of trouble, so i said he should get in touch with you". I also get comments of people wanting me to give them advice, and lots and lots of emails... I used to be that person but i'm in a position where the strain has become too much and i can't keep doing it.

Me staying would involve me turning a blind eye whenever i see someone in trouble, and i don't feel i can do that. The guilt would get too much and i wouldn't be able to sleep at night until soon i'll end up talking to someone on msn all day, many days, trying to help them through it. And this whole circle will begin again, and every waking hour will be filled will thoughts of how someone is coping, and me feeling guilty because i'm trying to relax, instead of on msn, or writing comments, or sending emails.

If i continue my blog, i can't just put up a huge warning "Don't contact me with your problems! :@" in the sidebar. If i keep this blog, people are going to look to me for help. And i can't say no. I just can't.

There's something else my psychologist said to me, and she is always right. "Don't overestimate your importance in other people's lives. If someone wants support, they will get it. Just because you're not around doesn't mean their lives are going to take a cataclysmic turn." I'm not the first person to help people and i won't be the last. There are millions of people out there eager to lend a hand. I'm 16 and i want to look after my own life. Just trying to do that is enough for me to handle.

And no, my life is very far from perfect. Some of you may have gotten that impression from my end-of-year post, but fuck me, i was just trying to put a positive spin on a shit year. I've still got a lot of crap in my life. But it's at the stage where it's not breaking me down, because i have just enough that i can handle. Now taking on other people's problems is going to break me down again, and i'm sick of being broken down, and i'm trying to prevent it from happening.



So... I dunno if i haven't addressed anything. I know this isn't the end of the 'discussion', so i'll be posting again soon, most likely.

And btw, saying i'm just jumping ship because i have a boyfriend now, and using people's problems as an excuse - not cool. And one of the reasons why i was so pissed.



And @ Jack Lewis - gtfo

Why I'm Leaving.

Well i said i'd post my reasons for leaving blogworld, and here they are.

I've always valued other people's wellbeing over my own. I've always been quick to bend over backwards to help someone else whenever i could.

The fact is, the more problems and issues of other people that i take on, the harder it gets for me. Things that weigh other people down get shifted onto me, and then i myself find it hard to cope, because it gets me down. And it isn't always a conscious thing. Our blogworld is here for people to post the ups and downs, and let's face it, most of us come here for support. It's not hard to come across a blog with someone having a tough time. Whenever i do that, i get involved, and i end up very emotionally invested in people. I've spent many hours writing emails of support and caring, and countless hours on msn talking to people going through their tough times.

So that's why i stopped reading blogs, why i rarely check my emails, and why i don't go on msn that much. Because i'm a 16 year old boy with his own problems, and i can't be everyone's psychologist.

I've come to the conclusion that i can't go on laying myself down in the mud for people to use as a stepping stone forever. While my efforts have been fruitful and i have helped a lot of people, i can't go on. If you milk a cow forever, eventually it's going to just give up and fall over and die. I have to look after myself as number 1, and that's advice from my psychologist. She said to me something like, "The first thing they tell you when you take on psychology, is to look after yourself first. You can't help anyone if you're not in a good state yourself." And i have been overwhelmed and i have taken on too much, many times. It's the reason why i had to keep taking 'breaks' from blogworld, with them growing longer and longer and more frequent.

So my psych said it shouldn't be up to me to save everyone. But i argued, if there was something, anything i could do, to make someone's life better, shouldn't i do it? Well her answer was, if it comes at the expense of my own wellbeing, no. And why is it my responsibility in the first place? At first i thought that was brutal, but i've come to realise how much it makes sense. If someone else's life sucks, it isn't my fault. It's fine to try and help how i can, but i can't string myself out for days on end trying to make their life perfect again. There's only so much a kid in Australia can do, and it's time to realise that fixing people's biggest problems shouldn't be my biggest priority.

I've done as much as i can here, in this community. It can't go on forever, and my time here is drawing to a very close end. I have to look after me, and my own problems. I have things in my own life i should be thinking about, not pushing them to the side to deal with other people's crap.



I hope i'm making sense. It is complicated, and it is a very, very tough decision for me to leave. But i think it's what is best for me. While it may not be the best for other people out there, when you really come down to it, my coming to this community has had a largely positive impact on many other people's lives, and that's a good thing, isn't it? I've made a difference, and now it's time to move on because i can't do it any more.

Yes, i think that makes more sense.



Anyways, i'm still yet to decide to what extent i will be leaving blogworld and its community. I realise that many of you have become very invested in me, and in the same way, i've made many good friends through my blog that i care about deeply, and i by no means intend to cut them off.

So, i'm certain i'll be leaving in one sense or another, but there is still much to be decided upon. Whether i'll make infrequent posts or not to let you know how i'm doing. Or if i'll keep reading the blogs of others to catch up on their lives. I may do neither, and just stick to contacting people through msn and emails. How much of each will be a good amount? I don't know yet.

But what i do know is that things have to change, because it's sending me downhill, and i've been waiting for that uphill for so goddamn long. Now that it's finally come, i do not intend to miss my chance to grab it with both hands



I hope my mixed metaphors throughout this post haven't confused anyone even more. :I

Buying Presents on Christmas Eve. :D

Not very fun at all. O_O



Soooo what's up with me? Well i've been trying to keep in contact with Bboy any way i can. We talk, and text, and play WoW together when we can. It was a lot harder going back to being alone once he left than i thought it would be. But regular contact with him makes it a bit easier.

I've been doing a lot of homework from my psych. Apparently most of the issues i have revolve around my low self-esteem, so that's what i'm working on.

I'm also trying to feel more. After i've been hurt so much in the past, i've become a very protective person. I shield myself to stop myself from being hurt again. In the process, i've shut out the good and the bad, so my emotions have become quite dulled. But again, i'm working on that too. I have to do this thing where i choose an event, and then list all the feelings i felt, and the thoughts associated with each feeling. It was quite fun axly. :)

I could go into SO much detail about my psych stuff but you'd all get bored. :P



In other news, i obviously haven't been around blogworld for a while now: not reading many other blogs, not commenting, not going on msn much etc. I think it's quite apparent to all of us that i'm not going to be around the blogosphere for much longer. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew so that it isn't a surprise when i leave for good one day. :)

Rest assured that doesn't mean you won't hear from me again. I'll still use msn and reply to emails and such. In fact without my blog i'll probly be able to do that more often. When i leave i'll be sure to leave my contact details for anyone who wishes to get in touch.



Anyways i've gotta go wrap my Mum's presents before she gets home.

Merry Christmas everyone. <3



Btw i've got an important post planned for the end of they year. :O

Me No Speaky Da Language.

Got an email from Blogger. It was their email address 'no-reply@blogger.com' so it checks out. lol

Hola:

Tu blog, http://mirrorboysblog.blogspot.com/, se ha asociado al nombre de usuario de la cuenta de Google *my email address*. Utiliza este nombre de usuario de la cuenta de Google para acceder a Blogger y a tu blog.

Si has olvidado tu contraseña, puedes restablecerla haciendo clic en este enlace: http://www.blogger.com/forgot.g?r= *my email address again* and i cut a bit out of the hyperlink. lol

Esta cuenta es miembro de los siguientes blogs:
http://specialboyisyou.blogspot.com/
http://mytwistedlove.blogspot.com/
http://mirrorboysblog.blogspot.com/

Si experimentas cualquier problema o tienes alguna pregunta, visita nuestro sitio de ayuda en http://help.blogger.com/

Atentamente,
El equipo de Blogger

///

Uhhhhh wtf?

From what i can see when i followed the link, i get the idea that it's as if i've been trying to change my password. But i haven't. lol. So idk, maybe someone is trying to hack me and tried to get a hold of my password? o_O

But if anyone speaks Spanish (i think :S lol) it would help. :)



In other news, Bitboy's cunty parents *cough* have taken his computers, wallet, ID, money and mobile phone in an attempt to eliminate me from his life, but they won't succeed. Burn in hell you bastards. :)

Something tells me i won't be spending my Christmases at their house.

New Colours!! :O

I quite like it. :P

Thanks Torchy, for that email you sent me at the start of the year telling me how i could change my background colour. I found it and used it. ^_^

It's kinda Christmassy. lol



I've decided for a post coming up, i'm going to take you on a tour of my bedroom by pictures... as soon as i clean it up a bit. :P

If you've got any other suggestions about what you'd like me to post about or do anything about, leave a comment. I'm gonna have nothing interesting to post about during the 2-week holidays. lol

I Need Head.

A Blog Header* oops

Considering it's been a year with the plain Black & White Header "Mirrorboy's Blog" i figure it might be time to replace that with a picture. It would be more colourful and engaging.

But i need some ideas. What should the first thing people see when they come to my blog, be?

Birthday.

Happy Blog-Birthday Mirrorboy.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been my friend and supported me over the last 12 months. I can't begin to describe how much it, and all of you, mean to me.

I've come a long way. I almost didn't make it, but somehow i did. And now life is finally starting to look up for me.

The exposure treatment for my S.A.D with my psychologists is working. I'm more comfortable in social situations, i can do things on my own more, and my anxiety is generally lower than before.

My school is going well. The schoolwork is going fine, although i did get heaps of homework today. :P

I'm talking to the people in class, and most of them are quite nice. In fact they surprised me the other day. For the speech we had to do in English on a controversial topic, one of the girls chose same-sex marriage (she was for it btw). As usual, we discussed it afterwards, and the people are actually pretty accepting. I was quite proud of them to be honest. :)

I also heard back from the radio station today. They accepted my application and in 3 weeks i'll be doing work experience there.

On top of that, today was the last day of term, so i get a 2-week break from school. :D

The layout of the blog has changed. The blog links are updated. And a big thank you to deejohn for the bday present (the blog header). :)

And massive thanks to all of you for your continued support and love!

Memorable Moments #2

March. It was early in the month, when i celebrated 150,000 views, that i started up my other 2 blogs, Secret Project (co-owned with Jake) which was basically boy pics, and Mirrorboy's Words, on which i posted excerpts from my story

2 days later, i started seeing my psychologists (thank God they came into my life). I had a bit of support in my life now, but school was still really hard.

At the end of March, i posted the interview that Col had done with me, and it provides a bit of insight into my life.

April. The 8th, and i was getting ready for my trip to Melbourne, the state's capital city. Not only was it my first holiday, but it showed me that there was a life outside of my crappy, small-minded town. I could at least look forward to the day when i finally leave.

And i had photos. :P

During April was the time i stopped attending school. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it had all become too much. My Mum knew she couldn't keep sending me, so i just stopped going. I didn't make a post about it though, because frankly, it was private.

May. Not much happened in May. I continued not going to school, and instead focusing on trying to get better by working with my psychologists. I also kept going to my gay youth group.

The 22nd was my birthday. I got some really nice bday wishes from my online friends. :) Other than that it was a pretty crappy day. lol

2 days later, i explained everything about school, and life, and i told you about my disorders. I also said that tomorrow i would be starting at a new school (which is my current one). My first day wasn't bad, although i was expectedly nervous.

With a lot on my mind, i took a break from blogging and didn't return until mid-June.

June. I included a post about the kinds of things we get up to at my youth group.

By the 19th, things were starting to get back on track for me, thankfully.

June also had a Q&A post about me, and if you're interested, i showed you pics of where i blog from.

July. My school hours increased. I was also going through a lot of ups and downs. Life was pretty unstable as i juggled blogging with school and my disorders. I used my blog to vent when i needed to.

I also posted some pics of the beach in my city.

At least things were on the up, now.

August. I was busy, and that was good. Inadvertently, i was also being more positive. Things were starting to improve.

And now September. There's not much point in looking back on this month. :P

But i will say, the past few weeks have been the best in a long time. Every single day, things get better for me. Living gets easier.

The time between now and a year ago almost killed me, literally. But i've survived. I've got the scars in my mind and bruises on my soul, but i made it, thanks in no small part to all of you who supported me.

Memorable Moments #1

September 2008 - February 2009.

Here are what i consider to be some of my most important or memorable posts for the first 6 months of blogging. :)

September. This post pretty much sums up why i started blogging. I was angry and frustrated, and that meant lots of CAPS. lol. I was a gay boy living in a homophobic world and i hated it.

October. After i got a few lucky links, my daily views were doubling. Quite quickly my mind was put on something else though. I was outed. First there was confusion, then calm, and then happiness. That happiness lasted for a while. But unfortunately, things got worse, much much worse. Only a week later i was struggling and contemplating suicide.

November. At home i tried to forget about school, and i blogged about other things as much as i could. November was witness to my teddy bear post (deceptively innocent). Since i posted that it has never left me, still haunting me to this day. :P

Unfortunately although i tried to put my mind off the shit that was happening to me, that didn't stop it from existing. 2 weeks into November, the storm hit me, and i was scared.

This is painful to remember. I can even see my social anxiety disorder growing as i read what i wrote. At least i had Mrs OC. I could always talk to her. I don't know what i would have done without her.

November was when i started to drift. It was when i switched to auto-pilot. All i could do was try to block the immense pain inside of me, and use every spare minute i could to relax.

December. As if the shit at school wasn't enough, one of the people at my school, someone who i dared to call my friend, started abusing me on my own blog. Currently i couldn't care less about what people say to me on here, but back then i was fragile, and it hurt a lot.

My life was a total mess.

Meanwhile in blogworld, i helped AJ. If you weren't around for what happened, then it's hard to explain, but it was definitely memorable to me.

At least i got a few weeks break from school and i could relax a bit. The day before New Year's Eve, i made a post about my history before blogging, and about that whole year. That post also includes my first coming out story, to my Mum.

January. I started my e-relationship with Jake Anon, and i posted about a lot of easier stuff to swallow. 3 weeks in though, and the dread of returning to school was upon me.

February. My first day back was crap, and it got worse from then on. Luckily, i also started attending my gay youth group.

That may seem like a lot to swallow in one post, but i'll be using this (and some of this week's other posts) as a future reference for people new to my blog to get to know me.

March to present continues tomorrow. The day after that, is the big day.



Looking back on what happened to me really shows me just how far i've come. Life is drastically better, and i'm so thankful for all the support. During all that time i was posting about suffering, there were people on my blog leaving comments and sending emails, and talking to me on msn, with support and love. Thank you so much.

Turning Points. *important!*

I think there were 3 events in my life which changed me forever.

The first was when my Year 9 English teacher came and found me while i was in a class, and pulled me aside to talk to me. Funnily enough, i blogged about that experience. In fact it was the fourth post i ever made. It's sad that some of my most important posts get lost in the past.

I will never, ever, ever forget the kindness that Mrs OC showed me. Not only did she put me onto writing, when i was outed at school she was my support.



Being outed at school. That was the second life-changing event. Really, it changed me forever. It changed me beyond words. It's so painful i don't even want to think about it.

However if you care to know about me, you can go back to October and November and read the posts, because i blogged about what happened, although i didn't blog about a lot of the pain it caused me.

I'm still dealing with many of the issues that came from that time. I also lost most of my 'friends', lying backstabbing cunts, now only having 2 that i can trust, and it was the reason why i changed schools.

It caused my adjustment disorder. And my body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder fired up. I couldn't sleep at night because i was terrified of waking up to face another day. In the morning i would lie in bed still and silent. When i looked in the mirror i was full of self-loathing. I couldn't do my schoolwork because i couldn't focus. Every single day was one of terror and pain. There was no life in my life anymore.

I can honestly say, the fact that i made it through alive is beyond me. I was on the brink of suicide. The was no hope of recovery in sight. I was failing my work and life itself was crushing me.

But i did make it through. You know why?



Number three: Starting a blog.

Feeling like i belonged, feeling like i wasn't such a freak, having a place where i could talk about what i was going through, making friends who supported me and listened, and knowing that there were people out there who would care if i killed myself.

The Ball Started Rolling.

My first ever comment was from Jake Annonymous. He found me after i left a comment on his blog, which back then was called Boys Best Official. I think he made a post about not getting many comments, and i left a comment saying i got none. lol

I think we exchanged a few emails soon after that. Then we linked our blogs, and we followed what happened on the other's blog and commented sometimes.

That was really where it all started. Jake already had an audience, so with my blog link in his sidebar, i started getting a slow trickle of readers, and a few commenters.

I also made a couple friends on msn (the first was Lach) after they found me from Jake's blog. To me that was amazing. I finally could talk to people and be myself.

All of that was a big boost, in the way that it also gave me confidence that my blog could go somewhere. So i started emailing other bloggers hoping for links. Most of them simply didn't reply, but a few did. I got a few more linkers, and so more readers and commenters. I didn't feel like the effort i was putting into posts was wasted anymore.



Something that always really intrigues me is how one small action can have huge effects later on. If i hadn't found Jake's blog, and been linked and supported, many of you probably wouldn't be reading today. Lach, who was the first person to add me on msn, found me through Jake's blog. When i went to Melbourne back in April this year, Lach was the friend i met and hung out with.

There's more tomorrow. :)

On The 17th Of September...

Mirrorboy and Mirrorboy's Blog turn 1!!

On the 17 of September, 2008, i nervously made my first post. I really didn't have any idea how blogs worked. I didn't know how to link blogs or change colours or anything. I didn't think i'd ever 'make it' in the blog world. It seemed so distant, and frankly unimaginable. It seemed like there were blogs out there full of people who knew what they were doing, while i was clueless.

So i made that first post, right before my Mum came home from work. Then it was my dirty little secret.

This was my first post.

///
So... This is it huh? Who knows what adventures lay ahead for me and my blog in the days ahead... Hopefully i can make you laugh. Hopefully i can make you think. Hopefully you don't get bored with me O_O
This blog is going to be about me and what i think, so i'll give you the quick rundown about me.
I'm 15 years old. I live in Australia. I'm gay and mostly not 'out'. I'm an only child with a single parent. I want so badly to be a creative writer and am working on some books now.
Like me so far? If not, leave. :) (I was worried people would abuse me)
If you come back once i've started proper publishing you'll get to know a lot more about me. I hope you do, cos it will make a lonely boy very happy. :D
Thanks.
///



It makes me quite angry that people seem to think that Mirrorboy, I, had it easy in blogworld.

In the whole month of september... i made 17 nervous posts.

I didn't get a single comment until the 27th of September.

In the whole month i got 6 comments, from about 3 people.

It's funny when i see new bloggers, who might get about a dozen comments a post, complaining about not getting as many comments as me. Yet when i started i got barely any, not even a single one for 10 days.

When i started, this gay/bi blog community of ours simply did not exist. There were no bloggers to ask for help. There were no people to link with and be plugged by and supported. There were no examples to follow. I was on my own. I really did have to build me and my blog up from scratch.



I thought to get people to read i had to make short posts, talk about amusing things and mix it up with funny videos and pictures of cute boys. Every post was a conscious effort to try to draw people in.

I was still finding my feet. I wasn't sure where i was headed, but i was still travelling.

Strangely, although hardly anyone read or cared, i never thought of giving up. And i'm glad i didn't.



Starting a blog was basically a cry for help. I was a lonely gay kid. I had no gay friends in the slightest. I was existing in a world that didn't even want me. I had no one to talk to about what i was going through, and i was as alone as possible.

The reason i started was to reach out. I wanted to meet some gay people who i could talk to. I wanted to feel like i belonged.

My blog is a success.



For the rest of this week, leading up to Mirrorboy's Birthday, i've decided i'm going to celebrate on my blog. At first i felt like dedicating a whole week of posts on my blog to my own blog was a bit over-the-top. But you know what, considering this blog has had an enormous effect on me and everything about me, i think it's justified.

Stay tuned for tomorrow and i'll continue my story. :)

New Blog Game. =D

Okay so this is how it works.

You comment, or email me, one word, or a series of separate, single words.

I then sum up my opinion on that object, place, person etc etc (you get the idea) in a one-word answer. :D

For example, you may suggest 'cat'.

And my answer would by 'cute'. :D

In can be any word at all. Even numbers, if you prefer. o_O

Nothing is off limits. You can even say your own name. :D

So give me some words, and i'll post my answers in a few days. :D

EDIT: Because some of you are determined on making this difficult for me and have suggested words that it is impossible to have an opinion on, like 'spatula' lol, my answers won't be a summation of my opinion, but rather what your word makes me think of. :D

'Sup Me?

Oh hai y'all. ^_^

I haven't got that much to post about. Life is going pretty steady for me at the moment. I'm keeping it together pretty well, which is a change. lol. A nice one.

Though if life was turning to shit then i'd have something to post about. :P

- Haven't heard anything back about the jobs yet. It's no biggie though. I'm sure i'll find something soon so don't feel the need to comfort me. :P

- School is going okay. Lots of work to do but i can deal with that. It's a million times better than the other place i used to go to. 'Twas a school but i see it as more of a hellhole. :P But yeah things are going okay there.

- Practicing exposure with my psychologists. Now instead of sitting in a room talking about stuff we go out to a cafe or something and do it there. It's like, because being in social places makes me anxious and stuff, in a way it's trying to get me used to the situation. Also have to find a nice thing to say about myself every time i look in the mirror. That's hard to do though. Anyways they're really nice people. They probably know more about me deep down and what goes on in my head than anyone else. It's hard to explain what a difference they've made in my life so far, so i won't even try. But they're great. :)

Everything else that i care to think about is going okay. I've got school and homework during the week and i spend my spare time relaxing. Sounds like a decent plan aye lol.



On the blog side of things, well. Idk. Blogging has become way too high maintenance. I only read blogs that catch my eye now, and i only comment if i've got something important and/or witty to say. lol. There's just too many links in that sidebar to give everyone some of my time. I try to catch up with everyone on msn though.

I'm hoping i don't scare you all off talking to me now. lol. People seem to get the impression that i've got more important things to do than care about what's going on with them. That's untrue.
I just can't sit here for hours reading and commenting on dozens of blog posts. I still love talking to people on msn and i consider many of you good friends, and i'm still up for meeting new people (always am). :)

Hope everyone is doing okay. *love*



Because i'm doing okay for once some cataclysm is probably around the corner. lol

Hai But Bai.

Okay, so here's the thing.

I've gotta a lotta stuff to do at the moment. I need to write an essay on a book we read in English, and also do an assignment on the book (It's called The Divine Wind, it was really good axly). I also need to find articles for a speech i have to do about a topic i chose (human euthanasia). And there's more stuff to do with my Work Skills class. I kind of need to... find a job and do work experience to pass.

I also need to get other stuff sorted out to do with turning 16, which was a while ago. Bunch of other stuff too. No point going into it.

To be honest, i haven't even read the majority of e-mails i've received in the past couple of weeks. And those of you with my msn may have noticed i've barely been on. I think it'll stay like that for a while. I went on it last night after being away for a while, and while i was on i was hurt. So what's the f'ing point, ya know? I'm just gonna be a ghost now, for a while at least.

I'm sorry to all the owners of blogs i haven't been reading and commenting. But you've all got your own lives and problems to deal with. I simply can not get involved. Right now, i need to focus on me, my life, and my own problems. That's all i can take for now.

And i may or may not be on msn occasionally. If i am it won't be for long.

Right now i will go and respond to all the e-mails in my inbox. If you e-mail me after this, don't expect a quick reply. Sorry.

I will try to post when i can. I do still have stuff to blog about. It's not the blogging that has made me have to do this, it's everything that comes with it.

Bloglinks.

Ehhh i hate doing this.

But it's over now. :) lol

So i've gone through all the links in my sidebar and put them in their categories.

My favourite bloggers go in the top category (My favourite blogs). Mainly because i read blogs by going through my links, and i keep my favourites at the top so i can find them easily. :)

Bloggers who i think do a great job and i like reading go in the next one (Great guys).

Then all the other blogs that are worth checking out go in the next category (Other cool blogs).

A blogger that doesn't post for 3 weeks, without a reason, or one that posts only every few weeks or months, ends up in the very casual blogs section.

When a blogger doesn't post for 3 months, or has officially stopped blogging, they go into the final category of finished or disappeared.



I know that i started blogging because i was alone and i was reaching out. So it's sad when you see other people who couldn't break into the blogging community and gain that readership. It's also sad when someone that you'd been following, disappears with no reason.

Anyways, if you want a link from my blog all you have to do is leave a comment or send me an email. It's win-win for both people. :)

Bye Jakey.

Jake of Jake's Home and formerly of the My Life On A Wall blog has left blogworld.

We've had some good times and some bad times together. We were good friends for a long time, and online boyfriends for a while and they were good times. Unfortunately when he broke up with me that resulted in bad times too. lol. But we came out of it okay.

Whatever happened between us, he was the first blogger to link me, and my first commenter, and one of my first friends online. If it wasn't for his support, i probably wouldn't even be here blogging today.

In leaving he had this message for me,

"I didn't want to do a lame attention-seeking countdown like Peter did that time."

Good luck Jakey.

<3

Fuck You Very Much.

Ever wondered why i have this message above my comments box?

"Don't leave a comment telling me how i whinge, or i bore you, or how i'm annoying, or i'm lame, or you don't like me, or i depress you, or i upset you, or you want to punch me, or that you hate me and my blog, or that you want me to die etc.

See, that classifies you as a fuckwit. Are you a fuckwit?

All other comments are welcome. :)"



Good ol' anonymous commenters.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to or being too shy make a profile for people to see who you are. In this gay world of ours, i guess people 'in the closet' are quite worried that someone will find out who they are and spill their secret.

But i'm talking the kind of anons who like to abuse people and (try to) say hurtful things, and yet are so gutless that they hide behind anonymity. The kind who leave a pathetic remark and then disappear. The sorts of people who are just plain losers.

Remember that post i made about suicide? When i was really down? You probably don't. lol. It was ages ago. Anyways...

"Anonymous said...
As nike says, just do IT."

Oh yeah. And when i got past that episode...

"Anonymous said...
GAY"

Weirdo.

Oh. Then came the abuse from a real life person in my circle of friends. Not only did this c*nt not have the guts to tell me to my face, he couldn't even put his name up.

"Anonymous said...
1.kidding yourself
2.wtf?
3.omg everyones gonna find out your gay how depressing go cry in a corner and im pretty sure like 50 kids per day get in situations like that so deal with fuck stick
4.know one cares about your little homo sittuations.

ps. go fuck yourself or your cat cos that seems to be your only pictures i mean cmon are you rooting your cats your like the crazy cat lady but even more gay

pss.go die kno onelikes yo."

And after my response.

"Anonymous said...
1.WOW I dont correct my words perfectly for your gay ass taste
2.I have better things than to type a fucking novel at probly dark ass room surrounded by the light coming out of a computer.
3.know cares go die ect ect
4.also know cares about your small ass townps go die
PSS if u have any problems im at ----whitepride@hotmail.com----"

Nice generic email address there.

And i mean wtf. I sit in a well-lit room... I have lights!

That's why i don't stay in contact with 'friends' from my old school.

Here's some more abuse from one of my readers. :)

"Anonymous said...
i used to love your site and you but you now are becomeing a winging bore..today i watched the news on the bushfires and the many sad stories comeing out of there...makes your trouble look small...i know u will delete this thats ok...wish u all the best 4 the future...am now going to delete this site from my list of favs."

I was having a hard time. I'd been OUTED at school. Just cos other people were having a hard time, that doesn't mean my struggle was any less hard.

Oh, here's a quickie.

"Anonymous said...
you're annoying"

Gee thanks fuck you.

When i took my break from blogging because i had a lot on my mind...

"Anonymous said...
Mirror
I think you and AJ are just quitters. That simple"

Ugh. So i defended myself, and so did my friends.

"Anonymous said...
So perfect. A group of upset teens who can only think of venting their anger. Look, all I said was that they were quitters. Period. Actually, when you look at it, they did just quit. I didn't say "Fuck you asshole, you shouldn't post anything ever again." Nope. Not anything close. I just said they were quitters. In fact, I stated it in such a way that it would prod them a bit--as it indeed seemed to do. Of course, the rest of the gang decided to pile on. I didn't say anything to the rest of you, and I didn't say anything particularly offensive to the blogkeeper. But that sure hasn't stopped y'all from bash, bash, bash. The expletives, etc. And does it really matter if I have a blog or not? Maybe I've got more experience with such matters than you could hope to. Perhaps I understand how to get someone to consider a different view of reality. Just maybe I do such things for a living? Hmmmm, isn't that possible? Or is the Net now becoming a place for adolescents, mature and otherwise, to simply vent anger at anyone. If you want to be respected, be respectful of others. Again, I didn't attack anyone in an offensive way. But that the same could be said for you..."

Bla bla bla.

And then when someone joked about pushing this anon off the proverbial cliff...

"Interesting display of violence simply because of something I said. Wow. Did you ever hear of a guy named Matthew Shepard? He was killed in Wyoming several years back--actually tied to a fence and then killed--simply because he was gay and unwilling to be quiet about it. Someone voices a thought and you not only contemplate pushing me off a cliff but do a jig about it and a high five celebration. Sad. Really sad. I don't know where the violent urge is coming from, but I don't think I've said anything to merit that kind of violent response. I didn't manifest a voice of hatred, and I sure didn't suggest pusshing anyone off a cliff, never mind celebrating it. You want to defend someone, great, defend with thoughts and ideas. Don't use violence to triumph, because in the end, it never does. Just ask Matthew Shepard's killers or his parents."

That's just... lol.

And here's the latest prick who's just plain rude.

"Anonymous said...
post pics of yourself.
we all know you're not doing it so people will give you attention.
-.-"

"Anonymous said...
hey mirrorboy
you're an over dramatic attention whore.
:)"

"Anonymous said...
at least i'm not pathetic like you.
:)"



So my point is. I've been blogging for a long time. I've heard it all. Even from people i know.

So i really just don't care. Anonymous commenters who leave abuse are incredibly pathetic. The above examples are evidence of their consistent stupidity. That fact that i'm a blogger with my heart out there for everyone to see, while you're too gutless to even show your name, gives your words... very little impact.