The end of long week.

Oh thank God it's finally the weekend! I can finally relax after such a big week where i was so stressed. :)


So, today was interesting. I actually went and had a cool chat to OC (for those of you who don't know, she is a teacher at my school) with Matthew at lunchtime, although i didn't mention my sexuality. I needed to interview someone for my Journalism class and i wanted to ask her to be my interviewee. She said she might be too boring though.

Although she said if i just wanted a mark so i could pass, she would do it for me. She said she would do anything for me. She said she has great respect for me. She said i could do it when i had a free period, even if she had a class, she would just get someone to cover for her.

Wow, i mean... wow... She is just, AWESOME.

And even awesomer is the way she's just so honest, and the way she swears! Somehow we got to her riding a motorbike, and she said it's 'fucking amazing'.

Seriously, i adore her. She's the best teacher in the world, i just wish i actually had her as a teacher this year. :P


As the bell went to signal the end of lunch, we just stayed there and kept talking because she didn't have a class. :D

Halfway through the period, she said she'd better let us go. She asked us if we wanted to go back to class, and we half-laughed, half-said no. ;)

I only had French. :P

So she said we could just go do whatever we wanted, as long as we didn't do anything naughty. She said she'd get our names ticked off the roll. :)

Again, awesome.


Matthew had to go talk to our form coordinator about a problem he was having, so i tagged along. We went in and talked to him for about 10 minutes, but before we left, i said i was having a bit of an issue at school as well...

And then i told him. I told him that a bunch of the kids had found out that i was gay, and a few of them thought it was their business.

We had a quick chat, which involved him telling us that one of his friends came out at the end of college, and some people he knew couldn't deal with that. He said he didn't care about his friend's sexuality at all, and those that did, it was their problem.

He asked if there was anything he and the teachers could do, or if i just wanted them to be aware. I said just being aware of what was happening was enough.

He said that if anything happens, to go and let the teachers know, and i will.


We still had 15 minutes left before the end of the period and he asked us if we wanted to go back to class. We said 'nah' so he said we could just go to the library and hang out until the bell, and we did just that. :)

Wow, i never knew teachers were that cool! lol ;)


Yup, a pretty interesting day.

I know that if things start to go bad (well, worse than now), i can talk to my coordinator.

If things get really bad, i can talk to OC, who i know cares about me and will help me.


People are still asking me whether i'm gay or not, so i can only assume that a lot of people still don't know... so the worst is yet to come, but when it does, i should be okay.


thanks, love,

===>mirrorboy<===


PS. i've got a lot of linkers over there now, as well as a few other linkers i'm aware of but haven't put up yet. When i get time i'm going to split the list into two, one of my absolute favourites, and one of my other friendly linkers, just so we don't have one massive list. :)

Just so i don't miss you, if you link to me and you're not in my links, it might be a good idea to leave a comment. I don't want to leave anyone out.

How sweet and considerate of me... ;D

A lot to deal with. Deal with, i must. I am not dead, for now. Tomorrow? We will see.

I needed a break.

To arrange my mind.

A decision to make.

I needed some time.


But now i am back.

And i missed my friends.

Messages, emails, comments in stacks.

Many replies i must send.


A wave of love.

And a flood of support.

Like angels from above.

Of many assort.


With a circle of friends as amazing as this.

What do i care if school isn't bliss?


F**k the small-minded, it's their loss.

I've decided i really don't give a toss.


And those who accept me, like Matthew my bestie,

Will stick with me closely, and for that i am lucky.


Still, if things do wrong, and i cannot belong,

I will think of my real friends, and i will be strong.



Hmm... I dunno how i came up with that. It must be that creative talent i'm always boasting about. :P

As i said, i took a break.

I went to Matthew's house and we just hung out. At night we had a good talk, about me, obviously.

It was really nice. I didn't give him enough credit. Although he was shocked when i first told him about me (even though i had no choice) he said it sank in, and he's okay with it.

We talked about how i knew, and about my Mum finding out, and who i was attracted to. I also said i had zero interest in him sexually or romantically. I think he was a little disappointed. :P


Anyways, then i got back, and i had a bunch of comments and emails from my readers, plus a bunch of MSN friends who i've still got to catch up with. I know that a lot of people are worried about me, and as i can't talk to everyone, because i just don't have enough time, i'll tell you how i am, through my blog.

I've decided, that i will be okay.

Does that sound funny?

Quite simply, i've decided, that whatever happens - whether my sexuality is kept a secret between me and my friends, or everyone finds out, i will be okay.

Whatever happens, happens. I will deal with it.


I have a sort of... motto for dealing with things.

If things seem like they're awful, i just imagine where i'll be in a few weeks time.

THINGS SORT THEMSELVES OUT.

I'm not going to worry so much that i'll end up ripping my hair out and crying myself to sleep. My sexuality is not a big issue, and that is the 'plan' i will go to school tomorrow with. It's not a big deal. I will tell my friends, that they've been friends with me for years, and i've been gay that whole time. The only difference between then and now, is that now they know. I am still the same person.

If that's not good enough for them, they can get f**ked. And i will tell them that they are childish, small-minded pricks who i don't want anything to do with.

And i'll make some other friends, who know the real me - friends who i don't have to pretend around.

That is that.

I will be okay.

It's not a big deal.


Now, onto something else. I've reached the 10,000 views mark. :)

That's amazingly hard for me to comprehend. I never thought that so many people out there (around the world) would be interested in what a 15yo kid from a small town in Australia had to say.

But it makes me very happy, and the friendships that i've made through this blog have been incredible. And they came at a good time.

Without YOUR support i would be completely terrified. I would also be alone - alone, and lonely.

Without you guys, i would be in a very dark place right now.

But i am accepted, and that will help me when i am scared or sad.

I have hundreds of friends who understand and care.

The next time i'm in my dark place, i know i have a lot of beautiful, caring, loving, amazing friends to turn to. For that, i am eternally grateful.


Look out for my post tomorrow. I'll let you know how the hugest day in my life so far goes.

love,

===>mirrorboy<===

My best friend Matthew.

Matthew is a nice person, i have no doubt about that. He tries to be nice to everyone. He loves animals. He's nice to me and he always laughs at my jokes... but he laughs at pretty much anything i say really... From the outside, if you didn't really know him that well, i guess that's the sort of impression you'd get. Nice. Loves animals. Loves the Lord of the Rings. My best friend who always listens to me and supports me the best he can.

I know virtually everything there is to know about him. He wants to be a zoologist (is that right?) and he wants to write creative stories about animals as well. He tells me everything. I know who he hates and who he likes. I know the sort of music he's into. I know what excites him and what makes him squirm.

And he's not my ideal best friend.

There is only one word to describe him... naive. I am the complete opposite of naive. I've seen how cruel the world can be. I've had to deal with shit that he doesn't even know exists.

So how can i connect with someone like that? I consider my homosexuality to be a big part of me. Many other people who aren't straight would probably agree with me, when i say that i don't feel someone can truly know me until they know my orientation.

For crying out loud, he didn't even know what a bisexual was until last friday when i explained it to him.

His parents have kept him in a cocoon his whole life. He knows absolutely nothing of sexuality. I don't think he even knows what masturbation is. Telling him i am gay would be like telling my grandma. He'd probably just go blank and freeze. It's such an unknown concept to him. What the hell am i supposed to do?

What would he do? Would he be freaked out? Probably. Even if i made him promise not to tell anyone he would probably blurt it out to him parents. Then that would start the chain reaction to many of us know about.

But there is one thing... two things actually. I write one book, UNIVERSES, and I'm planning for my next, HOPE HURTS. He has read UNIVERSES from the start, and that has a gay character in it. Coltrane. The bad thing is... I don't think Matthew's even figured it out yet. Next post i will put in an excerpt or something. You will see what i mean.

PS. my statcounter has finally gone up a bit :D
And i'm trying to get milkboys to link to me. Come on guys! Pleeeeeeeeeease!