Marchin in a Gay Pride Parade.

Title says it all. :P Figured i'd make the post cos it involves a topic that many of you may be interested in. (;

So there was a state gay pride parade in Melbourne today. Me and my gay youth group went up there, and with our banner, participated in the march, under the boiling hot sun. @_@

There had to have been thousands of people there to watch or take part in the parade. And boy, there were all types under the sun up there in Melbourne, under the hot sun.

For a 'small-town boy' like myself it was quite surreal. Every stereotypical queer and queer-related person you could imagine was in eyesight at all times. I'm talking about tall drag queens in bright, flashy outfits, short-haired dykes and their bulky motorbikes, old guys in leather (and tight, bottomless pants x_x), slender tanned twinks in only tight shiny underwear, enthusiastic mothers clad in all the colours of the rainbow, and emo boys in black tops and low-rising jeans with, if i may say so myself, very nommable hair.

It was the largest collection of eye-candy and eye-sores i've ever witnessed. I've never seen so many cute boys in the same place before. And the funniest thing is, most of em like cock. :P It was so... strange to see so many openly gay/bi people in the one spot, or even openly gay people at all, for me.

It was the longest day i've had in ages, and it was the first experience of its kind for me, and quite an eye-opening one at that.

And i acquired a raging sunburn to remember.

Choice? Are you kidding me?

I missed another day's post... Sorry... I wish i could say that i had so much to do that i couldn't squeeze in the time to post, but to be honest i just got caught up playing a game. :P

So anyways, Mr. HCI's post got me thinking... and gave me the idea for tonight's post, which i guess is actually really personal... so i don't know why i'm posting it on the internet hahaha.



Now, people often ask when i found out i was gay...

Now that's a hard question, because it comes in 2 parts.

1 - When did i first have same-sex feelings?

2 - When did i actually admit to myself that i was gay?



Well, the answer to the first part would be around grade 4 or 5. One of the earliest 'gay' memories i remember is seeing a picture of a streaker in the paper and getting somewhat turned on.

There were a lot of situations like that... I would like to look at boys because i just... liked looking. But then i knew that boys were supposed to like girls... so i would look at girls and tell myself that i found them attractive.... basically, i did everything i could at that age to tell myself that i was straight and would get married and have kids and live a 'normal' life.

I was in complete denial.

I was also scared, because i did not want to be 'gay'. It was a scary concept to me. I didn't want to have something 'wrong' inside of me.

I hated it when i got aroused over boys and other times i told and told myself at any sexual female pictures that i found them attractive.

Eventually i started to tell myself that i was bisexual. I told myself that... okay... i guess i like boys, but i HAVE to like girls as well because there simply is no other option.

I could still get married and live my life, and i would just forget about boys altogether. Things would be 'normal' for me.

That went on for a long time, even though for most of that i was wanking over boys.



Slowly, without even realising it i guess, i just stopped thinking about it and kept doing what i was doing - admiring guys and not caring about girls, although i still told myself i would be with a girl.

I just stopped thinking about it.



But it wasn't until just 2 years ago that i actually admitted that i was, in fact, gay.

I just told myself to stop hating myself and that i just COULD NOT change it. It was like giving myself a slap in the face.

I was being STUPID. I was too smart to keep fucking myself around like this!

And that was it.

From that point on, i was gay, and okay with it. And i grew to accept it more and more.



So there is nothing that makes me angrier, than people saying that sexuality is a CHOICE.

(Bear with me here)

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD SOMEONE CHOOSE TO BE GAY?! IT'S SO FUCKING HARD!! We have to put up with endless shit from small-minded pricks who don't know what the fuck they're on about but still feel it is their obligation to pass judgement on us!! We have to put up with taunts and jokes and bullying because of it!! Why would someone CHOOSE to go through all this turmoil?!

*takes a breath... regains composure... resets font size.

It just makes my blood boil that people think we can choose, because i think that if sexuality was a choice, we would have a lot less gay people. I'm not saying that we're not happy being gay, but it's just so freakin hard being this way.

While i was finding out who i was, i literally prayed that i would be straight. If i had a choice, OF COURSE i would have picked heterosexuality so i could fit in with everyone else.

If i had the choice now? Well... i'm old enough to realize that this is an important part of me and makes me who i am today, and has given me a much more mature and accepting view of the world and all the people in it.

So i am happy to be gay.

I am me and i am gay. If i was not gay, i would be a totally different person who'd gone through such a different experience.



Plus... i still haven't gotten to cuddle a boy yet... and i bet that when i do, i'll be praising the heavens that i'm this way. hahaha



===>mirrorboy<===

'Different' Love.

So i'm still suffering from the flu *cough cough - phlegm flies out onto screen.

Hahaha sorry if that's sick i was only kidding. :P


- Should i put up one of those Followers gadgets? If i get a few comments telling me to do so i will. :)

Then i can follow YOU, my followers. O_O


New links - Both written by young bisexual guys.

AJ's Ramblings - JUST STARTED so if you check him out now you'll be able to follow him as he writes. He's got a pretty damn interesting life as part of a band.

Archer's Wonderful World - Which i am actually really enjoying because he writes really well and if you know me, you know that that's something i can appreciate. It could turn out to be one of my favourites really. Plus, doesn't he have a totally awesome name?


So, believe it or not, that actually leads into today's post. The trend of gay/bi's falling for their straight friends.

Take a look at my first four links ===>

AJ really likes Jake, a guy in his band.
Archer loves his best friend Jason.
Adam adores his friend (only known as 'A').
Jason (a different one lol) loves his buddy Tay.

Quite sad really. One of the bad things about being gay. Why can't we just fall in love with people we can actually have?

I think i've been pretty lucky. As of yet, i've had no romantic feelings for any of my friends... then again, they're not really that affectionate, which is what i crave. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't have to endure heartbreak... yet.


Anyway, this got me thinking...

Let's say a guy is physically attracted to girls, but romantically attracted to boys. What does he define himelf as? Gay, straight or bi? Could he find a satisfying relationship?

If he was into sex, he would probably call himself straight, because love wouldn't enter his head. But if he was more into affection and romance, he would probably call himself gay, right? Because sex wouldn't be important.

Makes ya think, huh?

I've confused myself lol.

If that went right over your head, that's okay. ;D

love,

===>mirrorboy<===