'Sup Me?

Oh hai y'all. ^_^

I haven't got that much to post about. Life is going pretty steady for me at the moment. I'm keeping it together pretty well, which is a change. lol. A nice one.

Though if life was turning to shit then i'd have something to post about. :P

- Haven't heard anything back about the jobs yet. It's no biggie though. I'm sure i'll find something soon so don't feel the need to comfort me. :P

- School is going okay. Lots of work to do but i can deal with that. It's a million times better than the other place i used to go to. 'Twas a school but i see it as more of a hellhole. :P But yeah things are going okay there.

- Practicing exposure with my psychologists. Now instead of sitting in a room talking about stuff we go out to a cafe or something and do it there. It's like, because being in social places makes me anxious and stuff, in a way it's trying to get me used to the situation. Also have to find a nice thing to say about myself every time i look in the mirror. That's hard to do though. Anyways they're really nice people. They probably know more about me deep down and what goes on in my head than anyone else. It's hard to explain what a difference they've made in my life so far, so i won't even try. But they're great. :)

Everything else that i care to think about is going okay. I've got school and homework during the week and i spend my spare time relaxing. Sounds like a decent plan aye lol.



On the blog side of things, well. Idk. Blogging has become way too high maintenance. I only read blogs that catch my eye now, and i only comment if i've got something important and/or witty to say. lol. There's just too many links in that sidebar to give everyone some of my time. I try to catch up with everyone on msn though.

I'm hoping i don't scare you all off talking to me now. lol. People seem to get the impression that i've got more important things to do than care about what's going on with them. That's untrue.
I just can't sit here for hours reading and commenting on dozens of blog posts. I still love talking to people on msn and i consider many of you good friends, and i'm still up for meeting new people (always am). :)

Hope everyone is doing okay. *love*



Because i'm doing okay for once some cataclysm is probably around the corner. lol

Hai But Bai.

Okay, so here's the thing.

I've gotta a lotta stuff to do at the moment. I need to write an essay on a book we read in English, and also do an assignment on the book (It's called The Divine Wind, it was really good axly). I also need to find articles for a speech i have to do about a topic i chose (human euthanasia). And there's more stuff to do with my Work Skills class. I kind of need to... find a job and do work experience to pass.

I also need to get other stuff sorted out to do with turning 16, which was a while ago. Bunch of other stuff too. No point going into it.

To be honest, i haven't even read the majority of e-mails i've received in the past couple of weeks. And those of you with my msn may have noticed i've barely been on. I think it'll stay like that for a while. I went on it last night after being away for a while, and while i was on i was hurt. So what's the f'ing point, ya know? I'm just gonna be a ghost now, for a while at least.

I'm sorry to all the owners of blogs i haven't been reading and commenting. But you've all got your own lives and problems to deal with. I simply can not get involved. Right now, i need to focus on me, my life, and my own problems. That's all i can take for now.

And i may or may not be on msn occasionally. If i am it won't be for long.

Right now i will go and respond to all the e-mails in my inbox. If you e-mail me after this, don't expect a quick reply. Sorry.

I will try to post when i can. I do still have stuff to blog about. It's not the blogging that has made me have to do this, it's everything that comes with it.

Another week down.

Well, my second crappy week of grade 10 is over. It's hard to believe i've only been back for that long. It felt like a bloody lifetime to be honest.

Anyways, info and stuff from that gay youth group arrived in the mail yesterday, and they meet on Monday's at 4. So it looks like i'll be going. Man, i'm so nervous. I don't know any gay people my age, so this is a huge thing for me. :/

It also sounds... really... gay. ^_^

There are rainbow colours all over the pages, and words like, 'fighting homophobia', 'united', and 'activism'.

Really gay? I'll fit right in. ;)

And my devout Catholic Grandmother will be dropping me off and picking me up. Aww ain't she sweet. :) My family accepts me at least.

And at least i'm making progress (hopefully).



I've got a bunch of homework to catch up on over the weekend. Ugh. Just what i need. Learn more words for French, make a slideshow for English, write a story for Creative Writing.

At least i'm good at writing. Creative writing is a good subject for me. It might get the right words flowing through my blood again and i can make some decent progress on my big story. (Which has been too hard to concentrate on recently.)



On another note, what's with all the creepo comments people have been leaving in the past couple of weeks? (and it's not just one person). People say i'm depressing or boring. Or i whinge and whine. I don't get it.

I mean, if you don't like my blog, that's fine. If you don't like me, that's fine. But you don't need to leave a comment telling me how awful i am or that i don't deserve this 'popularity' or whatever.

I always have to bite my tongue when i reply. I hate doing that, cos i like swearing. :)



But seriously.

I write about my life. That's what this blog is about. It has ups and downs. When life is good, i write happy posts, and when life is sad and crashing down around me, i write less happy posts. I don't force people to read, and i'm certainly not trying to depress people. In fact, a lot of the time when i talk to people, they're coming to me BECAUSE they feel sad and i'm good at making people happy.

*cough remember aj? cough* hahaha

And i don't indulge in inflating my ego. I spend most of my time trying to stop me from grinding myself into the ground by putting myself down.

So for the record. I don't think i whinge, mr. anonymous. So FUCK YOU.

:)

love.

Another week off to a GREAT start.

Hey everybody. Sorry i missed yesterday. I lost track of time.


Today was pretty crap.

For no reason i can think of, i was sore all over. My leg hurt when i walked, my back hurt when i sat down, my hand hurt when i wrote.

Also that boy that i got suspended came up to my face, shook my hand hard and in a really snide tone said "thanks for getting me suspended, mate!"

He's pretty much the most intimidating person you could ever meet...


My Journalism interview is due tomorrow. I taked to my Journalism teacher about it not being suitable for playing in front of the whole class because of how personal it got, so she's just going to listen to it herself and mark it...

I still have another 20-30 mins of scratchy tape to try to get down though. And then i have to write the Feature Article about it... Fuck...

That's what procrastination gets you.


Regarding my last post, i was actually told that i sounded like a 'runny nose spoilt little bitch'...

Well, that's how i felt at the time. Believe it or not, my Mum and i get along most of the time, but when i was writing that, she was really fucking pissing me off, so that's the reason for my post. I had been dealing with such a hard time recently, i just needed to vent a little.

*sighs... Mini-rant over...



After school today, i went down to our Youth Centre and enquired about that group of people who meet up the street once a week. I gave my name and phone number to the lady behind the desk, so i'm expecting a call from the woman who runs it sometime this week.

Hope it turns out well...


I also ran into my old cute Asian friend from Primary School... He has cool thick black hair now and he's damn cute...

Unfortunately... he's not gay. :P

I did take the opportunity to come out to him when he asked why i was up the street. I don't think he really cared though.


Isn't it funny how easy it is to come out now? It was such a quick spur-of-the-moment thing.


Speaking of coming out, my Mum said to me on Sunday that she'd told my Grandmother i'm gay.

Hmm... I'm kind of angry that she didn't even ask my permission. O_O


She said that Nan took it fairly well...

Knowing my Nan, she was probably in shock. She's quite religious - a churchgoer, with pictures of God and Jesus hanging around her house. She also always says 'God bless' when you're saying goodbye.

It will be interesting to see if i keep hearing that now...

She probably thinks i'm going to Hell. :P


Anyways, i'm just kind of sad right now. Life is so frustrating and the holidays are only crawling towards me.

11th of December and i will finally be free of school.

I won't have to put up with my daily shit anymore...


Wish me luck... in everything really...

loves,
===>mirrorboy<===

Smile... Laugh... Cry...

Ugh... I think i'm getting all depressed and crap again. I'll try not to bore you with all the details but i don't feel like posting about anything else.

So school is SUCKING MAJORLY right now. By the end of the day i just want to collapse and disappear from this awful world.

I don't want to talk about it, so please don't inundate me with worried emails! I know you all care, and that's really sweet, but i kind of don't want advice from people who don't know the situation. I hope you understand. :/

BUT... i did make an appointment with the counsellor, again. (The previous time was for truancy.) I also talked to my form coordinator about the shit i was dealing with. I know he will do what he can for me, although we don't have and probably never will have a fix-all solution. Unfortunately we both agree that things are going to get worse before they get better and there's not much i can do.


Then i've got French, Journalism, Science and Catering homework to do.

I'm actually cutting one of my classes on Thursday so i can interview a teacher (Miss OC) for the Journalism assignment, which is due on Friday, along with a full feature article about the interview.


There's also the money situation at home. *sighs...

We can't afford much of anything right now. It looks like we'll be waiting a long time before i finally get the internet in my room, along with many other things. :(


Also, because my Mum has to leave early now as she's on placement, my Grandmother comes over EVERY morning and gets me out of bed. She comes in (WITHOUT KNOCKING) opens the door and turns the light on (much earlier than necessary FFS!)

I have things to do in bed before i get up! I don't need her poking around!


I have a headache today as well, (probably due to the stress i bet).


My feet are hurting so bad because i really need new shoes. (Oh look! We can't afford them.) O_O



Sorry. I don't want to burden you with all my shit. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything from you, i just don't have much else to say at the moment.

I put on a smile all day and all night.

Inside i am a sad and scared little mess.



Nobody will pull me out of the mud.

My arms are too tired to pull myself out, for they've been pulling for so long already.

All i can do is wait for the mud to dry.

But it has started raining,

and i'm still expecting the storm.