Huzzah. :3

So he's here and everything is good. :P We get along really well and do fun stuffs together. Dunno what else to say really. :P

He's really tall. O: I'm 170 cms and he's 190 cms. So if we wanna hug i can't put my head on his shoulder. :P

And he's skinny as hell. o_o I need to fatten him up. :3

And he's cute and sexy. :P

Dunno what else to say. Things are good. ^_^ If there's somethin you wanna know leave a comment and i'll answer it in the comments section. :P

<3

The Other Side.

For anyone who took an interest in my previous post, or is familiar with Kakistos (aka my current online bf) and his old blog, i strongly suggest you follow this link to his new blog, Falling Awake. :3

Specifically relating to our relationship is this post. Dare i say, he presents a more eloquent and meaningful interpretation of our relationship than me :S, and it gives you a bit of history about him and a bit of insight into who he is.

I think he addresses a lot of what may be your concerns, and expresses his motivations, and also shows his maturity, so's there's not much else i can do than strongly urge you to go read. ;)

News. O:

I have a boyfriend! :P

We found each other on twitter first, and tweeted back and forth for a few days. We started speaking on MSN and ended up speaking for the entire day. I got his mobile number and we've been constantly texting all day since then as well. We've started playing WoW together too.

We just really clicked. We found out we had so many things in common and that we really enjoy being together (even if it is online). We didn't make a conscious decision to be boyfriends; it just happened. Like i told my psychologist, as we got to know each other, our relationship just naturally progressed down the boyfriend path. To use a very tired expression, it was like we already knew each other. :3

Here's his twitter if you're interested. (Used with permission) :P

We have just about everything in common that we could possibly think of. He's much more mature than my ex and treats me a whole lot better too. He's smart, he's sensitive to how i feel, he's honest and selfless... Okay i won't blab on about that stuff. :P



I told my Mum and she didn't take it very well. In our usual sort of argument she yelled over the top of me and wouldn't let me express myself until she'd blasted her opinions into my face so much that i left the room. (This happened inside a takeaway restaurant while waiting for food...) She thinks he's going to hurt me the same way Bitchboy did and says i haven't learnt my lesson.

Of course if there's anything i've done from that it's learn. I can't be hopelessly devoted to someone and wrap all hopes of my future up in our relationship. I can't let someone be mean to me just because they cuddle me at night. I can't rely on someone to always be there to make me feel good, because they just might leave.

And my psychologist agrees with me. She suggested that i write a letter to my mother telling her how i feel as talking to her isn't an effective way to communicate. :3 And i will, and i expect it to work because i know i'm right.



Anyways, the plan for now is to have him come down to visit me in a month's time, because that's when my 2-week school break starts. Should be good. ^_^

Answers. :P

Thanks for contributing everyone. ^_^

I've tried to group up questions on similar major topics, but other than that, there's not really any order to my answers.

(Planetx/Aek) How is your mom? How are the cats?
My Mum has met someone online and i think she's falling/fallen for him. He's just about the only thing she talks about. He lives in Melbourne, and they've already met up in real life and they got on pretty well. My Mum is the sort of person who got hurt a lot in her younger years and has therefore shut herself off from opening up in the later years. I'm hoping this works out, because if it doesn't, i don't think that shield will ever come down again.
The cats are fine. :P

(ST) Could you please post some more pics of your cats?
Sure lol.

(Seth) When you sit back and look at your place in the world, what do you think about?
Wanting to be somewhere else. Wanting to do something else. Wanting to be something different.

(Planetx) What is the one thing that you would change about yourself physically? What is the one thing that you would change about yourself non-physically?
Lose a bit of weight i guess. (just a bit :P) The things that i want to change mentally are things i'm already working on, and they're all related to my anxiety disorder.

(Tommy) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
For now, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

(Kevin W) What size shoes do you wear? (Jeremy) How long is your hair? o: (Anonymouses) Why do you like veggiemite? :( Why don't you want to post about pancakes!?
US 9, UK 8 1/2. If i pull my fringe down it touches my nose. :P Cos it's awesome. Cos they're not awesome.

(Aek) What's your favorite breakfast food?
Vegemite toast. nom

(Spastic) If the writing thing doesn't work out and you have to resort to porn, what would your porn star name be?
Oscar Jukes.

(Peter) When are you going to join the rest of the cool bloggers who are on Twitter? :P
When they join World of Warcraft, the definition of cool. d(^-^d)



(Aek) What're the top 5 countries you'd want to visit before you're 40?
USA and UK. I suppose if i had the money and time and opportunity to do so, maybe Japan and Italy and France.

(AJ) What is the one thing you want to do in life? (Daily Dan) What is the number one thing u feel like u need to do before u die? Will u marry me?
Have a partner.
I'd say yes even to just your hair. A cute guy attached is just an added bonus. :P

(Wkboy) How infinitely much do you love me? :P
Infinitely^(infinity).

(Anonymouses) What do you look for in a guy? Can you describe your ideal boyfriend?
Someone who makes me feel safe, comfortable, loved and accepted in every way.

(Anonymous) Have you spoken to Bitboy since you broke up? And do you think you'll stay friends?
Yes, occasionally. We've spoken on the phone twice and we exchange a couple of texts every few days. It used to be more often, but i got sick of always being the initiator. Probably, though it will be tough if he continues making little effort.

(Planetx) What is the best thing to come of the "Bitboy situation"?
Knowing that i am capable of being loved and being in a relationship, along with the intense happiness and pleasure i felt while he was here.
What is the worst?
My broken heart.

(Daniel) In your posts from way back you were saying that you were unlovable. Now, after your relationship with Bitboy, do you feel the same? Also do you think that having a relationship has "cured" your anxieties or do you still feel the need to go to a shrink?
See above. While having a boyfriend around definitely gave me a self-confidence boost, it certainly wasn't a fix-all solution. My anxieties were only pushed to the back of my mind, not out. Having said that, i do feel a lot better about my body now, and am a lot less preoccupied with my perceived imperfections.

(Planetx) For you, how important was the physical aspect vs the emotional aspect of your relationship?
Sex and love? Both were important, but they became the same. My love was intensified by my sexual attraction for him and the experiences we shared, and i've since discovered that i cannot have sex without that emotional aspect. But that's a whole other story. The love came first in our relationship and that was always the overwhelming factor, for me anyway.



(Anonymous) Top or bottom? ;) (Planetx) Did you pitch or catch or switch-hit? :P
I'm quite happy catching and have no plans on pitching any time soon.

(Planetx) How was your "first time"? Second time? Did it get better or worse over time?
He uhh, had trouble hitting the target. I fumbled the ball. I eventually got so tired i passed out. No one reached home base that night.
Second time was much better. We had a gameplan. Both teams scored.

Which did you enjoy more: giving or receiving oral?
Giving. What can i say. I love cock. :P And there's nothing i love more in the bedroom than pleasuring my top and making him moan with his head back...
Yeah didn't bother with the innuendo there. lol

Do you swallow?
I always had tissues next to me.

Bleugh.



(Anonymous) How did you become so popular?
That's a difficult question not to sound arrogant in. :P
There's no real proof that i'm popular. The large majority of my blog commenters know me personally online and talk to me regularly. Perhaps my views can be explained by others' attraction to perceived popularity. "Oh, this Mirrorboy gets lots of comments. Something good must be goin on here. Better have a look." You know. lol
Might be because i'm a good writer and people find it easy to engage with my posts.
Could be because i've blogged through a very tough and emotional year of my life and my readers were able to follow me on my journey.
Or perhaps it's because i've devoted my time and energy to helping others in every way possible and went to large efforts to actually bring this online community together and connect everyone...
Perhaps that's a question better answered by my readers. :P

(Kevin W) Is there someone new in your life after Bitboy? Are you less trusting of people you talk to online now?
No and double no. I met Bitboy and he was better than i ever expected him to be. That's not gonna make me less trusting. :P

(Planetx) How is your outlook on life different now than it was 11 months ago?
It's a lot more positive.
What are you doing in school right now?
Right now i'm sick with a cold. But when i'm not there's a lot of work.
How is your gay youth group going?
Haven't been in a while because i've had a lot on my mind. After a long Monday i just want to go home, not to the group, but i'll probly start going again soon.

(J) How's your diet? How's your mood? (Planetx) How are you doing, really?
My diet is pretty horrible. I'm not eating as much as i should be. I just find it hard to get motivated to cook for reasons related to my mood... which is pretty low most of the time. When i think about how much i miss Bitboy, which is a lot of the time, i get really sad, because i've lost what was probably the best thing in my life and can't get it back. What makes me feel worse is when he doesn't show that he cares about me. Or when i feel that he's getting on with his life fine while i'm still struggling. Anyways i'll be kay.

(Planetx) What do you hope to have accomplished in the next year? The next five years?
This year the one thing i've got to focus on is my school. My other goals are those of self-development. Within the next 5 years, i'll most likely have moved to Melbourne, and as long as that happens i'll be happy.
How is your story going? Will you ever post another 'Mboys words'?
Universes is unfinished and will probably remain that way for a long time. I need to improve my writing skills before embarking on another huge project like that if i'm ever going to be satisfied with the end result.
I wrote a short story about a personal experience last week and have been considering posting it on my writing blog, but i need to really think it through before i do that.



(Bianca) How often a day do you masturbate?
Bout twice. >_>

(Spastic) Favorite wank fantasy?
Anything where one boy is dominant of the other. O:

(Kyle) Hair: pits, chest and pubes; shaven, trimmed, or the wild thing?
I'll answer what i prefer on other people. :P
Pits, i don't care cos i don't spend any time there. Chest, well, i've never had an encounter with a hairy-chested boy my age so it doesn't really matter. :P Pubes, i prefer anything non-wild. lol
And all of those apply to what i prefer on myself anyway. (:
Glad you didn't ask about hair on heads. Don't wanna get me started on that. lol

(Aek) Describe yourself in 5 words?
Caring, self-conscious, thoughtful, bruised, resilient.
What're your top favorite video games?
Kirby Crystal Shards (N64), Paper Mario (N64), Paper Mario:TTYD (Gamecube). NOT Super Paper Mario. Eww. Uhh Super Smash Bros (Wii) and WoW. :P
If you could be any cartoon/video game hero, who would you be and why?
No one is cuter than Kirby. ^_^

(Spastic) Biggest failure? Biggest regret? Greatest accomplishment?
I can't think of a time i've epically failed. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but i wouldn't call them failures. Idk i can't think of anything. :P
I regret being so hard on myself.
My greatest accomplishment is overcoming the shit in my life to still be here today.



Bob's questions deserve their own category. :P

(Bob) 1. What is the biggest difference in you or how you see the world since that little scared 15 year old ventured into blogland and why?
2. At one time you had a teacher i believed named Ms. O, who you came to trust and admire, have you found another adult like her you can trust and lean on?
3. I know you are a keen cricket player :p. what is the guy who throws the ball towards the wickets called and what is the guy who catches the ball near the wickets called? (bet u wont answer this lol)
4. What are Australia's chances in the world cup and will you watch any of it?
5. For a while you were having some strange dreams. Have they gone away and can u describe a particular strange one?
6. As a person who lives by the coast what do you think of this huge oil spill in the gulf, should companies be allowed to even drill? and could you describe how such an oil spill would effect your town and life? ( i know it sounds like an essay question so like in one or two sentence is all)
7. How is your writing going or have you had time for it?
8. If you could like more like any other person in the world who would it be and why?
9. Is justin Beiber on your ipod? if so what song?
10. Music wise what singer or group do you believe is most aligned or seen as accepting and approved by the gay community?
11. What if any protests or events have u participated in with your youth group?
12. If you could live anywhere after graduating from school where would that be and why there?
13. Are you still baking?
14. I'll put this question in my own words cos it was long. :P
Now that you have experienced sex, are you happy you took the opportunity to do so or do you have any regrets? Do you think boys should wait until they are older or go for it when they want to (i'm guessing in their teens).
15. ok my pervy one lol are you still wanking every day?

1. I don't feel so alone now.
2. No, i haven't. People like her are rare and don't come along often.
3. I don't know. lol
4. I don't know. Absolutely not.
5. They haven't gone away. Last night i dreamt i was back at my old school in a class taught by none other than Mrs OC. :P I shot a girl with something like a blowpipe and Mrs OC got really angry. I was disappointed in myself and couldn't focus on my writing afterwards which was bad because it was a test. ):
6. I really don't know. I don't even know what the oil is for. No oil ships out here either. :P
7. Writing is hard when i have a murky mind.
8. Anyone outgoing.
9. No.
10. Umm Kylie Minogue? lol
11. Just that gay march i blogged about. :P
12. Melbourne, cos it's awesome.
13. Nope.
14. That's complicated. I've experienced loving sex and loveless sex and the second is something i have zero interest in repeating. I can't really give a generalised answer. It's up to an individual to decide if they wanna have sex or not, who with and at what age. The only thing i can advise is that you wait until you have found someone you care about and who cares about you, because that makes it a million times more enjoyable, and of course it's safer, and less, umm, emotionally damaging. At least for me anyways.
15. Yes, yes i am.



Too much thinking. My head hurts. I need to go watch tv and dumb down. =/

How I Met Bitboy.

(Sorry for the long post but it does have a rather strong point to it) :)

You know i've always been incredibly interested in how one small action can have huge implications. In fact i often find myself thinking 'where will this action or decision lead me in the future?' when i'm at a crossroads. It's why i strive do always be nice whenever i can, because you never know when a nice action can lead to a new friend.

I think the majority of my readers also came across me and my blog through internet searches or clicking random links. If you'd typed something a little different, clicked a link above or below, or not even been on the computer that day, you might not know i existed. And many of my blog readers are good friends that have enriched my life a lot.

Well on to the point of this post. It's how i met Bitboy.

Before i got WoW, i used to play this game called Knight Online. And it was a horrible game, utterly terrible, it was. Basically it was ruled by hackers and bots. The only way to level up was to find yourself a hacker to be in a group with. And then there were the bugs and glitches, and typos. Oh god, the typos. When what you were told to do was coherent enough to understand, there would be a glitch or two that made it impossible to do.

And the gameplay was bad enough too. There were warriors, mages, rogues and priests. You could only wear armour designed for your class, and the only decent stuff was so hard to get, only people who hacked or cheated to get money could buy it. The same goes for weapons. Even low levels could wield ridiculously overpowered weapons, if they had money, that is. And the music was the same goddamn track over and over and over again.



But i digress. One day while playing this horrible game, i entered an event and was put in a group with a mage called Weebs. He did his job well and saved my virtual ass many times. After the event was over i saw him back in town and said he did a good job, and he said i did as well (both with a smiley). Then we parted our separate ways.

I was in a group with someone doing a quest later, when i ran into him in another town. Weebs knew the person i was grouping with, so we all started talking. By the time the other person had left, me and Weebs were getting along quite well.

It was then that i found that Weebs was actually an Australian. We kept talking, and decided we would play together when we could. Later on, we were partying with an American who made some rather homophobic remarks. :P Meanwhile i am very much a hint-dropper. I guess i could explain it in that i try to get a read on a person's like or dislike of gays by making borderline sexual remarks or innuendo. Does that make sense? o_O Sometimes people will act positively, others will freak out at even the slightest hint of a hug.

Anyways it worked better than i expected. By the time we got back to the main town and were alone again, Weebs asked me 'are you bi?'. I replied with something like 'you're half right lol'. He'd picked up on my semi-obvious remarks, and when i told him i was gay, he in turn said he was bi. That's when i started to go like (O_O).

'Omg' i was thinking, 'he's Australian, he likes boys, and he's a teenager'. That's an incredible lot to have in common in a game in which the majority don't even speak English. 'AND HE'S NICE!'

Soon after, i showed him the address to my blog. Then our game conversations turned to MSN conversations. Within a few days of knowing each other, i was beginning to like him, a lot. And he liked me too. It got to the point where i would only bother playing the game to see him and have his 'company'.

When he said he wanted to leave Knight Online to go back to playing World of Warcraft, i decided i had no choice but to buy it and start playing it. Being around him, even online, made me so happy. We both made new characters, and went through the levelling process together. And let me just say, WoW is infinitely better than KO. :P

The rest is history.



The fact is, if i hadn't been playing Knight Online, on that day, at that time, and entered that event (meeting Weebs), and afterwards entered a group that lead me to a town in which Weebs was at at the same time, and having Weebs know the person i was grouping with, giving us a reason to talk more... I might not have had a boyfriend for 2 weeks, 2 weeks in which i was the happiest i've been for years.

That's why i'll always be thankful for that horrible game.

Bitboy's Gone.

He caught the train back to Melbourne today, on the way home to Sydney. I was teary after his train left but it's so hot and dry outside that my tears dried up straight away.

I must say that his stay here went... perfectly. We got along really well, even if we did have a few fights - nothing major and it always resulted in more cuddles. :P My cats liked him. Tiger brought him home some birds, one of which he then proceeded to eat in front of Bboy. o_O He left a single leg amongst the feathers. Nom nom. My Mum liked him a lot too. "Can we keep him??" she said. He bought her a big box of chocolates as a thank you gift, which was nice. I, of course, ate some. :D Thanks Bboy. :D He even got along with my Grandma really well. Whether or not she clued on that we were an item, i don't know. But she liked him. :)

Now i have to go back to living a single life. I dunno how i'll cope. It will be really strange sleeping alone tonight, waking up alone. I'll have to find something to entertain me. I'll have to adjust to not having arms around me and someone warm to snuggle against. I might even miss his slobbery kisses... maybe. :P

What is most of concern right now is what will happen between him and his family when he gets home tonight. Will they stop trying to prevent him from contacting me after he's spent over 2 weeks with me? Will they still try to take away his independance, after he took things into his own hands and left unnanounced? It seems kind of pointless to me, because when they push he'll only fight back harder, but it's all down to what they think, and if they can realise that.

Oh Hai!

Sorry i haven't been posting much. Frankly i have better things to do. :P But i figured it was time for an update. :) I know how me being happy makes you guys happy/jealous and spiteful. :D

It's funny how after all the struggles me and Bitboy had to go through to get here, things ended up working out... perfectly. He really brightens up my life. He gets along really well with my Mum and Grandma, and the cats don't mind him - Tiger just wants BB to feed him, and Jemima has already decided that she owns him, so she'll let him stay.

I can never tell myself that i'm unloveable any more. I can no longer say that i'm incapable of having a relationship, or being happy. BB loves me for who i am and that is something i thought i would never have. Also him being here has done a lot for my self esteem. Many of the things that i used to hate about myself i now don't even think about. He has helped me to feel normal, and sometimes even special.

Not to mention that i can now say i've loved and been loved. I can say i've been snuggled and held and hugged and kissed (even if kisses are gross). And there's also the sorts of things i wouldn't dare repeat here. :P I can wake up in the morning and open my eyes to see a (cute) boy laying next to me. It's quite pleasant, to say the least. :) And whenever i want to i can have someone to wrap my arms (and legs sometimes) around. :P



Things are going well, really well. I'm happy, genuinely happy for the first time in many months.

Dunno what else to say. :)

That's Not All. :P

I've brought someone else with me on my return to blogworld.

And this one's not just a friend. :P

He's calling himself BitBoy and he just started blogging too. So go have a look at his blog.

Against all odds, we met in an online game, found out we both lived in Australia, found out we both liked boys, and later, found that we liked each other a fair bit too. :)

Boyfriend... kind of... :P

K first of all, it's time to get rid of these old polls...

Poll A - Was the worst experience of your life related to, or a result of, your sexuality?

106 votes.

Yes - 39%
No - 60%

I thought they'd be the other way around, but it's good they're not. :)



Poll B - What was the best experience of your life related to?

109 votes.

The most popular was Travel with 17%

Ahh yes. That makes sense. I can't wait to travel. It's definitely near the top of my to-do list.

Not surprisingly, Love was also near the top - 16%
Friends (probably not the TV show) - 14%
Young innocence (which was my answer, as funny as it sounds for a 15yo lol) - 10%
Sex - 10%

I'm not sure how sex can be up there but whatever... lol

Then School, Family, and a bunch of others. :P

I'll put up some new polls in the morning. I'm too tired to think of any now. :/



Anyways, i'm sure you all know Jake Anon from his blog, My Life On A Wall.

That was, until now, my brother blog. It's now my boyfriend blog. ^_^

And Jakey's now my e-boyfriend. That's right. I pounced on him before the pedos did. They all seem to love him, lol. Well i got there first. :P

This means that... well... neither of us really know. But it's just nice aye.

We'll see where we go. It could dwindle. It could turn into something great. I can't be any worse off. :)

And he's a really great guy.

<3

I'll explain it better when it's not nearly 1am. =_=

Goodnight all.

===>mirrorboy<===