And What A Year It Was.

So 2009 comes to an close. Without a doubt, i can say it was definitely the most eventful year of my life. Funnily enough, it was also the year that i was able to share with my readers. While it held the lowest of lows, it had a pretty damn good high at the end.

At the start of the year, my life was utterly horrible, and near unbearable. I'd been outed at school, and i was copping abuse from all sides. I know what it's like to be the centre of discussion and have rumours spread about me. I know how it feels to be mocked and hear people laughing about me behind my back, and then to my face, and to hear of people wanting to bash me up. I know what it's like to be pushed, have things thrown at me, have things knocked out of my hands or be hit as people walk past. I could go on, but you get the idea.

I couldn't sleep at night. I'd lie in bed in numb terror. I couldn't eat in the morning because i would already feel too sick. School wasn't about work or learning or socialising, it was about trying to scrape through with a bare minimum and do what i could without breaking. And i couldn't even do that. I was failing everything.

My Mum couldn't help me, nor could teachers or the principal, neither could the counsellor, or the chaplain, or the mental health woman they thought i should see. And my 'friends' turned out to be weak little backstabbers.

So i was a plane going into an irreversible nosedive, and eventually i crashed. My life shattered into a hundred pieces around me. There i was at the kitchen table, in pain, shaking, sobbing uncontrollably, tears falling in my cereal, and unable to take another second of it. There was no way i was ever going back to that place again, and that was that.

So i started again from the beginning.



I was lucky enough to cross paths with my psychologists, and they helped me to rebuild my life. I shared a metaphor with them, as one of them was leaving the clinic.

"It's like, before i kind of broke down. I was driving a car, that i'd built myself. I'd been driving for 16 years. It was a way to get from A to B. I never took any exciting paths, but i'd never encountered anything that stopped me from using the car either. Never had any major crashes.

But as i grew up the car started to veer slightly off direction. It's like there was something wrong with the steering, always going slightly off course. And then sometimes the tires would lock up and the car would jolt, and it was hard to correct (the tires and steering are references to my 2 disorders). And it made it a lot harder to get around. So rather than risk it, sometimes i would just stay at home and not use the car. The more i did that, the harder the car became to drive. I had to do a lot of correcting while driving, and it stole my focus away from more important things.

Then one day, i crashed. And it wasn't the fault of the steering, nor the tires. But still, i crashed, bad, and the car was so smashed it was irrepairable.

So i got scared of driving, and i stayed at home for a few months. I couldn't bring myself to go outside again, let alone drive.

I knew i would have to build a new car, but it was such a huge task, i could barely bring myself to do it.

But you know what, thanks to that crash, i came across two mechanics, and they gave me a manual, and stuck around to give me guidance about how to put a whole new car together. And this time around, thanks to them, i knew what was wrong with the steering, and with the tires, and i could work on fixing it.

I wiped out my old car, but now i'm building a better one. I can fix the problems with the steering, and the tires, and now all i have to do is practice getting behind the wheel again, my driving will grow to be smoother than ever before.

One day, i'll take those exciting roads that i used to avoid."



And i was right.

With my psychologists, i uncovered many of the demons inside me that made my life hard. I had body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder. As a result of what i went through at school, i'd acquired adjustment disorder. Now that i knew what they were, i could work through them.

I won't go into any more of that, many of my readers already know about this stuff anyway. :P I made progress with them, and life got easier. It truly was like a weight was being lifted from me with each step i made.

I started going to a new school, which is infinitely better than what i used to have to go to. The people there aren't in the highest of social classes, but they're a lot more accepting and mature than my previous peers.



Well, i'll say what my point is.

In many ways, this year was horrible, and it is something i would never want to relive. It was, and probably will always be, the worst year of my life.

But it was also the best year of my life. If i could go back to the start, i wouldn't have done anything differently... Well, maybe i would have broken a few noses, but you get the idea.

For from the bad, came good. If i hadn't been outed, i wouldn't have met my psychologists, i wouldn't have found out i had my disorders, i wouldn't have been able to treat them, and they would have haunted me for, possibly, the rest of my life.

So what if i lost a few 'friends'. Now that i know who they truly are, i would never want anything to do with them anyway. I truly am better off without them. And hey, i've got better friends now.

If i hadn't broken down, i'd still be going to that shithole of a school, and struggling with my work, because i'd always found it hard there. Now i'm going to a much better place, and doing much better too.

And my Mum and i have grown closer, and my Grandma knows who i really am. That's something i can be thankful for.



What i've gone through has made me who i am, and i am fucking tough. I have survived hell at school and abuse from people i'd let get close to me. I've discovered, and waded through the dangerous oceans of my inner demons. I know that now, i am unbreakable. My self-esteem used to be in tatters, but when you have to build something from the start again, you make it better than ever. My self-esteem has a shield up, and no one's gonna touch it. They can try, but they're gonna get burnt by the lasers i installed.

I can overcome anything that gets in my way, of that, i have no doubt.

And the best thing is...

I'm a stronger, more mature person, going to a better school, doing better in subjects, with better friends, making progress with my disorders, and with higher self-esteem...

Life can only get better.



I used to be down all the time. Now, i'm feeling just fine. I haven't been down, in a very long time. I don't get depressed about my life, or feel hopeless, or worthless, and i definitely don't feel unlovable any more. I'm much more positive, and i look forward to the future now, instead of wishing i didn't have one.

So bring on 2010.

Memorable Moments #2

March. It was early in the month, when i celebrated 150,000 views, that i started up my other 2 blogs, Secret Project (co-owned with Jake) which was basically boy pics, and Mirrorboy's Words, on which i posted excerpts from my story

2 days later, i started seeing my psychologists (thank God they came into my life). I had a bit of support in my life now, but school was still really hard.

At the end of March, i posted the interview that Col had done with me, and it provides a bit of insight into my life.

April. The 8th, and i was getting ready for my trip to Melbourne, the state's capital city. Not only was it my first holiday, but it showed me that there was a life outside of my crappy, small-minded town. I could at least look forward to the day when i finally leave.

And i had photos. :P

During April was the time i stopped attending school. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it had all become too much. My Mum knew she couldn't keep sending me, so i just stopped going. I didn't make a post about it though, because frankly, it was private.

May. Not much happened in May. I continued not going to school, and instead focusing on trying to get better by working with my psychologists. I also kept going to my gay youth group.

The 22nd was my birthday. I got some really nice bday wishes from my online friends. :) Other than that it was a pretty crappy day. lol

2 days later, i explained everything about school, and life, and i told you about my disorders. I also said that tomorrow i would be starting at a new school (which is my current one). My first day wasn't bad, although i was expectedly nervous.

With a lot on my mind, i took a break from blogging and didn't return until mid-June.

June. I included a post about the kinds of things we get up to at my youth group.

By the 19th, things were starting to get back on track for me, thankfully.

June also had a Q&A post about me, and if you're interested, i showed you pics of where i blog from.

July. My school hours increased. I was also going through a lot of ups and downs. Life was pretty unstable as i juggled blogging with school and my disorders. I used my blog to vent when i needed to.

I also posted some pics of the beach in my city.

At least things were on the up, now.

August. I was busy, and that was good. Inadvertently, i was also being more positive. Things were starting to improve.

And now September. There's not much point in looking back on this month. :P

But i will say, the past few weeks have been the best in a long time. Every single day, things get better for me. Living gets easier.

The time between now and a year ago almost killed me, literally. But i've survived. I've got the scars in my mind and bruises on my soul, but i made it, thanks in no small part to all of you who supported me.

Memorable Moments #1

September 2008 - February 2009.

Here are what i consider to be some of my most important or memorable posts for the first 6 months of blogging. :)

September. This post pretty much sums up why i started blogging. I was angry and frustrated, and that meant lots of CAPS. lol. I was a gay boy living in a homophobic world and i hated it.

October. After i got a few lucky links, my daily views were doubling. Quite quickly my mind was put on something else though. I was outed. First there was confusion, then calm, and then happiness. That happiness lasted for a while. But unfortunately, things got worse, much much worse. Only a week later i was struggling and contemplating suicide.

November. At home i tried to forget about school, and i blogged about other things as much as i could. November was witness to my teddy bear post (deceptively innocent). Since i posted that it has never left me, still haunting me to this day. :P

Unfortunately although i tried to put my mind off the shit that was happening to me, that didn't stop it from existing. 2 weeks into November, the storm hit me, and i was scared.

This is painful to remember. I can even see my social anxiety disorder growing as i read what i wrote. At least i had Mrs OC. I could always talk to her. I don't know what i would have done without her.

November was when i started to drift. It was when i switched to auto-pilot. All i could do was try to block the immense pain inside of me, and use every spare minute i could to relax.

December. As if the shit at school wasn't enough, one of the people at my school, someone who i dared to call my friend, started abusing me on my own blog. Currently i couldn't care less about what people say to me on here, but back then i was fragile, and it hurt a lot.

My life was a total mess.

Meanwhile in blogworld, i helped AJ. If you weren't around for what happened, then it's hard to explain, but it was definitely memorable to me.

At least i got a few weeks break from school and i could relax a bit. The day before New Year's Eve, i made a post about my history before blogging, and about that whole year. That post also includes my first coming out story, to my Mum.

January. I started my e-relationship with Jake Anon, and i posted about a lot of easier stuff to swallow. 3 weeks in though, and the dread of returning to school was upon me.

February. My first day back was crap, and it got worse from then on. Luckily, i also started attending my gay youth group.

That may seem like a lot to swallow in one post, but i'll be using this (and some of this week's other posts) as a future reference for people new to my blog to get to know me.

March to present continues tomorrow. The day after that, is the big day.



Looking back on what happened to me really shows me just how far i've come. Life is drastically better, and i'm so thankful for all the support. During all that time i was posting about suffering, there were people on my blog leaving comments and sending emails, and talking to me on msn, with support and love. Thank you so much.

All About You.

*crap this took me 3 and a half hours!! lol*

People seem to be put off talking to me because they feel like i've got many other people to talk to.

Well you can never have too many friends. Hopefully this week of posts has shown you just how much having friends means to me.

This is probably gonna be long, but i wanna thank everyone that i've met through blogging who's made an impact on my life. If it weren't for the people i've met through blogging, i probably wouldn't be here.

This as also for all you who keep complaining that you don't get a mention. :P



Landyn - You're my favourite person in the whole world and when you hurt i hurt. I would do anything for you. I hope things get better for you because seeing you happy would make me so happy.

AJ - You're my best friend. We've been through so much together and i'm sure we will for many days to come.

Jake - lol. If it wasn't for you being in my life things would have taken a much different turn. You had a huge part in making me who i am today. lol

Bob - You're like a father to our blog community. You've got everyone's backs and i hope you know just how important you are and how much of a difference you make.

Lach - You gave me my first hug. ^_^ Hanging out with you was a lot of fun. You helped me feel more... normal. When i move to Melbourne i hope we'll see each other a lot more.

Deadwing - You're one of my best friends. I'm glad to have made a difference in your life, i just wish things could be easier for you too. I hope when you get down, you'll just remember how far you've come.

James - We've had our ups and downs, but you're still one of my firm friends and you've helped me a lot. I'll always be here for you and i know you will for me too.

Drew - There are some things i can only talk to certain people about, because i know they'll understand. I trusted you with some very personal thoughts and i know you've done the same. You're a good friend. :)

Joshie - You helped me during a rough time and i think that's when we grew a lot closer. I'll always be happy to repay the favour. Also, you dyed your hair pink and that makes anyone awesome in my book. :P

Wawwy - You's such cutenesh. ^_^ I loves talking to you. Is always interesting and funness. Fun is a good word to describe you. :P

Elliott - You were one of the first people to add me on msn and we've been friends since. On top of that, you were the first person i've met through the blog to talk to me on the phone, which is always fun. ^_^

Reilly - We have a huge amount in common. We've shared a lot of personal stuff with each other too. I'm really glad i met you.

Cutie Dan - Though if i said 'Cutie' you would immediately think it was you anyway, i bet. ;) You're a lot of fun to talk to and i love your hair. :P

Benji - You're adorable. You're so sweet and cute. J'adore Benji. :P Don't be so down on yourself. You're a great guy and things will get easier for you, i'm sure. I'll always be here to support you either way.

Matt - You're my good friend too. Memories? Playing uno against each other on msn. lol. But seriously you're cool and i like talking to you. :)

Steve - We don't talk much outside blogging but when you talk you always provide such a good and intellectual opinion. Whenever i make a thoughtful post i always look forward to your comments.

Aek - For an Asian you sure can be dumb sometimes. lol. You're a good person though, very helpful. Thanks for helping me with some of my medical problems too. Woo free advice. lol

Seth - One of my first linkers, and you gave me a big boost. You're very caring and to me blogworld would be a very different place without you in it.

Naturgesetz - I love that you're part of our community. I really value your opinion on the religious side of things. We've had some good discussions. :)

Mr. HCI - You're like a kid on the inside. lol. I know you'd always be willing to offer support to anyone you could. You're nice, and funny, and generally a great guy. :)

Steevo - You always say it how you see it. That's an important trait. Other than that, you helped me a lot during my rough times and i'll always be grateful.

AgentK - You're such an amazing kid. I hate it that you've been hurt so much. I hope you get some love you deserve.

Louie - It was great having someone to talk to about my writing, and i liked hearing about yours. We'll have to catch up soon. Next time i see you online i'll say hai. :)

Peter from PA - The compulsive video-poster. lol. We don't talk much but when we did it was always fun. We have some good memories. :P

Jeremy - We never seem to say much but we're still good friends. lol. You're good to talk to and always good for some lols. :)

Spastic Fantastic - You're also lotsa fun to talk to. Even though it seems we mostly talk about TV, game and movies. :P

Randy - I loved getting comments from you on my writing blog. I knew when you didn't like something you would tell me straight. That's what i really wanted and i grew as a writer because of you.

Kiwi/Chris - You're sweet and funny and you gave me the most helpful advice when i was writing. You also had a great blog which is missed. I doubt you'll even be reading this, but i hope you're doing okay.

David ex-Westasian - You had the best picture blog i knew. You had great tastes, and similar interests in many things other than boys. You were one of my most popular bloggers and i was so amazed that my blog was being read by someone 'famous'. You also gave me a birthday present which i'll never forget.

Victor - I'm glad you kept in touch because i always like hearing about how you're doing and your emails are always a pleasure to read. You're a smart, honest person and i'm glad we're friends.

David JB - I always love hearing your feedback on stuff i blog about. It's really nice that you take the time to email me so often and care about me. Thanks a lot.

Robert in the USA - We don't see each other that often but when we do i feel like we have a strong connection. You're a really sweet guy.

Zee - We've had some interesting discussions (arguments). :P You're so bloody stubborn and that's why i love you.

Torchy - You're another important part of our blog community and i'm glad you're around. On top of that you're really funny and your posts are almost always lolable.

Nick - I've seen that that people you've met through blogging has helped you to accept yourself more, and i'm so happy to have been a part of that. I wish you all the best. :)

John in the USA - You've been emailing me for so long now it seems like you've been with me from the start. We've had our disagreements but i'm glad i've gotten to know you.

John in Aus - The writer. Thanks for being my proofreader when i still had my writing blog. I dunno what i would have done without you. I also remember all those horrible, horrible jokes. *shakes head*

Tyler GBIH - You're really cool and funny. You've also got an amazing ass. ;D But seriously, we recently found out we've got a lot in common so no doubt we'll be talking a lot more.

Tyler DIML - And you've got an amazing face! lol. Talking to you is always entertaining. You're a really smart guy too.

Mike - Talking to you is always good times. We've got heaps in common, like 2 jigsaw pieces. :)

Jayson - You kept an eye out for the bloggers and were always supportful.

Col - One of my biggest memories of blogging was when you interviewed me. It was a great idea of yours to do those interviews. You were also super-nice and really caring and i'm sorry that you disappeared.

Doomed BC - He who types in huge paragraphs. lol. You're a really nice, caring guy.

Aahsazyl - You're just plain strange. lol. And you're so lovable because of it. :P

Baz - You gave me some good writing advice and you always tell it how it is.

Lance - We've had some ups and some major downs. But i do care about you and i hope you're doing okay.

Hayden - When we first met i thought you were a bit strange, but you're really a nice guy. :P

Justin - You were the only one who knew how to get that game of mine to work. You can call in that favour any time. ;)

Olivia - You're still the only girl on my msn. lmao. You're wicked-cool and i still remember the poem you wrote for me during my rough time. It was really sweet. :)

Tristan - You were really helpful during my first days as a blogger and your words of advice were really important to me.

Tom ex-Daily Jizzt - Tommy Toppy or Tommy Bottomy. Works either way. xD. You had a great sense of humour and you were also really nice and caring. I miss you.

Chris from Aus - You're a really smart guy and i like talking to you. We share a lot of opinions on things too.

Paulie - You're funny, you're sweet and you're hot. ;)

Peter PH - You're a really nice guy. I remember that you'd always send me those funny story things, and that was always fun. And we've got very similar tastes in boys. :)

And Grant - Thanks for all the awesome smileys. lol



I really do hope i didn't miss anyone. lol

Turning Points. *important!*

I think there were 3 events in my life which changed me forever.

The first was when my Year 9 English teacher came and found me while i was in a class, and pulled me aside to talk to me. Funnily enough, i blogged about that experience. In fact it was the fourth post i ever made. It's sad that some of my most important posts get lost in the past.

I will never, ever, ever forget the kindness that Mrs OC showed me. Not only did she put me onto writing, when i was outed at school she was my support.



Being outed at school. That was the second life-changing event. Really, it changed me forever. It changed me beyond words. It's so painful i don't even want to think about it.

However if you care to know about me, you can go back to October and November and read the posts, because i blogged about what happened, although i didn't blog about a lot of the pain it caused me.

I'm still dealing with many of the issues that came from that time. I also lost most of my 'friends', lying backstabbing cunts, now only having 2 that i can trust, and it was the reason why i changed schools.

It caused my adjustment disorder. And my body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder fired up. I couldn't sleep at night because i was terrified of waking up to face another day. In the morning i would lie in bed still and silent. When i looked in the mirror i was full of self-loathing. I couldn't do my schoolwork because i couldn't focus. Every single day was one of terror and pain. There was no life in my life anymore.

I can honestly say, the fact that i made it through alive is beyond me. I was on the brink of suicide. The was no hope of recovery in sight. I was failing my work and life itself was crushing me.

But i did make it through. You know why?



Number three: Starting a blog.

Feeling like i belonged, feeling like i wasn't such a freak, having a place where i could talk about what i was going through, making friends who supported me and listened, and knowing that there were people out there who would care if i killed myself.

On The 17th Of September...

Mirrorboy and Mirrorboy's Blog turn 1!!

On the 17 of September, 2008, i nervously made my first post. I really didn't have any idea how blogs worked. I didn't know how to link blogs or change colours or anything. I didn't think i'd ever 'make it' in the blog world. It seemed so distant, and frankly unimaginable. It seemed like there were blogs out there full of people who knew what they were doing, while i was clueless.

So i made that first post, right before my Mum came home from work. Then it was my dirty little secret.

This was my first post.

///
So... This is it huh? Who knows what adventures lay ahead for me and my blog in the days ahead... Hopefully i can make you laugh. Hopefully i can make you think. Hopefully you don't get bored with me O_O
This blog is going to be about me and what i think, so i'll give you the quick rundown about me.
I'm 15 years old. I live in Australia. I'm gay and mostly not 'out'. I'm an only child with a single parent. I want so badly to be a creative writer and am working on some books now.
Like me so far? If not, leave. :) (I was worried people would abuse me)
If you come back once i've started proper publishing you'll get to know a lot more about me. I hope you do, cos it will make a lonely boy very happy. :D
Thanks.
///



It makes me quite angry that people seem to think that Mirrorboy, I, had it easy in blogworld.

In the whole month of september... i made 17 nervous posts.

I didn't get a single comment until the 27th of September.

In the whole month i got 6 comments, from about 3 people.

It's funny when i see new bloggers, who might get about a dozen comments a post, complaining about not getting as many comments as me. Yet when i started i got barely any, not even a single one for 10 days.

When i started, this gay/bi blog community of ours simply did not exist. There were no bloggers to ask for help. There were no people to link with and be plugged by and supported. There were no examples to follow. I was on my own. I really did have to build me and my blog up from scratch.



I thought to get people to read i had to make short posts, talk about amusing things and mix it up with funny videos and pictures of cute boys. Every post was a conscious effort to try to draw people in.

I was still finding my feet. I wasn't sure where i was headed, but i was still travelling.

Strangely, although hardly anyone read or cared, i never thought of giving up. And i'm glad i didn't.



Starting a blog was basically a cry for help. I was a lonely gay kid. I had no gay friends in the slightest. I was existing in a world that didn't even want me. I had no one to talk to about what i was going through, and i was as alone as possible.

The reason i started was to reach out. I wanted to meet some gay people who i could talk to. I wanted to feel like i belonged.

My blog is a success.



For the rest of this week, leading up to Mirrorboy's Birthday, i've decided i'm going to celebrate on my blog. At first i felt like dedicating a whole week of posts on my blog to my own blog was a bit over-the-top. But you know what, considering this blog has had an enormous effect on me and everything about me, i think it's justified.

Stay tuned for tomorrow and i'll continue my story. :)

Fuck You Very Much.

Ever wondered why i have this message above my comments box?

"Don't leave a comment telling me how i whinge, or i bore you, or how i'm annoying, or i'm lame, or you don't like me, or i depress you, or i upset you, or you want to punch me, or that you hate me and my blog, or that you want me to die etc.

See, that classifies you as a fuckwit. Are you a fuckwit?

All other comments are welcome. :)"



Good ol' anonymous commenters.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to or being too shy make a profile for people to see who you are. In this gay world of ours, i guess people 'in the closet' are quite worried that someone will find out who they are and spill their secret.

But i'm talking the kind of anons who like to abuse people and (try to) say hurtful things, and yet are so gutless that they hide behind anonymity. The kind who leave a pathetic remark and then disappear. The sorts of people who are just plain losers.

Remember that post i made about suicide? When i was really down? You probably don't. lol. It was ages ago. Anyways...

"Anonymous said...
As nike says, just do IT."

Oh yeah. And when i got past that episode...

"Anonymous said...
GAY"

Weirdo.

Oh. Then came the abuse from a real life person in my circle of friends. Not only did this c*nt not have the guts to tell me to my face, he couldn't even put his name up.

"Anonymous said...
1.kidding yourself
2.wtf?
3.omg everyones gonna find out your gay how depressing go cry in a corner and im pretty sure like 50 kids per day get in situations like that so deal with fuck stick
4.know one cares about your little homo sittuations.

ps. go fuck yourself or your cat cos that seems to be your only pictures i mean cmon are you rooting your cats your like the crazy cat lady but even more gay

pss.go die kno onelikes yo."

And after my response.

"Anonymous said...
1.WOW I dont correct my words perfectly for your gay ass taste
2.I have better things than to type a fucking novel at probly dark ass room surrounded by the light coming out of a computer.
3.know cares go die ect ect
4.also know cares about your small ass townps go die
PSS if u have any problems im at ----whitepride@hotmail.com----"

Nice generic email address there.

And i mean wtf. I sit in a well-lit room... I have lights!

That's why i don't stay in contact with 'friends' from my old school.

Here's some more abuse from one of my readers. :)

"Anonymous said...
i used to love your site and you but you now are becomeing a winging bore..today i watched the news on the bushfires and the many sad stories comeing out of there...makes your trouble look small...i know u will delete this thats ok...wish u all the best 4 the future...am now going to delete this site from my list of favs."

I was having a hard time. I'd been OUTED at school. Just cos other people were having a hard time, that doesn't mean my struggle was any less hard.

Oh, here's a quickie.

"Anonymous said...
you're annoying"

Gee thanks fuck you.

When i took my break from blogging because i had a lot on my mind...

"Anonymous said...
Mirror
I think you and AJ are just quitters. That simple"

Ugh. So i defended myself, and so did my friends.

"Anonymous said...
So perfect. A group of upset teens who can only think of venting their anger. Look, all I said was that they were quitters. Period. Actually, when you look at it, they did just quit. I didn't say "Fuck you asshole, you shouldn't post anything ever again." Nope. Not anything close. I just said they were quitters. In fact, I stated it in such a way that it would prod them a bit--as it indeed seemed to do. Of course, the rest of the gang decided to pile on. I didn't say anything to the rest of you, and I didn't say anything particularly offensive to the blogkeeper. But that sure hasn't stopped y'all from bash, bash, bash. The expletives, etc. And does it really matter if I have a blog or not? Maybe I've got more experience with such matters than you could hope to. Perhaps I understand how to get someone to consider a different view of reality. Just maybe I do such things for a living? Hmmmm, isn't that possible? Or is the Net now becoming a place for adolescents, mature and otherwise, to simply vent anger at anyone. If you want to be respected, be respectful of others. Again, I didn't attack anyone in an offensive way. But that the same could be said for you..."

Bla bla bla.

And then when someone joked about pushing this anon off the proverbial cliff...

"Interesting display of violence simply because of something I said. Wow. Did you ever hear of a guy named Matthew Shepard? He was killed in Wyoming several years back--actually tied to a fence and then killed--simply because he was gay and unwilling to be quiet about it. Someone voices a thought and you not only contemplate pushing me off a cliff but do a jig about it and a high five celebration. Sad. Really sad. I don't know where the violent urge is coming from, but I don't think I've said anything to merit that kind of violent response. I didn't manifest a voice of hatred, and I sure didn't suggest pusshing anyone off a cliff, never mind celebrating it. You want to defend someone, great, defend with thoughts and ideas. Don't use violence to triumph, because in the end, it never does. Just ask Matthew Shepard's killers or his parents."

That's just... lol.

And here's the latest prick who's just plain rude.

"Anonymous said...
post pics of yourself.
we all know you're not doing it so people will give you attention.
-.-"

"Anonymous said...
hey mirrorboy
you're an over dramatic attention whore.
:)"

"Anonymous said...
at least i'm not pathetic like you.
:)"



So my point is. I've been blogging for a long time. I've heard it all. Even from people i know.

So i really just don't care. Anonymous commenters who leave abuse are incredibly pathetic. The above examples are evidence of their consistent stupidity. That fact that i'm a blogger with my heart out there for everyone to see, while you're too gutless to even show your name, gives your words... very little impact.

200th Post! 200 Random Facts About Me!

Okayz. First of all, congratulations to me! lol. 200 posts is a lot!

Sorry this took so long. But it was soooooooooooooo harrrrrdddddddd. It's 200 facts about me. I tried to make them all somewhat interesting, and i didn't want to have any repeats either.

I did my best and it took me a week of work and frustration. :/

Oh yeah btw, all these are true. :D

And before we get into it, i wanna thank Seth, Aek and Reilly. They were really helpful by giving me some ideas. Trev, Seb, Dan and Paul also helped too. I guess people could see that i was suffering and they took pity on me. lol

Anyway, you'd better enjoy this! *serious face*

It was a lot of work.

I hope there are no spelling mistakes...



Starting with the basics...

1. I am an only child.

2. I live with my Mum.

3. No, i never met my Dad.

4. I live on the coast of Australia in a small city.

5. I have 2 cats.

6. I turn 16 on the 22nd of May.

7. I want to be an author (preferably famous lol).

8. As a job, i would like to be a journalist.

9. I want to leave my city as soon as i can.

10. My favourite colour is pink. 2nd is red, 3rd is black.

11. My favourite TV show is 30 Rock. I also like Dexter, Lost, Mythbusters and Heroes.

12. My favourite type of music is techno.

13. I'm short-sighted so i wear glasses or contacts.

14. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

15. And yes, i lick the spoon.

Now on to less basic things. :)

16. I call my cat Tiger 'fatcat' and my cat Jemima 'fincat'. :)

17. I have one pink pillow and one green pillow, pink sheets and a green doona.

18. My Mum used to have a stalker.

19. When i was really young i wanted to be a clown... then an actor, and then a chiropractor.

20. I have to wash and wipe anything i'm go to eat off, or eat with, or drink out of... unless i'm eating out. (nothing sexual there i assure you) :P

21. I love tennis. I suck at playing.

22. I'm terribly uncoordinated and clumsy. I have trouble even using a knife and fork correctly.

23. I own a Nintendo Wii, a Nintendo Gamecube, a Nintendo 64, a Super Nintendo, and a Game Boy Advance.

24. I have 4 email addresses.

25. My least favourite music is country.

26. I don't like eating meat... but i do still eat it.

27. I've got blue eyes and brown hair.

28. My hair grows way too fast and it's too thick.

29. I hate getting haircuts.

30. I've never been on an aeroplane.

31. My family doesn't own a car, so my Grandma has to drive us places.

32. My Grandma knows i'm gay and is fine with it... but we don't talk about it.

33. My Grandma still says 'God Bless' when she says goodbye to me. She must think there's hope for me yet. ;)

34. My Grandma is Catholic.

35. When i was little i would go to church most weekends with my Grandma.

36. I would get bored at church, and make origami. lol

37. There are 91 people on my msn list, and i've deleted a lot of others. :P

38. I love rain, and storms! :D

39. My favourite celebrities are Shaun Micallef and Natalie Bassingthwaighte.

40. My favourite food is chocolate.

41. I've never been outside of my state.

42. I swear a lot. lol

43. I DESPISE bananas. They're disgusting.

44. I've got small hands and feet. (don't compare to other parts of my anatomy lol)

45. I feel uncomfortable if i'm not wearing shoes. (unless i'm in bed)

46. In fact, i feel uncomfortable if i'm not wearing a bunch of clothes, so i'm almost always in a jacket and shoes and socks (plus other stuff of course).

47. I bought my first pair of jeans when i was in Melbourne.

48. I got my first pair of sunglasses in Melbourne, cos i'd only recently gotten contacts.

49. 49 is my favourite number. :)

50. I have had 5 cats - Tiger and Jemima, Miticus (Mit), Cosmo, and Oscar.

51. Oscar never liked me, and he ran away one day. I was too young to really care. lol

52. Cosmo disappeared as well.

53. I loved Mit, but one day he just disappeared too. It broke my heart. :(

54. That's why i always freak out when my cats don't come home at night. Sometimes i will cry because i'm so worried something has happened to them, like the others.

55. I love my cats a lot. In fact i love them more than most people. lol

56. I keep my money under a trinket box on my bedside table.

57. I have 2 radios beside my bed. One acts as a radio, and the other as an alarm.

58. The furthest i've been from my city is Melbourne, and that's only about 4 hours drive away.

59. I read the Lord of the Rings books when i was about 11 or 12.

60. I've got a big family.

61. I love American sitcoms like Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld.

62. I get email notification for every comment on all of my blogs, so even if you delete a comment, i have a copy in my inbox. :)

63. I wish i was shorter.

64. I love soft drink too much.

65. I say hungee for hungry, angee for angry etc. :)

66. I'm scared of heights and i freak out around spiders, and i hate blood.

67. I went on a Ferris Wheel once and i was scared as hell.

68. All the clothes my Mum buys for me are too big.

69. My cats can always tell when i'm sad and one will come and snuggle with me.

70. I have an electric blanket on my bed.

71. I've lived in 4 houses.

72. One of them was cursed or haunted or something. Bad times...

73. I punch my pillow when i'm angry.

74. I once was in a carpark and people left their car and they forgot to but the handbrake on, so their car slipped down the road and smashed into another car. And i saw it. :O

75. I think my cats are better-looking than average cats. :)

76. I sleep on my side.

77. I'm really self-conscious and i pick on myself a lot. :/

78. I've got low self-esteem.

79. My year 8 English teacher is the one who turned me on to writing and if it weren't for her i never would have written anything.

80. She was also my support at school and i could look to her for help and/or advice.

81. I found out about the gay youth group from her.

82. When i was little i would fill up balloons and rubber gloves with water.

83. I even remember taking them to the bath with me sometimes to play with. :/ lol

84. I need a tan. :P

85. I used to burn things.

86. And i would light candles and dip my fingers in hot wax. Then play with it. :)

87. And i was greatly intrigued by fireplaces.

88. I always wished i had a brother or sister.

89. Simple things can put me in a bad mood.

90. I wish i had punched a certain someone in the face.

91. It annoys me when people add me on msn and then don't say hello.

92. I'm really good at procrastination. :D

93. I spend my money on games. :P

94. I talk to myself.

95. I've got bad circulation and my hands and feet get cold easy.

96. I usually wake up in the morning with really cold feet. :/

97. I invented a word for cute animals - 'pugee', pronounced pai-gee.

98. My favourite band was the Rogue Traders... before they split.

99. My eyes twitch when i'm nervous.

100! I've thought about closing my blog down recently.

101. Several of my school friends were 'okay' with me to my face, but harboured some pretty strong hatred for gays.

102. Smoking turns me off.

103. I don't like drinking or drugs.

104. All 3 exist in my family.

105. I was outed on 2 separate occasions, both by accident.

106. My cat gives me nose kisses. :)

107. I've never done anything remotely sexual with anyone.

108. If i could have a superpower it would be the power to turn back time.

109. I don't have a 'type' of boy that i like. I don't have any preferences.

110. The last movie i saw at the cinema was the latest Narnia one.

111. I like coffee-flavoured things but i don't like actual coffee.

112. I feel good when i see gay characters on tv... unless they're evil or dying or something. :/ lol

113. I have pages full of notes about my story scattered around my computer desk.

114. I cry easily when people die in tv shows.

115. I'm an early riser... well i try to be.

I'm stuck already. :(

116. The first thing i do after i've gotten up is feed the cats.

117. I comfort eat.

118. Posters cover one wall of my bedroom.

119. I've got a double-bed. Wanna share? ;D

120. I've had the same digital watch for years.

121. The last game i bought was Metroid Prime for the Wii.

122. My favourite author is Eoin Colfer.

123. When i was little i would always have to sleep facing left, or i would have nightmares.

124. There are 444 songs on my iPod.

125. I go through about 5 boxes of tissues a week. :P

126. I don't like multiples of 5.

127. When i was younger i would always sip from drinks in multiples of 4.

128. My cat knocks on doors when he wants to come in.

129. I'm the one who has to set up stuff like DVD players and TVs in my house.

130. My family spends Christmas at my Grandma's house.

131. One of my cousins has had a baby.

132. I grow lettuce in my backyard.

133. My favourite drink is Schweppes lemonade. *orgasm* lol

134. I really like longer hair. :)

135. My favourite ice-cream is coffee. :P

136. The walls in my house are cream (colour). lol

137. I like video game music, like kirby. :)

138. I don't like facial hair.

139. I use smilies a lot. :D

140. I don't believe in religion but i do believe in an afterlife.

This is soooooooooo harrrrdd.

141. The only bone i've broken was my little finger... at mini-golf. -_-

142. I once had an allergic reaction to medicine and ended up in the casualty ward at a hospital.

143. My feet have high arches. :(

144. My favourite game series is Paper Mario.

145. Oh, i've got a gay cousin. :P

146. Between Mario and Luigi, i choose Luigi.

147. I've been caught wanking... more than once too. lol

148. I like eating plain pasta.

149. My favourite subject is English.

150. My weapon of choice is a bow. :)

151. Music cheers me up... unless it's sad music. lol

152. I've never drank alcohol or smoked.

153. My favourite day of the week is Friday. :D

154. I'm a Rooster and a Gemini.

155. My Mum used to read Enid Blyton books to me as a kid.

156. I like plastic cutlery. :P

157. My favourite fast food is La Porchetta's. (pizza) :)

158. I can make an origami lily from memory.

159. I've never kissed a guy.

160. My Mum has really long hair that goes past her waist.

161. My favourite time of day is nighttime.

162. I haven't had chickenpox.

163. My favourite vegetable is cauliflower.

164. I don't like big dogs.

165. I am obviously a cat person. :)

166. I still have weird dreams most nights.

167. I like pizza with sauce, ham, cheese and olives. :)

168. I have said 'lol' in real life.

169. And sometimes i feel compulsed to use smilies while writing. :O

170. I probably won't get piercings, and i definitely don't want a tattoo. ouch

171. I wear my watch on my right hand, and i'm right handed.

172. The first thing i wash in the shower is my hair.

173. I'm allergic to really sour things.

174. I eat cereal for breakfast OMG.

175. The clock on my bedside table is 6-7 minutes fast.

176. I slept in a tent at camp once, and in the morning a huge spider was in my bag. I scrambled out and couldn't enter the tent again for half an hour.

177. I like showers more than baths.

178. I know a little French.

179. My favourite accent is Spanish. :)

180. I like Winter more than Summer.

181. My favourite smiley is Tongue Smiley. :P

182. Improper grammar annoys me. :P

183. I can't help correcting people when they make writing mistakes. :)

184. I wrap my legs around things when i'm in bed.

185. I haven't had a wet dream. :O

186. My cats follow me when i go outside.

187. My cat Tiger is snuggled in the chair next to me while i type this.

188. I have 2 middle names.

189. I like Futurama more than The Simpsons.

190. My next story's working title is Hope Hurts.

Here are some pervy ones for you then. ;)

191. I've tasted it, and it's gross. :P

192. Trimmed.

193. Almost 6 inches. lol

194. Uncut.

195. Briefs.

196. Bottom.

197. About 3 times a day. ;)

198. I've done it in every room of my house. :D

Almost done!

199. I really love comments. They are mini-orgasms.

200. I still want a boyfriend more than anything.

Phew.

I'd better get loads of comments on this, bitches. lol

Random stuff about my life, again. :P

- I can say fairly confidently that the sources of yesterday's sore neck were my new pillows.

After i slept on my old ones last night, i felt much better this morning. I'll keep my new ones though, cos they look really gay in their pink and purple satin pillow-cases. ^_^

- On Wednesday i've got my contacts appointment at the optometrist. I'll be trying them out and i'm hoping that my eyes will be able to tolerate them... So if all goes well, from Wednesday, i won't have to wear my glasses anymore. :)

*praaaaaaays

- Unfortunately i can't personally thank the 8 people who sent me Amazon moneys recently cos i don't have all of your email addresses. However, it does mean a lot to me that you all care so much. So thanks so much! I'll put it to good use. Promise. <3

- I've become an obsessive smiley user on msn. Watch out. lol - Mum's sitting out here in the kitchen while i'm typing, looking through a magazine and reading out articles to me... like her horoscope... -_-

- I giggle like a little boy when i use Photoshop to alter pictures of my cats so they have massive eyes and such...

- Oh, and i also giggled my head off when one of the short Wallace & Gromit movies was on TV the other night. It was 'The Wrong Trousers'. Seriously, if you have seen Wallace & Gromit and do not absolutely looooove it, you do not have a soul. Gromit is my MSN pic for now. <3

I used to watch them all the time when i was a really young kid growing up. When i watched it again the other night i felt like i was young and carefree again. The memories...

I will always love them.

- Also on memories, all my life Christmas had been a happy time for me. I think it always seemed to be the general 'air' of Christmas that made me happy...

This year, i'm kind of... meh... This one's gonna suck.

We have no decorations or tree whatsoever, so now the 'air' just smells of strong incense. *sneezes

I'm going to be getting very few presents from anyone... I think Nan's getting me a razor. Oh... uhh woot...

And Mum will be paying me $400!!

That she borrowed from ME half a year ago... gah!!

If i'm lucky she said she might get me wireless internet though, so that's cool. :)

- Heheh... Well i'm still positive. Christmas may be 'meh' but i'm in a generally good mood. It's amazing what a break from school can do for me. I'm actually in a good mood! Can you believe it?!

I see things very differently now compared to when i had school every weekday... I'm just chilling out, and having fun. It's nice. :)



- That's about it for now, although i just posted a few more cat pics before this... It's easier than putting them with this because the writing around pictures always f**ks up for me. lol :)

So... yeah... lol

This was perhaps my latest post, ever. :P

I need sleep... =_=



lotsa love,

===>mirrorboy<===