MBoy's Back (and he brought someone with him). :P

Nooooo he's just a friend. :P

A few days ago i caught up with an old friend from Primary School (which is grades prep to 6 in Aus) who i hadn't seen in 4 years. He kinda... showed up at my house unnanounced. :P

Anyways he brought a friend of his and they both came in. We caught up, and connected well enough to the degree that i told them about the personal crap that had happened to me in the past few years. I ended up showing him my blog, and he informed me that today hes just finished reading all of it. :P So we've caught up pretty well i reckon. :)

Anyways, he just started his own blog, so go check it out. :)

Btw he's bi, so he fits in. :P

All About You.

*crap this took me 3 and a half hours!! lol*

People seem to be put off talking to me because they feel like i've got many other people to talk to.

Well you can never have too many friends. Hopefully this week of posts has shown you just how much having friends means to me.

This is probably gonna be long, but i wanna thank everyone that i've met through blogging who's made an impact on my life. If it weren't for the people i've met through blogging, i probably wouldn't be here.

This as also for all you who keep complaining that you don't get a mention. :P



Landyn - You're my favourite person in the whole world and when you hurt i hurt. I would do anything for you. I hope things get better for you because seeing you happy would make me so happy.

AJ - You're my best friend. We've been through so much together and i'm sure we will for many days to come.

Jake - lol. If it wasn't for you being in my life things would have taken a much different turn. You had a huge part in making me who i am today. lol

Bob - You're like a father to our blog community. You've got everyone's backs and i hope you know just how important you are and how much of a difference you make.

Lach - You gave me my first hug. ^_^ Hanging out with you was a lot of fun. You helped me feel more... normal. When i move to Melbourne i hope we'll see each other a lot more.

Deadwing - You're one of my best friends. I'm glad to have made a difference in your life, i just wish things could be easier for you too. I hope when you get down, you'll just remember how far you've come.

James - We've had our ups and downs, but you're still one of my firm friends and you've helped me a lot. I'll always be here for you and i know you will for me too.

Drew - There are some things i can only talk to certain people about, because i know they'll understand. I trusted you with some very personal thoughts and i know you've done the same. You're a good friend. :)

Joshie - You helped me during a rough time and i think that's when we grew a lot closer. I'll always be happy to repay the favour. Also, you dyed your hair pink and that makes anyone awesome in my book. :P

Wawwy - You's such cutenesh. ^_^ I loves talking to you. Is always interesting and funness. Fun is a good word to describe you. :P

Elliott - You were one of the first people to add me on msn and we've been friends since. On top of that, you were the first person i've met through the blog to talk to me on the phone, which is always fun. ^_^

Reilly - We have a huge amount in common. We've shared a lot of personal stuff with each other too. I'm really glad i met you.

Cutie Dan - Though if i said 'Cutie' you would immediately think it was you anyway, i bet. ;) You're a lot of fun to talk to and i love your hair. :P

Benji - You're adorable. You're so sweet and cute. J'adore Benji. :P Don't be so down on yourself. You're a great guy and things will get easier for you, i'm sure. I'll always be here to support you either way.

Matt - You're my good friend too. Memories? Playing uno against each other on msn. lol. But seriously you're cool and i like talking to you. :)

Steve - We don't talk much outside blogging but when you talk you always provide such a good and intellectual opinion. Whenever i make a thoughtful post i always look forward to your comments.

Aek - For an Asian you sure can be dumb sometimes. lol. You're a good person though, very helpful. Thanks for helping me with some of my medical problems too. Woo free advice. lol

Seth - One of my first linkers, and you gave me a big boost. You're very caring and to me blogworld would be a very different place without you in it.

Naturgesetz - I love that you're part of our community. I really value your opinion on the religious side of things. We've had some good discussions. :)

Mr. HCI - You're like a kid on the inside. lol. I know you'd always be willing to offer support to anyone you could. You're nice, and funny, and generally a great guy. :)

Steevo - You always say it how you see it. That's an important trait. Other than that, you helped me a lot during my rough times and i'll always be grateful.

AgentK - You're such an amazing kid. I hate it that you've been hurt so much. I hope you get some love you deserve.

Louie - It was great having someone to talk to about my writing, and i liked hearing about yours. We'll have to catch up soon. Next time i see you online i'll say hai. :)

Peter from PA - The compulsive video-poster. lol. We don't talk much but when we did it was always fun. We have some good memories. :P

Jeremy - We never seem to say much but we're still good friends. lol. You're good to talk to and always good for some lols. :)

Spastic Fantastic - You're also lotsa fun to talk to. Even though it seems we mostly talk about TV, game and movies. :P

Randy - I loved getting comments from you on my writing blog. I knew when you didn't like something you would tell me straight. That's what i really wanted and i grew as a writer because of you.

Kiwi/Chris - You're sweet and funny and you gave me the most helpful advice when i was writing. You also had a great blog which is missed. I doubt you'll even be reading this, but i hope you're doing okay.

David ex-Westasian - You had the best picture blog i knew. You had great tastes, and similar interests in many things other than boys. You were one of my most popular bloggers and i was so amazed that my blog was being read by someone 'famous'. You also gave me a birthday present which i'll never forget.

Victor - I'm glad you kept in touch because i always like hearing about how you're doing and your emails are always a pleasure to read. You're a smart, honest person and i'm glad we're friends.

David JB - I always love hearing your feedback on stuff i blog about. It's really nice that you take the time to email me so often and care about me. Thanks a lot.

Robert in the USA - We don't see each other that often but when we do i feel like we have a strong connection. You're a really sweet guy.

Zee - We've had some interesting discussions (arguments). :P You're so bloody stubborn and that's why i love you.

Torchy - You're another important part of our blog community and i'm glad you're around. On top of that you're really funny and your posts are almost always lolable.

Nick - I've seen that that people you've met through blogging has helped you to accept yourself more, and i'm so happy to have been a part of that. I wish you all the best. :)

John in the USA - You've been emailing me for so long now it seems like you've been with me from the start. We've had our disagreements but i'm glad i've gotten to know you.

John in Aus - The writer. Thanks for being my proofreader when i still had my writing blog. I dunno what i would have done without you. I also remember all those horrible, horrible jokes. *shakes head*

Tyler GBIH - You're really cool and funny. You've also got an amazing ass. ;D But seriously, we recently found out we've got a lot in common so no doubt we'll be talking a lot more.

Tyler DIML - And you've got an amazing face! lol. Talking to you is always entertaining. You're a really smart guy too.

Mike - Talking to you is always good times. We've got heaps in common, like 2 jigsaw pieces. :)

Jayson - You kept an eye out for the bloggers and were always supportful.

Col - One of my biggest memories of blogging was when you interviewed me. It was a great idea of yours to do those interviews. You were also super-nice and really caring and i'm sorry that you disappeared.

Doomed BC - He who types in huge paragraphs. lol. You're a really nice, caring guy.

Aahsazyl - You're just plain strange. lol. And you're so lovable because of it. :P

Baz - You gave me some good writing advice and you always tell it how it is.

Lance - We've had some ups and some major downs. But i do care about you and i hope you're doing okay.

Hayden - When we first met i thought you were a bit strange, but you're really a nice guy. :P

Justin - You were the only one who knew how to get that game of mine to work. You can call in that favour any time. ;)

Olivia - You're still the only girl on my msn. lmao. You're wicked-cool and i still remember the poem you wrote for me during my rough time. It was really sweet. :)

Tristan - You were really helpful during my first days as a blogger and your words of advice were really important to me.

Tom ex-Daily Jizzt - Tommy Toppy or Tommy Bottomy. Works either way. xD. You had a great sense of humour and you were also really nice and caring. I miss you.

Chris from Aus - You're a really smart guy and i like talking to you. We share a lot of opinions on things too.

Paulie - You're funny, you're sweet and you're hot. ;)

Peter PH - You're a really nice guy. I remember that you'd always send me those funny story things, and that was always fun. And we've got very similar tastes in boys. :)

And Grant - Thanks for all the awesome smileys. lol



I really do hope i didn't miss anyone. lol

Turning Points. *important!*

I think there were 3 events in my life which changed me forever.

The first was when my Year 9 English teacher came and found me while i was in a class, and pulled me aside to talk to me. Funnily enough, i blogged about that experience. In fact it was the fourth post i ever made. It's sad that some of my most important posts get lost in the past.

I will never, ever, ever forget the kindness that Mrs OC showed me. Not only did she put me onto writing, when i was outed at school she was my support.



Being outed at school. That was the second life-changing event. Really, it changed me forever. It changed me beyond words. It's so painful i don't even want to think about it.

However if you care to know about me, you can go back to October and November and read the posts, because i blogged about what happened, although i didn't blog about a lot of the pain it caused me.

I'm still dealing with many of the issues that came from that time. I also lost most of my 'friends', lying backstabbing cunts, now only having 2 that i can trust, and it was the reason why i changed schools.

It caused my adjustment disorder. And my body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder fired up. I couldn't sleep at night because i was terrified of waking up to face another day. In the morning i would lie in bed still and silent. When i looked in the mirror i was full of self-loathing. I couldn't do my schoolwork because i couldn't focus. Every single day was one of terror and pain. There was no life in my life anymore.

I can honestly say, the fact that i made it through alive is beyond me. I was on the brink of suicide. The was no hope of recovery in sight. I was failing my work and life itself was crushing me.

But i did make it through. You know why?



Number three: Starting a blog.

Feeling like i belonged, feeling like i wasn't such a freak, having a place where i could talk about what i was going through, making friends who supported me and listened, and knowing that there were people out there who would care if i killed myself.

Bye Jakey.

Jake of Jake's Home and formerly of the My Life On A Wall blog has left blogworld.

We've had some good times and some bad times together. We were good friends for a long time, and online boyfriends for a while and they were good times. Unfortunately when he broke up with me that resulted in bad times too. lol. But we came out of it okay.

Whatever happened between us, he was the first blogger to link me, and my first commenter, and one of my first friends online. If it wasn't for his support, i probably wouldn't even be here blogging today.

In leaving he had this message for me,

"I didn't want to do a lame attention-seeking countdown like Peter did that time."

Good luck Jakey.

<3

The Good Old Days.

I'm back. lol. Sleepover was quite boring. :P



Thinking back when i first found and became a part of this online community, it seemed like everyone i knew was happy. There were no huge issues in friends' lives and nobody was doing it tough to the point where they were struggling. Everyone was really nice and making friends around here was easy. Online, i would catch up with some great people regularly, and blogging was fun and easy, and everything was good. Being a part of this all was amazing.

But what's it like now?

Some people i used to talk to every day, i now haven't seen a sign of for weeks or months. Some bloggers that used to update all the time, have disappeared completely and nobody has heard a word from them. People have grown distant to the point where there's no contact at all.

Many of the people that i know are really having a shit time and just holding it together is hard. And for the bloggers that rarely update, it's easy to worry about them. I've met my fair share of creeps and weirdos since coming online. And i've gotten some pretty disturbing emails too.

And worst of all, it seems like some relationships with people i really love are falling apart. Things change, and suddenly your heart is aching because you said something wrong or hurt someone unintentionally, and things may never go back to the way they used to be, when that's all you want.

It's strange, how when i entered the community everything was so great, but as i watched and waited, things have just seemed to have gone downhill, and i can't help but wonder if we will EVER get to the point where everyone is okay, and happy, or if it will be one problem after another forever...



(wishing he could mend some friendships) :(

MB

love.

100,000 views. ^_^

Yayyyy. We've come a long way from my awkward blog beginnings. lol

Speaking of awkward, i wanna thank a few people for helping me be who i am.

Without you, not only would i not be here blogging, but i'd be a miserable, lonely and self-loathing boy like i used to be last year.



Lach. You were my first ever gay friend. That was a huge thing for me. Thank you so much for your kindness.

Jake. You were my first link, my first commenter, and my first boyfriend of any sort, even if it is only online. I loves you so much.

Landyn. Knowing that people as amazing as you exist in the world gives me hope for a better future. I miss you so much.

AJ and Matt, for just being my friends. I'm so happy i know you both. You inspire everyone else, even though you may not know it.

My cats, for letting me post pictures of them when i having nothing interesting to say, and especially Tig, for being the face of mboy.

All my linkers. Thanks for letting me leech off your popularity. :P

All my online friends. You mean the world to me. I mean that. Just letting me be a part of your life makes me happy.

And all my readers. It doesn't matter if you don't email me or comment or talk to me every day, just knowing that you're there makes me keep writing this.

And a select few people i know in real life who accept me for who i am. I'm glad i have that, and that not everyone hates me.



What this blog has done for me:

It's given me a positive attitude. I used to be a pessimist. I saw the bad side of everything, including myself. Since i started writing this blog, that has changed.

It's given me inner strength. I can step outside my door and know who i am on the inside, and not be willing to let anyone change that.

It's widened my view of the world. There are great people and places out there, and so many great things to do. I realised that the rest of the world is not like my little city, and thank God for that!

It's gifted to me people who can support me when i need help.

I've met so many amazing people who i love.

And it's all been a hell of a lot of fun. :)



I realised we have to be thankful for what we have. For fuck sake, we need to stop worrying about what we don't have. We're always going to be missing something. Life's not perfect for anyone! Just be grateful! Everyone has to have something in their life they're lucky to have, whether it's a single close friend, or an accepting family, or enough money to live by, or health, or a hot ass, or a great skill, or even a couple of loving pets.

I'm thankful i have this blog. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.



Thank you everyone.

Stay... fucking... positive...

Christmas Eve.

Okay. I'm in a bad/sad/angry (!) mood because of lots of little things that together, are not making me feel that happy.

1. I had my contacts appointment at the optometrist today...

But nope, because my eyes have deteriorated so much since my last appointment over a year ago, we need to get a different lens thingy for them. So now i have to wait until Jan 6 when my next appointment is to see if they'll be okay...

Okay... i can deal with that. Glasses for Christmas, again... Fine. I'm disappointed, but i'll survive.

2. Power went out for a second before, and i had to start the internet up again.

3. I KNOW tomorrow is going to be lame.

It always is.

I have spend the WHOLE day with my family. *shudder

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family huh...

Okay... well, it's only once a year. We'll get through it...

4. I haven't seen my best online friend in ages. -_-

It's not really his fault cos i know he's been busy, but i just miss him so much. He means so much to me, more than anyone else in the world. I don't care if that's wrong. I just plain love him. And i miss him... so... so much...

5. Mum gave me the wireless router for Christmas...

I think it's the sort of model that won't fit in with what we've already got though.

Plug A into B. B is on C? No it's not! C doesn't have a B!! I must have the wrong sort of C...

If you know what i mean. If you don't, you get the idea anyway.

Everything we get fails...

I said to Mum "Kind of a bad year, huh..."

"Nah... Kind of a bad life."

Joy in my house...

We may have to get a different router.

6. Mum has a dental problem and has been in pain. And fucking hell, have i been hearing about it... Whenever she's in a bad mood, she always, always, always drags me down with her.

7. Doesn't sound like i'll be getting MY money which Mum BORROWED from ME over 6 months ago anytime soon.

8. It has been so fucking hot recently.

That's an Aussie Christmas for ya. Hot, dry, and full of flies, and also usually includes a bunch of hairy middle-aged blokes standing around a barbecue, having a beer. Woot...

9. I was trying to help out a person on msn earlier today, but every time i tried to make them feel better, even when i shared something that was very personal to me to try to relate to them, they would say something that pissed me off. For some reason it felt like he tried to make me feel bad for things i said.

Okay... Not worth my time. I shouldn't have even bothered.



BAH.



Well, i just had a look at some pics i photoshopped, and laughed my ass off. I'll post some of them before i post this.

I feel a little better already.

Anyways, it's always good to vent.

Don't whinge to me about me being a whiny little bitch. Don't forget it's my blog and i can say whatever i want.

And i haven't forgotten the good things in my life either, so there's still hope for me.

Merry Christmas. I can't wait til it's over. <3

Try and have fun everyone.

===>mirrorboy<===

Oh, and by the way, this was my 99th post. Tomorrow will be #100. Dunno what i'll do for it...

A lot to deal with. Deal with, i must. I am not dead, for now. Tomorrow? We will see.

I needed a break.

To arrange my mind.

A decision to make.

I needed some time.


But now i am back.

And i missed my friends.

Messages, emails, comments in stacks.

Many replies i must send.


A wave of love.

And a flood of support.

Like angels from above.

Of many assort.


With a circle of friends as amazing as this.

What do i care if school isn't bliss?


F**k the small-minded, it's their loss.

I've decided i really don't give a toss.


And those who accept me, like Matthew my bestie,

Will stick with me closely, and for that i am lucky.


Still, if things do wrong, and i cannot belong,

I will think of my real friends, and i will be strong.



Hmm... I dunno how i came up with that. It must be that creative talent i'm always boasting about. :P

As i said, i took a break.

I went to Matthew's house and we just hung out. At night we had a good talk, about me, obviously.

It was really nice. I didn't give him enough credit. Although he was shocked when i first told him about me (even though i had no choice) he said it sank in, and he's okay with it.

We talked about how i knew, and about my Mum finding out, and who i was attracted to. I also said i had zero interest in him sexually or romantically. I think he was a little disappointed. :P


Anyways, then i got back, and i had a bunch of comments and emails from my readers, plus a bunch of MSN friends who i've still got to catch up with. I know that a lot of people are worried about me, and as i can't talk to everyone, because i just don't have enough time, i'll tell you how i am, through my blog.

I've decided, that i will be okay.

Does that sound funny?

Quite simply, i've decided, that whatever happens - whether my sexuality is kept a secret between me and my friends, or everyone finds out, i will be okay.

Whatever happens, happens. I will deal with it.


I have a sort of... motto for dealing with things.

If things seem like they're awful, i just imagine where i'll be in a few weeks time.

THINGS SORT THEMSELVES OUT.

I'm not going to worry so much that i'll end up ripping my hair out and crying myself to sleep. My sexuality is not a big issue, and that is the 'plan' i will go to school tomorrow with. It's not a big deal. I will tell my friends, that they've been friends with me for years, and i've been gay that whole time. The only difference between then and now, is that now they know. I am still the same person.

If that's not good enough for them, they can get f**ked. And i will tell them that they are childish, small-minded pricks who i don't want anything to do with.

And i'll make some other friends, who know the real me - friends who i don't have to pretend around.

That is that.

I will be okay.

It's not a big deal.


Now, onto something else. I've reached the 10,000 views mark. :)

That's amazingly hard for me to comprehend. I never thought that so many people out there (around the world) would be interested in what a 15yo kid from a small town in Australia had to say.

But it makes me very happy, and the friendships that i've made through this blog have been incredible. And they came at a good time.

Without YOUR support i would be completely terrified. I would also be alone - alone, and lonely.

Without you guys, i would be in a very dark place right now.

But i am accepted, and that will help me when i am scared or sad.

I have hundreds of friends who understand and care.

The next time i'm in my dark place, i know i have a lot of beautiful, caring, loving, amazing friends to turn to. For that, i am eternally grateful.


Look out for my post tomorrow. I'll let you know how the hugest day in my life so far goes.

love,

===>mirrorboy<===

Happy happy happy happy. :D

Whoa! A few days ago i was celebrating my first 100 views. Now it's shot up to 565 O_O


Never in my wildest dreams did i think it would grow that fast. Thanks to all my beautiful, intelligent and, no doubt, sexy readers. :D

I just thought i'd take the time to thank a few people... (i hope this doesn't sound like an awkward award acceptance speech.)

Jake from My Life On A Wall was the first to link to me. I don't know where i'd be if a hadn't found a blogger like him who was willing to help me out. He's actually pretty modest so i'll just say he has a wicked sense of humour and his blog's great so you should check it out. :D

Secondly to my friend Lach. His comments and feedback have been really helpful, and i know that he took the time to read some of my more 'boring' posts and leave comments just to make me feel better. Thanks to you buddy. :D


Also a big thanks to Josh and milkboys. They must have so many emails but he still replied to mine and added my blog to the links.

Also to Seth from Sethboyardee. I asked him to link and he kindly said he would as soon as he got time... :) lol i'm still waiting but i'm sure he will soon. :D

And also a big thank you to Tristan (i think that's his screen name so i'll use that) from The Genesis Children. I'm quite surprised that someone linked to me without me asking them, but of course it's a wonderful surprise. :D If you're looking for something interesting and different be sure to check him out as well.

Life is good. Here are some of my favourite mirrorboys to celebrate.














I was a lonely gay kid with friends who didn't know me and a desperate longing inside of him. I could not be myself around anyone i knew. Starting a blog is quite simply, the best thing i've ever done and it's not because i get to share my life with you, it's because we get to share our lives with each other.

If any of you want to make a friend, get in touch with me like the people above did. I look forward to getting to know you.

- A happy boy - mirrorboy

Even more happy days :D

My first link :D Thanks to jake annonymous for linking to me from My Life on a Wall - www.boysbestofficial.blogspot.com - check it out! Now!

He's a really nice guy too and he added me on msn, and that means i've now made two friends from my blogging adventures. I am now no longer a lonely boy and it's all thanks to the kindness of strangers, i guess. Keep 'em coming people!

HAPPY POST.

I feel a strong need to post now, seeing what i wrote yesterday. You see, today is a happy day for me. I only started this blog just over a week ago and good has already come of it. I've had a few nice comments and a really really nice person added me on MSN. And guess what? He lives only 3 or 4 hours away from me! What are the odds of that??? Anyway, i just thought i'd mention you, Lach. Hehe. Thanks.

So life isn't all that bad. And it turns out that some people are actually reading this, which came as a surprise to me, and you seem to take pity on me haha. :D

To be honest, i thought you were only really interested in the blogs with cute boys and big dicks, but i underestimated you all, it seems. It's really nice to be wrong when you're a pessimist. Haha, that's a good saying. :D


Anyway, i want to take this opportunity to ask the people reading if they have any ideas for my next story. It's called Hope Hurts and takes place in a fictional world where two religions reign supreme - light and dark. People use weapons like swords and stuff, but people also serve their gods by doing things according to their religion and are rewarded with magic and powers for pleasing them. Therefore the two powers try to recruit more people to their side.

The story revolves around a boy called Skylar. People can see GREAT potential in him, and so an important light person gathers a group of fighters and prepares to take Skylar to the faraway temple of light, to set in stone his light side and make him a great light hero.

And so i'm asking for any ideas. Who are these fighters? Who do they meet on the way? Which places do they visit? I especially need some cool sounding names. So please, leave a comment, even if it's just a couple of names. And no idea is stupid, trust me. You need a lot of 'crazy' ideas to make a story work.

Of course, i won't get my hopes up. I am, at heart, a pessimist.


I'll post something with a decent topic next time, probably tonight. I wouldn't want to lose my readers by boring them to death with tales of stuff like that haha.

And of course, i want to thank you all for reading, every one of you. :D