Memorable Moments #2

March. It was early in the month, when i celebrated 150,000 views, that i started up my other 2 blogs, Secret Project (co-owned with Jake) which was basically boy pics, and Mirrorboy's Words, on which i posted excerpts from my story

2 days later, i started seeing my psychologists (thank God they came into my life). I had a bit of support in my life now, but school was still really hard.

At the end of March, i posted the interview that Col had done with me, and it provides a bit of insight into my life.

April. The 8th, and i was getting ready for my trip to Melbourne, the state's capital city. Not only was it my first holiday, but it showed me that there was a life outside of my crappy, small-minded town. I could at least look forward to the day when i finally leave.

And i had photos. :P

During April was the time i stopped attending school. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it had all become too much. My Mum knew she couldn't keep sending me, so i just stopped going. I didn't make a post about it though, because frankly, it was private.

May. Not much happened in May. I continued not going to school, and instead focusing on trying to get better by working with my psychologists. I also kept going to my gay youth group.

The 22nd was my birthday. I got some really nice bday wishes from my online friends. :) Other than that it was a pretty crappy day. lol

2 days later, i explained everything about school, and life, and i told you about my disorders. I also said that tomorrow i would be starting at a new school (which is my current one). My first day wasn't bad, although i was expectedly nervous.

With a lot on my mind, i took a break from blogging and didn't return until mid-June.

June. I included a post about the kinds of things we get up to at my youth group.

By the 19th, things were starting to get back on track for me, thankfully.

June also had a Q&A post about me, and if you're interested, i showed you pics of where i blog from.

July. My school hours increased. I was also going through a lot of ups and downs. Life was pretty unstable as i juggled blogging with school and my disorders. I used my blog to vent when i needed to.

I also posted some pics of the beach in my city.

At least things were on the up, now.

August. I was busy, and that was good. Inadvertently, i was also being more positive. Things were starting to improve.

And now September. There's not much point in looking back on this month. :P

But i will say, the past few weeks have been the best in a long time. Every single day, things get better for me. Living gets easier.

The time between now and a year ago almost killed me, literally. But i've survived. I've got the scars in my mind and bruises on my soul, but i made it, thanks in no small part to all of you who supported me.

Memorable Moments #1

September 2008 - February 2009.

Here are what i consider to be some of my most important or memorable posts for the first 6 months of blogging. :)

September. This post pretty much sums up why i started blogging. I was angry and frustrated, and that meant lots of CAPS. lol. I was a gay boy living in a homophobic world and i hated it.

October. After i got a few lucky links, my daily views were doubling. Quite quickly my mind was put on something else though. I was outed. First there was confusion, then calm, and then happiness. That happiness lasted for a while. But unfortunately, things got worse, much much worse. Only a week later i was struggling and contemplating suicide.

November. At home i tried to forget about school, and i blogged about other things as much as i could. November was witness to my teddy bear post (deceptively innocent). Since i posted that it has never left me, still haunting me to this day. :P

Unfortunately although i tried to put my mind off the shit that was happening to me, that didn't stop it from existing. 2 weeks into November, the storm hit me, and i was scared.

This is painful to remember. I can even see my social anxiety disorder growing as i read what i wrote. At least i had Mrs OC. I could always talk to her. I don't know what i would have done without her.

November was when i started to drift. It was when i switched to auto-pilot. All i could do was try to block the immense pain inside of me, and use every spare minute i could to relax.

December. As if the shit at school wasn't enough, one of the people at my school, someone who i dared to call my friend, started abusing me on my own blog. Currently i couldn't care less about what people say to me on here, but back then i was fragile, and it hurt a lot.

My life was a total mess.

Meanwhile in blogworld, i helped AJ. If you weren't around for what happened, then it's hard to explain, but it was definitely memorable to me.

At least i got a few weeks break from school and i could relax a bit. The day before New Year's Eve, i made a post about my history before blogging, and about that whole year. That post also includes my first coming out story, to my Mum.

January. I started my e-relationship with Jake Anon, and i posted about a lot of easier stuff to swallow. 3 weeks in though, and the dread of returning to school was upon me.

February. My first day back was crap, and it got worse from then on. Luckily, i also started attending my gay youth group.

That may seem like a lot to swallow in one post, but i'll be using this (and some of this week's other posts) as a future reference for people new to my blog to get to know me.

March to present continues tomorrow. The day after that, is the big day.



Looking back on what happened to me really shows me just how far i've come. Life is drastically better, and i'm so thankful for all the support. During all that time i was posting about suffering, there were people on my blog leaving comments and sending emails, and talking to me on msn, with support and love. Thank you so much.

Turning Points. *important!*

I think there were 3 events in my life which changed me forever.

The first was when my Year 9 English teacher came and found me while i was in a class, and pulled me aside to talk to me. Funnily enough, i blogged about that experience. In fact it was the fourth post i ever made. It's sad that some of my most important posts get lost in the past.

I will never, ever, ever forget the kindness that Mrs OC showed me. Not only did she put me onto writing, when i was outed at school she was my support.



Being outed at school. That was the second life-changing event. Really, it changed me forever. It changed me beyond words. It's so painful i don't even want to think about it.

However if you care to know about me, you can go back to October and November and read the posts, because i blogged about what happened, although i didn't blog about a lot of the pain it caused me.

I'm still dealing with many of the issues that came from that time. I also lost most of my 'friends', lying backstabbing cunts, now only having 2 that i can trust, and it was the reason why i changed schools.

It caused my adjustment disorder. And my body dysmorphic disorder and social anxiety disorder fired up. I couldn't sleep at night because i was terrified of waking up to face another day. In the morning i would lie in bed still and silent. When i looked in the mirror i was full of self-loathing. I couldn't do my schoolwork because i couldn't focus. Every single day was one of terror and pain. There was no life in my life anymore.

I can honestly say, the fact that i made it through alive is beyond me. I was on the brink of suicide. The was no hope of recovery in sight. I was failing my work and life itself was crushing me.

But i did make it through. You know why?



Number three: Starting a blog.

Feeling like i belonged, feeling like i wasn't such a freak, having a place where i could talk about what i was going through, making friends who supported me and listened, and knowing that there were people out there who would care if i killed myself.

The Ball Started Rolling.

My first ever comment was from Jake Annonymous. He found me after i left a comment on his blog, which back then was called Boys Best Official. I think he made a post about not getting many comments, and i left a comment saying i got none. lol

I think we exchanged a few emails soon after that. Then we linked our blogs, and we followed what happened on the other's blog and commented sometimes.

That was really where it all started. Jake already had an audience, so with my blog link in his sidebar, i started getting a slow trickle of readers, and a few commenters.

I also made a couple friends on msn (the first was Lach) after they found me from Jake's blog. To me that was amazing. I finally could talk to people and be myself.

All of that was a big boost, in the way that it also gave me confidence that my blog could go somewhere. So i started emailing other bloggers hoping for links. Most of them simply didn't reply, but a few did. I got a few more linkers, and so more readers and commenters. I didn't feel like the effort i was putting into posts was wasted anymore.



Something that always really intrigues me is how one small action can have huge effects later on. If i hadn't found Jake's blog, and been linked and supported, many of you probably wouldn't be reading today. Lach, who was the first person to add me on msn, found me through Jake's blog. When i went to Melbourne back in April this year, Lach was the friend i met and hung out with.

There's more tomorrow. :)

On The 17th Of September...

Mirrorboy and Mirrorboy's Blog turn 1!!

On the 17 of September, 2008, i nervously made my first post. I really didn't have any idea how blogs worked. I didn't know how to link blogs or change colours or anything. I didn't think i'd ever 'make it' in the blog world. It seemed so distant, and frankly unimaginable. It seemed like there were blogs out there full of people who knew what they were doing, while i was clueless.

So i made that first post, right before my Mum came home from work. Then it was my dirty little secret.

This was my first post.

///
So... This is it huh? Who knows what adventures lay ahead for me and my blog in the days ahead... Hopefully i can make you laugh. Hopefully i can make you think. Hopefully you don't get bored with me O_O
This blog is going to be about me and what i think, so i'll give you the quick rundown about me.
I'm 15 years old. I live in Australia. I'm gay and mostly not 'out'. I'm an only child with a single parent. I want so badly to be a creative writer and am working on some books now.
Like me so far? If not, leave. :) (I was worried people would abuse me)
If you come back once i've started proper publishing you'll get to know a lot more about me. I hope you do, cos it will make a lonely boy very happy. :D
Thanks.
///



It makes me quite angry that people seem to think that Mirrorboy, I, had it easy in blogworld.

In the whole month of september... i made 17 nervous posts.

I didn't get a single comment until the 27th of September.

In the whole month i got 6 comments, from about 3 people.

It's funny when i see new bloggers, who might get about a dozen comments a post, complaining about not getting as many comments as me. Yet when i started i got barely any, not even a single one for 10 days.

When i started, this gay/bi blog community of ours simply did not exist. There were no bloggers to ask for help. There were no people to link with and be plugged by and supported. There were no examples to follow. I was on my own. I really did have to build me and my blog up from scratch.



I thought to get people to read i had to make short posts, talk about amusing things and mix it up with funny videos and pictures of cute boys. Every post was a conscious effort to try to draw people in.

I was still finding my feet. I wasn't sure where i was headed, but i was still travelling.

Strangely, although hardly anyone read or cared, i never thought of giving up. And i'm glad i didn't.



Starting a blog was basically a cry for help. I was a lonely gay kid. I had no gay friends in the slightest. I was existing in a world that didn't even want me. I had no one to talk to about what i was going through, and i was as alone as possible.

The reason i started was to reach out. I wanted to meet some gay people who i could talk to. I wanted to feel like i belonged.

My blog is a success.



For the rest of this week, leading up to Mirrorboy's Birthday, i've decided i'm going to celebrate on my blog. At first i felt like dedicating a whole week of posts on my blog to my own blog was a bit over-the-top. But you know what, considering this blog has had an enormous effect on me and everything about me, i think it's justified.

Stay tuned for tomorrow and i'll continue my story. :)

200,000 views! :D

Lol that's right! 200,000 views! :D

I haven't actually got anything prepared lol. So here are some interesting blog facts. :)

Top 5 countries that i get the most views from:

1. US

2. Germany

3. UK

4. France

5. Australia

Top 5 countries from which viewers spend the most time on my blog:

1. Fiji

2. Guadelope

3. Mauritius
4. El Salvador
5. Egypt

Average time spent on my blog each visit - Imin 25secs

Average number of views per day - 1,124

Top 5 search engine keywords to get here:
1. mirrorboy blog
2. mirrorboy
3. mirrorboy's blog
4. mirrorboys blog
5. mirrorboys

5 most popular labels on my blog.
1. videos
2. young
3. wanking
4. sex
5. about me
creepy much lol
weird - 'sleep' was number 8. :)

Top 5 linking sites that i get the most visitors from:

1. boysforthewin.blogspot.com

2. blog.milkboys.org

3. veritas-thequest.blogspot.com

4. blogger.com (meaning followers)

5. boysbestofficial.blogspot.com

Most looked at post:

I don't do teddies :P

Hope you enjoy me. :D

love.