ZOMG MORNING POST!!!

Well this has to be the first morning post i've done in ages. Rejoice! :D

Well i've got not much else to do. I'll be writing, playing games (Super Smash Bros for the win) and watching TV to relax.

Although i'm a teensy bit stuck in my story. It's my own fault of course. The parts where i get stuck are always problems of my own creation. Right now i've got dozens of soldiers inside an outpost, and i need to get them outside somehow. There's a wooden wall keeping them in, and the enemy have the entrance. I have to figure out an escape plan and write that, and at the same time write the battle sequence between them and their enemies as they hold them off. -_-

Luckily this chapter is almost over though and i can soon switch to different peoples. :)



Anyways, I'm a few thousand off 150,000 views. It would feel a bit weird celebrating it as most of my viewers are pedos and leave once they realise they can't get off over me (at least i hope not o.O), but i do like celebrations. :D

So any ideas? I can't do the random facts thingy cos i save that for the number of posts. 200 random me facts for 200th post coming up maybe?

For 100,000 views i did a post where i thanked everyone who helped me, so we've all heard that before. Can't do that again. :/

I dunno. Any ideas?



Music. www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/53576 Guitar vs. piano. :)




love.

Mirrorboy's creepy blog facts. :D

You know how at the end of a post i put a bunch of labels or tags. Like, a post about writing, i will label 'writing'.

Well here are my most searched labels. Creepy much? Yes.

1. Videos.

2. Young.

3. Wanking.

4. Cute boy pics.

5. Sex.

And my most viewed post is 'I don't do teddies. :P'

O.O

Moving on...

From what i've heard, most people hate that new Followers thing as much as i do. (I checked out a Blogger forum today.)

I hope those Blogger peoples revert it back to the old type, cos i'm just gonna delete it if they don't. It's so fricken hideous! I hate it so much! So much!! Aaaaaaaaarrghhh!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARHH!!!!!!!!! *head explodes*

Speaking of it though, i put up a poll. :)

Today's music. www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/76662

It's funny how depending on the times we listened to particular music tracks, we will associate that music with that time and/or activity. I used to play tracks like this while i played Unreal Tournament (04 i think?) against my friends. Good times...

love.

Waitin for the cat to come home.

So i'm gonna post while i sit out here in the kitchen, waiting for my cat Jemima to show up so i can let her inside. :/



I feel like i'm fully past my writer's block. I was tapping away today, and i only got up about 750 words, but it's a lot more progress in a day than i've had in a long time. And i was truly smiling on the inside while i wrote. Writing really is my passion. It makes my heart beat. It gives me a purpose. It gives me goals and something to strive for, and it makes me happy.

And when you sit back and look at something you just created, and it looks good, well, that is a great feeling.

My story is up past 183,000 words now. :)

(Cat just got home. W00t.)

A big part of my struggle is probably the part i'm up to in my story. It takes a lot of specifics because i'm up to a full-on war now, and i have to look after characters who are at different places doing different things. Sometimes i'm minus my main characters and they're the ones who i have developed the most, so it's harder to write for secondary characters, but that's what i was doing today and i made some good progress. And i'm building up to a climax in this war, which will no doubt be a lot of fun to write, if not a bit stressful too. ;)

But it's moments like when a fighter is against a fully armoured strong foe and is losing the fight, who then grabs a plank of wood and starts bashing the crap out of him and turns the tables, that really make me smile and make all the stress worth it.

The cool battle scenes are one thing, but my favourite parts are the characters. I sometimes can't bring myself to kill someone because i'm so attached to them. -_-

Okay okay, i'll stop now. I could keep going and going and going about writing, but i won't. I'll save that for another day.



Does anyone else despise that new-look Followers thing? I think it's called Friend Connect now or something. It's plain ugly and takes heaps longer to load. Why the hell couldn't they give you a choice about whether you wanted to change or not?

'Blogs that are using the Following feature have automatically been migrated to Friend Connect, so you don't need to do a thing.'

Gee. Thanks.



Also, Landyn posted recently, so go have a look!

Here's today's music link. www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/153668 It's an unusual song, but it's still cool.

And here's a pic of Jemima who just got home. :)

On shelves.

First, thanks for all the supportful comments and emails. It really does mean the world to me.

My new idea for a blog colour combination was... not that popular. Only a few votes for yes on it, so i didn't even bother to let the poll finish. lol

An another note althogether, we watched Pulp Fiction in Creative Writing at school today. Violence and blood, swearing, and unexpected anal rape. O_O



About a week ago, i borrowed a book i'd heard about, from the library... *ruffles through bag*

Hot Hits The Remix by an Aussie author (Bernie Monagle) who visited our school once. It's about a few closeted gay kids who at the start are in year 10 and it goes over a couple of years.

(A couple of months ago, i would have been too afraid or embarassed to even be seen looking at it. I guess there are a few small benefits to being 'out'. At least i don't have to pretend anymore.)

Anyways... This book has got me thinking...

Imagine my blog, on a much larger scale. I write about my life and my experiences on here all the time. Maybe one day, i could put these thoughts into a book.

If this blog is helping a few people online, imagine what i could do if 'my story' was out there on shelves - out there amongst everyone, for anyone who was looking to find and read.

It wouldn't be written the same way as my blog, of course. It would be semi autobiographical, mainly about my coming out, and how i've tried to deal with it and my experiences to do with sexuality.

Of course, i can't actually write it yet. I'm still going through my journey... but perhaps one day...



Don't forget, i AM a writer. I pour most of my life into writing. It might not be that much of a stretch. :)



Here are today's music links. I was only gonna post one, but it was a sad one, so i figured i'd post another one as well. :)

www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/164684 Don't listen if you're in a fragile state. It ain't gonna help. Especially the start. Then it moves to what i feel is like desperation and crying out. But that's my interpretation.

www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/69504 Gets a lot faster and upbeat further on. :)

Don't forget to comment about the songs, plz? *puppy dog eyes*

Why I write this blog. (important post)

Thanks to Torchy for explaining the background colour thing to me. I'll just leave the background how it is, rather than switch my whole layout just to change the colour.

BUT... i can change everything else on my blog's colour. I was messing around before and came up with this example. (click it to see it better)



I'll put up a poll soon for you to vote on whether you like that combo or prefer my current one.



So i was thinking today about why i write my blog, and the reason is that it is my support. For those of you who don't know, this blog was my first contact with the gay world. It was me reaching out in a desperate attempt to find someone who was similar to me.

I was incredibly alone in my struggle, and any sort of discussion or information about sexuality was so unordinary for me. I remember soaking up every little scrap of information about sexuality like a sponge. I'd tape anything on TV with a gay theme, and then i'd sit there, watching it in my room, alone. If i wasn't alone, i'd have the volume turned down low and the remote control nearby, ready to switch it off quick in case someone came in. The mention of anything gay made me blush.

Then i got the internet, and it blew my mind. In a few short months, i quickly began to understand myself more. I would read stories from other gays on websites, like coming-out stories, and just feel so fuzzy and weird. I felt like i was being naughty or something, reading about stuff like that. But it felt good. I now know it was the start of a whole new life for me.

I was learning, but still felt so empty. I knew of this world, but was still not a part of it. And i had no idea how to join. The thought of sending an email to someone was scary. I didn't want to appear as an outsider or a desperate weirdo. So i just observed, and learnt.

Then as i browsed the internet, i discovered these things called blogs. And i realised that there must be some gay ones out there. After some searching, i found some, and i loved them. I gobbled everything up. It was so new to me - all these new things to read and watch and listen to. Mind-blowing.

Then one day, i worked up the guts to leave a comment on a blog. It was just a little one, but the author responded, and made my week. This was a real gay person, who i had made contact with, even only in such a tiny way.

Blogs. Blogs. I couldn't stop thinking about blogs. One day it hit me. This could be a way to make contact, and maybe even one day talk to someone online, who was... gay. Sure, it was such a huge step, when all i wanted to do was make contact, but one night, in the space of 20 minutes before my Mum got home from work, i took a stab, even though i had no idea what i was doing, and the fear of failure or looking like an idiot lurked strong in my mind.

I picked the name mirrorboy, the website, the layout, the address, everything, just like that. And put it up, whipped up a quick little first post, and posted it. I was worried, but tried to appear confident in it.

(Please don't go back and read my first post. It's so cringeworthy. lol)

Then i headed back to my room as my Mum got home, with all the thoughts of the possibilities running through my head for the rest of the night.



That's how it started. Never, ever, ever, in a million years did i think i would end up in a position like this.

I got everything i wanted out of this blog, and more. The main thing, was to make gay friends. And that, i certainly have.

That's why i will defend myself so fucking strongly when people attack me for being full-of-myself. I will never forget how lucky, and privileged i am to be here.



There's one more point i want to make.

I started writing this blog for ME, but that's not the only reason i continue to write it.

What if, in some other corner of the world, there's a young gay boy or girl, living in small city, alone, and secluded from a community they need (and deserve) to be a part of.

I write this blog, to reach out. To let people know that they're not alone. To share my story of where i went from a kid too scared to even write a comment on a blog and taped episodes of Queer As Folk and had to watch in secret, alone, at night, to one who now gets involved in gay issues and makes a difference, and shares his opinion and people listen, and has met so many people and heard so many stories.



And it all happened in less than 6 months.

It blows my mind.

I came here needing help, and people took my hand, listened, and helped me. Now i'm in an amazing position where i can help others too. And i want to. And i do.

My blog has witnessed the births of other blogs, written by people reaching out like i did, perhaps not as scared as me though. ;)

But i'm one of those people now, who can reach out and offer a helping hand, advice, and an ear that's willing to listen. Not just to bloggers, but to anyone who wants it.

And i'm so goddamn fucking thankful to be here.

Changes.

I finally added a Followers tab or whatever it is to my sidebar. That means you can now keep track of me, get updates when i post, and just plain confess your adoration for me. ;)

I also spaced things out a bit more so they're more neat, and i'm thinking about adding some pictures over there to make everything look better. I'll also start a new poll, as soon as i think of a decent question.

Now, if i could just figure out how to change my background colour... :/

Okay, i'm off to watch Dexter. :)

Drama in Blogland.

So there's a decent argument over on AJ's Blog about points of view which i seem to have gotten myself involved in. I seem to always end up in comment fights. lol. But someone said something to me in particular which really got me going and brought me in. So i didn't start it. Honest. :)

Also, over on Steevo's Blog, there was a gay-hater spreading the usual crap on Steevo's latest post. Gave me another opportunity to swear. ;)

Don't forget to go comment on Landyn's Blog too, with some love. Please? For meeeee??



Sadly, my gay youth group was cancelled for today because the organiser is sick. So i'll have to wait for another week to get to go again... *sigh*

That was disappointing.

On a decent note though, i seem to have gotten over my writer's block and in the past couple of days have written over a thousand words. *high fives*



I haven't got much else to say, so i'll leave you with some links to a couple of songs i like. All my music needs are satisfied at newgrounds.com

It's one of my favourite websites. You can listen to and download music, and also play games and watch animated movies.

For those of you who keep asking what sort of music i like, here are a few tracks. All you have to do is click, and if you've got decent internet speed, it'll play without even any load time. :)

(There is a pause button to let it load next to the tracker if it's slower)

I hope you listen to some but i know you're all lazy bastards. :P

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/201982 Simply piano and a heartbeat.

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/175820 Video-gamish remix.

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/198578 Kind of clubby/dancey. A bit gay. lol

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/146077 Something with a lot of kick that takes a couple minutes to get to the good bit - 2:30. Definitely one of my favs though. :)

I dunno if i should bother posting these links or not cos i don't know if people will even bother listening. So comment to let me know, please. I might put in a link every post or something. :)

K that's it. love.