Piecing it together.

Not to sound full-of-myself but i'm a smart guy. I guess all my readers already knew that though, right? :)

Regarding you, anonymous fuckwit, yeah, i think i've figured out WHO YOU ARE! I thought about it for a while. I had a list of the possibilites in my head, but one last clue made everything fall into place.

It goes to show that people can smile to your face, joke around, and say what they want but inside they can house a silent hostility for what you represent. YOU CUNT.

I knew from the start of your comments that you knew too much about me to not know the real me, the first 2 sayings you wrote are common amongst my 'friends', and then there were the racist remarks, but it was the fact that you knew my real-life-nickname that gave you away in the end.

Did you think you could bully me online and get away with it? This is the one place i can be myself and you dare to stamp on it?!

You won't get away with this. You're a fucking RACIST and a HOMOPHOBE, as well as a TOTAL CUNT! I can't believe i ever considered you a friend. You think you're better than everyone else but you are the lowliest scum i know!!

You can pretend like this never happened at school but i will always HATE you from now on and if you comment on my blog again i will make you pay.

I'd like to see which of our friends would choose you over me! What would everyone think if they knew what you were? How about some teachers? If you do something, how about we involve the police? Although, i'd prefer something less legal, cunt. That would be a lot more fun.

You can pretend not to care what some fag thinks. Or you can pretend that you're not really who we both know you are. It doesn't matter, because i know the truth now.

I have nothing else to say other than you'd better watch out from now on because i know your true colours and i'm fucking pissed off!

CUNT!!!!!!!

I hope YOU go die, fucking SCUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A friendly little anonymous comment.

dusty aka mirrorboy coff coff.

1.kidding yourself

2.wtf?

3.omg everyones gonna find out your gay how depressing go cry in a corner and im pretty sure like 50 kids per day get in situations like that so deal with fuck stick

4.know one cares about your little homo sittuations.

ps. go fuck yourself or your cat cos that seems to be your only pictures i mean cmon are you rooting your cats your like the crazy cat lady but even more gay

pss.go die kno onelikes yo.



Umm, well anonymous aka gutless cunt.

1. Why bother writing a comment that i can just delete?

2. Why are you reading a GAY blog?

3. I can tell you're a young stupid little dumbass because of ALL your spelling and grammar mistakes - you don't even know how to construct a sentence so frankly your opinion means zilch.

4. You know my real-life nickname so perhaps you know me. Next time come and confront me yourself or are you so scared that you have to hide behind a keyboard writing laughable little ramblings.

5. I don't give a fuck.

I've seen and dealt with worse already. I'm secure enough in myself now, and smart enough to have a good view of how things in the world work. I know that people love me.

I also know that some people are just plain stupid.

Next time, at least write a sentence that makes sense, and then we'll go for another round. If you wanna have a word battle you picked the wrong guy to mess with.

===>DUSTY AKA MIRRORBOY<===

Laughable.

Words only have strength if what they speak is the truth.

Explaining.

A quick post tonight cos my friend's coming over soon.

I had a few questions asked of me recently so i'm going to (try to) briefly answer them.



Okay, referring to yesterday's post about school...

'SOSE' stands for Studies Of Society and Environment.

'LOTE' stands for Languages Other Than English.



In Wednesday's post, Planetx asked why my TV volume numbers are 4, 6, 8, 11, 12, 14, 16, 18, 21, 24, 26, 28, 32, 37, 43, 48 and 54, after i told him that i had a method for choosing them...

WARNING!! THIS MIGHT NOT BE INTERESTING!!

There are 2 points you first have to understand:

- I have a strong dislike for fives and multiples of five.

- The basic numbers of the pattern are 6, 11, 16, 21, 26, 32, 37, 43, 48 and 54.



Here we go...

The first five numbers of my pattern are multiples of 5, +1.

The next two numbers are multiples of 5, +2.

The next two are again multiples of 5, +3.

And so it continues, although luckily my volume does not go up to 65, because that would be part of the pattern. :/



The other numbers that i added in to the pattern just felt... well, i don't know how to put it... They just felt 'right'.

I dunno... I guess that's what being inside of my head feels like - numbers just feel wrong or right.

I really don't like straightforward number patterns. I don't really like any sort of patterns, but this pattern is so bizarre that it just feels... nice. It makes me feel comfortable, and although it doesn't give me any sort of happiness, if i did not have my pattern, i would feel uncomfortable.

My friend's here now so i have to go. :P

===>mirrorboy<===

Another action-packed school day...

So honestly, our teachers aren't even 'teaching' us anymore. Maybe they're just worn out and waiting for the holidays like the rest of us. :P

Like this - for PE (AKA SPORT) in the first 2 periods. After deciding that we wouldn't watch a movie called "Remember the Titans" (omg we've already seen it twice at school) our PE TEACHER actually took us on a walk down to McDonalds! Mmm... education...

He shouted everyone a soft serve cone so that was nice... although, is it just me, or does McDonalds' ice-cream taste like stale milk? o_O

At least we didn't have to eat their 'meat'... *shudders...



After that, for period 3's English/SOSE, our teacher just gave us a word puzzle from the newspaper...



For period 4, we just went out to the undercover area and had a barbecue. I had a sausage, although i fucked up and accidentally tipped sauce all over it. :/

Then, after that, about a dozen of us headed to one of the rooms where another kid had set up Guitar Hero - World Tour or whatever it is... And we just played that for the rest of the day while the others watched movies.

So... loud... though.

I still have a headache. :/



Anyways, i also found out what my electives for next year would be.

Semester 1.

- LOTE French
- Architecture
- Computer Programming
- Creative Writing

Semester 2.

- LOTE French
- Dollars and Sense (SOSE)
- Graphic Design
- Creative Drawing

I desperately want to change Architecture because it sounds boring as hell, and i saw on the list that the people in it are the sort of people i want to avoid.

I really wanted Journalism for obvious reasons (Durr my reason is i WANT TO BE a journalist) so i'm hoping it's not too late to change it for next year.

Can you imagine me as a journalist? ;)



Anyways, this time next week i will be FREE!! FINALLY!!

I sooooooo need a break after the last couple of months i've had. I've just felt incredibly exhausted and drained recently - i think the stress of everything i'm going through is really starting to take its toll on me.

Without the holidays i would probably just end up dropping dead from stress.



Wish me luck, please. The school year's not over just yet and there's a lot of stuff i have to deal with before i can finally relax. No doubt that this last week will be the longest of them all.



I need to have an early night now... Fucking hell i need it.

lotsa love, take care everyone,

===>mirrorboy<===

Things i hate... (nothing too serious lol)

Just a 2nd post to wrap up the day like i promised...

Here's a list of things that i really hate...

1. Spellcheck - I despise spellcheck! Do you think i need spellcheck? My OCD is my personal spellcheck! I'm a perfectionist with OCD so i proofread everything i write. I'm also (if i may say so myself :P) really good at English skills, so what i write is fine. The things that REALLY bug me are those stupid green lines that tell you to reconsider every second line. They're all over my story. Why can't i just turn the bloody thing off?

2. My oven - ahh... my arch-nemesis. The bitch never lights when you want it to. Many a time i have nearly suffocated on the gas...

3. People on msn who say goodbye to you as they're getting off and then sign out before you can say goodbye to them back. :(

4. People on msn who suddenly disappear in the middle of a conversation for no reason. (haha sorry Landyn). ;D

5. And people who 'nudge' you on msn. OH HELL I HATE THAT.

I'm a cranky boy on msn lol.

6. Forwarded chain emails. "Oh my God! I'd better send this email to seven of my friends in the next hour or i'll have a year of bad luck!!"

7. Country music lol.

8. Windy days. My hair goes insane. Actually, on weather, i like dark rainy days better than hot sunny ones. I guess i'm just weird though. lol

I love the rain...

9. My school's clock. It goes forward by a few seconds every day so i'm always changing my watch so that the time matches up with the bell...

Then again, maybe it's my watch that's wrong... lol

10. Watching TV when you're about to go to bed and then having a show like Seinfeld come on. I'm a sucker for late-night comedy. :P

11. Always writing in lists of eleven but only being able to come up with ten different ideas.



I'm off to bed now. G-night, love,

===>mirrorboy<===



And thanks for caring about my lip. It's fine now. :)

You learn somethin every day.

Gah! Missed another post! Sorry.

Oh well, i'm going to try to make up for all these misses by posting twice today. :)

*famous last words haha



Anyways, you may be wondering why Mirrorboy is at home when he should be at school (if you take notice of the times). If you do then that's awesome.... and a little bit obsessive... :/

Well, back in the old days when i was a youngin', i was diagnosed with a medical condition called Angioedema - a pretty mild case compared to the worst that could happen but still requires immediate attention.

What happens is, my lip starts to swell up and if i don't take medicine for it the swelling might go down to my throat and i wouldn't be able to breathe. :/

Kinda sucks huh? The things that set it off (allergies) were sour things like sherbet, or sour lollies or even chicken salt like the stuff they put on fish 'n' chips - the sorts of things that make a lot of saliva.

Well, it hadn't happened for a long time since then. The last time it happened would have been over a year ago, but i woke up this morning and my lip felt funny and big.

Meh... So after my shower when it still felt weird i took some medicine for it and stayed home.

I hope it doesn't fire up again. I don't know what could have happened to make it do this. I haven't eaten anything out-of-the-usual recently.

The swelling's gone down a bit for now, although it IS pretty hard to tell sometimes.

Anyways, at least i got a day off from school...

*tries to put positive spin on things...



School is so boring. Cos it's nearing the end of the school year and our reports have already been written, they've pretty much got nothing left for us to do.

Next Monday and Wednesday we're doing this 'jumpstart' program in which we do some year 10 classes... (cos i'm in year 9).

I'm nervous about that cos i might be finding out what form i'm in for next year and... well... i'm just nervous to find out who i'm in with. :/



We finish the Thursday after that and i'll finally get some time off from the hell that is school. Oh God i cannot wait...



That's it for now, see ya later,

===>mirrorboy<===

Choice? Are you kidding me?

I missed another day's post... Sorry... I wish i could say that i had so much to do that i couldn't squeeze in the time to post, but to be honest i just got caught up playing a game. :P

So anyways, Mr. HCI's post got me thinking... and gave me the idea for tonight's post, which i guess is actually really personal... so i don't know why i'm posting it on the internet hahaha.



Now, people often ask when i found out i was gay...

Now that's a hard question, because it comes in 2 parts.

1 - When did i first have same-sex feelings?

2 - When did i actually admit to myself that i was gay?



Well, the answer to the first part would be around grade 4 or 5. One of the earliest 'gay' memories i remember is seeing a picture of a streaker in the paper and getting somewhat turned on.

There were a lot of situations like that... I would like to look at boys because i just... liked looking. But then i knew that boys were supposed to like girls... so i would look at girls and tell myself that i found them attractive.... basically, i did everything i could at that age to tell myself that i was straight and would get married and have kids and live a 'normal' life.

I was in complete denial.

I was also scared, because i did not want to be 'gay'. It was a scary concept to me. I didn't want to have something 'wrong' inside of me.

I hated it when i got aroused over boys and other times i told and told myself at any sexual female pictures that i found them attractive.

Eventually i started to tell myself that i was bisexual. I told myself that... okay... i guess i like boys, but i HAVE to like girls as well because there simply is no other option.

I could still get married and live my life, and i would just forget about boys altogether. Things would be 'normal' for me.

That went on for a long time, even though for most of that i was wanking over boys.



Slowly, without even realising it i guess, i just stopped thinking about it and kept doing what i was doing - admiring guys and not caring about girls, although i still told myself i would be with a girl.

I just stopped thinking about it.



But it wasn't until just 2 years ago that i actually admitted that i was, in fact, gay.

I just told myself to stop hating myself and that i just COULD NOT change it. It was like giving myself a slap in the face.

I was being STUPID. I was too smart to keep fucking myself around like this!

And that was it.

From that point on, i was gay, and okay with it. And i grew to accept it more and more.



So there is nothing that makes me angrier, than people saying that sexuality is a CHOICE.

(Bear with me here)

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD SOMEONE CHOOSE TO BE GAY?! IT'S SO FUCKING HARD!! We have to put up with endless shit from small-minded pricks who don't know what the fuck they're on about but still feel it is their obligation to pass judgement on us!! We have to put up with taunts and jokes and bullying because of it!! Why would someone CHOOSE to go through all this turmoil?!

*takes a breath... regains composure... resets font size.

It just makes my blood boil that people think we can choose, because i think that if sexuality was a choice, we would have a lot less gay people. I'm not saying that we're not happy being gay, but it's just so freakin hard being this way.

While i was finding out who i was, i literally prayed that i would be straight. If i had a choice, OF COURSE i would have picked heterosexuality so i could fit in with everyone else.

If i had the choice now? Well... i'm old enough to realize that this is an important part of me and makes me who i am today, and has given me a much more mature and accepting view of the world and all the people in it.

So i am happy to be gay.

I am me and i am gay. If i was not gay, i would be a totally different person who'd gone through such a different experience.



Plus... i still haven't gotten to cuddle a boy yet... and i bet that when i do, i'll be praising the heavens that i'm this way. hahaha



===>mirrorboy<===