The Other Side.

For anyone who took an interest in my previous post, or is familiar with Kakistos (aka my current online bf) and his old blog, i strongly suggest you follow this link to his new blog, Falling Awake. :3

Specifically relating to our relationship is this post. Dare i say, he presents a more eloquent and meaningful interpretation of our relationship than me :S, and it gives you a bit of history about him and a bit of insight into who he is.

I think he addresses a lot of what may be your concerns, and expresses his motivations, and also shows his maturity, so's there's not much else i can do than strongly urge you to go read. ;)

News. O:

I have a boyfriend! :P

We found each other on twitter first, and tweeted back and forth for a few days. We started speaking on MSN and ended up speaking for the entire day. I got his mobile number and we've been constantly texting all day since then as well. We've started playing WoW together too.

We just really clicked. We found out we had so many things in common and that we really enjoy being together (even if it is online). We didn't make a conscious decision to be boyfriends; it just happened. Like i told my psychologist, as we got to know each other, our relationship just naturally progressed down the boyfriend path. To use a very tired expression, it was like we already knew each other. :3

Here's his twitter if you're interested. (Used with permission) :P

We have just about everything in common that we could possibly think of. He's much more mature than my ex and treats me a whole lot better too. He's smart, he's sensitive to how i feel, he's honest and selfless... Okay i won't blab on about that stuff. :P



I told my Mum and she didn't take it very well. In our usual sort of argument she yelled over the top of me and wouldn't let me express myself until she'd blasted her opinions into my face so much that i left the room. (This happened inside a takeaway restaurant while waiting for food...) She thinks he's going to hurt me the same way Bitchboy did and says i haven't learnt my lesson.

Of course if there's anything i've done from that it's learn. I can't be hopelessly devoted to someone and wrap all hopes of my future up in our relationship. I can't let someone be mean to me just because they cuddle me at night. I can't rely on someone to always be there to make me feel good, because they just might leave.

And my psychologist agrees with me. She suggested that i write a letter to my mother telling her how i feel as talking to her isn't an effective way to communicate. :3 And i will, and i expect it to work because i know i'm right.



Anyways, the plan for now is to have him come down to visit me in a month's time, because that's when my 2-week school break starts. Should be good. ^_^

Still Here. :P

It's only been a couple weeks but i figured i should post an update. Hopefully people still axly read this thing. >_> lol

I've started a new kind of treatment with my psychologist called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It's about mindfulness and accepting the shit in your life and the things that you have trouble with, and rather than struggling with it and trying to fix it, you accept it and let it wash over you without fighting it and get on with what's important to you.

From Wikipedia (So it must be true :P)...

"As a simple way to summarize the model, ACT views the core of many problems to be due to the acronym, FEAR:

Fusion with your thoughts
Evaluation of experience
Avoidance of your experience
Reason giving for your behaviour

And the healthy alternative is to ACT:

Accept your reactions and be present
Choose a valued direction
Take action

"ACT commonly employs six core principles to help clients develop psychological flexibility:

Cognitive defusion: Learning to perceive thoughts, images, emotions, and memories as what they are, not what they appear to be.
Acceptance: Allowing them to come and go without struggling with them.
Contact with the present moment: Awareness of the here and now, experienced with openness, interest, and receptiveness.
Observing the self: Accessing a transcendent sense of self, a continuity of consciousness which is unchanging.
Values: Discovering what is most important to one's true self.
Committed action: Setting goals according to values and carrying them out responsibly."

If you're aware of your thoughts, you can't be your thoughts.

Obviously there's a lot more involved than what i wrote but that's the main aspect. :P

I like it a lot so far. One thing it has helped me with a lot is my writing. Writing is the thing i value most in my life right now, and i'd barely been writing much at all for a long period of time. It's helped me to get over my perfectionism and just get stuff down on a page. So that's awesome. :3 And of course it's helping with the anxiety too. We've tried a lot of different techniques in the past and this is the one that i think most fits with me.

A'ight well that's one aspect of my life caught up on. I might post about my writing in the next couple of days if anyone cares. :P

And i've got other stuff to post about too so see you soon. (:

Don't forget you can follow me on Twitter now. :3

<3

Recommended Linx!

I wanna really suggest this song. Not only do i really like the sound, but i adore the lyrics and to me they have a very personal meaning. That's what makes certain songs stand out and be memorable to us. It's almost as if they're speaking, or singing, to us. Anyways, i love it so check it out if you feel like it.

Or if you live in the US, try this link.

And if you want to see the lyrics you can click here.



While i'm plugging Youtube Vids, one of my online friends has been making an online series and posting the episodes on Youtube. So if you want to see something funny by some amateur filmmakers then you should click this link and watch the "Population 94,000" videos. It does contain coarse language, shoddy fight scenes and gay stereotypes so don't click if you're overly sensitive. :P

And btw, my friend is the sexy black one. (; So you might wanna watch just for that. :P



And finally a blog. Louie is 19 and a creative writer like me, but rather than writing stories in a novel form, he wants to make movies. We have a lot in common, even in what we write and he's a genuinely nice guy. He used to have a blog and had to delete it, but has now returned so it would be good if you could all go welcome him back and say hi, and you might like what you read. :3

A'ight, time to listen to the song for a seventh time then get to bed. (:

Update.

Haven't posted in a while, so here i am. :)

Back to school tomorrow after my 2-week break. :/ I had to put up with majorly slow internet for the entire break cos we'd reached our cap, and it only reset today - the last day of the holiday. Stupidness. :/

Had a friend's birthday sleepover on Friday/Saturday. It was nice to see my friends again and have fun and feel less like Mirrorboy, and more like me.

Don't think about Bitboy much at all any more. Breaking up with me is his loss. Gotta feel bad for him though. He'll most likely never find a fulfilling relationship and will never do better than me. Meanwhile, i deserve better than someone so self-absorbed and hurtful. And that's the end of it.

Mum is doing good. As is my Grandma, and my cats. And i'm still working on my story. (:

A'ight. Can't think of much else so leave a comment if there's anything you wanna know. :3

Foar Warwy.

It's Wkboy's Blog's birthday and i just wanna make a post for the occasion, saying that you are one of my bestest friends. We have so much in common and so many similar interests and i'm really glad we know each other. You're one if the sweetest and most kind boys i've ever known in my life and it always makes me happy when you come online. (:

And you're amazingly sexy. o___o

Happy birfday... to your blog. :P

If you wanna share the love go visit his bday post.

<33333333

It's Over.

If you haven't been following me on Twitter this is the story.

I got sick of being ignored, feeling like Bitboy didn't care about me at all, and being on the absolute bottom of his priorities list, when he was supposed to be my friend, so i blocked him on msn. Bitboy got pissed off and sent me an abusive text.

I called him the next day and we spoke about it and we both said that we'd been feeling hurt by what had happened. We agreed that we needed to sort things out so that we could remain friends. The last thing he said before he had to go was that i should unblock him on MSN, presumably so we could talk.

2 days later with no contact and i text him. He doesn't reply. The next day (today) i call him and get his answering service. I say that we need to talk so that we can sort out what happened and move on. No reply. I sign on to MSN later and a mutual friend tells me that Bitboy has blocked me on both MSN and his phone because he wants no more contact with me.

It confuses me. He always told me he wanted to remain friends. He said he would always love me. He used to say i was the best thing in his life. He said we were soulmates.

We had a misunderstanding. I tried to fix things but he won't let me.

It doesn't add up.

And now it's over.