:'(
I'd like to keep this untitled.
14 years ago
Friday, July 31, 2009
Oh Noes!! D:
Why oh whyyyyyy!? I was only printing one page!! Why did you suck up 20 pieces of paper at once!?
:'(
:'(
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Humans.
I'm not sure i even have the power to fully articulate how i feel about this, so please ignore me if i make no sense. :)
Do you ever get the feeling, that as human beings, we've just really stuffed everything up?
Our lives as a whole are full of war, hate and fear. We can't even coexist anymore. We actually kill each other. Our countries invest millions of dollars trying to figure out better ways to kill our enemies, who are humans just like us. It breeds hatred for other people, when the only difference is their skin colour, or the country they come from, or their religious beliefs.
Millions of people starve. Those who lose money end up on the streets. People murder, and abuse, and steal. Our economy has collapsed on itself. There are homeless and jobless. And we're polluting our own Earth.
Why are we here? What are we aiming for in our lives?
Is it to be the boss? As humans, we seek to control everything. We use animals like machines for our own benefit. Then we created our own machines that do what we want. We tame animals as pets and we own them. We seek promotions, to climb the job ladder, to have people below us, to have people working for us.
We've tamed the skies and the seas. What is left? The moon? Planets and stars? We don't have control of them yet, so we dream of the day when we do. Past empires had the sole aim of expanding. They wanted to own more land. They wanted to crush other cities and people, so that they could be the number 1.
Our lives are about trying to be the number 1. We want to be in control, and when we meet another human, we want to be better than them.
But why? What is the point? Do we aim for higher and higher because it betters our lives?
And when our lives are better, we're happier. That is success.
But we as humans created success itself. We created money, and jobs, and the ideal family and group of friends. We created fame and fortune. It was all created by us.
We aim for it, but we have no real reason, because our definition of success is one we created.
We have religion. Why is there religion? Is it to control the masses? Is it to give us a set of rules to follow, to maintain peace and order?
Religion has been fuel for war. It has been fuel for hate. It has been fuel for murder. If religion exists to create peace, then it has failed. People construe words of holy books and use them as excuses to further their own agendas.
Civilisations have started war, because their religious beliefs are different to their enemies. Gays like me have been killed because people take the words of a 'God' and twist them into a reason to kill, even up to this day. People in past have been banished from society, and had their lives ruined or put to an end, if they break rules set by their fellow peoples' religion.
(I believe) our lives are 100% contrived.
If a baby born today was to be put into a world with prehistoric man, they would grow up like the people around them. Sure, they might stand a bit taller and have less hair, but we are no different inside to people from those days. The only difference we have is the world we grew up in.
And we grow up in families and go to schools. We are taught to respect people in power, and use our manners. We learn what is funny and not funny, and what is bad and good. We are supposed to get jobs and contribute to society and get married and play happy families and reproduce, so that the cycle repeats itself.
The lives we live today can not really be the 'real' (perhaps 'intended') 'human way'. We live in a world that we created slowly, with each layer coming about by chance. Think of the famous inventors throughout history, and of the explorers, and leaders. What if one had been trampled by an elephant? What if one had been stabbed or shot, or never been created in one moment of sex? Our lives would be drastically, unimaginably different than they are now.
Success might have a different meaning. We would be aiming for different things. Good and bad would have different actions associated with them.
Am i making sense? lol. I was thinking about this while i was walking home from school because my iPod wasn't charged. :P
I'm sorry if things that make sense in my head don't translate.
So everything we know today was created by past events. Every event, major to minor, has shaped how we live our lives. If things had taken a slightly different turn, thousands, or even hundreds of years ago, we would have an incredibly different life today.
Humans only live like we do because we grew up in the world around us. It's too bad that things have kind of imploded, with war, and racism, and homophobia, and crime, and money and everything like that.
So why do we live, and what is the meaning for our existence? Honestly, i don't think the meaning of life for humans is any different from the meaning of life for a cat, or a snail, or an ant, as the only difference i see is our brain complexity.
What the meaning is, though, i have no clue.
Maybe it is something we can't even articulate, with the words we created. ;)
Do you ever get the feeling, that as human beings, we've just really stuffed everything up?
Our lives as a whole are full of war, hate and fear. We can't even coexist anymore. We actually kill each other. Our countries invest millions of dollars trying to figure out better ways to kill our enemies, who are humans just like us. It breeds hatred for other people, when the only difference is their skin colour, or the country they come from, or their religious beliefs.
Millions of people starve. Those who lose money end up on the streets. People murder, and abuse, and steal. Our economy has collapsed on itself. There are homeless and jobless. And we're polluting our own Earth.
Why are we here? What are we aiming for in our lives?
Is it to be the boss? As humans, we seek to control everything. We use animals like machines for our own benefit. Then we created our own machines that do what we want. We tame animals as pets and we own them. We seek promotions, to climb the job ladder, to have people below us, to have people working for us.
We've tamed the skies and the seas. What is left? The moon? Planets and stars? We don't have control of them yet, so we dream of the day when we do. Past empires had the sole aim of expanding. They wanted to own more land. They wanted to crush other cities and people, so that they could be the number 1.
Our lives are about trying to be the number 1. We want to be in control, and when we meet another human, we want to be better than them.
But why? What is the point? Do we aim for higher and higher because it betters our lives?
And when our lives are better, we're happier. That is success.
But we as humans created success itself. We created money, and jobs, and the ideal family and group of friends. We created fame and fortune. It was all created by us.
We aim for it, but we have no real reason, because our definition of success is one we created.
We have religion. Why is there religion? Is it to control the masses? Is it to give us a set of rules to follow, to maintain peace and order?
Religion has been fuel for war. It has been fuel for hate. It has been fuel for murder. If religion exists to create peace, then it has failed. People construe words of holy books and use them as excuses to further their own agendas.
Civilisations have started war, because their religious beliefs are different to their enemies. Gays like me have been killed because people take the words of a 'God' and twist them into a reason to kill, even up to this day. People in past have been banished from society, and had their lives ruined or put to an end, if they break rules set by their fellow peoples' religion.
(I believe) our lives are 100% contrived.
If a baby born today was to be put into a world with prehistoric man, they would grow up like the people around them. Sure, they might stand a bit taller and have less hair, but we are no different inside to people from those days. The only difference we have is the world we grew up in.
And we grow up in families and go to schools. We are taught to respect people in power, and use our manners. We learn what is funny and not funny, and what is bad and good. We are supposed to get jobs and contribute to society and get married and play happy families and reproduce, so that the cycle repeats itself.
The lives we live today can not really be the 'real' (perhaps 'intended') 'human way'. We live in a world that we created slowly, with each layer coming about by chance. Think of the famous inventors throughout history, and of the explorers, and leaders. What if one had been trampled by an elephant? What if one had been stabbed or shot, or never been created in one moment of sex? Our lives would be drastically, unimaginably different than they are now.
Success might have a different meaning. We would be aiming for different things. Good and bad would have different actions associated with them.
Am i making sense? lol. I was thinking about this while i was walking home from school because my iPod wasn't charged. :P
I'm sorry if things that make sense in my head don't translate.
So everything we know today was created by past events. Every event, major to minor, has shaped how we live our lives. If things had taken a slightly different turn, thousands, or even hundreds of years ago, we would have an incredibly different life today.
Humans only live like we do because we grew up in the world around us. It's too bad that things have kind of imploded, with war, and racism, and homophobia, and crime, and money and everything like that.
So why do we live, and what is the meaning for our existence? Honestly, i don't think the meaning of life for humans is any different from the meaning of life for a cat, or a snail, or an ant, as the only difference i see is our brain complexity.
What the meaning is, though, i have no clue.
Maybe it is something we can't even articulate, with the words we created. ;)
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Writing Workshop.
I wrote this in about half an hour at school a few weeks ago.
...
The Sun shone brightly, but my mood was dark. I knew the Sun was there, but all I could see was black. Its light was gone. All light was gone. And I was forgotten. Everyone and everything had seen me, but no eyes were on me now. I felt cold to my core. I used to inspire hope and courage. Now, without me, nothing really changes. No one needed me anymore. They would go on living, as they have their own sources of hope. They had moved on and I was left unneeded. I am unneeded. I would cry out but I have no voice. Even if I had one, my cries would fall on deaf ears. I feel like a skeleton. I feel dead. I am cold, surrounded by darkness.
I feel a pull. Like a tug of rescue pulling me from despair. A crescent of light flashes before my eyes. And I see. I see the Sun. The light grows, and flushes my hopelessness from me. I know now that eyes are on me, and people care. I can feel the light on me, and although it isn't mine, I am happy to carry it till the end, to inspire hope and courage in those who can find no light, and bring them back from their own despair.
I see the Earth again and I am glad. I am happy to be a beacon of light for the Earthlings. I always shall. It is my destiny as the moon, till the end.
...
If there is any meaning to the story it is that the darkness in our life can create false feelings of despair, fear and hopelessness, but if you have that pull of rescue, it will always pass and you will know that there are still some people who care.
Sometimes you just can't see that through the darkness though.
...
The Sun shone brightly, but my mood was dark. I knew the Sun was there, but all I could see was black. Its light was gone. All light was gone. And I was forgotten. Everyone and everything had seen me, but no eyes were on me now. I felt cold to my core. I used to inspire hope and courage. Now, without me, nothing really changes. No one needed me anymore. They would go on living, as they have their own sources of hope. They had moved on and I was left unneeded. I am unneeded. I would cry out but I have no voice. Even if I had one, my cries would fall on deaf ears. I feel like a skeleton. I feel dead. I am cold, surrounded by darkness.
I feel a pull. Like a tug of rescue pulling me from despair. A crescent of light flashes before my eyes. And I see. I see the Sun. The light grows, and flushes my hopelessness from me. I know now that eyes are on me, and people care. I can feel the light on me, and although it isn't mine, I am happy to carry it till the end, to inspire hope and courage in those who can find no light, and bring them back from their own despair.
I see the Earth again and I am glad. I am happy to be a beacon of light for the Earthlings. I always shall. It is my destiny as the moon, till the end.
...
If there is any meaning to the story it is that the darkness in our life can create false feelings of despair, fear and hopelessness, but if you have that pull of rescue, it will always pass and you will know that there are still some people who care.
Sometimes you just can't see that through the darkness though.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Ocean.
We were at the ocean the other day and we took the camera. My Mum loves whales so i had to try to get some pics.
There are also a few pics taken on recent days, when the weather was better. And they're prettier. :P
And there are a few just of the ocean too. :)
You'll notice that the weather goes dark and light. That's cos the order of the pics got messed up as i uploaded them. lol
It may be a shithole of a town but at least it's pretty. :P
There are also a few pics taken on recent days, when the weather was better. And they're prettier. :P
And there are a few just of the ocean too. :)
You'll notice that the weather goes dark and light. That's cos the order of the pics got messed up as i uploaded them. lol
It may be a shithole of a town but at least it's pretty. :P
love
Patty Cakes.
So i made these today. They're chocolate patty cakes with orange icing and a walnut on top. :)
I shot those in a really bad light so they don't look as nice as they did in real life. lol
Unfortunately, i also accidentally used caster sugar instead of icing suger. eep. So the icing was gritty. :P
But it was a first try so i still did okay. :)
I like cooking. I just love doing anything that i can be creative with. I've always loved writing and drawing and stuff like that. And now i also love cooking and baking as well.
It took me a few hours to do. I had to wash and wipe everything (cos of my OCD). I obviously had to measure and make the mix for the cakes. Egg, milk, butter, s.r flour, caster sugar, and i think i put vanilla essence in. Then i did the icing, which was sugar and butter, and orange (which i grated the rind of, and also squeezed juice from). Then i cracked open the walnuts myself.
But it was all fun. And fun things are fun. :)
love
Oh Hello.
I've been sick this week so i didn't go to school. It's also the reason why i haven't been online talking much/reading blogs/answering emails. So, sorry y'all.
I've had some pretty, well, really low days but i think i'm on the up track again. It's hard to keep things together and once in a while i kind of get into a down mood. Maybe it's my body's way of venting.
I'm trying not to think about it so please don't go giving me advice or bringing it up if you talk to me.
Anyways i think my cat Tiger is sick or something. I'm not sure. He hasn't been eating much and he spends all day just sitting there. While yeah, that sounds normal, i'm saying he isn't walking around much, he isn't playing at all, and when i pat him he doesn't seem to enjoy it. It's like he's fragile. He just seems so flat.
I hope he gets better soon. He's a member of my very small family.
Anywho, that's all.
I've had some pretty, well, really low days but i think i'm on the up track again. It's hard to keep things together and once in a while i kind of get into a down mood. Maybe it's my body's way of venting.
I'm trying not to think about it so please don't go giving me advice or bringing it up if you talk to me.
Anyways i think my cat Tiger is sick or something. I'm not sure. He hasn't been eating much and he spends all day just sitting there. While yeah, that sounds normal, i'm saying he isn't walking around much, he isn't playing at all, and when i pat him he doesn't seem to enjoy it. It's like he's fragile. He just seems so flat.
I hope he gets better soon. He's a member of my very small family.
Anywho, that's all.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Bye Jakey.
Jake of Jake's Home and formerly of the My Life On A Wall blog has left blogworld.
We've had some good times and some bad times together. We were good friends for a long time, and online boyfriends for a while and they were good times. Unfortunately when he broke up with me that resulted in bad times too. lol. But we came out of it okay.
Whatever happened between us, he was the first blogger to link me, and my first commenter, and one of my first friends online. If it wasn't for his support, i probably wouldn't even be here blogging today.
In leaving he had this message for me,
"I didn't want to do a lame attention-seeking countdown like Peter did that time."
Good luck Jakey.
<3
We've had some good times and some bad times together. We were good friends for a long time, and online boyfriends for a while and they were good times. Unfortunately when he broke up with me that resulted in bad times too. lol. But we came out of it okay.
Whatever happened between us, he was the first blogger to link me, and my first commenter, and one of my first friends online. If it wasn't for his support, i probably wouldn't even be here blogging today.
In leaving he had this message for me,
"I didn't want to do a lame attention-seeking countdown like Peter did that time."
Good luck Jakey.
<3
Crap Week.
I've been a bit down this week... Well more than a 'bit' down actually. I think i've had shit coming at me from all directions and it has broken through my defenses. My nights are quite sad. My days are quite stressful. The bad mood only brings with it more bad thoughts about myself, which add to the problem. As the weekend approaches i can only hope that the new week brings with it some solutions and a happier frame of mind.
Sorry i guess i'm not making much sense. :P
I've identified with my psychologists that when i'm happier i feel better about myself. When i'm in a worse mood, i see myself in a worse light. When i looked in the mirror this morning i definitely didn't like what i saw (probably due to my worse self-image because i was having a bad time), which resulted in me having a pretty crap day (and making things worse). It snowballs, until something breaks the reaction.
Things had better start getting better around here soon.
Sorry to those owners of blogs that i haven't kept up with recently. I'll try to have a read during the weekend when i get time. Also sorry that i haven't posted to my Words Blog (not that anybody noticed/cares). Each post takes a huge amount of effort and i don't receive as much feedback as i'd like (which is the reason i post) to make it worth it. I usually have to beg.
Anyways i'll shut up now.
love
Sorry i guess i'm not making much sense. :P
I've identified with my psychologists that when i'm happier i feel better about myself. When i'm in a worse mood, i see myself in a worse light. When i looked in the mirror this morning i definitely didn't like what i saw (probably due to my worse self-image because i was having a bad time), which resulted in me having a pretty crap day (and making things worse). It snowballs, until something breaks the reaction.
Things had better start getting better around here soon.
Sorry to those owners of blogs that i haven't kept up with recently. I'll try to have a read during the weekend when i get time. Also sorry that i haven't posted to my Words Blog (not that anybody noticed/cares). Each post takes a huge amount of effort and i don't receive as much feedback as i'd like (which is the reason i post) to make it worth it. I usually have to beg.
Anyways i'll shut up now.
love
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Dumped.
'Fag Girl' dumped me, like i expected she would. Meh.
On the plus side the school week is over and i can relax now. :)
Also, two new bloggers just joined our community and need some support.
A Day In My Life
Kringe's Blog... of DOOM
Instead of a post from me you can read one from one of those guys. lol
I'm too tired to post.
g'night y'all!
On the plus side the school week is over and i can relax now. :)
Also, two new bloggers just joined our community and need some support.
A Day In My Life
Kringe's Blog... of DOOM
Instead of a post from me you can read one from one of those guys. lol
I'm too tired to post.
g'night y'all!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I Know You...
Hmm. Today was an interesting day.
There was another new girl there at 'school' today. The interesting thing is, we went to the same Primary School (or Elementary School for you Americans). We didn't socialise much back then, but we knew each other.
Now, me being the social phobia suffering, nervous wreck around people that i am, i haven't made any friends yet, because i simply find interacting hard. It's too hard to explain why. Just understand that it's simply the pinnacle of hardness for me.
By pure coincidence, this girl had to move seats and ended up next to me. (I hadn't recognised her yet... because i don't stare at people's faces. lol) We then had to write our names down on a sheet of paper and i got it (the paper) right after her. I was looking at the page and recognised her name right away. I was like 'wuuuuuuuhhh??'. lol
Anyways, i kinda took a leap off a cliff and turned and said 'Hey, i think i know you from Primary School'.
We made a bit of small-talk. For me, it was like, 'OMG i'm interacting with someone. woot!' lol
Small-talk small-talk. Then things kind of stagnated, but by coincidence again, the teacher had work for us which required us to work in groups of two. Without anything needing to be said, the two of us worked as a group. Things lightened up, as we talked and worked on the project. And it was actually pretty enjoyable. It was nice to actually be talking to someone for once, rather than being on my own.
Idk how 'making friends' works lol, but the interactions between us were positive and she didn't seem to dislike the time we spent together. :)
The thing is... she says 'fag'. A lot. It's hard to explain. Like she says 'fag' instead of 'idiot'. "Don't be such a fag". Stuff like that. People around my age would know what i mean a lot better than older people.
So i guess... i'm not actually sure if i'd want her as a friend. I mean sure, we got along. But... i didn't feel like i was being 'me'. I felt like i was putting on a face to be friendly.
Anyways, i don't have much choice. I need someone to talk to/work with/sit next to. I can't go on being the loner because that ain't gonna work out good for me.
Of course, there's also the possibility that she'll start talking to the other people in the class and realise that they'd make better friends than me, and i'll pretty much be dumped.
Idk what to make of it all.
Oh, i've also realised that i've got back INTO the closet.
I think i have to in a place like this. This is a place where students are allowed to go out for smoke breaks, and openly swear in class.
Yeah that kinda sucks... Again, i don't really have a choice. It's play it straight, and lie if i'm asked, or risk things turning to shit like they did at my old school when i was outed, and face having to leave again. And if i have to leave here, it's bye-bye school education, for now.
*sigh*
love
There was another new girl there at 'school' today. The interesting thing is, we went to the same Primary School (or Elementary School for you Americans). We didn't socialise much back then, but we knew each other.
Now, me being the social phobia suffering, nervous wreck around people that i am, i haven't made any friends yet, because i simply find interacting hard. It's too hard to explain why. Just understand that it's simply the pinnacle of hardness for me.
By pure coincidence, this girl had to move seats and ended up next to me. (I hadn't recognised her yet... because i don't stare at people's faces. lol) We then had to write our names down on a sheet of paper and i got it (the paper) right after her. I was looking at the page and recognised her name right away. I was like 'wuuuuuuuhhh??'. lol
Anyways, i kinda took a leap off a cliff and turned and said 'Hey, i think i know you from Primary School'.
We made a bit of small-talk. For me, it was like, 'OMG i'm interacting with someone. woot!' lol
Small-talk small-talk. Then things kind of stagnated, but by coincidence again, the teacher had work for us which required us to work in groups of two. Without anything needing to be said, the two of us worked as a group. Things lightened up, as we talked and worked on the project. And it was actually pretty enjoyable. It was nice to actually be talking to someone for once, rather than being on my own.
Idk how 'making friends' works lol, but the interactions between us were positive and she didn't seem to dislike the time we spent together. :)
The thing is... she says 'fag'. A lot. It's hard to explain. Like she says 'fag' instead of 'idiot'. "Don't be such a fag". Stuff like that. People around my age would know what i mean a lot better than older people.
So i guess... i'm not actually sure if i'd want her as a friend. I mean sure, we got along. But... i didn't feel like i was being 'me'. I felt like i was putting on a face to be friendly.
Anyways, i don't have much choice. I need someone to talk to/work with/sit next to. I can't go on being the loner because that ain't gonna work out good for me.
Of course, there's also the possibility that she'll start talking to the other people in the class and realise that they'd make better friends than me, and i'll pretty much be dumped.
Idk what to make of it all.
Oh, i've also realised that i've got back INTO the closet.
I think i have to in a place like this. This is a place where students are allowed to go out for smoke breaks, and openly swear in class.
Yeah that kinda sucks... Again, i don't really have a choice. It's play it straight, and lie if i'm asked, or risk things turning to shit like they did at my old school when i was outed, and face having to leave again. And if i have to leave here, it's bye-bye school education, for now.
*sigh*
love
Monday, July 13, 2009
School and Games.
Oh hai y'all.
I had a pretty good day. No catastrophes. That's always a plus. lol
I had a pretty good day. No catastrophes. That's always a plus. lol
Yeah but seriously. Things are going okay. :)
My Monday classes do indeed run from 9am to 4pm. We got out a little early today because only a handful of people showed up for the last class.
Tuesdays, which i previously had off, now have a class at 1pm to 4pm.
Wednesdays and Thrusdays are the same as before, and i still get my Fridays off. Huzzah!
It seems i've inadvertently acquired some screenshots of games i've played on this computer over time. If you know where to look, there are lots of games online that you can enjoy for free. :)
I have links to 39 online games in my Favourites folder. :P
Games ftw!
The above one is from Pokemon which i played on a GB emulator. :) lol
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Meh. lol
Last day of my break from school was today. Back to it all tomorrow with increased hours. I think Monday goes from 9am till 4pm. It's easy to get out a few mins early, and i'll have to cos my gay group starts at 4.
I'll be leaving at 8:45 with my Grandma, and i'll be walking home so i won't be home until about 6pm. That's one hell of a first day back. lol
I've had a reasonably good past few days. I made friends with this really cool kid (a blogger) online a few days ago and we get along well. Making friends is fun. :)
For some reason, people seem to consider me as famous, and they get too shy to talk to me. Idk why people treat me differently just because i get lots of views. I'm still the same person. lol
Anyways my head's kinda blank right now. I got up at 6am this morning to reset my body clock for the early-ish rise tomorrow, and i'm really tired right now.
That's all... i think.
love
I'll be leaving at 8:45 with my Grandma, and i'll be walking home so i won't be home until about 6pm. That's one hell of a first day back. lol
I've had a reasonably good past few days. I made friends with this really cool kid (a blogger) online a few days ago and we get along well. Making friends is fun. :)
For some reason, people seem to consider me as famous, and they get too shy to talk to me. Idk why people treat me differently just because i get lots of views. I'm still the same person. lol
Anyways my head's kinda blank right now. I got up at 6am this morning to reset my body clock for the early-ish rise tomorrow, and i'm really tired right now.
That's all... i think.
love
Friday, July 10, 2009
Black Eyed, Trees.
It's cold. It's windy. It's raining. I'd be in bed by now, but noooooooo...
I was outside trying to get the cat to come home. hmph
When she finally came to the door, i went to grab her, but she ran off, and up a tree. lol
Don't forget you can click pics to see bigger, clearer versions.
On another note, a couple days ago my mid-70's Grandma was going to the supermarket. On the way in, she tripped over and hit the footpath. She hit her head and scraped her face and her glasses and her hands, and she got a huge black eye. Someone came up to her and told her that her face was bleeding, as well.
Me and Mum went grocery shopping today and she was with us. Seeing her like that... battered and bruised... idk. It just tore my heart up. :'(
I loves my Grandma. :'(
I was outside trying to get the cat to come home. hmph
When she finally came to the door, i went to grab her, but she ran off, and up a tree. lol
Don't forget you can click pics to see bigger, clearer versions.
On another note, a couple days ago my mid-70's Grandma was going to the supermarket. On the way in, she tripped over and hit the footpath. She hit her head and scraped her face and her glasses and her hands, and she got a huge black eye. Someone came up to her and told her that her face was bleeding, as well.
Me and Mum went grocery shopping today and she was with us. Seeing her like that... battered and bruised... idk. It just tore my heart up. :'(
I loves my Grandma. :'(
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
300,000 Views. ^_____^
Congratulations, me!
*pops open a bottle of cheap champagne, breaks light with cork*
Eeep.
Anyways, i wanna thank all of you who read my blog, and comment, and email me. The effort you put in just to contact me, lets me know that people are actually reading and caring. If it weren't for you i wouldn't be blogging at all. :)
I know i said i'd post about my coming out experience, but i realised that the post would take a huge amount of effort, because it is a long story, and lately i've been really busy. I seem to have many responsibilities around blogworld recently. I just don't really have time to make a post like that. Sometime in the future though, yes.
This is just a thank you post, and a celebration post.
Blog mascot, Fatcat, gives his love and fanks. :)
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*pops open a bottle of cheap champagne, breaks light with cork*
Eeep.
Anyways, i wanna thank all of you who read my blog, and comment, and email me. The effort you put in just to contact me, lets me know that people are actually reading and caring. If it weren't for you i wouldn't be blogging at all. :)
I know i said i'd post about my coming out experience, but i realised that the post would take a huge amount of effort, because it is a long story, and lately i've been really busy. I seem to have many responsibilities around blogworld recently. I just don't really have time to make a post like that. Sometime in the future though, yes.
This is just a thank you post, and a celebration post.
Blog mascot, Fatcat, gives his love and fanks. :)
.jpg)
Monday, July 6, 2009
Milk, It's Good For You. :)
So i had a great night. :)
A handful of us showed up, and we bought chips, soft drink and lollies, and ordered pizzas. Then we all reclined in bean-bags and watched the movie, Milk, which was shown on a projector thingy.
Can i just say, that movie is amazing. Everyone there loved it, me included.
It was just fantastic. It was funny and sad, entertaining, moving, and inspirational.
I would highly recommend it to anyone, but for people like us, i think it is simply a must-see. If you haven't seen it yet, go out and rent it. I mean it. It's an amazing film.
That is all. :)
love
A handful of us showed up, and we bought chips, soft drink and lollies, and ordered pizzas. Then we all reclined in bean-bags and watched the movie, Milk, which was shown on a projector thingy.
Can i just say, that movie is amazing. Everyone there loved it, me included.
It was just fantastic. It was funny and sad, entertaining, moving, and inspirational.
I would highly recommend it to anyone, but for people like us, i think it is simply a must-see. If you haven't seen it yet, go out and rent it. I mean it. It's an amazing film.
That is all. :)
love
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Got Milk?
I got a text from the woman who runs my gay youth group.
'Hi all ****** you are invited to a free pizza and movie night tomorrow at ****** at 6pm. We will be screening the film Milk. Please let me know if you can make it. Cheers ****'
'I'll be there. :)
Mboy'
K lol i didn't actually call myself 'Mboy' but you know what i mean. :P
Should be fun. :)
love
'Hi all ****** you are invited to a free pizza and movie night tomorrow at ****** at 6pm. We will be screening the film Milk. Please let me know if you can make it. Cheers ****'
'I'll be there. :)
Mboy'
K lol i didn't actually call myself 'Mboy' but you know what i mean. :P
Should be fun. :)
love
It Was Awful... But I Liked It.
Last night i had one of the strangest dreams i've ever had, and i've had some pretty bizarre ones.
It evolved throughout, but the same main plot stuck.
My Mum and i were at home. I think we were eating dinner at the kitchen table. There was an explosion noise of sorts, and smoke started drifting down from the vents in the roof. We heard a fire truck, and the firemen put out a fire somewhere. Then they told us that someone had put a bomb in our roof, and it was poisonous. If we had breathed in the fumes, we would have died.
The firemen were gone, and me and my Mum were in the kitchen again. I saw that there was a car in the driveway, close to my house, and 2 people were sitting in it. One had goggles or binoculars on their head. The car had been there for a while, and the people were staring straight through the window into our house. It scared the hell out of me. I just had this overwhelming feeling of fear. We both hid behind the wall.
Some of the rest is a blur. I think one time when my Mum left the house, she was attacked and someone tried to stab her.
One night i left the house at nighttime (perhaps to go for a run). I did the usual stuff and locked the door and left. When i returned, the security door was broken and the other door was open. Someone had broken in. I came inside, and there was a light on in the lounge room. When i went in to investigate, i found that the room had been ransacked, and stuff was everywhere.
I heard a noise, and as i turned around, through the doorway to the lounge room, i saw a woman run from the kitchen to the front door and leave. I ran after her into the night
I caught her, and i knew she was one of those responsible for terrorizing my family. I wanted revenge. (The next part is a bit strange.)
Apparently my next door neighbour is an evil sexual abuser. (In real life he's big and cuddly lol.) Anyways, i ransacked his garage and smashed stuff, and framed the woman by leaving her in there. He found her as he came home, and the rest faded to black like a scene in a movie. (I guess you can figure it out for yourself.)
The details in the story changed now. There was still one person left, who had tried to kill my Mum. My Mum, though, had turned into my wife, and i was a celebrity.
I returned to my house and called the police. Somehow i ended up on the phone to a French Restaurant and we all started speaking French...
I know. Strange.
Then i was out having dinner at a restaurant (perhaps the same one). I was walking around, when at the window, i spotted a woman sitting alone. I knew this was the other person who had tried to hurt us, and i confronted her.
Somehow i got her to confess, and i found out she was a crazed fan, who had tried to kill my wife in an attempt to have me as her own. She ended up in tears, and realised that what she had done was crazy. The police arrived, and the dream ended there.
Anyways, there were lots of other things that happened in that dream that i can't remember, but i know they were there. When i try to think about it, i find what feels like distant memories, and those memories go in hand with intense fear.
While it played like a nightmare, it was actually exciting. I enjoyed it. lol
Then i had another dream.
I went down to a dock. There was a group of people. I asked someone something in a whisper, and he pointed me to a blond boy standing a few metres away. I approached him and he smiled in a friendly way. He was really gorgeous.
I bought cocaine from him. Then we talked. I talked a lot about random stuff. I confessed it was because i was nervous. He said it was okay. I felt a connection to him.
As we were at the dock, a helicopter appeared. A horse was being carried in a harness by the helicopter, and it was lowered onto the deck.
The end.
O_O
It evolved throughout, but the same main plot stuck.
My Mum and i were at home. I think we were eating dinner at the kitchen table. There was an explosion noise of sorts, and smoke started drifting down from the vents in the roof. We heard a fire truck, and the firemen put out a fire somewhere. Then they told us that someone had put a bomb in our roof, and it was poisonous. If we had breathed in the fumes, we would have died.
The firemen were gone, and me and my Mum were in the kitchen again. I saw that there was a car in the driveway, close to my house, and 2 people were sitting in it. One had goggles or binoculars on their head. The car had been there for a while, and the people were staring straight through the window into our house. It scared the hell out of me. I just had this overwhelming feeling of fear. We both hid behind the wall.
Some of the rest is a blur. I think one time when my Mum left the house, she was attacked and someone tried to stab her.
One night i left the house at nighttime (perhaps to go for a run). I did the usual stuff and locked the door and left. When i returned, the security door was broken and the other door was open. Someone had broken in. I came inside, and there was a light on in the lounge room. When i went in to investigate, i found that the room had been ransacked, and stuff was everywhere.
I heard a noise, and as i turned around, through the doorway to the lounge room, i saw a woman run from the kitchen to the front door and leave. I ran after her into the night
I caught her, and i knew she was one of those responsible for terrorizing my family. I wanted revenge. (The next part is a bit strange.)
Apparently my next door neighbour is an evil sexual abuser. (In real life he's big and cuddly lol.) Anyways, i ransacked his garage and smashed stuff, and framed the woman by leaving her in there. He found her as he came home, and the rest faded to black like a scene in a movie. (I guess you can figure it out for yourself.)
The details in the story changed now. There was still one person left, who had tried to kill my Mum. My Mum, though, had turned into my wife, and i was a celebrity.
I returned to my house and called the police. Somehow i ended up on the phone to a French Restaurant and we all started speaking French...
I know. Strange.
Then i was out having dinner at a restaurant (perhaps the same one). I was walking around, when at the window, i spotted a woman sitting alone. I knew this was the other person who had tried to hurt us, and i confronted her.
Somehow i got her to confess, and i found out she was a crazed fan, who had tried to kill my wife in an attempt to have me as her own. She ended up in tears, and realised that what she had done was crazy. The police arrived, and the dream ended there.
Anyways, there were lots of other things that happened in that dream that i can't remember, but i know they were there. When i try to think about it, i find what feels like distant memories, and those memories go in hand with intense fear.
While it played like a nightmare, it was actually exciting. I enjoyed it. lol
Then i had another dream.
I went down to a dock. There was a group of people. I asked someone something in a whisper, and he pointed me to a blond boy standing a few metres away. I approached him and he smiled in a friendly way. He was really gorgeous.
I bought cocaine from him. Then we talked. I talked a lot about random stuff. I confessed it was because i was nervous. He said it was okay. I felt a connection to him.
As we were at the dock, a helicopter appeared. A horse was being carried in a harness by the helicopter, and it was lowered onto the deck.
The end.
O_O
Saturday, July 4, 2009
F*ck You. ^____^
I don't usually post vids, but i love this song. I love Lily Allen. ^_^
There's a liiiiiittle bit of coarse language. lol
That is all. :)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
My Butt Was So Wet.
I can't really be stuffed writing all about this twice, so i'll just post it from a convo i had with Joshie. :)
Joshua says:
how's you?
Mboy says:
im k :P
Mboy says:
i went for a run in the pouring rain
Mboy says:
beeg mistake
Mboy says:
:P
Joshua says:
:P
Joshua says:
you get all wet?
Mboy says:
haha
Mboy says:
saoked
Mboy says:
also
Mboy says:
soaked
Mboy says:
with the music blaring in my ears (from my iPod)
Mboy says:
and as i had to focus on where i was stepping (with puddles and stuff)
Mboy says:
the wind roaring
Mboy says:
and the rain pouring down
Mboy says:
i was oblivious to the pain
Mboy says:
and i pushed myself beyond what i was capable of
Mboy says:
lol
Mboy says:
anyways
Joshua says:
:)
Mboy says:
when i got home i was hurty in more places than i thought i had :O
Joshua says:
aww
Funny thing is though, my foot was really sore before i left. It had been hurting for days, and like, it was so painful i had a limp when i walked. Like i'd hurt a muscle in it or something.
Now, it feels perfectly fine. :D
Funny. Anyways. I love running. It's awesome even when im getting pelted in the face by rain. :P
In other news, i baked pink scones yesterday. :O
They didn't turn out as pretty as i envisaged. lol
But they were really nice. :)
Completely random. lol.
That is all. :)
Joshua says:
how's you?
Mboy says:
im k :P
Mboy says:
i went for a run in the pouring rain
Mboy says:
beeg mistake
Mboy says:
:P
Joshua says:
:P
Joshua says:
you get all wet?
Mboy says:
haha
Mboy says:
saoked
Mboy says:
also
Mboy says:
soaked
Mboy says:
with the music blaring in my ears (from my iPod)
Mboy says:
and as i had to focus on where i was stepping (with puddles and stuff)
Mboy says:
the wind roaring
Mboy says:
and the rain pouring down
Mboy says:
i was oblivious to the pain
Mboy says:
and i pushed myself beyond what i was capable of
Mboy says:
lol
Mboy says:
anyways
Joshua says:
:)
Mboy says:
when i got home i was hurty in more places than i thought i had :O
Joshua says:
aww
Funny thing is though, my foot was really sore before i left. It had been hurting for days, and like, it was so painful i had a limp when i walked. Like i'd hurt a muscle in it or something.
Now, it feels perfectly fine. :D
Funny. Anyways. I love running. It's awesome even when im getting pelted in the face by rain. :P
In other news, i baked pink scones yesterday. :O
They didn't turn out as pretty as i envisaged. lol
But they were really nice. :)
And i've been hanging onto this for a long time, but haven't gotten around to showing it. :P
Completely random. lol.
That is all. :)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Fuck You Very Much.
Ever wondered why i have this message above my comments box?
"Don't leave a comment telling me how i whinge, or i bore you, or how i'm annoying, or i'm lame, or you don't like me, or i depress you, or i upset you, or you want to punch me, or that you hate me and my blog, or that you want me to die etc.
See, that classifies you as a fuckwit. Are you a fuckwit?
All other comments are welcome. :)"
Good ol' anonymous commenters.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to or being too shy make a profile for people to see who you are. In this gay world of ours, i guess people 'in the closet' are quite worried that someone will find out who they are and spill their secret.
But i'm talking the kind of anons who like to abuse people and (try to) say hurtful things, and yet are so gutless that they hide behind anonymity. The kind who leave a pathetic remark and then disappear. The sorts of people who are just plain losers.
Remember that post i made about suicide? When i was really down? You probably don't. lol. It was ages ago. Anyways...
"Anonymous said...
As nike says, just do IT."
Oh yeah. And when i got past that episode...
"Anonymous said...
GAY"
Weirdo.
Oh. Then came the abuse from a real life person in my circle of friends. Not only did this c*nt not have the guts to tell me to my face, he couldn't even put his name up.
"Anonymous said...
1.kidding yourself
2.wtf?
3.omg everyones gonna find out your gay how depressing go cry in a corner and im pretty sure like 50 kids per day get in situations like that so deal with fuck stick
4.know one cares about your little homo sittuations.
ps. go fuck yourself or your cat cos that seems to be your only pictures i mean cmon are you rooting your cats your like the crazy cat lady but even more gay
pss.go die kno onelikes yo."
And after my response.
"Anonymous said...
1.WOW I dont correct my words perfectly for your gay ass taste
2.I have better things than to type a fucking novel at probly dark ass room surrounded by the light coming out of a computer.
3.know cares go die ect ect
4.also know cares about your small ass townps go die
PSS if u have any problems im at ----whitepride@hotmail.com----"
Nice generic email address there.
And i mean wtf. I sit in a well-lit room... I have lights!
That's why i don't stay in contact with 'friends' from my old school.
Here's some more abuse from one of my readers. :)
"Anonymous said...
i used to love your site and you but you now are becomeing a winging bore..today i watched the news on the bushfires and the many sad stories comeing out of there...makes your trouble look small...i know u will delete this thats ok...wish u all the best 4 the future...am now going to delete this site from my list of favs."
I was having a hard time. I'd been OUTED at school. Just cos other people were having a hard time, that doesn't mean my struggle was any less hard.
Oh, here's a quickie.
"Anonymous said...
you're annoying"
Gee thanks fuck you.
When i took my break from blogging because i had a lot on my mind...
"Anonymous said...
Mirror
I think you and AJ are just quitters. That simple"
Ugh. So i defended myself, and so did my friends.
"Anonymous said...
So perfect. A group of upset teens who can only think of venting their anger. Look, all I said was that they were quitters. Period. Actually, when you look at it, they did just quit. I didn't say "Fuck you asshole, you shouldn't post anything ever again." Nope. Not anything close. I just said they were quitters. In fact, I stated it in such a way that it would prod them a bit--as it indeed seemed to do. Of course, the rest of the gang decided to pile on. I didn't say anything to the rest of you, and I didn't say anything particularly offensive to the blogkeeper. But that sure hasn't stopped y'all from bash, bash, bash. The expletives, etc. And does it really matter if I have a blog or not? Maybe I've got more experience with such matters than you could hope to. Perhaps I understand how to get someone to consider a different view of reality. Just maybe I do such things for a living? Hmmmm, isn't that possible? Or is the Net now becoming a place for adolescents, mature and otherwise, to simply vent anger at anyone. If you want to be respected, be respectful of others. Again, I didn't attack anyone in an offensive way. But that the same could be said for you..."
Bla bla bla.
And then when someone joked about pushing this anon off the proverbial cliff...
"Interesting display of violence simply because of something I said. Wow. Did you ever hear of a guy named Matthew Shepard? He was killed in Wyoming several years back--actually tied to a fence and then killed--simply because he was gay and unwilling to be quiet about it. Someone voices a thought and you not only contemplate pushing me off a cliff but do a jig about it and a high five celebration. Sad. Really sad. I don't know where the violent urge is coming from, but I don't think I've said anything to merit that kind of violent response. I didn't manifest a voice of hatred, and I sure didn't suggest pusshing anyone off a cliff, never mind celebrating it. You want to defend someone, great, defend with thoughts and ideas. Don't use violence to triumph, because in the end, it never does. Just ask Matthew Shepard's killers or his parents."
That's just... lol.
And here's the latest prick who's just plain rude.
"Anonymous said...
post pics of yourself.
we all know you're not doing it so people will give you attention.
-.-"
"Anonymous said...
hey mirrorboy
you're an over dramatic attention whore.
:)"
"Anonymous said...
at least i'm not pathetic like you.
:)"
So my point is. I've been blogging for a long time. I've heard it all. Even from people i know.
So i really just don't care. Anonymous commenters who leave abuse are incredibly pathetic. The above examples are evidence of their consistent stupidity. That fact that i'm a blogger with my heart out there for everyone to see, while you're too gutless to even show your name, gives your words... very little impact.
"Don't leave a comment telling me how i whinge, or i bore you, or how i'm annoying, or i'm lame, or you don't like me, or i depress you, or i upset you, or you want to punch me, or that you hate me and my blog, or that you want me to die etc.
See, that classifies you as a fuckwit. Are you a fuckwit?
All other comments are welcome. :)"
Good ol' anonymous commenters.
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to or being too shy make a profile for people to see who you are. In this gay world of ours, i guess people 'in the closet' are quite worried that someone will find out who they are and spill their secret.
But i'm talking the kind of anons who like to abuse people and (try to) say hurtful things, and yet are so gutless that they hide behind anonymity. The kind who leave a pathetic remark and then disappear. The sorts of people who are just plain losers.
Remember that post i made about suicide? When i was really down? You probably don't. lol. It was ages ago. Anyways...
"Anonymous said...
As nike says, just do IT."
Oh yeah. And when i got past that episode...
"Anonymous said...
GAY"
Weirdo.
Oh. Then came the abuse from a real life person in my circle of friends. Not only did this c*nt not have the guts to tell me to my face, he couldn't even put his name up.
"Anonymous said...
1.kidding yourself
2.wtf?
3.omg everyones gonna find out your gay how depressing go cry in a corner and im pretty sure like 50 kids per day get in situations like that so deal with fuck stick
4.know one cares about your little homo sittuations.
ps. go fuck yourself or your cat cos that seems to be your only pictures i mean cmon are you rooting your cats your like the crazy cat lady but even more gay
pss.go die kno onelikes yo."
And after my response.
"Anonymous said...
1.WOW I dont correct my words perfectly for your gay ass taste
2.I have better things than to type a fucking novel at probly dark ass room surrounded by the light coming out of a computer.
3.know cares go die ect ect
4.also know cares about your small ass townps go die
PSS if u have any problems im at ----whitepride@hotmail.com----"
Nice generic email address there.
And i mean wtf. I sit in a well-lit room... I have lights!
That's why i don't stay in contact with 'friends' from my old school.
Here's some more abuse from one of my readers. :)
"Anonymous said...
i used to love your site and you but you now are becomeing a winging bore..today i watched the news on the bushfires and the many sad stories comeing out of there...makes your trouble look small...i know u will delete this thats ok...wish u all the best 4 the future...am now going to delete this site from my list of favs."
I was having a hard time. I'd been OUTED at school. Just cos other people were having a hard time, that doesn't mean my struggle was any less hard.
Oh, here's a quickie.
"Anonymous said...
you're annoying"
Gee thanks fuck you.
When i took my break from blogging because i had a lot on my mind...
"Anonymous said...
Mirror
I think you and AJ are just quitters. That simple"
Ugh. So i defended myself, and so did my friends.
"Anonymous said...
So perfect. A group of upset teens who can only think of venting their anger. Look, all I said was that they were quitters. Period. Actually, when you look at it, they did just quit. I didn't say "Fuck you asshole, you shouldn't post anything ever again." Nope. Not anything close. I just said they were quitters. In fact, I stated it in such a way that it would prod them a bit--as it indeed seemed to do. Of course, the rest of the gang decided to pile on. I didn't say anything to the rest of you, and I didn't say anything particularly offensive to the blogkeeper. But that sure hasn't stopped y'all from bash, bash, bash. The expletives, etc. And does it really matter if I have a blog or not? Maybe I've got more experience with such matters than you could hope to. Perhaps I understand how to get someone to consider a different view of reality. Just maybe I do such things for a living? Hmmmm, isn't that possible? Or is the Net now becoming a place for adolescents, mature and otherwise, to simply vent anger at anyone. If you want to be respected, be respectful of others. Again, I didn't attack anyone in an offensive way. But that the same could be said for you..."
Bla bla bla.
And then when someone joked about pushing this anon off the proverbial cliff...
"Interesting display of violence simply because of something I said. Wow. Did you ever hear of a guy named Matthew Shepard? He was killed in Wyoming several years back--actually tied to a fence and then killed--simply because he was gay and unwilling to be quiet about it. Someone voices a thought and you not only contemplate pushing me off a cliff but do a jig about it and a high five celebration. Sad. Really sad. I don't know where the violent urge is coming from, but I don't think I've said anything to merit that kind of violent response. I didn't manifest a voice of hatred, and I sure didn't suggest pusshing anyone off a cliff, never mind celebrating it. You want to defend someone, great, defend with thoughts and ideas. Don't use violence to triumph, because in the end, it never does. Just ask Matthew Shepard's killers or his parents."
That's just... lol.
And here's the latest prick who's just plain rude.
"Anonymous said...
post pics of yourself.
we all know you're not doing it so people will give you attention.
-.-"
"Anonymous said...
hey mirrorboy
you're an over dramatic attention whore.
:)"
"Anonymous said...
at least i'm not pathetic like you.
:)"
So my point is. I've been blogging for a long time. I've heard it all. Even from people i know.
So i really just don't care. Anonymous commenters who leave abuse are incredibly pathetic. The above examples are evidence of their consistent stupidity. That fact that i'm a blogger with my heart out there for everyone to see, while you're too gutless to even show your name, gives your words... very little impact.
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