Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Yup. I'm sick.

I feel weak and have no energy and my body's achey and it hurts when i move a lot. As well as a bunch of other things but i won't bore you with the rest.

At least i get a couple days off school. *weak smile*

Oh yeah, i guess i'm not as sad as the other day. I just have bad days sometimes. The fact that i was alone in my room (and starting to get sick) probably made everything worse.

I came to a realization the other day too.

Nobody has the right to complain about their own lives.

People should stop moping in their own sadness - that they got a bad hand in life or they're unlucky. Cos then they don't make an effort to change.

We are ALL capable of being happy. But some of us just have to wait for it, or work for it.

Just cos you're overweight, or have bad skin or big bones, or a quiet voice or you're going bald, doesn't mean you should give up and whinge and whine and get depressed.

You have to make an effort to change. If you can't change what's 'wrong' with you, then you need to change your own view about it. And if you don't, then it's your own fault if you're a sad hermit for the rest of your life.

I've got a hundred things i'm working on for myself. I view myself as a bit of a mess. I'm like that. I have awful self issues and pick on everything about me - some with good reason, and some without.

There were some things i hated about myself that took a really long time to accept. I felt so unlucky. 'Why am i this way when others get it so easy?'

But once you realise that some things are beyond your control, you start to realise that there's nothing really wrong with having something or being a particular way in the first place.

It doesn't condemn you to a life of sadness. It doesn't prevent you from making good friends and being successful.

But if you can't take your mind off the bad things, when you should be striving for the good things, then it's really your own fault if life sucks.

Eh. What's the point of this post? I can't remember. :/

Anyways, i was gonna mention that i'm working on losing weight again. All this stress recently really hasn't done any good for my self-esteem. I comfort eat a lot.

For a while last year, i was happy. Life was kind of 'normal'. I could focus on eating healthier and making an effort, and i lost weight.

Now i've just been coming home after school, grabbing a bag of chips or something and heading to my room to watch TV or play games. It was the only way i could relax.

But guess what. When i look in the mirror nowadays and see what i'm becoming again, i just get unhappier about myself. And for fuck sake, that's all i need!

I'm only making things worse, so i've gotta change. I've done this before, and was doing okay, before i was outed. When i was outed, my world came crashing down and everything changed, and my mind moved from losing weight, to pretty much my own survival.

I can't let this go on. It's not going to get better. So i'm going to go back to losing weight.

All i need to do is find that fire within me that used to drive me.

Anyways. Nostalgia - Mario Kart 64 song remix kinda. I smiled while listening to this.

No more lazing about. ;)



Anonymous said...

Get better son. :)

You remind me of what I tell my housemates all the time about getting upset: "you do not have the right to not be offended." XD

I'm sure that's not entirely true, but it sounds good.

AJCon89 said...

good for you buddy...

I am very proud of you for taking these steps... its amazing that you have the strength to work on stuff like this

but on a side note... you do have the right to get depressed or angry... you shouldnt brush aside your feelings...

you should just work to correct the causes as well... and you are doing that.


Mirrorboy said...

You can get angry or sad, but those feelings should be used as fuel to drive you to make a change for the better. :)

Tombi04 said...

Hope you get well soon.


I'm glad to see your not so sad anymore.

Aek said...

Get better soon! Bed rest it up while you can. :P

I kind of stopped trying to lose weight for a few weeks cuz I was so stressed. I'm kind of the opposite in that I eat almost nothing when I'm busy, but when I do eat, I tend to binge a bit. :-/

I should hit up the gym again!

As always, your cats pics are awesome. ^_^ And nice song too. Mario makes me happy.

Word verification: "unitypeg" o.O

Randy said...

LOL, i would normally lend you some advice...

It looks like you have your shit together tho, so I won't bother.

I have been where you have been, and needed a friend to talk to... You have us, and your lucky...

Set small goals, regardless of the situation. If you aim small you miss small. And keep your chin up kid, life gets so much better....

BTW, after your last post I sent an email w/ a gift to cheer ya up. I hope it worked...

Seth said...

That's a pretty heavy - and uplifting - post you did.

Feel better :)'

disesse - hope you don't have it

KCEmpath said...

I remember that anything can be worse than what is going on right now ... I just look around, read the news, drive down the highway and see a wreck ... things can always be worse.

The other thing I do is to take stock of what I DO have rather than lingering on the thoughts of what I DO NOT have.

naturgesetz said...

I can't produce a mental image of you overweight. You *could* give us a neck-to knees picture (clothed, of course) so we can see what you see in that famous mirror.

As for sick — get well; take good care of yourself.

And I like your positive attitude. Although I do think people have a right to tell others when things are going badly.

word verification — "misari" = the condition that loves company, so it needs to let people know it's there

cvn70 said...


you need to take some medicines for all that sickness, i hope you feel better

I think we have the right to complain about ourselves but i agree you can not let it rule your life and you should try to improve your lot in life a little bit at least every day somehow.

Sure i encourage you to lose wieght and stay away from the chips and cookies but know i trhtink your soul is teh most beautiful about you.

Hey take it one day at a time and enjoy each day a little, what is tis a song you listen to with actual words in it lol

take care and be safe

Anonymous said...

I hope you feel better soon too.


And what you said about changing something, or at least your view made sense to me and really struck a chord. Sometimes I need someone to kick me into shape like that. I know this probably wasn't directed at me, but it did apply to me.

And as far as you go with your weight loss, i know you can do it, just make sure you do it in a healthy way, which I think you will.

And I know you probably don't care too much about this... but it is kinda what I'm going to school for:

Make sure you get working out too. The ONLY way to lose weight is to burn more calories than you consume. So that means doing some sort of work out. I don't know if your into this but you should do some sort of weight training too, because it builds more lean body mass and that increases the amount of calories you burn in a day. But muscle also weighs more than fat so looking at the scale isn't always the best.

And whatever you do, don't just stop eating. Thats the worse thing you can do because your body picks up on it as you're starving and it burns your muscle tissue first, then fat.

I'm done rambling, sorry. But I did drop over 40 lbs when i was your age so I do know what its like (yeah I was a chubby kid)

PoisonedHappiness said...

I love you buddy, you are sometimes more mature than I am and you speak in way that it looks so easy to do.

As for loosing weight - how much you weight and how much you wanna loose? We can maybe share some tips? I'm right now kinda confused because even tho I'm trying to keep amount of energy I'm giving to my body and because of this traveling I walk a lot and sometimes I feel like I don't even have energy left to fall asleep I keep same weight :(


Deadwing said...

You are absolutely right. Doing nothing but whining about our problems will accomplish nothing. I think a small amount of bitching is a healthy way to vent a little. But to dwell on our short comings, either real or perceived, can do nothing but harm. Taking charge and actively trying to change yourself for the better is sometimes a rough road to travel. Which is why so many don't take that path. Good for you for tackling the things you want to change.

I hope you feel better soon.

Planetx_123 said...

Very true indeed. You should find a local gym with really cute boys...thats always good motivation; its been working for me for the last few months :-)

Much Love,

Anonymous said...

Cats - the gurus at our feet :)

Rudolf Steiner (1861-1925): "The outer world, with all its phenomena, is filled with divine splendour, but we must have experienced the divine within ourselves, before we can hope to discover it in our environment."
"Where would our divine freedom be if external nature protected us like helpless children, led by the hand? No, external nature must deny us everything so that the happiness we achieve is wholly our own independent creation."
"Pain is heightened - not lessened - consciousness."
"We penetrate into the spiritual world by imagination, inspiration and intuition. This is how we immerse ourselves in the spiritual world by transformation of the soul. It cannot be attained by empty phrases or meaningless mystical talk about losing oneself in this or the other, but only by really earnest work on the soul."

Gautama Buddha (ca 563-483 BC): "You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."

Lao Tzu (ca 600 BC): "Those who wish to embody the Tao should embrace all things. To embrace all things means first that one holds no anger or resistance toward any idea or thing, living or dead, formed or formless. Letting go of antagonism and separation, one enters into the harmonious oneness of all things."

St John of the Cross (1542-1591): "Mine are the heavens and mine is the earth. Mine are the nations, the just are mine, and mine the sinners. The angels are mine, and the Mother of God, and all things are mine; and God himself is mine and for me, because Christ is mine and all for me. What do you ask, then, and seek, my soul? Yours is all of this, and all is for you."

Jalaluddin Rumi (1207-1273): "This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and attend them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond."