My best friend Matthew.

Matthew is a nice person, i have no doubt about that. He tries to be nice to everyone. He loves animals. He's nice to me and he always laughs at my jokes... but he laughs at pretty much anything i say really... From the outside, if you didn't really know him that well, i guess that's the sort of impression you'd get. Nice. Loves animals. Loves the Lord of the Rings. My best friend who always listens to me and supports me the best he can.

I know virtually everything there is to know about him. He wants to be a zoologist (is that right?) and he wants to write creative stories about animals as well. He tells me everything. I know who he hates and who he likes. I know the sort of music he's into. I know what excites him and what makes him squirm.

And he's not my ideal best friend.

There is only one word to describe him... naive. I am the complete opposite of naive. I've seen how cruel the world can be. I've had to deal with shit that he doesn't even know exists.

So how can i connect with someone like that? I consider my homosexuality to be a big part of me. Many other people who aren't straight would probably agree with me, when i say that i don't feel someone can truly know me until they know my orientation.

For crying out loud, he didn't even know what a bisexual was until last friday when i explained it to him.

His parents have kept him in a cocoon his whole life. He knows absolutely nothing of sexuality. I don't think he even knows what masturbation is. Telling him i am gay would be like telling my grandma. He'd probably just go blank and freeze. It's such an unknown concept to him. What the hell am i supposed to do?

What would he do? Would he be freaked out? Probably. Even if i made him promise not to tell anyone he would probably blurt it out to him parents. Then that would start the chain reaction to many of us know about.

But there is one thing... two things actually. I write one book, UNIVERSES, and I'm planning for my next, HOPE HURTS. He has read UNIVERSES from the start, and that has a gay character in it. Coltrane. The bad thing is... I don't think Matthew's even figured it out yet. Next post i will put in an excerpt or something. You will see what i mean.

PS. my statcounter has finally gone up a bit :D
And i'm trying to get milkboys to link to me. Come on guys! Pleeeeeeeeeease!