Monday, January 4, 2010

Why I'm Leaving.

Well i said i'd post my reasons for leaving blogworld, and here they are.

I've always valued other people's wellbeing over my own. I've always been quick to bend over backwards to help someone else whenever i could.

The fact is, the more problems and issues of other people that i take on, the harder it gets for me. Things that weigh other people down get shifted onto me, and then i myself find it hard to cope, because it gets me down. And it isn't always a conscious thing. Our blogworld is here for people to post the ups and downs, and let's face it, most of us come here for support. It's not hard to come across a blog with someone having a tough time. Whenever i do that, i get involved, and i end up very emotionally invested in people. I've spent many hours writing emails of support and caring, and countless hours on msn talking to people going through their tough times.

So that's why i stopped reading blogs, why i rarely check my emails, and why i don't go on msn that much. Because i'm a 16 year old boy with his own problems, and i can't be everyone's psychologist.

I've come to the conclusion that i can't go on laying myself down in the mud for people to use as a stepping stone forever. While my efforts have been fruitful and i have helped a lot of people, i can't go on. If you milk a cow forever, eventually it's going to just give up and fall over and die. I have to look after myself as number 1, and that's advice from my psychologist. She said to me something like, "The first thing they tell you when you take on psychology, is to look after yourself first. You can't help anyone if you're not in a good state yourself." And i have been overwhelmed and i have taken on too much, many times. It's the reason why i had to keep taking 'breaks' from blogworld, with them growing longer and longer and more frequent.

So my psych said it shouldn't be up to me to save everyone. But i argued, if there was something, anything i could do, to make someone's life better, shouldn't i do it? Well her answer was, if it comes at the expense of my own wellbeing, no. And why is it my responsibility in the first place? At first i thought that was brutal, but i've come to realise how much it makes sense. If someone else's life sucks, it isn't my fault. It's fine to try and help how i can, but i can't string myself out for days on end trying to make their life perfect again. There's only so much a kid in Australia can do, and it's time to realise that fixing people's biggest problems shouldn't be my biggest priority.

I've done as much as i can here, in this community. It can't go on forever, and my time here is drawing to a very close end. I have to look after me, and my own problems. I have things in my own life i should be thinking about, not pushing them to the side to deal with other people's crap.



I hope i'm making sense. It is complicated, and it is a very, very tough decision for me to leave. But i think it's what is best for me. While it may not be the best for other people out there, when you really come down to it, my coming to this community has had a largely positive impact on many other people's lives, and that's a good thing, isn't it? I've made a difference, and now it's time to move on because i can't do it any more.

Yes, i think that makes more sense.



Anyways, i'm still yet to decide to what extent i will be leaving blogworld and its community. I realise that many of you have become very invested in me, and in the same way, i've made many good friends through my blog that i care about deeply, and i by no means intend to cut them off.

So, i'm certain i'll be leaving in one sense or another, but there is still much to be decided upon. Whether i'll make infrequent posts or not to let you know how i'm doing. Or if i'll keep reading the blogs of others to catch up on their lives. I may do neither, and just stick to contacting people through msn and emails. How much of each will be a good amount? I don't know yet.

But what i do know is that things have to change, because it's sending me downhill, and i've been waiting for that uphill for so goddamn long. Now that it's finally come, i do not intend to miss my chance to grab it with both hands



I hope my mixed metaphors throughout this post haven't confused anyone even more. :I

30 comments:

Len said...

MB, you are 100% right, You need to take care of yourself 1st and others 2nd. You ahve done many people a favour and its time we repayed you the same in giving you your time and space. You say your not leaving for good so thats a positive, just cut back. Rest and enjoy what ever it is that you want to do and as I say in all my posting and replies... Be Safe

pinstripe said...

haha.. I was gonna write something about milking you. But I decided against it.

<3

Synx said...

i completely understand and i'm sorry that it has come to this in a way -- you shouldn't have to bear something this big at so young an age. no matter you do, or how you decide to hande this, aside from people that want support and all of those things, we are also friends.

please remember. we want you to stay -- all of us -- but more than that, we want you to be happy and for that, we are willing to let you go.

take care, m-boy.

Planetx_123 said...

No everything makes perfect sense! Of course you come first, and I can't believe that anyone on here won't understand that.

I would suggest, however, that blogging doesn't have to be about everyone else. Certainly, many people use blogs as personal journals. However, I understand how it would be difficult to change from your current involvement to a 'mboy only' blog. Maybe it wouldn't be possible for you to separate the two, maybe it would still impose an obligation to you that would be unacceptable. If that's the case, then I completely understand leaving entirely. However, if you can just sparsely post about you, for the sake of all of the people out here that care about you--then obviously, I would (selfishly) love that!

I know we aren't 'really close' friends, so I don't expect any e-mails from you; so, if you leave, then that's all of the mboy that I will ever hear about--and that makes me sad. Maybe you could do things like turn off comments or create a new, separate blog with a different focus: only your sparse journal, not for other people--just for you.

Whatever you decide, I really care for you, and am so happy that you have outgrown the support net here in the blog world. You're such an amazing person, Mboy--and I'm glad that you have realized that.

Much Much Love,
Steve

aron2631 said...

MB, I hope that there will come a day in the not so distant future when you can fully come back to blogworld with a healthy sense of detachment, without feeling that need to take on everyone's troubles. When you do, we'll get more of -you-, which will be a blessing to all of us.

Cheers,

Aron

Billy said...

That sounds like wise advice that you've been given.

As well as the respect you've earned by your care and support, you have shown by your example that even when you're in a really bad situation there is hope, things will get better. Your story also shows how getting help from someone like a psychologist can make a real difference.

I wish you well, and every success in your VCE.

Dave83201 said...

Good luck and God bless Mirrorboy.

I hope it isn't said by anyone that you're leaving the blogging community because now that you've been given all the support you personally need, you don't care to give any back. I think its clear you care too much, and are mature enough to realize how it can be a constant drain on your mental well being.

Some people can handle bearing others burdens more than others, and they will be here to help the next "Mirrorboy" that comes along, so don't worry. You just keep safe, move forward, and most of all -- BE HAPPY!

Remember you have a whole lot of people out here who love you and wish you well. Keep that in mind the next time things get difficult.

naturgesetz said...

What you say makes perfect sense.

I'm glad you realize that you don't have to leave altogether, at least in theory. The main thing is deciding not to solve everybody's problems.

I would guess that the safest thing is to give us an occasional post on how things are going with you. I hope you'll do that at least. The online convos may be the most likely to draw you into solving people's problems, idk.

Anyway, I do hope you'll give us the occasional post when there's something significant, important, or interesting to tell us about.

And I hope you've looked at the e-mail I sent a couple of days ago. I think you'll like it.

Landyn said...

Not like we've even talked in months, but now I need to leave a response.

I wanna say that you're using other people's problems as a cop-out to leave. You've found a BF - awesome. Really it is.

Because of that, however, you are leaving a part of your life that has helped you so very much through a lot of your hardest times. What happens if something goes wrong and you get sad again at some point?

Are you gonna try and come back saying "oh just kidding!!!! Something bad happened so now I'm gonna come back to you guys"

Seriously, why cant you just separate yourself from being so emotionally invested? You're right, you can't solve everyone's problems. You CAN, however, be a source of inspiration and help to those who are struggling at no emotional cost to yourself.

By blogging, you have been able to give people hope and let them know that there is something on the other side of a life that is terrible.

Once you get a moment of happiness and relaxation, you just pack up and leave? Saying "I can't take on everyone's problems cuz its dragging me down?" Then DON'T take on everyone's problems. Blogging is about YOU and YOUR life.

Obviously you have lots of people you care about, but that doesnt mean you need to constantly put yourself in their position and try and feel their pain.

You can offer advice, and even if not that, you can just post what's happening in your life so you can continue to be a source of help and guidance to those who have none.

Don't just use the people of blogland for when you need them. We are all people too with lives of our own. We make friends and care about lots of people. Once things start picking up in your life, that's AWESOME! It really is! BUT, it doesn't mean you can just pack up and leave with nobody feeling hurt.

Whether of not you're happy, sad, angry, or frustrated, if a blogger (especially one who has been a pretty big source of new blogs) decides to leave - it impacts a lot of people.

I'm agreeing that you need to take a step back in your emotional investment in everyone, but I don't agree with you totally bailing on this blog that has been an integral part in shaping yourself.

Either way, best wishes.

Ryan said...

Mirrorboy, I never had the chance to really get to know you outside your blog. I never chatted with you much On MSN, and although I would have loved to, a friendship with you wasn't ever something I could get to happen. But, you and your psychologist are completely correct. You have to take care of yourself before anything else, and even if we were to never hear from you again(which WOULD be terrible), at least we would know that you are happy! Which brings a smile to my face!

I personally hope you can bear to at least give us an update on the great adventures of Mboy once in a while, but, if your doing it for us and not for you... you shouldn't do it!

Whether it is the end or not, we know you will be the sort of person who does great things in his life. You have proven to the blog world that you can handle the lowest lows and come back swinging. Your adventures, experiences, achievements and stories in life will be rich and amazing. Just never stop doing it just for someone else, and don't stop letting Mboy have fun.

Lots of love,
Ryan

Rowan D said...

Mirrorboy, it is sad to hear you are leaving, i haven't been following your blog for too long and i still care so this will probably hit home a lot harder to other people who have been here for about a year and a half.

However, i accept, and others should, that if it is for the greater good then you simply need to leave.
We can't always be looking out for other people, as you said, especially when we have problems of our own.

You have done good things for people and made friends and if you feel you should stop, don't let anyone stop you stopping :P

You will be missed, but as my grandad said -

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Cheers,
Rowan

Anonymous said...

It makes me happy to see you making the changes you need to make, to better you mental health and enjoy life.

Ron said...

hey there,

what your psychologist said is certainly true. you must take care of yourself in order to properly help others. this is true in any case where we come into contact into people's lives and try to find ways to help them. Lol, that's why they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others :P

well, i only recently started reading your blog, and i hope you'll leave the blog community feeling good in your heart, although you'll be leaving a few friends behind. I'm sure you've helped many, and as you grow stronger by taking care of yourself, you'll be able to help more.

Take care

Ron

WkBoy714 said...

Aah mirrorboy, well it was a fun ride but if your time's up then go for it ...personally I hope this isn't it forever, but whatever you decide I'll try to live by. We hope blogging helped you just as much as you helped us, if you ever need that again you could always try back here.

You've changed recently and hopefully for the better, though sadly in my opinion I hardly get to speak to you anymore.. if we never speak again, know that I hold you as one of those friends who I've emotionally deposited into, and I won't forget you in a hurry ..

Although at the end of the day you're right, you're 16, you have a tough life as it is, and it's your job to go out and enjoy yourself. However you want, even if it means putting all this behind you.

Whatever happens I love and miss you and will carry on to, *hug*

Mind Of Mine said...

The fact that you are this wise and perceptive at 16 just shows that you will go far in this world!

Goodbye, for now.

Hope said...

I'm very sorry that you had to come to this conclusion.

Espcially because I just found you and now your leaving.

Though I compeltley understand why, and I agree with you and your counseler.

You've got to do what makes you happy in life. And the point of these blogs is to help and relieve stress....not cause more.

SO im sorry. This truly sucks...but as long as your happy than thats all that matters at the end of the day.^^

I'm sure if I would of found you sooner we would been awsome friends.

Thanks for everything.

Hope-

Just said...

I respect your choice. I so agree with it too ... Man do what you got to do for you. Who knows maybe later in life you will come back to help people again or do it for a living. But nobody can fault you for leaving for these reasons, and at least you not going high and dry.... I so wish you and bitboy luck. Better yet I wish you happiness.... Take Care of Yourslef Mboy... Be a teenage Kid.... Glad, I stumble on your blog..... Lee

Wolf said...

its true, about you being caring and getting involved and indeed you should put your well being first.

*hugs*

in whatever scale you are leaving you will be missed,to say ur blog and youurself has helped me through some tough times is an understatement

-W

j said...

I understand you need to take care of yourself, yes. But the thing is, this same community has been there for you. Blogging isn't so much about our problems, but for support.

Each person you've helped, you've also gained a friend. Every single person that you've helped, has helped you as well - maybe not directly but as a person, they've helped you become who you are. I understand you can get emotionally attached, but that's life. Everyone needs a helping hand when they are down. You are a wonderful person and one that many look up too; but saying all the problems in our world are bringing you back down is ridiculous.

I have to agree with Landyn on this one. He pretty much said everything in my mind.

Mirrorboy, your blog has given everyone a small window into your life. A way to see how it is to be different, maybe not the picture perfect life, and progress. Read your own words, from beginning to end, and you'll understand. This community has helped you grow and lead you to your first taste of love. Now don't throw that away.

Anyway, I hope things go well for you, and even though some words can be harsh, they need to be said.

J.

Jack Lewis said...

This is my first comment, on what is your last post. You don't have to post it if you don't want, as long as I know you read it.

I have been reading for a while and I never took you as a user -- willing to soak up all the support you can, but the second you reach some kind of stability you bail out. Your needs get met and you suddenly you can't find the strength in you to reach out and inspire others?

Stunning and so disappointing.

Ethan said...

I don't know you that well so being an outsider I can say that you are right. You have done all that you can to help people and you have to be able to think about yourself 1st before you try to worry about everyone else.

Well if you decide to leave blogger once and for all I just want to say that I think you should at least leave your blog and ALL of its post up. Why? Even though you MIGHT leave completely I think you can still help people out who come across your blog

Well whatever you do good luck M-boy take care
Ethan

oldmidhurstian said...

It all makes sense to me, Mboy, do what's best for you that's the only thing that matters

Hope it all gets better

Love
Mac

deejohn said...

mb, Just got to say that I thought Landyn was being brutally honest in his response. He may have even been saying what many of us wanted to say.
It was always a bit of a mystery why you took on the role of being an emotional samaritan when your own world was a rollercoaster of ups and downs.

It took me a while to realize that a lot of pain in your life came about cos of your involvement in other guy's problems. You was taking on too much.

So why not just take a rest and come back refreshed and not get so emotionally involved in other peoples lives. It will give you heaps of spare time to concentrate on your own life, because it's you we want to hear about and whats going on in your life.

I'd hate to think that just another mirrorboy will pop up and take your place. There's only one Mirrorboy. But of course you must do what makes you happy.

Lots of Love.

D. xxx

Aek said...

I understand your predicament and your reasons for wanting to leave the blogosphere. But Landyn does have a point - there's a difference between distancing yourself and continuing to blog for yourself, and investing your whole into your blog and everyone else's.

No one can or should ask you to be their psychologist, as a 16yo kid. You shouldn't put yourself in that situation. And I'm sorry it's come this far.

It would be nice to see you post about your uphill travels, since it's what many have been hoping for you. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck and a great 2010.

Interestingly . . . my word verification is "Mulan." o_O

Daily Dan said...

im very surprised at a few comments. i never thought id see a certain person write what they wrote.

In response to what landyn said, yes mirrorboy does impact many lives and has offered his advise to pretty much all of us. But in the end, its mirrorboys decision. You shouldnt get upset at him for simply doing what he feels is best for him. If he wants to leave, i say good for him. Hes got the balls to do what he feels is right.

John in London said...

16 and so old already!

Maybe getting away from blogging will help you to relax a bit.

Ever thought of switching off the comments and just writing for your own benefit?

xthecouragex said...

I can understand why you're leaving mboy. What you were told about looking out for yourself first is completely true. I was told that myself. After all, you are the only person you can change completely.

I don't think it's right for people to criticize the amount of support you've put into this community. That is how we became such close friends, because I was pretty much a stranger who you talked to a little, and then I went through a really hard time and you were there for me. Just like you've been here for others too.

It's not like this is you're career, helping people with their problems. You're 16 years old. You need to live. If you feel like your blog is holding you back then by all means leave it behind.

I also understand what you mean by you getting emotionally attached to the problems you read about. And I think that shows that you care a ton about people.

I will say that I hope you post once in a while to let us know how you're doing. Because I know I'll miss seeing you on my blogs list.

And who knows, if you do post about the uphill journey you're on right now, maybe you'll be an inspiration to others who are down, that they can get back up and life will get better for them too. That way you'll still be helping people.

But for anyone who thinks that you dont care about other bloggers is clueless. You've been there time and time again. And for once you're making a move to make yourself happy. Which at 16 I think you have every right to do.

Take care of yourself mboy, I'll miss you, I love you, and I know we'll still talk once in a while. :)

Seth said...

I'm not gonna read the other comments, because I know what they all will say, and I of course will say the same things. Don't go etc etc etc.
(note: I'm also seeing two newer posts - I'm replying to this one on Wednesday evening US time zone - but I'm not gonna look at them first, so I can reply to this one)

I was not aware how deeply YOU were giving out to our community, and I agree completely with you that it's not fair for you to have to shoulder all the problems other people have. Especially when so much is going on in your own life, good, and bad - hopefully lots more good things these days.

Anyway, I might suggest a slight compromise, which is, keep blogging (at least once in a while) so that WE can know that things are going well with you. Don't just drop out 100% from this community which you helped build. But do take down the Mirrorboy "The Doctor Is In" sign, and distance yourself from everyone else's problems.

Jason Carwin said...

You certainly have a right to focus on yourself before you go about fixing everyone else's problems, and in fact, that is probably the healthiest thing. However, i think Landyn has a point. You are a huge inspiration to the blogging world, and it would be sad to see you leave.

One hopes that you could stick around and just share your experiences to that others may learn. You wouldn't have to fix everything. Of course, blogging without helping others may feel empty or hollow, and not worth it. If that is how you feel, then I understand your decision to leave.

Jimi said...

Good for you