Me No Speaky Da Language.

Got an email from Blogger. It was their email address 'no-reply@blogger.com' so it checks out. lol

Hola:

Tu blog, http://mirrorboysblog.blogspot.com/, se ha asociado al nombre de usuario de la cuenta de Google *my email address*. Utiliza este nombre de usuario de la cuenta de Google para acceder a Blogger y a tu blog.

Si has olvidado tu contraseña, puedes restablecerla haciendo clic en este enlace: http://www.blogger.com/forgot.g?r= *my email address again* and i cut a bit out of the hyperlink. lol

Esta cuenta es miembro de los siguientes blogs:
http://specialboyisyou.blogspot.com/
http://mytwistedlove.blogspot.com/
http://mirrorboysblog.blogspot.com/

Si experimentas cualquier problema o tienes alguna pregunta, visita nuestro sitio de ayuda en http://help.blogger.com/

Atentamente,
El equipo de Blogger

///

Uhhhhh wtf?

From what i can see when i followed the link, i get the idea that it's as if i've been trying to change my password. But i haven't. lol. So idk, maybe someone is trying to hack me and tried to get a hold of my password? o_O

But if anyone speaks Spanish (i think :S lol) it would help. :)



In other news, Bitboy's cunty parents *cough* have taken his computers, wallet, ID, money and mobile phone in an attempt to eliminate me from his life, but they won't succeed. Burn in hell you bastards. :)

Something tells me i won't be spending my Christmases at their house.

I See.

On Sunday evening i called Bitboy and we spoke for about 45 mins. In that time he explained everything to me, and i believe what he said. He made a post this morning and tried to explain it (it'll be better coming from him) but his father came in when he was only half finished and took away the laptop.

But basically his family and a fucked-up counsellor ganged up on him and made him believe he was a predator and a paedophile, that by coming to see me he'd be ruining both our lives, and that he was taking advantage of me, and that what we had between us meant nothing. They then made him say goodbye to me, and when i replied, wouldn't let him reply. Anyways it's complicated and it's his story so it's better if when he gets an opportunity to post the full story, you hear it from him.

I'm going with what just feels right, and hoping by some miracle that things work out.

WHAT THE FUCK.

In the space of a few hours, Bitboy goes from being in love with me, being my online boyfriend, playing games and doing everything online with me, and planning to come stay with me for the first 2 weeks of December, to wanting absolutely nothing to do with me.

In the space of a few hours, i go from thinking there might actually be hope for me, thinking i might not be alone forever, i might not be incapable of being in a relationship and be unloveable and there might be a little happiness in my life after such a horrible year, something to make me feel normal, to being totally lost.



He said he loved me. And i loved him. At 6pm he had an appointment with his family and a counsellor. When he gets home he texts me and the first thing he says is 'it's over'. Saying he's not going on the internet at all, and best of all, telling me not to contact him any more. And then, when i of course replied, he tells me to leave him alone.

Okay so at first he seems upset. In his first texts he says 'the counsellor has succeeded in fucking things up' and stuff about his family not letting him do 'this'. He says he would have 'fucked up both our lives by going over there'. He thought he had a fucked up head, and more crap along those lines.



But then he sends me a text later on that night, in which he seems absolutely fine with ending things. He says he has problems he needs to sort out before being in a committed relationship, and that he's confused about where his sexuality lies. And he ends with 'I'm sorry it came this far, but i am certain you will find someone who will love you dearly. Don't give up! ;-)'

FUCKING SMILEY FACE?!

He then called me and seemed so content with saying that he has issues and needs to sort them out, he won't be coming to see me, he won't be my boyfriend, and he wants me never to contact him again.

So what the fuck mate? How can you go from loving me to not loving me in only a few hours? You made me so happy and i made you happy, but now you're stabbing me in the heart. You don't seem to even care about how much you're hurting me. I'm deeply in love with you but you're telling me to stop contacting you. You won't give me the opportunity to even talk about this with you. Well, you did call me, but i couldn't even speak because i was so fucking shocked at what you said i couldn't physically talk. I just don't get it.

What i don't get is how quickly you can go from not caring what the homophobic world around you thinks and just wanting to be happy, to then wanting nothing to do with me, supposedly because of something your family/counsellor said, and then wanting nothing to do with me and coming across as being totally fine with it. You don't even want to be my friend. You want nothing to do with me. I don't get it.



I shouldn't have let myself get my hopes up. Everyone told me to be wary, but ohhhhhhhhh no, i thought the risk was worth it, because this time i would axly be seeing the person face-to-face, and i might have the chance to not be alone for the first time in my life. After all that stood in our way, he himself was the one that put an end to it.

Now i'm left with absolutely nothing to look forward to. And nothing makes me happy. I can't even play that fucking game any more because the only reason i bought it was because HE played it, and he was the best thing about it.

I'm all alone, again. It's back to the fucking crippling loneliness i've become so familiar with. I've got nothing to look forward to and no hope of ever being happy, because life just loves to fuck me over in every way possible. Even i thought life wasn't capable of fucking me up through someone i love, but you shouldn't underestimate how much of a cunt life can be.

Fun. :|

Monday, for English, we spent the lesson finishing a picture made out of buttons, that the 'special needs' class started and never finished. It axly was kinda fun lol, but hardly English. :P

And English is heaps of fun, am i right?? :D

Then later in the day for Personal Development, i pretty much just got on the computer and replied to emails. :P There was a bit of report-writing and letter-writing, but yeah, seeing as only 2 people showed up, not much work to do. lol

Tuesday was interesting tho. Twas Psychology and we had to choose a mental illness or disorder and do an assignment on it. So surprise! I chose social anxiety disorder. :D

So i figure i did a pretty good job on it. lol

Then when i handed it in, i told the teacher that i axly had it. Fun times. We spoke about it a bit, and she seemed genuinely really interested. I spose that's cos she is the Psychology teacher. :P

We both agree that psychologists are ftw. :)

That's about it. lol

Stay cool everyone. :/


Before i go, here's a picture that's a post in its own. :O

(Read the convo in the lower left corner :P)

Yay.

Work experience at the radio station is finished. It got pretty boring sitting there for 6 hours a day doing pretty much nothing. :S

I emptied bins. Vaccuumed floors. Photocopied stuff. Folded things. And for the afternoon i chose a song to play each week, which became 'Mirrorboy's choice'. lol. And i also read out the community calendar each week.

But it got boring after a few weeks. There wasn't much else to do, other than a few small tasks in the morning for 3 hours, and then sitting there watching the presenter for 3 hours after that.

But now i'm glad to have my Fridays back. And speaking of having days back (does that make sense? lol), school finishes for the year in 2 weeks, and i get about 2 months break. ^___^

What Do I Hate?

Summer. I hate it so much. :S

Being in Australia during the Summer sucks. It gets so freakin hot!

I hated Winter too, but now that Summer is approaching, oh, how i miss it. lol

It's easy to warm up. Put on some thick clothes, put on a heater, wrap up in a blanket. But with Summer, there's nothing you can do to cool down. :(

It's hot, and dry, and icky and sweaty and insecty and hot.

T_T



Also, see obligatory WoW pic, now that i'm a WoWser. :P

:S

I have officially crossed the line of geekiness. I just bought World of Warcraft. lol

Happy Birthday Landyn. :)

Hope you have a good birthday. You deserve some happiness.

Enjoy. :P

<3

That's Not All. :P

I've brought someone else with me on my return to blogworld.

And this one's not just a friend. :P

He's calling himself BitBoy and he just started blogging too. So go have a look at his blog.

Against all odds, we met in an online game, found out we both lived in Australia, found out we both liked boys, and later, found that we liked each other a fair bit too. :)

MBoy's Back (and he brought someone with him). :P

Nooooo he's just a friend. :P

A few days ago i caught up with an old friend from Primary School (which is grades prep to 6 in Aus) who i hadn't seen in 4 years. He kinda... showed up at my house unnanounced. :P

Anyways he brought a friend of his and they both came in. We caught up, and connected well enough to the degree that i told them about the personal crap that had happened to me in the past few years. I ended up showing him my blog, and he informed me that today hes just finished reading all of it. :P So we've caught up pretty well i reckon. :)

Anyways, he just started his own blog, so go check it out. :)

Btw he's bi, so he fits in. :P