Sunday, October 3, 2010

My Blog Turns 2.

Well it axly had its second birthday a couple weeks ago but i didn't notice. :P

I know i haven't been posting much as of late. Sorry to say things aren't going to change, because it's intentional.

I've told my story now. It was one of overcoming troubles, learning and growing as a person.



I made this blog for me in the beginning. I was alone and felt like a freak in this conservative city of mine. I knew no like-minded people, no one who understood what it was like to like people of the same sex. I had no one i could talk to. So i was reached out to the internet in the hopes of finding people who understood what it was like to be gay. I did, and it was an incredible and invaluable experience, and now the fact that i'm gay doesn't have the tiniest impact on my day to day life, when it used to be a major issue. It's thanks to the people i've met online and for that i'm eternally grateful and thankful for having met you. That's the best thing about my blog for me.

But slowly Mirrorboy became less about me and more about helping others. I grew to be obsessed with helping people in the same sort of situation and that snowballed until i was eager to help anyone with any troubles any time, no matter how simple or intense.

I met more people. I got to know people more deeply. Everyone has shit in their lives, and i got caught up in everyone else's intentionally. Like i said, i got obsessed with helping, and soon my every thought was about my numerous online friends and how i could help them. I'd be freaking out some days about the issues my friends had. I'd even talk to my own psychologist about how i could better help my friends sort through their struggles.

I imploded. It got to be too much and i had to step back. I had enough on my own plate to deal with, and whenever i came back to blogworld i was faced with a loaded buffet of others' troubles. I would try and often fail to help people and it would hurt me hard. I know it was of my own doing, but perhaps i'd lost sight of reality and who i was. I couldn't fix the world, as much as i would try. I am after all, just a boy.

That's why i had to temporarily leave. To put things into perspective and come back knowing how much i could handle, and what i could not.

So things haven't been the same since i came back. For that i'm sorry. As much as i wish i could, i'm not able to help everyone with everything, and i've failed to live up to some people's expectations because of that, and sometimes my own.



I've told my story while getting caught up in others. I don't regret a moment of it. I grew as a person and i've made many friends i'll keep forever. I'm sure i've helped some people along the way. That's never a bad thing.

But i'm sitting in the back seat now. I'll watch over who i can. I'll read, often silently. I'll leave comments sometimes. I'll post occasionally to let you know how i am, but this is mostly for the friends i've made, not for an audience of anonymous people.

Mirrorboy has found his place in blogworld.

And Mirrorboy has found his place in me.

It's the back seat.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Get over yourself, seriously.

Blaming it on everyone else... yeah... classic.

Love<~Peter~> said...

good for you mirrorboy and he is not blaming it on every one esle i understand what he is saying cause i was once a teen adviser myself it is hard to seperate work from life which i did since i had to but others cant and he doesnt need to get over himself love he is one of the biggest names in blogworld and I have talked to him personally he is a nice guy you cant talk to any one on blogger and them not know the name mirrorboy so he does have a seat in blogworld a very high one and if you didnt think so you would have posted that little comment publicly as yourself... and now to mirrorboy i am so glad you found your place que sera sera right? Love<~Peter~>

Mirrorboy said...

Blaming it on everyone else? What exactly is 'it'? lol

@Peter - Exactly. This is just the way things are. Thanks. <3

Just said...

Really did he just say get over yourself .. omg .. please ... dude.. maybe you need to take the time to read... MBoy please if he only knew what he was talking about or she... or what ever... any way sometimes you can't save the world ... and you have to help at home first before you can do any one else anygood... I know you have grown ... and glad.... and know you will keep going forward.. that what it all about .. moving forward !

ClosetedDave said...

Well, just two things.

First one is that I wish I had joined the blogworld before. I don't like the fact of being part of that 'audience of anonymous people'. But I truly enjoy reading your blog, from the oldest posts to the newest, and even if I don't personally know you I have a great image of you.

And number two is that I hope I can feel that way in two years. It's wonderful to see that one grows so much as a person after sharing one's experiences and reading others' too.

Oh, and I hope that one day I will be one of those friends you've made online. From now, I'm just a person who respects you and admires you. Thanks for sharing all this with us.

-Closeted Dave-

JSL said...

just to say mirrorboy, that i am one of those guys, who found your blog a source of inspiration and help...so thank you for everything you have done for me, and I hope your blog has done everything that it could do for you. I understand fully what you are ssaying about helping others..i am finding myself doing that already..but will take heed of your words!!!

Take care, blog as often as you want, but most importantly, start living your life

Thanks

James

Wet Kyle said...

Happy Mirrorboy Blog Birthday.

I was hoping that the blog silence was because your time was spent with Reece: Either cuddling with him or fattening him up LOL.

How is your IRL relationship going? Your fans are interested in you well being.

naturgesetz said...

Yay!

I'm glad blogging has helped you get through a difficult time. I'm glad it has given you and the rest of us a chance to see what a loving and caring person you are. I'm glad you're at a point where you don't need the level of support you used to.

I hope my comments have been useful to you in some way — at least as one more example of someone who cares about you.

Thanks for being around. I wish you all the best, and I'm looking forward to seeing posts whenever you have something you wish to share with us. (Kitty pics are always welcome, if there's no news. :D )

*hugs*

Mind Of Mine said...

I will never regret joining blogworld!

Anon is a tool!

Rowan said...

Happy 2nd blog b-day mate!

Seems most of the activity on your blog was within the first year tho and i got here around about this time last year :(

I'm always gonna beat myself up about that but it's no one's fault really, i've still went back and read every single post.

Just wish i could have contributed at the time along with everyone else but c'est la vie. At least we still get the off post here and there :P

Rowan <3

Biki said...

I'm glad you have learned to take a step back and realize that you CAN'T help everyone. Many people never learn this valuable lesson.

You will never know how happy this post made me. I'm glad to hear you so happy, so positive about your life, and future. And at the end of the day, our sexuality should never be the end all of who we are, but only an accent.

You have grown into such a wonderful man!

J said...

There's one hell of a journey compressed into those two years. I can't think of anyone, gay or straight, who has weathered the storm of adolescence as gracefully as you have. Whether you know it or not, your novel was being written before your eyes.

Aek said...

Happy belated b-day! :-)

I wish I had more to say, but my burnt out brain is just going blank. But I can say that we're all proud of you for all the progress you've made and for watching (reading) you grow over the past 2 years.

Micky said...

Thanks for being such a treasure - simply for being there and being so nice to so many people.

At one stage Mirrorboy became the ubiquitous gay blogger - and you still are, really!

But being Superman is tough.

You're probably better off just being you.

Hugs!

jaygeemmm said...

Mirrorboy,

Although I came on board late, I read every post, and could see the maturity you gained over time, and felt the change as you grew up. This was a very refreshing post, and one I'm not terribly surprised to see. There are many others out there just like you, in all stages of dealing with life and all the crap it can throw your way. I know that you have helped many. Me included, by seeing that you can overcome the whole spectrum of what happens when you are closeted, outed, and learning to cope with it all. It's easy to get overwhelmed with it all.

And if I may put a little lighter twist to the constantly idiotic Anonymous, I think you HAVE gotten over yourself! Look where you were two years ago! Look at the young man now!

Blog when you want, if you want. We'd hate to miss out on all the cool stuff you're up to and into now...but as Peter said, "que sera sera"!

Peace <3
Jay

goleftatthefork said...

ALL KINDS of awesome things happen in the back seat :-) just sayin....

HBD MB

jaygeemmm said...

@goleftatthefork: HEAR HEAR!!!!

Mboy, Good to catch up tonight. Thanks.

Peace <3
Jay

Kevin Wilson said...

I'm glad that things are looking brighter for you and that you're going to start enjoying the view from the back seat, but don't forget that sometimes the driver doesn't mind someone riding shotgun for the company.

Be yourself. :-)

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

Seems like someone is coming to the end of the roller-coaster ride, and the adrenaline is wearing off.

Just as well. The experience will have changed your life, in many subtle ways, I am sure. Just as people who have been in contact with you, will have had their lives changed, too. I can't think of any cases where they have been left worse off, either.

If you decide to stick around, that would be ace. Maybe keep an eye out for 'son of Mirrorboy' and steer him gently away from anything that might lead him to implode.

Best wishes. G =]

cvn70 said...

mboy

happy bday my friend

Fuck anon u have no idea what a loser u sound like u dont even know this guy

I have been with you for teh ride and it was bumpy :) but you have grown

I thank you for writing these words you have help me so many times

i cant wait to se where the future brings you

take care and be safe my friend

hugs <333

bob

Steevo said...

to anonymous @ October 3, 2010 3:54 PM

Can you read English or are you in touch with reality? MB: delete this crap!
.

jaygeemmm said...

@steevo: If he deletes it, we can't make more fun of it! HAHAHA

Even he laughed at it :-)

Peace <3
Jay

Mirrorboy said...

He's such a fail troll tho. :P He doesn't even make sense. lol

victor said...

happy late blog birthday.

no cat videos this time though.

best wishes.

Seth said...

My dear friend... happy anniversary. I'm both sad to see you "go" into hibernation, but also so proud of you for coming so far. I only hope many others can find your blog and be inspired by your triumphs. You are a role model for many, I am sure, and a great kid - except for those strange colored cupcakes and baked things you used to make!!

*big hugs* feel free to say hi anytime, and don't be a total stranger!!

:)